CHAPTER FOURTEEN

LYNNE

I see life so openly now. So differently from the way it used to be. I’m anxious to get this started. I’m powerful enough to see this through, and I owe a lot of it to the man by my side, who single-handedly opened my eyes the rest of the way with a single touch of his hand. His sweet, sweet words and the way he holds me at night.

He’s a blessing, an inspiration, and I’m so glad he’s here.

I spent months lying in bed wondering if I’d fall asleep and not wake up. I’d know nothing of it if I did. There were days when my pain became too much and all I wanted to do was suck myself somewhere deep so I could cope. My body took a beating, my heart had reached the end, and I thrashed in agony with nightmares no human mind should ever dream about.

The constant talks with the nurses, the doctors, the staff telling me I was going to be fine didn’t mean a thing to me as I lay there alone night after night wishing someone would hold me. That the splintering words from my parents, the lies my hand wrote on a thin piece of paper didn’t pain me as much as the cancer did. Carve a hole in my heart as big as the gloomy, vacant spot inside of my body.

At first, I welcomed the numbness to my brain, nausea, vomiting, bone pain, and restlessness. It was my punishment for what I had done. The way I went about deceiving the man I love.

Unlike today, everything hurt. It was the one constant in my life that allowed my troubled mind to eventually open up to the new possibilities budding beautifully around me. My therapist taught me that. She made me see the blinding light shining directly in my face. It is not the end of your world, Lynne. Get up and fight. Only I was too scared to open my eyes. To see the truth and form a new description of my life.

I chuckle on the inside when my thoughts drift briefly to the first night he slept over.

“Did you still want to go shopping, tomorrow?” I asked.

“Not if I plan on staying here.”

I smiled. Jumped up and down on the inside and fell asleep in his arms. Sated. Loved. Not alone.

And now, after spending an entire weekend being worshiped in bed, where I learned my body is extremely pliable when it comes to sex, I hurt in an entirely different way. Between my legs, my inner thighs, and even down to the follicles in my head from being fucked senseless. My hair wrapped around his hand as he pulled and arched my back until he slid slowly inside of me. I will never get enough of him, nor him enough of me.

He’s changed. Much more than his controlling ways in bed. Tyson has mellowed out. He talks more. Doesn’t hide behind his pain. And some of the things he says will be forever engraved on my soul.

Tyson had every right to drop my father to his knees the other night. He didn’t. He backed down. Took a scene that could have gone terribly wrong and walked away. For me.

He’s fighting a big change right now. He wants badly to be a part of this. I want that, too. The truth is, Tyson and I are adults. How we handle one another is our business. But these boys, they need to be guided in slowly, gracefully, and with care.

I’ve become a woman on a mission to beat a man at his own game. Mix my determination with all the talking, sharing, and rediscovering of one another, I found I did not want to climb out of bed this morning no matter how eager I am to move this forward. I wanted to stay there forever. To scatter back to my dreams and not have to do what I’m sitting here doing.

Our weekend has come to an end. It was time to face the world, to get up and go to work. To thank Maggie for what she did for me. To reassure her I honestly was okay. Not to mention, she tried to live vicariously through me by popping into my office every ten minutes trying to pry me into telling her how big Tyson’s dick is. I have never laughed so hard in my life, and I owe her so much that my heart swells with more love and thankfulness for her each passing day.

I’ve done all those things this morning. Now, after sitting here spilling my heart all over the floor, telling Thomas Holder, the attorney Tyson called for me, everything as I sit across from him, I’m frightened he’s going to float my happy cloud away. Replace it with a dark gray one that snuck itself in to create a damaging storm and tell me I cannot try and adopt those boys.

“Tyson dropped off this file to me this morning, and I must say I’ve seen Richard in action in the courtroom, and if your father is that type of man out of the courts as you both claim, he’s going to be a tough man to fight here, Lynne.” He closes the file, his face holding the same kind of disgust for my father I’ve held in my heart for years. Go ahead and speak your mind, Thomas. My father is a disgusting pig.

“I’m prepared to fight him. Dirty if we have to.” My voice is shaky, my insides quake. I relax immediately when Tyson places his hand gently on my thigh and squeezes. He’s reminding me I’m not alone anymore. Even though he’s here, his constant reassuring words from the weekend where he told me he would be by my side no matter the outcome ringing in my ear, it doesn’t stop the fear rolling through me. Nothing will. Not until they are safe in my arms and free from the evil clutches of a man who could destroy them.

“I’d like to propose something first.” My pulse skyrockets while I wait for Thomas to tell me his proposal. I’ll do anything to keep these children out of this for as long as I can.

“I need you to keep an open mind. To listen to me carefully.” He leans forward on his desk, folds his hands in front of him, and slyly smiles when I nod in agreement.

“I suggest we talk to Theo Westbrooke about this. He knows the Hills. He lived there for years. Based on my conversation with Jude this morning, Theo knows your brothers, Lynne. They lived together a few months before Theo moved out.”

“What?” I belt out, my hand pressing against my chest. “Theo is a teenager. If my father finds out, he’ll just become another target to him. Why didn’t you tell me The Hills fostered Theo?” I’m coming off a little harsher than I should, but wow. Talk about a shocking discovery.

“I planned on it. We’ve been a little preoccupied the past few days. Not going to apologize for something that slipped my mind.” He inches his hand all the way up and cups me through my pants. My face heats up. I have no doubt it’s turning a bright shade of red right now.

“Right,” I squeak, evil-eyeing him with a sideways glance. I’m going to hurt him. Not really. His hand does feel amazing there.

Thomas clears his throat. “Precisely my point. Listen, I’ve never had the privilege of being the opposition to your father in court. To be able to wipe his arrogance with his own ass. He’s conniving, Lynne. You told me this yourself. I’ve known Jude, Tyson, and Riddick for a long time. They would die before allowing him anywhere near Theo. But those kids, they are unprotected right now, and if your father is a smart man, then he has watchdogs on them. On you. On their house, school. And if he sees you near them, he’s going to know.” My stomach plummets as I listen to what he’s trying not to tell me. He’s beating delicately around the bush. It kills me to admit he’s right. This could save me from having to expose my family. It would save Jacob and Joshua the humiliation they do not deserve. The hurt they would endure from being rejected.

“Basically, what you’re trying to say is, you don’t think it’s wise for me to be in contact with them?”

“In person, yes. At least until I set up a meeting with the state. Adopting children that have a parent out there who might willingly claim them isn’t an easy thing to do, Lynne. It’s obvious your father doesn’t, but they won’t cut corners, not when it comes to the welfare and stability of a child. We have to go about this the right way. I won’t deceive the law. I don’t think you want to, either.” I fall silent. Tyson’s hand slips away. So much chaos is circling around in my head. I thought I had done my homework on this. Surely, the state will side with me when they see my father hasn’t seen them a day in their lives. Thomas’ unspoken words are a sledgehammer to my head. A dissecting breakdown of legalities I didn’t put together.

“I don’t understand. He’s never spoken to them, and he definitely doesn’t way them. Surely, the state will side with us on this.”

“You would think so. I’m here to work for you. For those kids. I’m not a bullshitter when it comes to being honest with my clients. I want you prepared, not shocked.”

“I see. I appreciate that. So, we have to tell them I’m their sister, which means the state will find out who their father is. Did I hear that mixed in there somewhere?”

“No. They will not tell them you’re their sister. They will tell them you want to adopt them. Explain to them what it is, how it works. You also know your father. If he doesn’t cooperate, then I need more on him than this.”

“We’re working on that. I have someone watching him. If he’s hiding something, we will find it,” Tyson adds.

“Good. Keep me posted on what you find out.”

I collapse back in my chair; shocked doesn’t begin to cover the way I feel by the sudden change of events hitting me out of left field. Tyson told me he has someone watching my father. He’s a crooked man. So, hearing him tell Thomas this is no surprise. It’s Theo who concerns me right now.

“Did you know about any of this?” I swing my tear-pooled depths toward Tyson. My hands begin to wring in my lap.

“I knew Thomas called Jude about Theo. The rest I put together. I didn’t tell you, because you would have worried more than you already did.” God, his sentimental eyes sear through me. I’m not angry with him or with Thomas. It’s the situation I’m mad at. The protection I’ve tried hard to provide is going to set back everything I’ve worked hard to do.

I lean over and place my hand over Tyson’s. A reassuring gesture. My heart is embracing itself in a tight grip when he links our hands. His thumb starts caressing my burning skin. I’m so angry with life right now. My father is going to know. He’s going to fight me until he thinks he’s drained me dry. He will never love those children. He’ll do it all out of spite. To me. To Tyson.

“You have yourself a client, Thomas.”

***

The weight of the world rests heavily on my shoulders. I’m spending the rest of the day sitting quietly on my deck while watching Cora and Vivian sit merely a football field away as they laugh and encourage Ethan and Riddick to perform tricks on their surfboards. I told myself a hundred times I should walk onto the beach and acknowledge them. I simply don’t have it in me to move. My heart is pounding hard, and all I can do is sit as the tears I need to shed fall down my face.

Jude and Theo are gone. They went to see the boys, and I’m frightened that they won’t understand why I’m not there telling them myself. Even though Tyson explained to me that my worry was one of the reasons why he didn’t tell me right away that Theo lived there, it still doesn’t make me feel any better.

I’m worried sick. I want to vomit one minute, and the next say the hell with it and climb in my car and go to them. Explain it all. Tell them I love them and to make sure with my own ears and eyes that they understand.

“Let’s go.” Tyson’s expression is fierce. His words are angered. The anger disappears when he steps out of the house, removes my sunglasses from my face, twirls a strand of my hair, and stares deep into my eyes.

“Go where?” I start to stand only to be held in place with his hand that shifts down to wrap lightly around my neck.

“In the water. Out on the beach with them. Doesn’t really matter to me. I’m done watching you sit out here and worry. Everything is going to be fine. I know Jude and Theo. Christ, that boy has been through hell, and look at him, Lynne. He’s a good kid with a sensible head on his shoulders. They will tell those boys in a way to make them understand. You sitting out here beating yourself up isn’t going to help. Now get up, take that dress off, and get out on the beach.” He’s right. I know he is. Still, I have my own rights, and right now it’s to worry.

“Wow. You are bossy. Did you learn that in the Army?” He directs me a wry smile. Lifts his brows in a way to tell me I haven’t seen anything yet. My legs shake, and the aching desire to tumble into the house, straddle him on the floor, and take him inside of me makes me want to dip my fingers in the bottoms of my bikini to see how wet I am.

“Most of it. The rest came from the walls I built up around me. Those walls are a pile of dusty ash now, thanks to you. I may still be bossy. However, when it comes to you, I’ll build them back up, only if you agree to be the foundation.” Oh, boy. I love it when he can talk the pants right off me without even realizing he does. I choke back a sob. Fill my eyes entirely with all the glory that is Tyson, and lean into his arm. His piercing eyes are glued to his fingers pressing on the pulse at the base of my throat. It consents to his touch, flutters fiercely, and multiplies with a hard, steady beat.

“Tyson. I told the truth the other night when I called you a saint. You are everything to me.” His hand grips a tad bit tighter.

“This saint is going to turn into a sinner real fucking quick if you don’t move your sexy ass.” He drops his hand; I stand and quickly remove my cover-up. Knowing full well that what I have on underneath will turn him into a sinner quicker than me not moving my ass. It’s the skimpiest suit I own. Yellow scanty bottoms with a small black lining, a black bandeau top. My breasts practically spill out of it, and the cheeks of my ass hang out of the sides.

“You coming?” I position my hands on my hips, trail my eyes down his bare chest, keeping them steady on the bulge growing inside his swim shorts.

“Not at the moment. I will be soon, though. When I do”—he leans forward and lightly brushes his hand across my breast—“it’s going to be all over these.”

“Oh.” For the moment, I’m all done crying.

***

“He is good. Really good.” I haven’t a clue what it is I’m watching Riddick and Tyson do out of the corner of my eye as they shove one another like teenage boys under the water. My radar is solely focused on Ethan.

“He is. He knows it, too,” Cora agrees. I lean back onto the blanket, dig my elbows in for leverage, and watch Cora and Vivian take the young man in. It’s clear to see how much that boy is adored and loved. It pains me all over again not to know what it will feel like to have a child grow inside of me. To feel him or her move, to hear the steady rhythm of a heartbeat. All of it vanishes with the wind when Cora quietly speaks her mind. Her opinion striking closer to home than she realizes.

“What you are doing for those boys is one of the most self-sacrificing things I’ve heard of, Lynne. It proves to us all that you will be a wonderful mother.” Happiness crawls through my veins. A smile creeps across my face. It’s true. I’m going to be a wonderful mother once I have them.

“I agree. We all do. Jude and Theo especially. We want to help you, Lynne. Anything you need from us we will give.”

“You two are the best,” I mutter. “Hearing you say these things to me means so much. I’m not sure what any of us can do at this point. It’s out of my hands until I hear back from the state or my delightful father decides to show up again and ruin everyone’s night. The thought of you wanting to help is enough for me. And for you accepting me into your lives, showing me what friends and family are all about. I don’t think anyone will truly understand what that alone means to me.”

“If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t show his face around here again. And we do understand. Don’t we, girls?” A voice speaks from behind me. One I recognize from the hallways of the hospital to the short time I talked to her the other night. Sylvia Shepard.

A string of emotions rises fast like the swells in the sea inside of me when Cora’s parents open up chairs and plop right down beside me. Maggie and her grandsons are on the other side. It’s such a beautiful sight. A stage set for a photograph from behind. A family all in a row with me right in the middle.

“Yes, we do,” they both answer in unison.

Tyson told me all about Cora, Riddick, and Ethan over the weekend. My heart crashed hard into my ribs for all of them. What a horrible nightmare to have to live through.

Let’s hope we can finally escape all our nightmares.