Chapter 20

Jennie

Watching Magnus hold onto Steven’s piano with his eyes closed was a poignant moment. It was his stillness that about did me in. I knew him well enough to know he was cursing his disability, but at the same time reveling in the feelings he got from the music that the hearing population would never fully appreciate.

Most times I forgot about Magnus’ inability to pick up sounds, because he often “heard” better than the hearing. Because he didn’t have a choice, he listened harder. He paid more attention to body language and facial expressions. Sometimes I thought those of us who could hear were the ones with the disadvantage. Mags understood people much better than I did.

Baby, that was awesome. I switched the overhead light on while we sat in the car watching people fight each other to get into the long line of traffic leaving the arena. We’d made the much better decision to wait until the crowd dissipated. Thank you so much. I let out a huge yawn. I was beat, but what a way to tire yourself out!

Believe it or not, I think I might have enjoyed it even more than you did. What an incredible night. When I had my hand on Steven’s piano—I swear, I could hear every note in my head. Just like I remembered it. God, that was amazing.

I’d always tried my best not to pity Magnus, and I think I was successful. He didn’t pity himself and there was almost nothing he couldn’t do, but sometimes it took me unaware. It wasn’t fair! A freaking virus. That’s all that happened to take his hearing.

I let my anger go as quickly as it came. Anger didn’t solve anything and Magnus wasn’t going to chance the possible failure of an implant surgery. I had to be okay with that. Hell, after doing the current research myself, I wasn’t sure I blamed him.

There were high success rates, but there were plenty of people who didn’t do well with the cochlear implant too. One of the things that stuck out the most was that they didn’t suggest it for anyone who was involved in contact sports. Well, hello…hockey, anyone?

He could still have the surgery, but he’d have to take the external part off to play, and even then if he got hit too many times on his ear, it could ruin the whole thing anyway. I’d like to think I would try everything if I were in his shoes, but I didn’t know. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t. In any case, I stood by Mags’ decision not to have the surgery.

I was rooting through the glove box for a tissue when my hands froze at Mags’ declaration. With no preamble, he just blurted out, “I’m going to have the surgery.”

Irony—that was what it was. I’d accepted the fact that he didn’t want the operation. Understood it even.

“Could you say that again?”

“I want the implant. I want to hear again.”

I didn’t believe my ears. “Why?”

He cupped my face in such a gentle way, I leaned toward him to kiss his lips. “Sweet, Jennie. I lost ten years of my life when I thought you were in that burning building. I ran in there thinking of nothing but getting you out, and I couldn’t. I yelled and yelled for you but what good did it do? You could have been screaming my name, and I couldn’t hear you.” He shook his head and put his hands in his lap. I reached for him and turned his head to face me.

“That was a freak thing that happened. I don’t plan on getting stuck in any more fires.”

“And what happens when our child cries out, and I don’t even know it? How could I live with myself if my neglect hurt them? Or you?”

I hadn’t realized he was obsessing over these things. “Deaf people have children every day. We’ll figure it out. Together. You’ve never neglected me or the baby, Mags. Not once.”

“But I have a chance to hear again. Maybe it won’t work, but there’s a chance. What if I could have a normal life again? Don’t I owe that to you and me to at least try?”

“No. You don’t owe it to me. I understand why you didn’t want to do it, Mags. I do. And you’d still be deaf when you played hockey. You know that, right? You’d have to take it off to play.”

He tossed that care aside with a shake of his head and a flick of his thick wrist. “I don’t need to hear to play. I know I’d have to take it off for certain things.” There was a gleam in his eyes as he spoke. “God, Jennie. Think about it. I could listen to music, maybe start playing the piano again. Watch TV without the damn closed captioning. Think of all the things I could do.”

“Well, sure. That would be wonderful.”

“Why does it sound like you’re against this? I thought you wanted me to get the surgery.”

I did want him to, but what if it didn’t work? What if it worked for a while and then didn’t? Could he go through that again? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take the chance anymore. We’d gotten used to the way things were. “I’m not against it. It’s just that you had valid points before. And it’s not a one-day procedure. You wouldn’t be able to play while you were having it done.”

“So? I’ll do it after the season’s over. The whole thing could be done just in time for the baby.” He grasped my hand, resting it on the armrest between us. “I want your support on this, sweetheart, but I’m going to go talk to a doctor either way.”

He gave me one last squeeze and then turned off the interior lights, ending our conversation. I was both elated and terrified, but his resolve was strong. He’d made the decision, and I would be there for him no matter what happened.

***

“He just decided right there on the spot?”

Izzy poured me another glass of decaf iced tea. She had a rare Saturday free, since her grandfather wasn’t feeling well. He told her to skip visiting him so she didn’t catch the bug he had. “Yeah, I guess. When I asked him a while ago if he’d ever thought of getting an implant, he answered me with an emphatic no. He says it was the fire that started him thinking about it.”

“That makes sense. Not being able to hear you if you were calling for him must have driven him crazy. That would be tough for anyone.”

“Well, he made an appointment with a specialist for next Friday.” I wanted to go with him, but he wanted to check it out himself first. The initial appointment would determine if he was even a candidate for the surgery.

“He’s going to have to wait until the end of the season, right?”

Izzy’s apartment was cramped, and I tried my best to get comfortable, but there was nowhere to put my feet. “Yeah, he’s going to wait.” I finally got my legs stretched out enough to rest them on a corner of the coffee table. Two seconds later I was fidgeting again.

“Iz, you need a bigger place.” Wham! I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. “Hey, why don’t you move into my house?”

“I guess we’re done talking about Magnus?”

“I’m not trying to not talk about him. There’s just not much else to say until he sees the doctor.”

Izzy looked around her place. She kept it clean and tidy. It was just small. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t afford it.”

“Sure you can. Just give me what you pay here. Although I guess the utilities would be higher.”

She threw a handful of popcorn at me. “Get on with yourself. You could get twice what I’m paying here. What I could pay you wouldn’t be enough to pay the property taxes.”

It would pay the taxes but probably not much more. I didn’t want to sell my house yet, though, and the thought of it standing empty made me sad. My grandparents had built that house in the fifties, and it had always been in our family. “But I don’t need you to pay any more than that. I don’t want to sell it to some stranger. You want to buy it instead?”

She choked on her iced tea at that question. “If I can’t afford to rent it, how do you think I could afford to buy it? I mean, I love that place, but you know I’m paying off my school loans before I address anything else. I still have about a year to go. I can’t spend that kind of money until then.”

“Then just move in and we can figure out the rent-to-own thing or something. Just think about it, okay? You’d actually be doing me a favor.”

The doorbell rang. “Stay put. We’re not done talking.”

I couldn’t see who was at the door, but I could hear Izzy’s heated words. Well, some of them. I got “No, I did not. You’re an ass. Oh my God, leave me alone!”

That last comment had me concerned, but before I could see who she was talking to, she’d closed the door. “Everything okay?”

She looked like she wanted to say something different, but she settled on, “Yeah. Just a date gone wrong.”

“Speaking of dates, how did you and Mitch get along?”

She got that deer in the headlights look about her that made me frown. From the couple of times I’d been around Mitchell Simard, I’d liked him a lot. Sure, he was a little rough around the edges, but that came with being an enforcer, in my opinion. All I heard were crickets. “Iz?”

Izzy looked down pointedly before she addressed me. “To be honest, Jen, I’m not sure what you thought I’d see in that Neanderthal.”

I was truly shocked. I knew Izzy preferred a suit-and-tie, office-worker type who was malleable and easily fooled by her yes sir attitude, but I never thought she’d be so judgmental. And she was just gearing up.

“He’s the most narcissistic, loud-mouthed know-it-all I’ve ever encountered! Do you know he had the nerve to tell me that I looked like a cheap Halloween pumpkin in my orange dress? That dress looked fucking divine!”

Wow. I’d never known Izzy to be so vocal about someone of the opposite sex. She normally agreed with most everything they said about her. “So, you won’t be seeing him again?”

She threw a pillow at me. Hard. “Bite me.”

The strong aversion she had to Mitch made me wonder if it wasn’t his attitude, but maybe something else that bothered her. “Iz, is it possible you really like Mitch, and you’re afraid of that? We both know you tend to be what you think men want you to be. Maybe he’s trying to goad you into being yourself?” I didn’t know Simard well enough to make those suggestions, but it was a possibility.

“No, Jen. He’s just a dick.”

“Well, okay then.” Who was I to argue? She knew her own mind.