Chapter Twelve – Luke

 

I could barely look at Molly when I found her in the kitchen sipping on a cup of what smelled like hot tea. I just stood there, luggage in one hand. I could walk into a firefight, could defuse a bomb, could carry a man screaming in agony from the battlefield. But talk to women about something like this?

And it wasn’t because of the way she’d felt so perfect in my arms. Or the way the smell of her skin seemed to light up parts of my brain that I hadn’t realized existed till ten minutes before. Or how her nervous laughter seemed to send prickles of energy and joy across my skin. Or even how the sight of her took my breath away, had been seeming to deprive my brain of oxygen since the first moment I’d seen her just hours before on that dusty stretch of Arizona highway.

No, I couldn’t look at her because of what I was about to do. I’d almost rather have a silver bullet in my heart, but I had to. There was no way around it.

“All ready for your meeting?” she asked, smiling at me with a hint of nervousness.

A thought entered my mind like a flash fire: what would it be like to hear that question every morning from a woman as beautiful as Molly?

What was I thinking? That wouldn’t work.

I shook my head, dismissing the thought.

“So, no, you’re not ready, then?” she asked, her voice sounding confused.

“Sorry,” I said. “I was just thinking, that’s all. Listen, I appreciate your help with pressing my clothes and everything, and giving me a place to shower. But I need to get going.”

She set her cup of tea aside. “Yeah, of course. You have that meeting. And then, when you’re finished with it, you wanted to go investigate the people she worked with, right?”

“Right,” I said.

She nodded. “So, I figured you could just swing by and pick me up, then we could go over there together.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, trying to pick my words carefully.

“Think we should meet there, then? Do you just want to send me the address?”

I sighed. “Molly, I’m going to go do that alone.”

She shook her head as she looked up at me with those big, beautiful, dark eyes of her. “Excuse me? What’re you saying, Luke?”

“Look, you’ve been a big help to me already, what with getting me into the mansion, and letting me go through your friend’s belongings, but this is going to get very dangerous, very fast. More dangerous than you can imagine. I can’t put you in harm’s way, Molly.”

“But, you took me into the mansion with you,” she said, setting her mug aside. “I thought you wanted my help!”

I winced a little as I took a step back. “Look, Molly, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have used you to get me in there.”

“Used me?” she asked, sounding a little surprised. “Excuse me? You think you used me? I was already going up there on my own to look for Heidi, and stopped because you looked like a cop. You came along with me. You needed me to get in there.”

I sighed. In a sense, she was completely correct. But, in another sense, she was also wrong. Yes, I took the opportunity to go with her when it presented itself, but still I could have gotten in there on my own, given time.

“Why won’t you listen to me, Molly? These people are dangerous.”

“What? You don’t think I know that already?” she asked as she pushed back her chair and rose to her feet. When she spoke again, her voice was muted rage, like she was having to use everything she had to hold back the fire practically flickering behind her eyes. “I saw those guys at the mansion, Luke. Saw their security. I know the kind of people who go to these things, know how rich and powerful they are.”

“Then you should know,” I replied, my words as measured as I could make them, “exactly why I don’t want you coming along any further on this. I can’t have you be a target, can’t have you getting their attention.”

“It’s my friend that’s missing, here, not yours!”

I clenched my teeth together, fighting back the urge to tell her what was really going on. To really scare her straight, to try and freak her out enough that she wouldn’t actually get involved. Or maybe make her think I was crazy, and that she needed to steer clear of me.

But, no, I couldn’t do that. That was far more than she, or anyone for that matter, deserved. Especially not when they were sweet, and caring, and were only trying to help their friend in a time of need.

“And I’m the professional here, not you.”

“That’s what this is, huh? Think I’m just a nanny, and I can’t help you at all?”

“Dammit, I don’t think you’re just some nanny. It’s just that this all may get worse before it gets any better, and I can’t guarantee your safety.”

“My safety?” she spat. “My safety? Why should I care about that? If I lose Heidi, I don’t know what I’m going to do, Luke. She’s the only person I’ve got here.”

I sighed, trying to come up with some sort of compromise. But, really, there wasn’t any kind of compromise that was going to make either of us happy. After all, what was that old adage? A compromise is where two unhappy people come to an agreement?

“I understand that, okay?” I said with a shake of my head. I reached into my pocket for my business cards. “Here.”

“What’s that?” she snapped as I set a little FMS business card on the table.

“It’s a ‘just in case,’” I explained. “Just in case you do manage to find something that guy gave Heidi. Something you think may have belonged to him. Call me, okay? My number’s on there.”

She tilted her chin up and away from me as a frown tugged down the corners of her lips, her brows furrowed into a perfect “V.” She turned away from me. I almost expected a harrumph from her, but it didn’t appear.

“Right,” I said, nodding. “Call me if you find anything. It’s important.” I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, the pit of my stomach caving in on itself. I let myself out the front door and went down the path, the whole time fighting the urge to go back and apologize. To tell her I’d call her when I was done.

But I’d done the right thing, hadn’t I? She’d done as much for the investigation as she could, and anything more that I asked of her would just draw her more deeply into my world. And my world was no place for a civilian. Hell, it wasn’t any place for a professional.

Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, I silently cursed Col. Harrington for pulling me into this life. Maybe, if I hadn’t met him, I’d still have run into Molly out here in the wider world. And perhaps we could have worked. Instead, all I could do was hurt her, and put her in danger.

As I climbed into the Land Rover, my ears perked up. I swore I could hear Molly crying.