An hour later the dinner party was winding down. Carrie and Wes had already left and June and Roman had escaped next door. I knew what they were doing so I made sure to hang back here for as long as I could.

“The girls are sound asleep,” I happily reported to their mother.

Eve collapsed onto a barstool. “Thanks for checking. They always rope me into answering questions when I check on them.”

“They’re the only kids at these dinner parties. They get excited and don’t want to be the first ones to leave.”

She nodded and I noted the subtle changes to my former boss. She was tired. “I get it. Cassandra and I were the only kids for a long time. I remember sneaking out of bed to hide in the hallway and listen to my parents with their friends. I never thought my kids would be doing the same thing one day.”

“Why is that?”

Her eyes moved past me to the living room where Jake and Greg were debating about some cigar. “Well for one, I couldn’t imagine getting married and having kids after he left. My brain just . . . wouldn’t go there with someone else.” She shrugged. “And then even after we were married I thought for sure we’d just be one of many having kids. Turns out we aren’t friends with a lot of people interested in having children.” She waved at the different groups that had broken up since dinner ended.

Greg and Marie’s daughter was all grown up and they were definitely not having anymore. “Yeah, Carrie and Wes won’t be having kids—at least not soon.” I hadn’t asked if family plans involved human children or if they were sticking to the feline variety.

“And I think June and Roman will one day, but they’re not ready. So that leaves me with having to become better friends with more parents if I want my kids to have friends at these events.”

“You found Erik,” I pointed out, partly because I wanted Eve’s opinion.

Her eyes slowly slid back to me with a pretty generous amount of curiosity in them. “He’s like my little brother. I love that guy. He was like a little puppy dog who needed a family to take him home and love him, so we did. He kept turning up at every event I requested player involvement. He lit up every time I brought the girls around. Poor guy was lonely so of course I looped him in.” Then a little smile curved the corners of her lips. “Kind of like a nanny I used to have.”

“Yes, well, we are two wonderful childless exceptions to the rule. Some of the families you had at the party last weekend were nice.”

She let me dodge that bullet. “Yes. We’ve been having Ben and Lani and their kids over more, but their son screams like a banshee, which is fine at a kid’s party, but not so great at something like this.”

Yeah, Calvin had a scream that curdled my blood. And neither of their kids ever sat still. Ever. I didn’t see them becoming part of the dinner party circle. “What about Parker and Ashlyn?”

Eve shook her head violently. “Nope. Parker and Jake do not get along. They’re fine at big parties, but not small ones.”

Okay . . . that was news to me. “How’s Jennie feeling?”

Eve’s best friend was having a difficult pregnancy and had been on bed rest for the last two months. “Ready to get that baby out. Maybe I just miss them.” She shrugged. “They’ve been in baby production mode for the last couple of years. It’s hard when you have itty bittys at home. I know that. And I know they will get out of the house again . . . but in the meantime, I’ve lost my only mom-friend.”

And I think, underneath everything, we’d just found the real problem. Eve and I used to share a glass of wine and talk after the girls were in bed, so I knew she loved her job, but frequently felt overwhelmed by motherhood. It was Jennie that kept her grounded. A friend in the same boat, going through the same trials, worrying about the same things. For a little while I’d done a decent job of filling in the gaps since I was right there with her and the girls.

“I know I’m busy these days Eve, but I’m still here. I can slip over for wine anytime.”

She slid her glass my way. “There’s wine now.”

I knew where this was headed and I secretly think, deep down inside, I wanted her to ask. I trusted Eve more than I trusted anyone. I took a sip.

She cocked an eyebrow. “How’s the life of my famous writer friend?” Brilliant as always, she started with something easy.

Well, easier.

“I fly out to meet with the screenwriter again next week. I’m excited about that. And I’m about halfway through the next Mayhem book.”

“The assistant working out?”

“Lynn is great.” I really liked her even if I was having fits about each thing I handed her. “I’m learning to let go and she’s being very patient with me.”

“Good. I know it’s hard but it’ll be for the best. I couldn’t do my job if I tried to manage every single thing myself. At some point you’ve got to trust that you’ve put the right people around you and they know what they’re doing.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what you all keep saying.” But the thing was, this was my whole life. I didn’t work for a corporation. If things fell apart it was me who fell apart with it. All the blocks would come tumbling down. I hated the feeling of putting my future in someone else’s hands, even if it was small little things.

“My youngest mentioned her aunt and uncle were holding hands at her birthday party.”

And there it was. Eve went straight from icebreaker to what she really wanted. “She did see that.”

“And why were you and Erik holding hands?”

Because I liked it. “We’re . . . getting to know each other. Slowly.” I shook my head and sat back in the chair, putting a little extra space between us. “He was being sweet and somehow we wound up with our hands together right when Max showed up.”

“That’s all?” She sounded genuinely disappointed.

“Sorry. I don’t have anything more salacious than that. Yet.”

She perked right up. “Really?”

I wasn’t sure if it was because Eve and I spent more time together or if surviving the hurricane had bonded us in a different way or what, but I found it a lot easier to talk to her about Erik. “There’s something there. I can’t deny that.”

“I knew having dinner tonight was a good idea.” She practically vibrated. “After Max described you as happy and Erik as having heart-eyes, but that no one else saw any of this, I figured you two might need a reason to be in the same place at the same time.”

“Heart eyes?” Gosh, I loved that kid.

“Yeah, she said it was just like in the cartoons when the characters fall in love and have hearts in their eyes. It was hilarious. Jake almost fell off the bed he was laughing so hard.”

“I can imagine. Thanks for this. It was really nice to see Erik again.”

“Then what are you doing in here? I know I’m fun and all but shouldn’t you be making heart eyes at him right now?”

I had a feeling “heart eyes” wasn’t going to go away any time soon. “He disappeared.”

“I think I saw him head out back with Marie. They’re probably talking shop. You should interrupt that.” Then she pointed out the back door and gave me a very stern look.

I wandered onto the porch, a little nervous, a little excited. A symphony of crickets chirped loud and proud. Tiki torches around the pool gave the tropical yard a warm glow. The porch ceiling fans squeaked in a pattern as the fan blades spun and string lights wove back and forth above.

That’s when I heard two voices in the distance. One male, one female.

“You’re healthy?” It was Marie.

“Better than ever. Why?” Definitely Erik.

I started toward the sound and stopped cold.

“I’ve been asked if you would be interested in a trade.”

Silence.

Lots of silence. Except for the thudding of my own heart in my ears.

Finally, “How do I say this politely? Fuck no.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that so that’s what I told them, but I thought I’d better run it by you anyway.”

“Are the Mantas not happy with me?”

“Oh no. Don’t you worry about them. They love you. Are you kidding? You’re the one keeping the team together.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay good. You had me worried there for a second. Like maybe I had no idea what was really going on.”

“Nope. They love you and it would be a fight if you were interested.”

More silence. “Okay now I’m curious. Who was it? What did they want?”

“Lowenstein.”

I didn’t know who that was. I’d absorbed a lot of baseball knowledge but that name meant nothing to me.

“Fuck, really?”

“Yeah. That’s why I didn’t say who it was. I wanted your raw reaction.”

“No kidding.” He blew out a long breath. “It doesn’t change anything. Although I am flattered.”

I blew out a breath too. Why was I holding it? Erik’s career was his business, not mine. Maybe he’d be happier with this Lowenstein.

Oh, who was I kidding? I hated the idea of him leaving the Mantas.

“There you go,” Marie chuckled. “Let it boost your ego for a few days. What’s up with you and Wes?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar. Is it Zoe?”

I leaned closer as if I’d be able to hear better.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Is everyone watching us?”

“Yes. Why is Wes pushing your buttons?”

It sounded like he was shuffling his feet and maybe kicking some rocks? “I asked him something personal about Zoe last week and he went all protective big brother on me. I don’t blame the guy. I’d do the same thing if a friend asked about my sisters, but it was strange how extreme he reacted. Or the fact that he’s still giving me shit now.”

“I think we all feel protective of her,” Marie said so quietly I could barely hear her.

My heart pounded in my chest as a lot feelings overwhelmed me. Love and belonging were there for sure, but also panic and fear. I loved my life now but it still felt very, very fragile.

“She’s like our adopted little sister. We all love her and want to protect her from whatever it is she’s run away from.”

“See that’s the thing,” Erik’s voice rose. “You’re all so busy protecting her that you’ve stopped helping her.”

Anger erupted inside my belly. I would have marched right up and told them both to stick there noses somewhere else but then I’d have to admit I was eavesdropping on their private conversation.

So you know, I didn’t.

“We’re giving her what she needs,” Marie hissed. “We’re her family now and we’ll do what families do: protect their own.”

Family. Oh dear god. My head spun as the power of her words hit me square in the chest. This wasn’t a face-to-face conversation where everyone said what they thought I needed to hear. This was a private conversation in no way intended to be heard by me.

And here she was calling me family.

I wanted to cry because I felt the same way but for so long was too scared to believe it.

“You’re not giving her what she needs,” Erik shot back. “You’re giving her what she wants. There’s a difference.”

“Where do you get off, Erik? Zoe’s life is her own to figure out. It’s not my job to tell her how to live it and it is most certainly not yours.” Then her voice dropped. “Look, I know you. This is who you are. You’re protective to a fault and maybe Zoe could use a man like that in her life—or maybe you’re exactly what she’s run away from.”

Erik swore loudly as I gripped the rail hard enough to rip it clear of its nails.

“I’m glad to know you have such a low opinion of me, Marie.”

“Erik,” she sighed. “Please don’t take it that way. We’ve been friends for a long time now. I know you would never hurt the hair on anyone’s head unless it was in their defense. I know you just want everyone around you to be happy.” She blew out a long string of air. “But she doesn’t know anything about you.”

“That’s what I want to change. Despite what you and Wes both seem to think, I’m not a heat seeking sex missile.”

Marie snorted and I smiled. The way he said it was with such vigor it was almost comical.

“Of all the athletes I handle, you are one of the most respectful.”

“Damn straight. My momma raised me better than that. I like her, Marie. Her. All of her.”

My chest constricted. My knees bucked.

The emotion behind all his words. There was so much. These feelings he had towards me—they weren’t new. Even though I knew he liked me and everyone said he’d been waiting . . . it was very different to hear it for myself.

“I know,” Marie replied. “I’m the one that pushed you to see what would happen, remember? I think you two would be very good together. But you’ve got to tone down that Papa Bear attitude. You pissed me off so I can only imagine how Zoe will react if you go all Bear on her.”

I stumbled as quietly as I could manage onto a porch chair, which was a good thing because they started moving my way. I tucked my legs up under my chin and pretended to be buried in reading a book on my phone.

“Oh hey Zoe,” Marie said as she stepped up onto the deck. “It’s a beautiful night to read outside.” She ran a hand over my shoulder and squeezed. “I’m going to go find my husband and drag him home to bed.”

I glanced back at the kitchen window. “I’m pretty sure he has Jake cornered at the bar with a scotch sampler.”

She rolled her eyes to the sky. “Again? Good night you two.”

Erik stood silently, waiting for the porch door to close before he swung his dark gaze to me.

I was feeling a lot of things in that moment. And those feelings were making my heart pound in my chest.

“You wanted to talk?” he asked, his voice all deep and rumbly in that manly way my characters always described as sexy.

In real life, it turned out, sexy was a weak word to use for the way my body reacted. “Walk me home?”

He glanced out at the yard bathed in moonlight. “I’d love to make sure you get home safely.” He held out his hand and grinned. “It is Florida after all. There could be a dozen different deadly things between here and your house.”

My hand slid easily inside his and I allowed him to pull me to my feet. I wanted to see what he did, how much distance he kept between us, where his eyes lingered. I needed as much data as I could collect on Erik Cassidy.

I caught his gaze. “There could be a wandering gator who got lost behind the fence.”

He let go of my hand but offered his arm. I surprised myself by taking it as if it were the most natural thing in the world to slip my hands around his bicep and rest them in the crook. I just barely kept from snuggling into his side and breathing in a sample of Erik Cassidy cologne.

“Hey now,” he said. “I’ve had that happen twice in my own yard back home and at least a handful of times in my neighborhood here. Gators are sneaky sons of bitches.”

So true. And most of the ones who sunned across the street were much smaller than I imagined when I first moved to Tampa. “Rattlesnake?”

“We will hopefully get a warning shake if there is one hiding in the bushes.”

“Black widow, brown widow, brown recluse . . . ”

He pulled his elbow into his side, giving my hand a body squeeze. “Just scream if you feel any spider webs.”

“Moccasins.”

“You’re on your own if we find one of those,” he chuckled. “Those fuckers scare me.”

“They’re like zombies. They never die no matter how many times you try.” I watched a neighbor four houses down shoot one, then go at it with a shovel and an ax trying to get its head off for thirty minutes. Now granted, it was the largest water moccasin I’d ever seen in my life, but still . . . he shot it and had to hack the head off with an ax. All while it was still writhing on the ground dead. Ew. I had nightmares about that for months.

“Don’t forget the wasp nests,” he cautioned as I reached for the gate. They notoriously loved to build nests on the underside of fences.

“We keep an eye out for nests. Can’t have little girls crying over wasp stings.”

“Good,” he whispered as he let me go.

I walked through the fence and waited until it swung closed. As if it symbolically ended our night as guests of the Spencer’s and returned us to the awkward world of Zoe and Erik.

So I didn’t waste any time. “I wanted to apologize to you. The last couple of weeks have been weird and I’m sure you’re confused by my freak-outs.”

“A little.” His shoulders rose and fell. “I’m worried about you, Zoe. Is there anything I can do to help?”

He’d already helped. I was a black and white kind of girl when it came to people. I dated two guys before Tony and then it was nothing but Tony for five years. It was all or nothing. I was just now realizing it wasn’t that way for most people.

“I moved to Tampa because I’d boxed myself into the wrong life. I needed a clean start.” Yeah, I didn’t plan on sharing that. And yet, my mouth was still moving. “Sometimes things come up. Big things like book deals that are bigger and more monumental that I ever imagined would happen to someone like me and it . . . ” I stopped and turned toward him, looking up into his very handsome, moonlit face. “It makes me realize I haven’t gotten to where I need to be yet. I still make the same bad choices.”

“Was kissing me one of those bad choices?” His eyes searched mine, filled with worry.

My soul ached to erase that look.

And that right there was exactly what I needed to deal with. It was that need that got me into so much trouble so long ago. It felt different with Erik, though. With Tony I always felt desperate to make everything better because, if I was being honest, I was scared for my own happiness, not his.

This felt entirely different. I didn’t ache because my happiness was being threatened, but because I was the one who caused the look. I wanted to fix it. Felt compelled to right a wrong I didn’t mean to commit.

“I don’t regret kissing you,” I whispered. “But I am sorry I used you.”

He reached up and ran the pad of his thumb over my cheek before letting it drop back to his side. “I didn’t feel used.”

My heart beat faster in my chest, heat raced through my veins, my breath grew faster. “I know that now.”

“Was that all you wanted to say?”

It was crazy how I could feel all of him without touching him. The heat and humidity created a pocket around us, intensifying the sensation that some sort of electric field was being generated between our bodies.

“No,” I whispered, feeling dizzy again.

“What else did you want to tell me?”

He needed to touch me, ground me. Otherwise I might fly away, I was sure of it. But he wasn’t going to touch me unless I asked because Erik was just that kind of guy.

So I reached out and steadied my hands on his forearms. His eyes widened and his nostrils flared, his hands flipping around to wrap around my forearms. It was the most amazing and strange way to be closer to him.

I swallowed. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Erik.”

“But . . . you didn’t like being around me. I thought you hated me.”

I wanted to kiss all the confusion away. The way his brow furrowed, the lost look to his eyes, I wanted to kiss every single bit of it away until he understood I was just as messed up about him as he’d been about me all these years.

“I didn’t hate you. I hated the way you made me feel.” It was a lot harder to admit all of this than I’d like. My characters always made it seem like a weight was being lifted and something new and wonderful was being born, but instead it was a lot more like being torn in two. “If we’d spent any time together I’d have kissed you just like I did in the parking lot. Every time I’m around you—ever since we first met—all I can think about is kissing you.”

He blinked several times and moved closer to me, his head dropped like he was going to kiss me right now but then he stopped and I realized his hands had tightened on my arm.

“So you avoided me at all costs?”

“Yes. I just . . . I didn’t want anyone to have that much power over me. I kept thinking a little more time or distance would make it easier but . . . Erik, it never got easier.”

He stepped back, removing his hands and any hope for another one of those amazing kisses. I watched with my heart in my throat as he walked in a circle while running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.” He stopped and locked his eyes on mine. “I’m so sorry you felt that way about us. I think I understand a lot more now.”

Then why was he over there? We could be kissing now.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No,” he shook his head. “Never, Zo. But what I feel around you is amazing and what you just described,” he shook his head again, “it’s not amazing. I don’t ever want you to feel scared of me or what you feel around me. Do you understand?”

Not really. I mean, I did. But I also didn’t. “You don’t want me to be scared.”

“Exactly. So I think we should keep doing what we’re doing. We should be friends before we think about anything more.”

Friends.

Two weeks ago that word would have been tolerable but now it was disappointing. Friends wasn’t enough.

“All right.”

He stepped closer. “I just want to make sure we’re both ready. That we both understand what we’re getting into.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek again. “It’s taking everything I have to hold back, darlin’. When I finally let go I need to know you’re in it with me. I don’t think I could take watching you walk away from me.”

“Erik,” I sighed his name because damn that was quite possibly the sexiest thing I’d ever heard in real life.

His thumb drifted to my lips, then he stepped completely away from me. I’d never felt more naked.

“I wanted to ask if you were busy next Thursday? I’d love it if you could talk to my sister while she’s here.” He kept his gaze carefully trained over my shoulder, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Friends again.

Cold, distant friends who knew all too well how spine-tingling hot it was to kiss each other.

But he was right. I wasn’t ready for more. Yet. “Um, sure? Why?”

“She’s graduating in December. Has a great internship and a job already lined up.”

“I’m lost.”

He glanced back at me and I was surprised to see how much heat was still simmering in those dark depths. “That’s the problem, you see. She’s logical to a fault. She’s playing everything safe. Belle has been scribbling in notebooks since she could hold a pencil. Reminds me a lot of you. I thought maybe you could talk to her about the publishing industry, give her some insight.” He shrugged. “I know it’s a volatile business and nothing is guaranteed no matter how good you are but I hate that she’s boxing out an entire piece of who she is because it isn’t practical.” His words had everything to do with his little sister, but his eyes screamed an entirely different story.

“Of course. Just let me know when as soon as possible so I can set aside the time.” My hands shook as I swept my hair over my shoulder to let some air cool my neck.

“How about one o’clock?” His voice sounded rough like the air was running over sandpaper. “We have a box for the Bolts and Pythons scrimmage game. We can hang out and maybe it won’t seem so much like a setup to my sister.”

Hockey? I just barely understood baseball. But then again, it would be cool inside and involve free beer. Plus more time around Erik as friends. “Uh, sure. As long as you don’t mind my complete lack of knowledge of the sport.”

His eyes danced again. “The only sport that matters is baseball and you do just fine there.” Then he cleared his throat. “So I’ll see you Thursday?” So much hope in that little sentence.

“I’ll be there.”

“Sleep well, Zoe.” He waved me up the porch steps, careful to keep his distance.

I took the first two steps then turned to look down at him, feeling the electricity pulsing between us, the way the hair on my arm rose up just the way I described in my books. Huh. Funny that I could write something I’d never actually felt until now. “Good night, Erik.”

He stood there, staring at me. I shifted on my feet feeling completely awkward.

“I’m going to watch you go inside and lock the door, Zoe. I want to be sure you’re safe.”

My heart skipped. “From the gators?”

He jerked his chin toward the door. “Humor an overprotective guy, would you?”

I scurried across the porch, punched the code into the back door, and slipped inside. Sure enough, Erik waited until he heard the deadbolt slide into place, then waved.