Chapter 21
Today I got lost in Luxembourg. Sometimes you have to put aside the guidebook and just explore. You could get lost or find yourself in a place you never expected. I recommend the chateau and the wine. Eventually you’ll find your way back.
~ Adventurous Amanda, November 2014
As the final buzzer sounded, Amanda resisted looking at Ben, her hat clenched in her hand. The hat she’d wanted to throw on the ice tonight. It’d been two days since Ben’s big confession, and aside from work and practice, they’d spent the last forty-eight hours together, blissfully wrapped around each other at every possible opportunity. She’d been so stupid giddy when he’d skated onto the ice tonight that Penny had looked at her like she had two heads, and then she’d grinned and asked if Amanda had fessed up to loving Ben yet.
She wasn’t ready for that just yet. Especially since he’d confided in her, and she still hadn’t told him about her interview. Every time she tried to bring it up, something stopped her. And that was a problem. A big freaking red flag that she needed to figure out sooner rather than later. Like before Charlotte called her with a job offer.
Maybe she hoped Betsy would magically offer her a staff writer position in the travel department so she wouldn’t have to take a job on the other side of the country from Ben. That’s what it came down to. Leaving Ben. She didn’t want to do it. Hell, she wasn’t sure she could do it. But she would never be fulfilled fetching Splenda packets and kale for the dragon. And putting a relationship in front of her career goals? That was something her mother would’ve done. She was not her mother. She’d worked her entire life to not become her mother.
“Dammit,” Penny bit out next to her, pulling her from her thoughts to focus on the guys filing down the tunnel, frustration clear with each stick slammed against the walls.
The Strikers had lost. They’d played on their heels the entire game, going down by three in the first twenty minutes. Harty had tied it in the last three minutes, and everyone had held their breath, waiting for the tie to carry through the final buzzer or for one of the guys to get the winning goal.
Unfortunately, Calgary had scored the winning goal with thirty seconds left. A bad pass resulted in a breakaway and Gally had been left stranded, no defense to back him up as Calgary’s sharpest shooter took aim.
Amanda was surprised Gally’s stick hadn’t shattered when he’d banged it against the pipes in aggravation.
“That freaking sucked,” Amanda muttered.
“No shit. At least they have two more chances to win,” Penny said. “And one of the goals called back should’ve counted. I wanted to throw my rule book at the ref. Calling the play dead too early. Total bullshit.” She shook her fist.
“Calm down, Penny. They’re determined. I bet they win the next game and end the series.” Not that Amanda didn’t agree with the bad call. The ref blew his whistle just as the puck sailed over the goal line. He claimed that he couldn’t see the puck so he stopped play. It was a bad call, and as much as it irked the hell out of everyone not in a red Calgary jersey in the arena tonight, shit calls happened. You just hoped they didn’t happen in a final playoff game. Luckily, it was only game five, and they were now up three to two games.
“Still bullshit,” Penny grumbled.
“I know.” They got up and headed to the WAGs lounge to wait for the guys. There would be no boisterous happiness in the room tonight.
“Did you tell Ben about your interview yet?” Penny asked as they made their way around the crowds exiting the arena.
She’d told Penny about the interview during a quick lunch yesterday. Penny was the only one—aside from her mother—who knew about the interview. She’d needed to talk to someone, and what good was a best friend if she couldn’t confide her secrets to Penny?
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I just had the interview and Ben and I are in a good place. I don’t want to bring it up now. And what if I don’t get offered the job? Plus, he’s in the playoffs. I’m not going to say anything that might throw him off his game.” The reasons made logical sense when they rolled through her head, but when they left her mouth, all she heard were excuses.
“You can’t take the job and then spring it on him. That’s not fair,” Penny admonished.
“I know that. But the interview was only two days ago, and I don’t want to jinx it by telling the world.”
“It’s not the world. Just Ben. The man you love. Who clearly loves you.” Penny put her hand on Amanda’s arm. “I know you want to get back out there. You’ve been home for so long, and I’ve wondered if I kept you here with all my drama over the last nine months.”
“Oh Penny, I wanted to be here for you. I had to be at the ready in case you gave me the green light to cause Michael immense amounts of pain,” she said. Thinking about Penny’s cheating douche of an ex still made her stabby.
“I’m not going to tell you to go. I selfishly want you here,” Penny said, wrapping her arm around Amanda’s shoulder and giving her a hug. “I know you had a lot going on when you came home. With your grandfather, and the house. And then me. I don’t want you to give up on your dreams, but don’t disregard what you have with Ben. Don’t walk away from happiness. From him. I’ve never seen you this way, with or without a guy. You. Are. Happy. Don’t ignore that because it’s coming from a romantic relationship.”
Amanda’s breath caught in her throat. This was the problem with having a friend who read you so well. Ben scared her. Not Ben specifically, but what he represented. He’d called her a romantic, but that was only in relation to other people’s love lives. Her romantic escapades had always been fleeting, and a mess. How could she guarantee that their relationship would be like her grandparents’, or Lexi and Grant’s, or Penny and Ethan’s—and not like her mother’s multiple attempts? She’d never put her happiness in someone else’s hands, and it freaked her out to think about doing that with Ben. Not that he’d told her he loved her or anything.
“Stop dwelling. But don’t be shocked if not telling him backfires on you,” Penny said, and then pushed the door to the family lounge open. Penny had introduced her to most of the women. They headed for Klara, Sveddy’s wife, her daughter Elin passed out in her arms.
“How long did she last?” Penny whispered.
“Out by the middle of the second period, of course.” Both women lightly chuckled, and Amanda couldn’t stop staring at the little girl’s lashes brushing her soft cheeks. Her pale hair only a few shades lighter than Ben’s. Would that be her one day?
Whoa. Where the hell had that come from? She’d never thought about kids before. She was an emotional train wreck. She pushed aside her scattered thoughts and focused on Penny and Klara. They were debating the earlier goal that was called back, and how the guys would be tonight. During the regular season, the players brushed off a random loss here and there. It was going to happen. No one ever had a perfect season, but in the post season, every single game and error was analyzed. No matter how well they played, if they didn’t win, they would second guess everything.
***
A few hours later, they were back at Ben’s condo and wrapped in each other’s arms. He’d just wiped away her ability to think with his tongue and his cock, and she sank into his embrace, molding to his body and never wanting to leave.
“Do you want to talk about tonight?” she asked. He’d been quiet on the drive home, and she could tell he was thinking about the game, his eyes darting around, his jaw clenched, so she hadn’t pried.
“Not really. It sucks. I wanted to finish the series at home and have a few days off before either Anaheim or Edmonton finishes up their series. Extra days off can help,” he said, running his hand down her back. “But I don’t want to talk about that now. I need to push the loss aside and be ready for Calgary again in two days, in front of their fans. Hopefully, we won’t have to finish it up here later this week.”
“Okay, no hockey talk,” she said, trailing her hand across his chest, and nuzzling her nose in the bend between his neck and shoulder. He smelled amazing.
“Just freshly showered,” he said with a chuckle.
“That was out loud, wasn’t it?”
“Yep.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
She reached out and tweaked his nipple.
“Hey.”
“Don’t make fun of me,” she grumbled.
“I’m not. You’re just adorable, and I wish you would always say what is on your mind.”
“I do.”
“Don’t hold anything back from me, Amanda,” he said, his voice low. She looked up, meeting his eyes and drowning in his deep brown gaze. She didn’t want to keep secrets from him.
And yet, she still didn’t tell him about her interview. She would find the right time. Eventually.
“Fuck yes,” Baz yelled as they all jumped over the boards Thursday night. They had won and were headed to the next round. Holy shit.
Harty had scored the winning goal a few minutes ago, and Timmy, who’d been called up to the top defense line with Boosh when Finn had gone out with his injury, had held off Calgary from tying it up. The kid was coming into his own and had been a great help in the series.
Each team lined up on the ice, a time-honored tradition, and started the handshake line. There was something amazing about the fact that they could go after each other on the ice, chirping and knocking their opponent into the boards—sometimes with more force than necessary—and then could shake hands and offer congratulations on a hard-fought season and good luck to the winning team for the next round.
He’d played with most of the guys on various teams over the years, juniors, international, even an Olympic game. They might be opponents on the ice, but he wouldn’t hesitate to have a beer with any of them off of it.
Eventually, they headed back to the locker room for showers and interviews. Ben still hated that part. He’d say his canned answers, and Harty would pop in, wrap an arm around Ben’s shoulders and give the reporters a better sound bite. Ben wasn’t clueless to the fact that part of Harty’s job on the team was to make Ben more personable with the media. Management knew his apprehension, which is why they hadn’t hounded him to work on his responses. Having Harty there helped, but Ben was getting better. Opening up more—well, slightly more—no need to go overboard and spill his life to everyone.
Amanda had helped with that. He wished she was here tonight. He wanted to celebrate with her, but that would have to wait until tomorrow. She better not have any other plans. It’d been almost a week since he’d told her all about Tara, and things were perfect. They’d even discussed a possible vacation later this summer—like after mid-June since Amanda was convinced that the Strikers were going to hoist the Cup in a few weeks.
He’d given her free rein to pick their destination. As long as she didn’t make him bungee jump off a bridge or go sky-diving, he said he was game. Her grin had almost made him pull back those words, wondering what she would plan. But he trusted her, and he wanted to travel with her the way she had in her years of blogging. She’d fully immersed herself in every town and country she visited. He wanted to do that with her.
“Grab quick showers, and let’s get these interviews over with so we can go out and celebrate!” Harty said, nudging Ben in the shoulder.
“Yes. And no going back to the hotel after one drink. You can sleep on the plane tomorrow,” Baz said.
Ben laughed. “I’m still sticking to one beer. Routines don’t change until we’re holding that Cup and the season is over.”
Baz grinned. “I want to be there when you get shit-faced.”
“I’ll make sure you’re there,” Ben replied with a chuckle as he headed to the showers. What he really wanted was to breeze through dinner and get back to his room to see what Amanda was still wearing after this win. He was hoping it was only a hat.
***
Twenty minutes later, freshly showered and suit on, he gave his interview. He always preferred to be interviewed after he’d showered and put himself together. Just coming off the ice and panting through the questions as he tried to catch his breath just left him flustered, so he stalled. Hell, if he could avoid it all together he would, but this was part of his job. And he was improving.
“Ben, you guys looked great tonight, and it’s just been confirmed that you’re up against Edmonton next. What do you need to do to come out on top again?” a reporter asked, her cell phone shoved in his face. The lights from multiple cameras blinded him, and he took in a deep breath. His answer wasn’t totally canned, and his smile was genuine. A few of the reporters perked up.
“We played a great game tonight, a great series. Calgary was tough, and I never counted them out until that last buzzer. We are playing the game we need to. As a team. Edmonton has been on fire this season. Their new captain is young and hungry and the team definitely reflects that attitude. We are going to do everything we can to stop them. I’m confident in my team.”
He smiled again and tilted his head, waiting for the next question. There was a pause, as if they hadn’t expected him to provide an actual answer. Amanda would be proud. Her trick of taking a deep breath and centering his thoughts before speaking had helped. He should’ve tried it sooner instead of battling every reporter with short, scripted answers.
He caught Harty’s grin from behind the cluster of reporters. Harty had been waiting for a signal from Ben to jump in and save the interview, but he never got it. Ben answered a few more questions, keeping it honest and professional, and quickly shutting down the reporter who asked if they’d see him showing off his guitar skills during the anthem anytime soon.
It’d been a stupid question. Anyone who said there were no stupid questions was lying. It’d had nothing to do with the game, the reporter had just wanted to weasel out something personal.
But as he wrapped it up and headed out with a few of his teammates, he was pretty pleased that it hadn’t turned into his standard, brusque, deer-in-headlights disaster.
***
“Great interview tonight,” Amanda said, a few hours later as they Facetimed from his hotel room.
“Not a total disaster,” he said.
“And not totally canned. I’m impressed,” she said, and then grinned.
“I wish you were here. You’d look great in this bed.”
She chuckled. “Well this bed is pretty lonely without you, too.”
“But I’ve never been in that bed. You won’t let me come over because of that whole roommate situation. I’m still holding out for pancakes.”
She shuddered. “Oh God. Stop reminding me about that.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“You’re starting to live up to your nickname, Cheesy,” she said with a smirk.
“Figured it was about time. But seriously, how are things going over there?”
“It’s fine. We’re working through it. And who knows how long we’re going to be roommates anyway.”
“Is she moving?”
He didn’t miss her pause as she looked away from the screen, nibbling on her lip.
“Ahh. Not that I know of. But it’s only a matter of time,” she said in a rush. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”
He bit back his sigh. She never wanted to talk about her mother, and he knew it wasn’t easy. Hell, he couldn’t even get his father to spend more than a weekend in California. Parents weren’t always who you’d hoped they’d be.
“You can talk to me, you know.”
“It’s just frustrating. Everything. In fact, you’re the only thing that isn’t frustrating me.” She stopped. “Actually that’s not totally true. I’m frustrated that you aren’t here so we can celebrate your win together.”
“Well, we can see each other, so I’m sure we can find some way to celebrate. Any ideas?” he asked, not sure where that had come from, but judging from her darkening eyes and pink cheeks, she’d been thinking the same thing and was probably on board for anything he’d suggest.
“You constantly surprise me, Ben,” she said, her voice low, and his body clenched, his desire building. He’d give anything to have her in the flesh next to him and not on his screen. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.
“Please tell me your mom isn’t home. I know she claims to sleep through everything, but just in case you’re loud.”
She groaned, and it wasn’t a sexy one. “Seriously? Don’t bring her up right now. And she’s not home.”
“Great,” he said, and then he told her exactly what he’d do to her if they were together right now, and it was a good thing her mother wasn’t home.
With the right encouragement, Amanda was very vocal.