Houston, Texas
Bridgette
Today I was receiving my gold astronaut pin.
Today I was accepting the proof that my dreams had culminated and they were tightly fastened into my everyday life.
“These individuals have worked so hard to reach their dreams.” Thomas Langard, chief of the Astronaut’s Office for NASA was saying, “For many this means time away from their families so that they could make space exploration a reality…”
No truer words have been said.
I’d spent 138 days in space.
It was the most exhilarating and sublime experience of my life.
Being in the space shuttle was an indescribable experience.
I’d mastered the spacewalk, and the art of squeezing water into food packages to make them palatable, along with exercising in a microgravity environment. It was a rewarding experience albeit a lonely one.
I looked towards the audience seated on the side. Family members and significant others were highly encouraged to attend the event.
Rianna couldn’t make it because of work. Bishop sat next to Kara who gave me a little wave.
My mother was there, her eyes hooded and her expression unreadable.
I had no doubt that she was still asking the question, “How do you keep your pores healthy in space?”
To this date, I had no answer.
We performed minimal everything in space.
We conserved water, food, air.
Everything we did had a purpose.
I loved it, but as much as my dreams took up the space inside of me, the man sitting next to my mother was the man who I was willing to let space take second place to.
I would still be working for NASA, but I wasn’t volunteering for space flight missions any time soon.
I’d talked with Commander Nasaria, my supervisor, and while he wasn’t a hundred percent onboard with it, he acknowledged that there was space for me in the Science Management division. My ability to speak many languages could be used in the dealings with foreign entities.
My name was called and as I stood up, I moved my head towards my family and gave them a big smile.
I missed the day Scott won his first Super Bowl ring.
He’d recorded it for me, but it wasn’t the same.
I also missed the day he lost a Super Bowl game against the Ravens.
It took him two days before he could talk about it.
I missed being there for him during his highs and his lows.
I’d reached the pinnacle of my dreams of flying into space.
Four years was a long time to wait, but he did.
He waited.
He thought he was still going to wait for another two years.
I’d told him that there was another space mission on the horizon.
He’d said okay.
But I wasn’t okay with it anymore.
The pin found a home an inch away from the welt pocket on the right side of my single-A line Stella McCartney skirt suit, and as my fellow astronauts and I posed for pictures, I felt myself get anxious.
I hadn’t felt the need to stutter in a long time.
More than fifteen years’ worth.
But as of this moment, the rush of misgivings were threatening to overcome me.
Bishop hugged me first and then Kara.
Mom also gave me a hug, longer than twenty seconds, which meant that she’d missed me. She wasn’t a hugger by nature, but her hugs had become more frequent and longer throughout the years.
When it was time for Scott to hug me, I moved my head so he could kiss me instead.
It was easier when I wore heels and today my head almost reached his nose. It was a great feat.
The Saint Laurent black leather pumps that Tre saved for me came in handy in times like these.
“I’m so proud of you, babe.” His green eyes reflected so much pride. And love.
Love that was always there.
It never faltered.
Throughout the media scrutiny, throughout the years of being apart because of our chosen careers, throughout every storm that posed the greatest challenge to break us apart…
His love had remained steadfast, nebulous, and limitless.
So today, as I clutched the pin I’d gotten for flying towards the endless space I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl, I whispered in his left ear.
“I love you.” Pressing another soft kiss to his chin, I added. “I’m ready for you. For us.”
He didn’t get it at first.
I mean, who could blame him?
He’d been waiting for so long.
One day we’d taken a trip to Aspen during the winter. It was one of the rare times when our schedules matched.
Our hotel was covered with snow and he’d looked me in the eye and asked me, “Just tell me when you’re ready and I’ll give you forever.”
His eyes started to fill with tears.
I’d never seen Scott cry.
Not when he won the Super Bowl.
Not even when he lost it.
For a man who dreamed of ruling the gridiron from the time he could throw the ball, he’d never cried about it.
But now…his eyes shone with unshed tears, in peril of falling from his eyes at any second.
“Ready?”
I nodded. “Yes. Forever.”
His handsome face broke into a blinding smile, the biggest I’d ever seen from him.
I’d been up there, in the company of planets and asteroids, with the whole Milky Way as my backdrop.
But the brightest star was right here on this earth, standing in front of me.
He was my ever-shining, never-ending,
Supernova.