S ylvie woke up with a headache and a pain in her chest. From the moment he wrapped her in his arms at the bus stop, the ache continued to expand. Martin had doted on her for the rest of the evening, making her both love and hate him more. Her emotions were all over the place and it was exhausting.
He kept asking if she was all right and she answered honestly that no she wasn’t. She asked him to leave her alone, but he refused to leave her side. What she wanted was distance and time to think about the mess she'd created. Instead, she got his undivided attention. His gentle touch and soothing words, kept her on the verge of crying until she fell asleep.
They didn’t have sex. She couldn’t bring herself to connect with him on that physical level again. Given her state, he hadn’t pushed the matter.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He rubbed her back as she hugged the pillow to her chest.
She had no more tears thankfully. “Like I told you last night, I’m fine. I needed quiet and sleep. I’m really sorry you had to leave the party before it even got started.”
He kissed the nape of her neck. “And like I told you, you’re more important. I’ve seen my share of strippers and food is food. I’d bet that Nico and Caroline didn’t make it to midnight before bailing.”
“There were lots of other people there. You would have had fun and maybe met someone.” She closed her eyes tight.
“It’s all the same people and I’m not interested in meeting anyone. Trust me, there was no woman more beautiful at that restaurant than you. You looked amazing and I love you in red.”
“You are so full of shit,” she said, pushing his hand away when it traveled over her hip.
He pushed her onto her back and straddled her legs. “I’m fucking drop dead serious. Are we back to you doubting yourself again?”
She pushed his chest, trying to remove him. He caught her hands and held them over her head. She wiggled but couldn’t get free. “We aren’t anything. Get off me!” Her attempts at bucking him off failed.
“Feisty this morning. It’s good to see the fire back in your eyes. I’m not letting you go until you admit you looked great last night.” He held her firmly in place with one hand and used his other to brush the hair from her face.
She tried again to free herself from under him. They wrestled, but it ended with her in a pretzel position and him between her legs. Their naked lower bodies rubbed against each other with a mind of their own. “Fine. I looked great,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You can let go of me now.” She was so hot, sweaty and wet. It wasn’t fair what he did to her.
“Never. Say it like you mean it. Own it.” His nose was inches from hers as his erection slid through her soaking folds. He had control, and she was at his mercy.
“You’re an asshole!” And that didn’t stop her from wanting him. “I hate you so much.”
He kissed her. Hard. She shook her head and bit his lip until the metallic taste of his blood blasted her tongue. He smiled and licked the spot where her teeth left their marks. “You don’t hate me. You want me as badly as I want you. Like if I’m not inside you in the next second we might both lose our fucking minds.”
“Do it!” Sylvie screamed in his face. “Fuck me until I can’t think anymore.” Sweat dripped down her cheek. This wasn’t love. It was too primal and too fierce.
He slammed into her, pushing her knees next to her ears. He roared like a lion. His cock hit her G-spot on the first thrust. In this position he pushed so deep. He stared into her eyes as he pulled out slowly, agonizingly slow. Then reversed and pushed back in at the same deliberate speed. She couldn’t take it anymore. She turned her face to the side and closed her eyes.
“Look at me, Sylvie. Watch me make love to you. Feel how beautiful you are.”
She whimpered at his words. “Please, fuck me hard and fast. I don’t want to feel beautiful, just make me come.” If she opened her eyes, she knew she’d never be able to look at him the same again. If she watched him love her, they couldn’t be friends anymore. She’d always want more of this. So, she kept her eyes scrunched closed.
As if he knew how close she was to breaking, he did as she asked. He pounded into her. Unrelenting and without mercy. They came together. He cried out her name, and she did the same. When he let go of her arms and legs, she didn’t retreat. She wrapped herself around him and kissed him; kissed him goodbye. They couldn’t do this again and be friends.
“Will you tell me what happened between you and Marianne?”
Martin scratched his head. “You know the old story. She wouldn’t move out here without a ring and we were way too young. I couldn’t give her what she wanted.”
“But why not? You loved her. Why not ask her to marry you and follow you? She loved you enough.” Sylvie tucked the covers around her body.
“It wasn’t the right kind of love,” he said, leaving the bed.
“What does that mean. There’s only one love.”
“No, there are different kinds of love. Marianne had too many expectations, and I never lived up to them. She would have hated it here and resented me. When the chance to play here came up, she wasn’t happy for me. It was an inconvenience to the plans she had for us. I’d spent so much time trying to make her happy those last few months I suffered mentally. We loved each other, but she couldn’t handle the time apart, the long hours or the attention I got. Nothing I did made her happy anymore. The results were that my game suffered. I spent my entire life trying to make it to the NHL and love was holding me back.”
“Okay, so she wasn’t the right one. Why do you blame love?”
He tugged on his hair. “Why all these questions? I have a lunch meeting with management soon.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m trying to understand why you’re still so bitter after all these years. Don’t you want to fall for someone again?”
“Sylvie, it’s not that simple. My life sucks like ninety percent of the time. I work out, I practice, I’m with the team and repeat. If it’s not hockey, there’s charity events and other commitments. My time isn’t my own. You’ve seen what my schedule’s like these past weeks. There’s no time for anything even if I thought I wanted someone or something more.”
“Do you want more? One day. Cause you seem to scoff at marriage and kids and all that stuff.” His schedule wasn’t that bad. They’d found plenty of time to be together and when they weren’t she’d been busy with work. She thought their schedules worked rather well together.
“I’m not anti that stuff. It’s you… I have to go or I’ll be late. This is what I’m referring to. There isn’t even time to finish conversations. Although, I’m not sorry to cut this one short. I’m glad you’re feeling better, ma belle.” He leaned down to kiss her lips, and she gave him her cheek.
He marched out of the room and took a shower. She rolled over and hugged the pillow again. A few minutes later he returned wearing nothing but a towel. Any other day, she would have raced over and pulled the towel, but not today. He dressed in a suit, looking red carpet ready. She would miss watching him transform from naked sexpot to dashing businessman.
“I’ll see you after my meeting. I’ve got the rehearsal dinner tonight and you’re welcome to come. After, we can catch a movie or do something chill. Tomorrow will be busy with the wedding.”
“And then I’m leaving.”
“Right.” He straightened his tie, hesitating at the door. “We’ll talk more later.”
She waited until she heard the main door close before she screamed. “Fuckkk!” She’d given him an opportunity to say anything about her leaving. He didn’t. She couldn’t stay and be his date on Valentine’s Day. That was a day reserved for people in love.
Nico and Caroline’s wedding would be perfect. Her dreams brought to life for another couple to live. The team captain and his bride had the kind of love that inspired romance novels; a love that could weather any storm. She’d fooled herself into thinking what she had with Martin was similar. Martin had healed her heart and claimed it for himself. She was powerless to stop the train wreck on the horizon.
Attending the wedding and watching him stand at the altar in a tux, wasn’t a wise decision. She’d end up picturing the two of them, saying I do. She’d wish for it to be them, devoting their lives to loving each other. That was as likely to happen as getting struck by lightning while holding the jackpot winning lottery ticket.
She called the airline and moved her flight. As much as she hoped to catch a flight out as soon as possible, there was nothing until the following evening. Whether she left early wouldn’t make a difference to him because he would be so busy. But it could save her a world of pain. It was the right choice. The only choice if she hoped to salvage her dignity.
The longer she let that settle in the better she felt. She called her folks to tell them the good news. They didn’t answer. She left a message, providing her travel itinerary and told them she looked forward to seeing them tomorrow. Her voice may have cracked at the end, but she laughed it off.
A long shower helped strengthen her resolve. They’d made love for the last time. Kissed for the last time. There was nothing left, except to say goodbye. She dreaded that part. She rehearsed the best way to tell him she'd bumped her flight by a day when he stormed into the condo, slamming the door behind him.
His hair was a mess, standing in all directions. “Trades… Mother-fucking trades,” he mumbled, waltzing passed her. He opened his liquor cabinet and pulled out the scotch.
“Hi. What’s going on?” She sat down on the couch.
“I’m out and Benny Wilder is officially a Jet.” He didn’t use a glass and chugged straight from the bottle.
“Woah, calm down and take a seat. Tell me what happened.” She patted the cushion next to her.
“I can’t sit down, and I don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He took another large gulp. “All I want to do is drink.”
“That’s one option. The other is to pass me the bottle and I can get drunk with you.”
“Knock yourself out,” he said, passing her the bottle.
She didn’t take a sip, but at least it would force him to slow down. “Martin, let me be here for you. Tell me what to do to help.” She used the same words he’d used on her the night before.
“What’s funny is I’ve been playing great until recently. They don’t need him. I want another sip.” He held out his hand to take the bottle, and then he glanced at his watch. “But I don’t even have time to get drunk. The stupid meeting took way longer than it should have. Nico expected me to arrive ten minutes ago. Are you coming?”
“Do you want me to?” She stood up, not sure what to do.
“Do what you want. I’m not good company and I’m likely to fuck you against every hard surface I can find. If you’re up for that then yes, please come.”
She shivered at the possibilities, clutching the bottle between her hands. “It’s best if I don’t go.”
“Why? You know what. That’s fine. You’d only be another distraction.” He yanked at his hair.
“What the hell does that mean? You’re not trying to blame me for this. That makes no sense. Martin look at me!” She got in his face, their bodies only inches apart.
He avoided her eyes. “Nothing makes sense lately. We… ah fuck, I have to run. I’ll see you later.” He kissed her cheek, not even trying for her mouth. Then he was gone. Like a tornado had torn through the condo, leaving her winded and an utter mess.
She spent the rest of the night worrying about him. There would be more alcohol at the dinner and from the updates she got from Carly, Martin drank more than his share. His words echoed through her mind. She wondered if the slip in his hockey performance was her fault. It couldn’t be because his performance was spot on. She watched some game footage he had. It confirmed her initial assessment he was the best goalie in the league. Martin played like a champion.
As the hours ticked by, she worked on the website development for Caroline. There was no news on any of the missing. She’d finished the main page when she glanced at the clock. It was after two in the morning and Martin hadn’t come home. She sent him a text, asking if he planned to come home. He didn’t respond. She knew he was safe with his friends. Not knowing where he was or where they stood, gnawed at her. An hour later, she gave up and went to sleep on the couch. He didn’t come home.