“Why are you frowning?” June, asked under her breath.

“Thinking.” It wasn’t a lie. I was definitely thinking.

“Well stop. You’re going to freak out the kids.”

My frown must be epic to get a comment like that. A dozen kids ran back and forth from our house to the house next door through the clubhouse slide situated over the fence. I usually loved being taken in by the Daniels sisters and their magical families, but on party days I wanted to throw our friendship out the window in favor of hiding in the deepest, darkest cave I could find.

Because good god could Erik be any hotter? I needed six months before seeing him again. Instead I got seven days.

And now here he stood a mere ten yards away, manning the water balloon table. Water balloons that were supposed to be for the kids, mind you. But every time they lost interest, Erik somehow managed to lob a few at his teammates.

Boyish charm. That’s what my current heroine, Jessica, would say about him.

“He’s so good with the kids,” June giggled, following my line of sight right to the man in question.

“Are you referring to the ballplayers or the actual children?”

“Both. They call him Bear in the locker room. Like Father Bear. He mentors all of them. Plus he’s fucking scary when he’s pissed off. You know, like a bear.” She held up her hands like claws and growled.

And that right there was the bucket of cold water I needed. Boyish charm and sweet demeanor were great but there was no way I was going anywhere near a guy with anger issues.

Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt.

I had a plan. Own up to the kiss. It was a good kiss. Kisses happen from time to time but they’re a one-time thing. I could appreciate it, even thank him for the good time, and go back to focusing on all the crazy and important things happening in my life right now.

None of which included being distracted by biceps and dimples.

I shrugged off June’s comment right before getting plowed into by a ferocious five-year-old bundle. I swept Max up into my arms and popped her on my hip as if she were still the toddler I first nannied when I moved to town.

“Base, base, base!” she shrieked at the pack of little girls charging our way with water balloons in each hand.

A sliver of dread slid down my spine. “Oh no. Don’t you dare!”

Too late. They released all the water balloons on us at once. I threw my arm up over my eyes, expecting a second round but instead the girls’ shrieks pierced the air as they ran away. When I peeked out I saw Erik lobbing balloons at the girls as they ran back to Eve’s yard.

“Sorry Zoe,” Max mumbled. “I didn’t mean to get you all wet.”

I wasn’t wet. Oh no. I was drenched from head to toe. But it was a pool party so it wasn’t unexpected. That was why I was wearing a lightweight sport top and shorts over my bathing suit. In this intense Florida heat I’d be dry in ten minutes. Tops.

“It’s okay, baby girl.” I set her down and patted the top of her head. “Go have fun.”

She grinned up at me.

“Here,” Erik chuckled, handing Max a bucket of water balloons. “Hit ‘em when they aren’t looking.”

Her grin widened as she took the bucket. “Thanks Uncle Erik!”

He laughed as she took off, then he handed me a towel. “She’s such a steamroller.”

“You have no idea,” June laughed. “I’m like a puddle of mush when she gets going. I don’t know if that makes me the perfect aunt or the worst.”

“You’re the aunt,” I said. “You get to be all mushy and fun. It’s my job to lay down the law.” Although it wasn’t really my job much anymore. I still stepped in to help when they needed a hand and of course June and I both loved having the girls over for babysitting nights. I guess in a way I was more of an aunt than their nanny.

“How are you doing, Erik? That ankle still giving you trouble?” June asked.

He held out his foot and rolled it in a circle. “Good as new.”

“What happened?” I asked before I thought about the fact that I was intentionally inserting myself into the conversation.

His eyes skipped to mine and the faintest smile turned up the corner of his gorgeous mouth.

And yep, my heart beat a little faster.

“Bad slide into third base today. I was more worried about the stupid third baseman than my ankle.” He shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders bunching in a way that made my lady bits roar to life.

Down girl.

I could easily pick out the Mantas players in the crowd. They were the built guys with the most gorgeous arms I’d ever seen in my life. But Erik was more beautiful than all of them put together. When he flexed I didn’t just admire his strength. The picture of his body moving against mine always popped into my head. It was involuntary and I seemed to have no control over the mental images whatsoever. Normally this ability made me a good writer, but in real life it made me a nervous wreck.

I cleared my throat. “Well, you and Chow have been friends since Little League.” I snapped my mouth shut, realizing all too late how revealing that little bit of information was.

I saw both Erik and June’s eyebrows shoot up. “You’ve been listening,” she chuckled. “Can you believe this girl had never even watched a game when she moved here?”

Baseball wasn’t on my dad’s list of interests and my mother didn’t care for sports at all. There weren’t many sports of any kind in my life before Eve hired me, something that was a constant state of amazement to her and Jake. Everyone in their world had something to do with baseball. No matter where I turned in this house, someone was either working in baseball or married to someone who was.

Erik shifted on his feet, almost as if he were nervous.

Which made me nervous.

I tried to shake it off. “Yeah, well, you guys kind of make it fun,” I shrugged.

No one bought my answer.

“C’mon, this is the third time you’ve dropped stats on me in the last month.” June punched my arm. “Admit it . . . you’ve fallen in love with baseball.” She waited for my answer with the most hopeful expression her face.

And while I really wanted to deny it just so they couldn’t suck me any further into their world, I knew there was no way I could lie. “Fine. I like it.”

“No,” she chided, “You love it.” She slipped onto the counter, leaning forward. “Is it the hotties like this guy?” She jerked her thumb over at Erik, “Or do you have a secret competitive side we don’t know about?”

Oh, if she only knew. Writers were knockdown, drag-out competitive. It just wasn’t as obvious. “Neither.”

Erik stilled beside me while June frowned in confusion. “Well then what is it?”

How did I explain that the game fascinated me? That the decades of stats and information, combined with the passion entire families felt for their teams did something strange to my insides? Made me feel apart of something greater for the first time in my life? Then it occurred to me . . . maybe these were the people I didn’t need to explain it to. They already knew.

“It’s different than other sports. There’s so much history. I could get lost in the information for weeks and there’d still be a lifetime more to learn.” I snuck a glance at Erik to see if he thought I was nuts, but his face was blank as he stared at me with so much intensity it almost knocked the wind out of me. “I don’t know . . . most of you have spent your whole lives playing the game. It’s not part of your life, it is your life. I want a little bit of that, too.” A blush crept all the way up my chest until it burned my cheeks. I was the kind of person who embarrassed easily and I hated that it was always on display for everyone to see.

It would be nice to keep some things to myself from time to time.

June placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled me to her for a hug. “You’re part of it. Period. As much as you want.”

I let her hug me for a few seconds before I stepped back. Hugs always made me uncomfortable. How long were you supposed to embrace? Was I supposed to pat her back? Would squeezing be too much? It was so complicated and not a dance I was familiar with.

At all.

So while I tried really hard to understand this affectionate social convention, I honestly sucked at it. “Anyway, yeah. I’ve taken a liking to the sport and am enjoying it immensely.”

Luckily I was saved from any further sentimentalization by Roman.

“June! I need your help!” her husband called. Roman, was standing on the other side of the porch with the enormous unicorn birthday cake.

“Aunt duty calls!” she cooed, leaping off the counter and bounding over to her husband.

Leaving me alone with Erik.

“That’s really nice. What you said?” Erik cleared his throat. “About the game, I mean. I think you did a really wonderful job of capturing exactly what it means to all of us.” He shrugged his wide, muscular shoulders and I noticed for the second time that afternoon that there didn’t seem to be a shirt in creation that was loose on his biceps.

My mouth watered.

Then he glanced up and into my eyes. I swear my heart stopped beating all together and this strange fluttering sensation shivered over my skin. “It’s like you’re a brilliant writer or something.”

That compliment did things to me. But it wasn’t the words he used. It was the genuine admiration in his voice . . . in his eyes as they held my gaze.

I swallowed. “Thank you.”

“I could never do what you do.”

“And I could never do what you do.”

For some reason his eyes brightened and a cocky little smile lit up his face. “Seems like we have a lot in common.”

How had we suddenly slipped into flirting? “A ballplayer and a writer?”

He nodded. “You’re good at what you do and I’m good at what I do. And very few people will ever do either.”

Before I could figure out how to respond to that, a tiny fireball in the form of my other former charge, Sam, came flying across the backyard. “Cake time!” she howled as if birthday cake were the single most exciting thing to ever happen in her life.

“Well we can’t miss the cake,” Erik chuckled, holding out his hand so that I could go down the porch steps first.

“Thanks.”

He cleared his throat. “Other than becoming highly paid and famous, how was your week?”

I kind of tripped down the steps, giving Erik prime opportunity to steady me.

Putting his hands on me.

Yep, I sizzled and zinged in all the right places. Even though I’d studied the biology and chemistry of attraction it was still bizarre to experience those physical reactions for myself. A touch that lit my skin on fire, made my nervous system stand at attention, told my brain to want more of these things?

Amazing and terrifying all at the same time.

“This week has been pretty quiet actually. My friends all knew weeks ago. I mean, everyone was excited to see the official announcement, but I kind of hid in my room and wrote.”

He frowned. “You should celebrate more. Especially something like this.”

Celebrate? That thing where people put all their attention on you? No thank you. “We’re celebrating right now.”

“And it’s wonderful, but it’s not for you.”

“Exactly the way I like it.”

“It doesn’t have to be about attention,” he said. “It could just be fun. A way to take a moment and acknowledge that you’ve done something monumental. Moments like that should be celebrated at least a little bit.”

I had to admit his way sounded much less intimidating. “What did you do?”

He glanced down at me as he opened the gate and held it for me to pass through ahead of him. “What did I do when?”

“When you realized you were going to play Major League Baseball.”

“Oh.” His eyes softened. “I took my family out to the biggest, most expensive dinner they’d ever eaten. And then we got ice cream.”

That surprised me. “No fancy cars or nights out with the guys?”

“Couldn’t afford a fancy car,” he said, shutting the door. “I felt bad enough spending that much on dinner. I was brought up from the minors to replace Johnson. I honestly didn’t think I’d stay after he came back. It was a dream come true to play at that level for any amount of time.”

Smart. Humble. Frugal. All things I’d heard about him before but somehow didn’t expect to confirm in real life. “What about when they offered you a contract?”

His gaze darted across the lawn to his agent, Marie Hamilton. “All that money was already spent in my mind. We went out to another big family dinner.”

Already spent millions of dollars? I’d find it hard to believe if I wasn’t doing the exact same thing. My book deal money was all invested and divided out safely. I hadn’t spent a dime of my movie deal money. I had some very smart people handling my finances and while everyone kept assuring me it was really mine and I could, say, buy a new car, I hadn’t made a move.

“Family sounds important to you,” I said.

“It’s everything.” He pulled me to a stop outside of the crowd. “About last week.”

“Please don’t.”

He blinked at me in surprise. “Don’t what?”

“I just want to enjoy the party.”

He moved in front of me, lowering his voice. There was a pretty intense amount of worry in his eyes, too. “And I ruin that for you?”

“Yes. No.” Wow, I was tongue-tied again. Why did this man caring about my wellbeing have such a dramatic effect on me?

Even worse? He waited patiently for me to pull it together and reply in a way that made sense.

“You aren’t ruining anything. I just don’t want to talk about last week.”

“I was only going to tell you nothing had changed. I meant every word I said. When you’re ready, I’m here.”

My heart skipped because holy wow. The amount of sincerity in those dark eyes just about killed me where I stood. “What if I’m never ready?”

He grinned and that dimple of his made my stomach do a backflip of Olympic proportions. “Then I guess I better get used to nursing a broken heart.” Then he rubbed his hand over his chest and nodded toward the out-of-tune singing we were missing.

Max stood on a stool behind her unicorn cake with a megawatt smile. Her parents stood on either side while June and Roman each manned a camera.

“Happy birthday to you . . . ” The crowd sang. Kids added the “cha-cha-cha.” Max almost bounced off her stool she was so happy.

The entire scene made my heart want to explode with happiness. These people weren’t my blood but they sure as heck were my family. “Family by choice,” Eve had said once. I learned a lot about putting demons in the past and building my own life from the Spencers but it was still a work in progress for me. It was always nice to see them at times like this—surrounded by so much love—because it reminded me that one day I’d eventually get there too.

The crowd included a mishmash of people. The entire Daniels family was here, even the one’s from out of state. Jake’s cousin and his wife had stopped by, several of their friends from work, which meant a concoction of engineers and people who worked with the team, plus the parents of the kids. Many I knew well, a few I only knew in passing. The thing that struck me was how well everyone always got along. You’d think ballplayers in particular would be divas, or at least not very good at hanging out in family environments, but I was wrong about that. Several of the players were dads themselves and a few, like Erik, were just laid-back guys who always seemed to enjoy the mix of people.

Standing so close to Erik I couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever let him be the guy I built something like this with one day. Was he worth the heartache of dating again for the first time since . . . 

“Zoe! There you are. I’ve barely seen you today.” Carrie jammed herself into my comfort zone, all while throwing Erik some serious side-eye. “Wes is acting weird and I need a break.”

She hooked her elbow through mine, standing beside me as we watched the hilarity that was kids eating cake. Max was covered in purple frosting. Hands, cheeks, it dripped off her chin and back onto the plate.

“It’s a good thing there’s a hose and pool.”

“And the funny thing is they’ll probably love the cleanup process,” Carrie said, shaking her head. “If you tried to hose me down I’d probably scream.”

“It’s a good thing you don’t eat cake like a cavewoman, then,” Erik chided.

Carrie narrowed her eyes and she looked over my shoulder at Erik and I had to wonder what was going through her mind. She had her don’t mess with me face on. “Good game today, Bear.”

“You were there?” He bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Always. I never miss a home game.”

“No wonder Wes was out of there like a rocket today.”

She grinned and I really didn’t want to know what she and Wes did between the stadium and the party. “He said you were in rare Papa Bear form in the locker room today. What’s got you so riled up, Cassidy?”

Erik’s entire mood shifted, the temperature around him dropping. “Just watching out for the people I care about.”

“Mmmhmmm. Why don’t you go get us cake?” Carrie waved her hands at him, waiting until he was out of earshot before she leaned into me and whispered, “You. He was caring and Papa Bearing about you, Zoe.”

Every muscle in my body locked into place as my heart started pounding harder. “Excuse me?”

“Erik. You.” She pulled me toward the shade of a tree where we could talk privately. “According to Wes he was all protective of you. It made Wes really happy, not that he’ll let Erik know that any time soon. Anyway, I just thought you should know he’s really interested in you and Wes thinks it’s serious.”

Serious.

How had a frantic kiss in a parking lot turned my imaginary crush into something so . . . so . . . real?

“God, Zoe. He’s liked you forever. Is it mutual? I can never tell how you feel so I’m genuinely asking. Because Erik’s not the kind of guy you just date. He’s the kind of guy you marry. So if you’re not into him, let him know now.”

The kind of guy you marry.

Way to freak me out. I was just barely okay with acknowledging I had both sexual and emotional feelings for the guy, and here my friends were jumping us right to the permanent stuff. Maybe it was because they both got married so fast that they were able to talk about it like it was no big deal.

But any kind of a relationship was a big deal to me.

“Can we stop talking about this?”

“No,” she said bluntly. “But I will stop saying that word that so clearly scares you. Sorry about that.”

I shuddered but not because I had anything against getting married. I loved the idea, just not for me. “You like Erik?”

I genuinely wanted her opinion. Carrie was a unique person. She was outgoing and smart, she was blunt and honest, and she was the most loyal person I knew. “I do,” she said slowly. “He’s too quiet for my taste but he loves his team and made Wes feel welcome before he was ever traded. He’s every bit of his nickname.”

Bear. June’s description jumped back to my mind. “Tell me about that. June said he’s grizzly sometimes.”

Carrie’s eyes glittered. “Are you sure you want my opinion on that?”

I had no idea what that meant, but knowing Carrie I was going to pay dearly for this information. “Yes?”

“It’s not a bad thing. He’s . . . protective like a bear. Hurt him, hurt anyone he cares about, and you’re going to get it. It’s a good thing.”

I would have thought that was the end of her explanation if it weren’t for the smile that she kept forcing off her lips.

“What?”

She finally stopped fighting it, letting her whole face light up. “I am willing to bet you a million dollars that it means he’s a bear in the bedroom too. You know, a gentleman in the street and freak in the bed? That’s him. I just know it.” Then she leaned closer and whispered. “He could be a lot of fun, Zoe.”

My heart hammered in my chest just thinking about Erik naked. “You just said he was the kind of guy you marry, not the kind of guy you bang.”

She shrugged. “You can seriously bang a guy. Damn, girl. Just because he’s the kind of guy you marry doesn’t have to mean you’re ready for marriage before the first date. It’s a personality I was warning you about, not a destination.” Then she placed a reassuring hand on my arm. “I know it’s been a long time. Take it easy on yourself, okay? And talk to me about anything.”

She got all of that out just before Wes arrived with one plate of cake. “Here you go, babe. Erik said you were looking for a slice.”

“A slice of you.” She took the plate and kissed her husband.

“You can have a slice of me anytime you want.” He grabbed her rear.

I had no choice but to look away. It was either that or gagging.

That was when Erik snuck up on the other side of the tree and stole me away from the party. I mean it. He grabbed my hand, put his finger to his lips in the universal sign of shhhh, and pulled me away from the crowd to a quiet outdoor sitting area on the side of the house.

Vines crept up a trellis along the fence and colorful hibiscus bushes surrounded the luxurious lawn furniture. A large rectangular umbrella covered everything in shade.

How Jake and Eve kept all of this in such nice condition from the weather, humidity, and bugs, I had no idea, but I loved it.

“What’s this?”

Two plates of chocolate cake sat on the table.

“Cake,” he said with one his cheek-dimpling grins.

“I see that.” The hair on my arm rose and my skin tingled with awareness. Awareness of how close and alone we were. “But we could have easily had cake with everyone else.”

“We could, but that would have been birthday cake. This is congratulations cake. I tried to do this last week but you had to leave unexpectedly and I was forced to eat the cake all alone.”

Oh. Oh . . . 

“I understand, Zoe. I don’t like being in the spotlight either.”

The man whose face was on my television every morning? I highly doubted that. “You’re everywhere,” I whispered more to myself than as an actual answer.

“And I hate it.” He leaned on the back of the chair, his arms flexing. “I never feel like I can be myself in public.” He glanced back at the party with a half shrug. “It’s part of the reason I enjoy these parties. I’m just Uncle Erik. I can hide behind a table and throw water balloons.” Then he glanced at me in this way that made me feel like he was confiding in me. “The people who think of me as a celebrity want me to act that way. They only want to be around me because they get attention and they think it will be fun and exciting. But really? I’d rather eat cake in a backyard at a unicorn party.”

He didn’t move. He waited. Watched.

Hoped? Yeah, I think he was hoping I’d understand.

“Why?”

“Why do I like cake? Because it’s delicious.” More watching. More waiting.

“No,” I breathed out the word as my heart started pounding harder and harder. Like this little conversation was somehow explaining the universe to me. As if it were the most important conversation I’d ever have. I felt the weight of it tumbling down on me, forcing me stay and have it even though all I wanted to do was run back across the yard and into my bed where it was safe. “Why do you like backyard parties and family dinner? Why do you like being Uncle Erik? Why . . . do you keep coming here?”

It wasn’t just for me. Even in my wildest Erik fantasies where he took on Knight in Shining Armor storylines of epic love and heroics, he wasn’t here just for me. Even my subconscious knew that.

His face pulled taut and his eyes pinched at the corners. “Am I really that different from the other guys? I know I’m quieter. More serious. But I’d think those qualities would make more sense, not less.”

He was hurt. Or maybe hurt was the wrong word. Offended? No, not that either. Upset. Definitely upset. “You remind me of Roman.”

“Not Wes? I guess I should take that as a compliment.” He smiled and stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets in a nervous way. “You don’t bat an eye at Roman enjoying backyard parties.”

True. But Roman was just . . . Roman. I never really thought of him as the former ballplayer he was or the baseball royalty that pumped through his veins. “He has to be here. You don’t.”

“Exactly.”

What did that mean? “Erik I’m . . . confused.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I suck at this. I’m sorry. I’m not great with words like you are.” Then he threw back his shoulders and opened his eyes, zeroing in on me. “Why do I like these parties? Because it’s family time and I miss my family. Why do I like being Uncle Erik? Because I’ve always taken care of my family and other than baseball it’s the only thing I know how to do, so when I come here and I make these kids laugh, it makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile. Why do I keep coming here?” He paused, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head like this, of all the things he’d said, was the hardest. “I keep coming because it’s the only time I get to see you.”

“Erik.” His name rushed out of my mouth as I sighed in sweet satisfaction. I wrote stuff like this, I didn’t live it. And holy wow was living it wonderful.

“You don’t come down anymore. I used to see you sometimes when you’d drop the girls off with Eve. You’d bring them to fan events and I’d get to see you there, too. You don’t do any of that anymore and I’m so damn proud of you, but I miss seeing you.”

I dropped into the empty chair, staring up at him. Who was this man? He certainly wasn’t the guy I worried he’d be. He wasn’t the fantasy either. And sometime since I kissed him I stopped being too nervous to talk to him. “But you don’t really know me.”

He pulled back the other chair and sat across from me looking all eager and hopeful. “That hasn’t stopped me from wanting to get to know you, Zoe. Look, I’ve dated other women, I’ve tried ignoring you, but I keep coming back to one thing.”

I swallowed down the giant lump that had formed in my throat sometime after I stopped breathing. “What’s that?”

“That I can’t stop thinking about you.” He searched my eyes and for the life of me I couldn’t get over how steady and light they seemed even in the middle of a conversation with monumental emotions. “And that kiss . . . ” he shook his head, “that kiss we shared was everything I hoped it would be.”

Shared.

That word. That one little word was so important to me. So many other words could be used to describe kissing. Give. Take. Need. Hot. Sexy. More.

But he chose shared. And followed it with hoped. Words meant more to me than the normal person, I knew that, but they were an overlooked clue into who people were. The vocabulary they unconsciously chose was a window into their inner thoughts. It told me how they viewed the world and themselves in it.

It told me that Erik didn’t see my kiss as an act that happened to him. It told me that it was something he waited and hoped for—patiently—to share with me.

Maybe the male dating pool wasn’t made up of turds after all. Maybe, just maybe, there were one or two decent guys left.

And maybe I was looking at one of them.

That sent another rush through me. A thrill of excitement. “I still can’t believe I kissed you like that.”

His eyes twinkled. “It was a dream come true.”

There was a softness to Erik, vulnerability that bordered on shy. He tried so hard to be polite. His words finally started to sink past my fear. Family. Worthwhile. Take care of . . . Maybe doing something for himself was actually as foreign to him as dating was to me.

“Thank you for my congratulations cake.” It was nice having someone understand me.

He nodded toward my plate. “We should eat it.” He grabbed his fork and cut a slice, holding it up like a cocktail. “To your amazing success.”

I held up a matching forkful. “Cheers.” Then proceeded to devour half the cake, because dang, it was so, so good.

Erik slowly enjoyed his cake as well, savoring each bite. But I noticed his eyes looked a little unfocused like he was thinking about something, and being the curious writer, I decided to ask him what he was thinking. “What’s on your mind?”

His eyes snapped to mine. “I was thinking about the commercial I have to shoot next week and how I’d rather be just about anywhere else.”

“If you hate it so much why do you do it?” This felt like prime getting-to-know-you information. Was he a perfectionist who didn’t like his acting skills? Or maybe he simply got bored on set.

He sat back, folding his hands over his flat stomach as he finished swallowing. His brows drew down. “Why do you go to signings and interviews?”

Well, that was an easy one to answer. “It’s part of the job. I could hide behind my computer,” I shrugged because that was what I would prefer to do, “but getting out there, doing the interviews, participating in the industry, all of that is what has helped me build a career.”

“Exactly. I’m an average second baseman but I made myself part of the community. That’s the real reason I have a career at this level. Don’t get me wrong, it matters to me that I don’t waste my opportunity, that I give back to the city that’s given me so much, but it also helps secure my position on the team because people know me, they fill seats and cheer for the team because they eat cereal with me every morning.”

I noticed that he focused on the endorsements, not his charity. That was the real reason everyone loved Erik Cassidy so much.

I also noticed how he called himself average.

If Erik and I kept up this new friendship I was going to have to work on his fun side. “Well when you put it like that, I guess I can relate.”

It was strange how I felt both awkward and comfortable with Erik. Part of me was wondering if I was chewing too loud, if not saying anything was weird, but mostly it just felt normal. I didn’t know why, but I was fairly certain that Erik was as happy with the stretches of silence as I was.

“Congrats, Zo,” he said quietly between bites, eyes back on the remainder of his cake.

For a moment it was like I was weightless.

Then he looked up and our gazes caught. Weightlessness turned into free-fall. So much concern and emotion swam in his brown eyes.

That doubt, that loud, incessant doubt that I kept pushed back screamed at me. I’d done such a good job of locking it up after I moved to Tampa. Doubt got in the way. It almost ruined my life. There was no place for doubt in my life. But ever since this book and movie deal had come into my life, it had started pushing back into the edges of my life.

I noticed it most in these heavy, quiet moments of congratulations. I seemed to stop, unable to move forward or absorb what was happening, and instead I gave the answers I was expected to give and moved the way I was supposed to move, not really living the moment. Maybe that was why I avoided celebrating. Maybe it wasn’t that I didn’t want to enjoy life’s victories. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to give doubt any access to my life.

“It doesn’t feel real,” I whispered.

June and Carrie were so hell-bent on me owning my success that I stopped bothering with confiding in them. I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened out of self-preservation.

“It’s a big change. Going from what you thought was it to suddenly having everything you secretly dreamed about?”

We have a lot in common. His words from earlier came back to me, only this time they made a lot of sense. Ballplayers and writers lived lives that had absolutely nothing in common—except that we spent our entire lives dreaming of being the exception. The one or two lucky people who made it. Neither of us was an overnight success. I never, ever thought, no matter how hard I worked, I’d ever see this level of success.

“Does it ever feel normal?”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “I spend half my life feeling like I just robbed a bank and any minute the cops will show up with my arrest warrant.”

“Yes!” I said way louder than I meant to. “That’s exactly how I feel!” A strange, wonderful awareness settled between us and I think he was just as relieved as I was to have someone in the same boat with him for a change. “Sometimes I feel lonely, even when I’m at a party like this.”

“Because even though they all love you they can’t understand why you’re overwhelmed and happy and scared and floating on a high and terrified of it ending, all at the same time.”

“Yes.”

“I understand. Even on a team full of guys doing the same thing, most of them believe they deserve everything. Some of them do. Some of them are selfish entitled assholes who need to be taken down a peg or two.” He smiled. “It was nice when my brother landed his coaching gig with the Pythons. At least I had him to talk to. Do you have anyone to talk to, Zoe?”

“I have my writing group. They get it.”

I swear he looked a tiny, itty-bitty, little bit disappointed. “That’s good. I’m glad you have them.” The cake was gone now. “If you ever need someone else to talk to . . . I’m available.”

And I knew he meant that in more ways than one. So of course I panicked. “Erik. I . . . I haven’t dated anyone in three years. I’m not . . . I can’t.” Aw fuck. I couldn’t even string together a coherent sentence.

Thankfully he put his hand up. “Calm down, Zo. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly a high-pressure, fast-moving kind of guy.” Then he leaned forward in his seat and brushed his fingertips over the back of my hand, sending the best—seriously, the best—tingles over my skin. “I like talking to you. A lot. I’d like to keep talking.”

And kissing.

Or maybe that was just me.

I willed his fingers to keep moving. Touching. Sending those tingles everywhere. “Talk?”

“Yeah.” He took my lack of protesting as a green light and wrapped his hand around mine. Lightly. “Talking is good. It means I get to spend time with you and,” he half-smiled and I fell a little harder for the lopsided dimple-grin, “and I get know a little more about you every time.”

“Uncle Erik!” Max screamed, coming around the corner. “There you are.” Her exasperation was kind of adorable.

Erik didn’t let go of my hand as he glanced her way. “How can I help you, Max?”

“I need your help. You’re the only one who is good at putting together toys.” Then she sighed dramatically.

“Well then I guess I better get back.” He gave my hand another squeeze before standing up. “I have toys to assemble.”

Max marched over, wasting no time dragging him back toward the party. And even though he shot me a sad smile over his shoulder, I could also see how incredibly happy he was to be needed.