Bridgette
“It’s been a pleasure getting to know you, Miss Cordello. We will be notifying you in the next two weeks about your status.” Dr. Jamaris shook my hand as I finished the line of questioning from the seven judges.
The questions they’d asked ranged from my favorite food to what I considered my biggest achievement.
Anything pasta and being in college were my answers.
They wanted to get to know me as a person. All of the candidates had great grades, good interpersonal skills, and our achievements were there for them to preview on paper. What they were doing was seeing how different we were from each other and what made each of us stand out.
I always wanted to be invisible, to be in the background.
But this time, I wanted to stand out so that they would select me.
It had been a grueling month of school, travel, trying to maintain a relationship with Scott, Rianna, and communicating with my brother.
I was looking forward to Christmas.
Thanksgiving had gone by, and Scott had gone to see his family in Texas. I wanted to be with him when he invited me, but he was only there for two days, and this was the first time I’d spent Thanksgiving with my mom and Bishop.
It was also the first time my mom didn’t hold a party for her and her friends.
The three of us sat around her dinner table in Manhattan and talked about life.
My mother wasn’t the type of mom who gave off warmth, but I could see that she was really trying. She asked about my plans and when I divulged to her that I was being interviewed by NASA, she didn’t say a word for a second. Then after she took a sip of her red wine, she asked if I could bring makeup to space.
Bishop guffawed and I chuckled and the rest of dinner went great.
She was instrumental in containing the publicity about Scott and I. I had no idea how she did it, but I was thankful.
I’d never understood her, why she stayed with my father after all the years he’d emotionally abused her because of his obsession with staying relevant, and maybe she would never tell me, but I saw glimpses of what she was like as a person.
She fussed about my skin and my hair, saying that I need to moisturize more and use her products to keep my hair healthy.
She shared with me her latest beauty finds, and actually smiled when I showed interest.
I wasn’t the daughter she wanted, not the one whose life revolved around physical beauty and all that, but she was making room for me.
She’d apologized again for neglecting to see that I needed special attention when I didn’t say a word during my childhood years, and I’d reached a place in my life where I could honestly say that I forgave her.
I could go on blaming her for her inadequacies, but the truth was, this was my life now.
And it was pretty great.
I thanked Dr. Jamaris and stepped outside of the Kennedy Space Center. I’d been here before. My brother took me on a trip here right after our dad’s funeral.
Bishop had wanted my mind off of things, and he’d booked a flight for us to spend the day here.
It was the day that had solidified my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
Now, as I watched the circular structure emblazoned with ‘NASA’ at one of the buildings entrances, I couldn’t help but smile.
I hoped they picked me.
If not, then I would keep trying.
Scott had encouraged me to reach for my dreams and I knew how much it cost him to say that.
He wasn’t going anywhere while I, one day, would be launching into space.
If that wasn’t love, then I didn’t know what was.
I felt my stomach growl and I grabbed a granola bar inside the gray purse I’d paired with my suit and pants’ attire and nibbled on it.
I had two hours to explore the area until I had to get back to the airport. I didn’t want to stay for another day because tomorrow was painting day with the kids. My boss had been very accommodating of me, and it saddened me that I had to give her notice that I might be out for a while. I didn’t know if I was going to be accepted into the program, but if I was, I wanted her to get a heads up so she could find a replacement for me.
My life was changing and as fast-paced as it was, I found myself breathing easier.
I was getting closer to my dreams, and Scott was right there, helping me up to get through it.
He made me believe that I could do it and I found myself believing it, too.
I’d texted Scott twice already, but he hadn’t answered yet.
He must still be in practice.
He never had phone on him when he was on the field or in training.
I’d bought him a small foam airplane with NASA on it as a souvenir at one of the gift shops. I liked to buy him little things when I went somewhere. Little mementos that reminded him of me, that he had someone who loved him.
Scott wasn’t needy, but sometimes I saw the shadows in his eyes, the doubt that lingered about if I really loved him.
I couldn’t fault him for that, everyone had their insecurities. He didn’t have a great relationship with his father and he rarely talked about him. His stepmom was his closest tie to his dad, and I was looking forward to meeting her one of these days.
His ex-girlfriend broke up with him and I knew that she’d made a dent in his heart.
He’d loved Kara and when Kara chose my brother over him, it devastated him. It was why I never answered him when he’d texted me to get together after he’d brought me home over three years ago. It was why I didn’t respond when he’d texted me again to tell me that he was drafted number one.
I didn’t want to be the rebound.
I didn’t want to be the girl he chanced to be with because another girl broke his heart.
I wanted time to take its toll and maybe help him get through it.
I knew what heartbreak felt like and it didn’t take another person to magically heal it.
It took me years before I could mend the fissures that Dex’s betrayal created inside of my chest.
Being with another person helped, but it didn’t suture the broken parts.
Being alone helped me find my own strength, and the knowledge that I would come out better was what kept me going through the years.
Miss you, Ice Man. I texted again knowing that it might go unanswered.
Being with him had shifted my priorities.
I was going for my dreams, but I was also considering the fact that if I got picked, I would have to set on the number of times I would go up in space, once given the choice.
The clock on my phone said it was 1:10 PM.
He should be out of practice by now.
Maybe he had interviews.
I tried to leave a voicemail, but an unknown number appeared on my phone.
I didn’t answer numbers that weren’t familiar to me, but something nagged at me to take the call.
“Bridgette?” It was a voice that had thawed my heart back then. Now I felt nothing as I heard him talk on the phone.
“Hey Dex. How did you get my number?” I went straight to the point. I wasn’t happy that he had it. It had taken me three months to get over the fact that he’d blocked me when he’d broken up with me.
“Where are you?” Completely ignoring my question, he proceeded. “Are you in the area?”
A feeling of unease crept through my blood. Dex sounded serious and worried.
“I’m in Florida. Why? What’s going on?” I fired off the questions.
“Oh shit.” He said, “Shit.”
“Dex, what’s going on?” Dex didn’t sound like he was messing around. I knew him enough to know when something scared him.
“It’s Scott…” He started, and the concern was evident in his voice, “He’s been taken to the hospital.”
I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t know what was happening around me.
I didn’t know how I managed to sit on a bench outside the Tourist Information area of the Space Center, my body was on auto-pilot and I went through the motions.
“Hospital?” I felt the pinprick of tears on my face, “Is he okay?”
“He’s awake now. I’m outside his room. The doctors are doing tests on him.” Dex said, his voice filled with torment, “They said he had a seizure.”
“A seizure?” Panic rising in my throat. “Oh my god. Ohmigod. Ohmigod. How? What?”
There were so many questions in my head and my heart was heavy with worry.
“I’m coming back today, I’ll be there this evening,” I said, trying to calm myself as my fingers grabbed my purse tightly. I was going to faint if I didn’t hold myself together. “Dex…”
“Yeah?” He sounded like the boy who’d protected me that one time when I attended my brother’s game and the girls in front of where Dex and I were seated kept glancing our way. I had heard one of them loudly whisper, “The weird stuttery girl is with a cute guy.”
Dex had tapped on the girl’s shoulder and asked her what her problem was. He then he held my hand the whole game.
“Please stay there,” I beseeched. I never thought that I’d be asking the boy who’d once splintered my heart for a favor, ever. “Don’t leave him. I don’t want him to be alone.”
He was quiet for a second. “I’ll stay here til you get here.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, grasping the news that the man I loved was in the hospital while I was a time zone away from him.
“No worries, Bridge.” He said and in a low voice, he added, “After all the shit I did to you, I owe you.”
Never in a million years would I have thought that we’d be in this situation.
But sometimes fate took command, and with it brings lessons learned so that the hearts that once cried in pain could find its way to breathe again.
“I forgive you, Dex.” Years of resentment against him flowed out of me with surprising ease, leaving my body with nothing but peace. “With all my heart, I forgive you.”