Layne
ADMITTING TO HIM I was ready to let love into my life was hard enough, but basically telling him goodbye nearly killed me. I know in my heart, as long as we try to pretend to be friends, I won’t be able to open myself up to someone else. If I continue to be “just friends” with him, I’ll always hold out hope he’ll someday want more, and that’s not fair to me.
I want more than that for my life and for Gracie.
I let the tears fall as I walk away from him, promising myself this will be the end of my crying over Bryant Nash.
Making eye contact with Garrett as soon as I walk into the room, he immediately stands and comes toward me.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he blurts out in a low voice.
“I’m fine. I need a minute,” I reply quietly, trying not to wake Gracie. I make my way into the bathroom and shut the door.
This is for the best. I need to make my heart get on board with my brain. The memory of his hands in my hair when he kissed me and the deep timbre of his voice when he told me his feelings for me scared him, bring more tears. As much as I wish he could see how amazing we’d be together, I know his career is his main focus, and I’m not going to distract him from it. I don’t want to because he’s worked too hard to get where he is. I get it. But I’ve been alone a long time, and I’m ready to move into the next stage of my life. It sucks it has to be without him.
Leaning over the sink, I splash the ice-cold water onto my face, enjoying the cooling sensation it immediately brings to my hot skin. Crying always makes my skin turn bright red and hot, and it drives me crazy. The eyes in the mirror are tired. Gracie being in this hospital has taken its toll on me, not to mention the worry. I would not be surprised if my hair starts falling out from the stress of the last twenty-four hours.
A soft knock on the door startles me, and when I open it, Garrett is standing on the other side, looking more uncomfortable than I’ve seen him in a really long time.
“I’m sorry if what I said caused whatever is going on, Layne.” His voice is laced with concern, and as uncomfortable as he seems to be about this situation, I’m actually proud of him for attempting to be my friend.
“Nothing you said caused it. I promise. It was a complicated situation, but it’s over now.” Hearing myself say it’s over makes the lump in my throat return.
“What happened?”
I walk past him out of the bathroom, trying to avoid falling into him. I’ve got to get off my feet. My ankle throbs and the tightness of my skin tells me the swelling is probably crazy.
As I take a seat in the chair beside Gracie’s bed, Garrett pushes the doctor’s stool over to me, pressing the lever to drop it as low as it will go, he pats the top for me to lift my foot onto it, which I do. He slowly starts to untie my shoe, loosening the laces and pulling the sides wide to pull the shoe off. I flinch as the pain in my ankle shoots up into my calf.
“Sorry,” he whispers, before pulling my sock off slowly, trying not to move my foot too much.
This. This is what I need in my life. I’m not talking about Garrett. I’m talking about someone who cares enough about me to do this for me. Do I need someone to do it? Hell no. I can do it myself. But the idea of someone wanting to take care of me makes my heart long for it.
“Tell me.”
“We met a few months ago when he came into the bar after a game. He thought he was all incognito, but I knew who he was the moment my eyes landed on him. I didn’t tell him I knew who he was. He seemed to be trying to blend in, and calling him out seemed like an asshole thing to do, so I treated him like everyone else.”
I watch as Garrett takes his cup of ice water over to the sink, grabs a receiving blanket from one of the drawers and dumps the ice and water into it. He wrings out the excess water and comes back to me. The moment he places the cold pack down on my ankle, my whole body jolts. Holy shit that’s cold.
“Sorry,” he whispers. “But that ankle needs ice. It’s swollen pretty badly from you being on it a lot today.”
See. This. This is what I want.
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t mean for you to stop telling me what happened. Keep going.”
And so I do. I tell him everything that’s happened, and although I can tell he’s uncomfortable with the kissing part, he gives me his attention. He asks questions and makes faces when he thinks something is funny or pisses him off. When I get to the conversation I had with Nash in the hallway a few minutes ago, Garrett’s eyes get big and he looks surprised.
“Layne.” When he pulls me into a hug, I let out a little squeal, jerking my head to the side to make sure I didn’t wake Gracie.
“It’s about damn time,” he mumbles into my hair.
Pulling away from him, I look into his deep brown eyes and see nothing but happiness there. “What do you mean ‘about damn time’?”
“I know you don’t realize it, but you’ve been so closed off to the idea of having a real relationship, I was truly afraid I’d watch you grow old alone.”
His words sting a little.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He opens his mouth to speak but stops when a groan comes from Gracie.
“Mama,” she chokes out. “My head hurts so bad.”
We both rush to her side, Garrett immediately reaching for the nurse call button.
“I know, baby. It’s going to take a little while for that to go away completely,” I whisper to her as I stroke her hair. She reaches her little hand up to mine and pulls it from her hair and down to rest beside her face.
The nurse comes in and gives her more medicine for her headache, which quickly puts her back to sleep. I climb into the bed and lie beside her, curling her into me. Seeing her in pain is about the worst thing I’ve ever had to endure. Trying to be strong for her, when all I want to do is cry for what she’s going through, is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do as a parent.
As I drift off to sleep, I feel Garrett’s warm hand caress my cheek before he leans over and kisses Gracie’s cheek.
“You’re an amazing mom, Layne, and some day, you’re going to make an amazing wife to a very lucky man.” His voice is so low I’m not certain I hear him correctly. Our earlier conversation comes back to me, and I make a mental note to discuss it with him later.
“MAMA,” GRACIE WHISPERS quietly, rubbing her soft, tiny hand down the side of my face. I crack one eye open, immediately assaulted by the sunlight pouring through the windows. Gracie’s giggle fills the room, and my heart instantly feels a thousand times lighter. She’s giggling, and the sound couldn’t be more sweet or welcomed.
"Good morning, baby girl,” I croak out, causing her to giggle more. I open my eyes long enough to reach for her. I pull her into my arms and cuddle her until she grunts and pulls away.
“When can we go home? I miss Odie,” she asks with more enthusiasm than I’d expect after what she’s been through the last forty-eight hours.
“I don’t know, sweetie. Let’s call the nurse and see what the doctor thinks,” I tell her as I press the nurse button.
“This room smells funny.” Turning my head toward Gracie, I burst out laughing at the face she’s making, and the knot that’s been in my stomach for the past two days loosens a little more.
“It’s the cleaner they use. It smells icky but it kills all the germs,” I tell her with a chuckle. She’s pinching her nose and laughing, which sounds funny because her nose is plugged, and it makes her laugh even more.
“What’s with all the noise going on in here, ladies?” We both look up at the doorway and find Garrett standing there with a huge smile on his face and a very tired looking Chrissy tucked into his side.
“Look who woke up feeling better,” I boast. My baby is feeling better and I couldn’t be happier. She’s going to be okay.
Chrissy lets go of Garrett and rushes to Gracie, hugging her so tight Gracie squeals.
“You scared the crap out of us, sweetheart,” she blurts out.
“I’m sorry.” Gracie is one of the kindest hearted people I’ve ever known, and her tone tells me she feels bad for the worry her accident has caused.
“All right, no more of that apologizing crap. This was not your fault in any sense of the word. We were worried about you, and you’re obviously okay now and that’s all that matters.” I stumble over to them and hug them both, Garrett watching from the doorway with a smile on his face.
“I mean, I do love having all my girls in one room, but how fast can we blow this popsicle stand?” he jokes.
“Dr. Lewis should be here within the next hour and we’ll ask him,” replies a bubbly little nurse who is dressed in head to toe Mickey Mouse scrubs. “Hi, Grace. My name is Courtney, and I’m going to take care of you today.”
“Hi,” Gracie responds with a small smile. “Can I go home soon? I miss my cat, Odie.”
“As soon as the doctor gets here, we’ll ask him, okay?”
Gracie smiles before turning her attention back to Chrissy, who still hasn’t let go of her.
The nurse checks the IV in Gracie’s arm and then asks her what she wants for breakfast. She asks for French toast and orange juice, and Courtney tells her she’ll call down and order it for her.
Garrett sits in the seat beside Gracie’s bed and starts telling her about how her coach and some of her teammates’ parents have been calling and texting him to make sure she is okay. That news brings back her big smile.
“How long do I have to stay on the bench?”
Garrett’s laughter fills the room, and Chrissy looks horrified.
“You can’t be serious,” Chrissy blurts out. “You still want to play?”
The look on Gracie’s face is priceless. It’s a combination of horrified and amused.
“Of course I want to still play. I love baseball. Accidents happen, Chrissy.”
“Doc says you can’t play again until next season, so you’re all healed up before you jump back in there,” Garrett tells her.
She nods like she knew that was probably going to be the answer. There’s my tough girl. Her strength brings a tear to my eye, and I quickly change the subject before I turn into a sobbing mess. She really is the most amazing little girl ever.
“So, since it looks like we might be able to get out of here today, what do you wanna do for dinner tonight?”
“I’m starving, Mama. Can we go to Capone’s for pizza? Please,” she begs.
“That’s my favorite pizza in the world. We’ll join you if that’s okay,” Garrett states, turning to see Chrissy’s face light up at the mention of pizza.
“Absolutely. The more the merrier.”
“I’m gonna go grab a cup of coffee. Layne, why don’t you come with me,” Garrett asks. I look up at him, and he motions his head to the door, signaling he needs to talk to me.
“Sure. I could go for some coffee. I’m gonna call Candi real quick before we go to check on the bar.”
“Babe, do you want anything? Orange juice maybe?” Garrett’s attention is on Chrissy, who nods and goes back to talking with Gracie about her favorite pizza.
After calling the bar to ensure everything is okay there and that Candi has things handled, we head out. Hearing down the hallway to the elevators, my mind returns to the last time I was standing out here, telling Bryant goodbye. The heaviness in my heart returns and makes me wonder if it will ever go away completely without him in my life.
I’m thankfully pulled from my thoughts of him when Garrett starts talking.
“So, we want to tell Gracie when we go for pizza today. Is that okay with you?”
“Absolutely,” I respond quickly. “I think a little good news will cheer her up even more. She’s going to be so excited to be a big sister.”
“I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” he rushes out. “Chrissy and I have been worried sick she’ll be upset.”
“Dude, no way. She is going to be so freaking happy.”
“I’d hug you right now, but I feel like I’ve overstepped my quota of affection on you over the past few days.” He laughs.
“Agreed. Keep your hugs to yourself. You’re gonna make me think you actually like me.”
He stops walking, and when I turn back to look at him, his expression is solemn. “Layne, you know I love you. I always have. But it’s different now.”
His words shock me, and my stomach plummets.
He must see the panic on my face because he puts his hands up and rushes out, “Calm down. You’re overthinking what I said.”
He told me he loves me. How the hell does he expect me to react?
“Let’s go to the cafeteria so we can sit down and finish the discussion we were having yesterday before Gracie woke up.”
Once we’ve ordered our coffees and found a table, he takes a long, slow sip of his coffee before he starts.
“I want you to let me get this all out before you say anything.”
I lift my own coffee to my lips, blowing gently to cool it. I can’t bring myself to look at him, and I know he’s waiting for me to before he begins. He’s always had this thing about people looking him in the eyes when he speaks.
When he remains silent, I skirt my eyes to his and he begins.
“I know you think I didn’t love you when we were together, Layne, but I did. When you found out you were pregnant with Gracie, I was already having a hard time knowing you didn’t feel the same way about me. I grew up in a family with parents who couldn’t stand each other but stayed together because they thought it was what was best for us kids. I swore I’d never do that.” He pauses long enough to take a sip of his coffee before he continues. “So I knew she would have a better life if we weren’t together. As much as it killed me, I walked away so she would never feel the way my brothers and I did watching my parents hate each other.”
I’m almost speechless at his confession. I never in a million years would’ve thought he felt that way.
“Garrett—” I begin.
“Don’t, Layne. Let me finish.”
I take in the pain etched on his face. I bring my fingers to my lips and pretend to lock them up tight.
“The moment I held her in my arms for the first time, I knew I’d made the right decision. We are too different to have made it work. Yes, I loved you, but I loved her more and knew we would’ve been miserable if we’d tried to force being together. It took me a long time to accept that and make myself believe I wasn’t abandoning you and Gracie. I was merely stepping back enough to let us all be happy. But it took meeting Chrissy to realize that. She helped me heal from my self-loathing for not trying to make it work.” He stops and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Even after everything that’s happened, you have become one of my best friends. I love you because you are an amazing mother to our daughter and because I can’t imagine my life without you in it. But my love for you is so different from my love for Chrissy. She is my soul mate. I know it with every single fiber of my being. She is it for me.” The smile on his face makes tears come to my eyes. That is the look of a man in love, and I really couldn’t be happier for him.
“Thank you for telling me all of that,” I choke out. “I didn’t understand then, but I do now and respect your decision. Because you are right, we wouldn’t have worked in the end. I wish we’d have discussed this then though. I feel like we lost a lot of time being angry with each other when we could’ve been in a better place from the beginning. You’ve become one of my best friends too, and I hope you know I care so very much for you.” His eyes are shining with unshed tears, and he clears his throat before speaking again.
“What I meant yesterday when I said I thought I’d have to watch you grow old alone is that I’ve watched you, for years, be this unstoppable force, with your determination to do it all alone. Since the day I met you, you’ve had this overwhelming drive to do everything yourself. Over the past few years, I’ve worried you’d never let your guard down enough to let someone in. You’re amazingly loveable, but you keep people at arm’s length. I don’t want to see you alone anymore. You deserve all the happiness, and Gracie deserves to see her mom truly happy and in love.”
The tears running down my face are a constant flow, because I know he’s right. I’ve lost a lot in my life, and I’ve closed myself off from people to protect myself from more of it.
“Thank you,” I whisper. He takes my hand off the table and squeezes it quickly before letting it go again.
“Let’s get back.”
I don’t respond because my throat is in danger of closing completely from the emotion welling up in it.
We walk back to Gracie’s room in silence. I’m afraid if I try to express my gratitude to him right now, I’ll break down again, and I don’t want Gracie or Chrissy to see me like this. I hate when people see me weak. I hate it.
As we reach her room, I grab Garrett’s arm to stop him. I throw my arms around his waist and hug him tightly, which he returns.
“Let yourself be happy,” he whispers into the top of my head as he hugs me.
The door to Gracie’s room opens and a gasp falls from Chrissy’s lips, seeing me wrapped in Garrett’s arms, and I know immediately I need to reassure her.
I step away from Garrett and grab Chrissy’s hand, pulling her to me. Her body is stiff against mine as I hug her.
“That man is completely and totally in love with you. Never doubt that. Not for one second,” I whisper into her ear. “You are his forever.” Her body loosens and she returns my embrace. “I was only thanking him for calling me out on my shit. He’s my friend, Chrissy. Nothing more.”
“I needed to hear that more than you know,” she replies into my hair.
As soon as we part, Garrett pulls her into his arms, and I take that as my cue to give them space. Walking into Gracie’s room, I’m met with familiar eyes.
Malcolm. In a lab coat. ’Cause he’s a doctor.
Holy shit.
“Layne.”