The Law of Attraction

“Ms. Murphy!” I whispered harshly, all but forcing her to sit down. “You can’t do that. You’re just going to hurt your case.”

“Ms. Murphy!” Judge Blasko cautioned. “Listen to your lawyer and remain calm for your own good. And I’ll need everyone in the courtroom to remain quiet, please.” Ms. Murphy was mad and I didn’t blame her. Luckily, Judge Blasko looked like she didn’t either.

“So, Mr. Virillo,” Braden continued, “when you say she beat you, what do you mean?”

“She whacked me in the chest.”

“Was it a hard whack…Uh, that is, did she strike you with force?” Braden glanced at me and actually looked embarrassed. I could tell that he hated this case.

“Well, really it was more like a push. I went flying off of her and I wasn’t sticking around to find out what else she would do. She was really pissed, man. Sorry – mad.”

“And you said she ran after you?” There was more mumbling from the female part of the crowd and Judge Blasko shot them a warning look.

“Yeah! I headed for the door and she threw my clothes after me. The old lady who lives next door was outside and she got all worked up because I was naked, you know? So I told her, hey, lady, my crazy ass girlfriend is gonna beat the crap outta me and she called the cops on her.”

“No further questions.” Braden sat down with a look of relief.

“Ms. Ginsberg, cross.” Judge Blasko gave me a look that made me think that she was hoping I would kick this guy in the wack. I was happy to oblige. Mr. Virillo was goin’ down, possibly for the first time in his sorry life. I stood up and advanced on him confidently. He seemed to shrink back.

“Mr. Virillo, you didn’t sustain any injuries, did you?” I asked.

“Nah. I was too fast for her.” He started to laugh at his own stupid joke but I cut off his mirth with a quick follow-up question. I stood directly in front of him now and stared at him hard as I watched him squirm. I got the feeling that he wasn’t used to women standing up to him. In fact, I suspected that was part of the reason that we were there.

“She shoved you so hard that you quote “flew off of her” unquote but you didn’t have a single mark on you?”

“Objection. Argumentative.” Braden still had to do his job even if he hated the case.

“Overruled. Answer the question.” I got the feeling that the judge really wanted to say, “answer the question ass**le.” It must be hard to be a judge sometimes.

“I meant I got up fast and ran because I knew she wanted to beat the crap outta me.” I walked over to the defense table and made a show of picking up the file and looking it over.

“There’s nothing in your statement to the police that indicates that she threatened you, is there?”

“No. I mean she didn’t have to say it.”

“You’ve never called the police before, have you?”

“No, but there’s always a first…” I cut him off.

“You made a comment to her before she allegedly shoved you, didn’t you?”

“I think I may have said, ‘better luck next time, babe’ or something like that but I was kidding around, you know?”

There were actually some boos from the spectator section and a voice called out, “You’re lucky you weren’t with me, baby, or this would have been a murder trial!”

“I want order in this courtroom!” Judge Blasko banged her gavel. I glanced over at Braden. He was barely hiding his disgust for the “victim” in his case and he looked like he wanted to leave.

“After you said, ‘better luck next time babe,’ she said ‘get off of me, you loser.’ Correct?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re six feet two inches and weight two hundred and twenty pounds, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s five foot two and weighs one ten, right?”

“Sounds right.”

“It doesn’t say here that she was armed, does it?”

“She wasn’t, but she threw stuff at me.” He was starting to sound like a petulant child.

“She threw your clothes out the door, correct?”

“But I was out the door so it was the same thing.” He looked like he wanted to stick his tongue out at me.

“And when your elderly neighbor threatened to call the police because you were outside unclothed and yelling obscenities yourself that was when you claimed to be in fear for your safety, right?”

“Yeah.” Mr. Virillo gave me a mean look and sat there sulking. Inner-Gabrielle would have liked to have assaulted him for real. I suspected that most of the courtroom, including the judge and the prosecutor would have happily helped. I had accomplished what I set out to do and Mr. Virillo wasn’t laughing now. He was starting to look worried and I didn’t blame him. He might need a police escort to get out of this courtroom.

“No further questions.” I sat back down. Ms. Murphy looked triumphant.

“Redirect?”

“No, Your Honor.” Braden wasn’t stupid “The Commonwealth rests.”

“The Defense rests, Your Honor, and we’ll waive argument unless the court deems it necessary.”

“The Commonwealth waives argument and stands on the evidence as presented,” Braden added. He was so sexy when he was being all prosecutorial even in dumbass cases like this one. Judge Blasko deliberated for five minutes and returned a verdict of not guilty. I had won a trial! In case you didn’t know this, that didn’t happen all that much for public defenders, even really experienced ones. And even better than winning, my client was actually innocent! That happened even less! Ms. Murphy thanked me and left with her head held high, to the vocal support of several women in the courtroom. Mr. Virillo attached himself to a deputy and slunk out. Braden came over to the defense table.

“Was it a hard whack?” I asked with amusement.

“Come and talk to me. Please?”

“Oh, poor Mr. Pierce,” I said with a smirk.

“Maybe you can comfort me. Oh wait, I meant not confront me,” he teased, and I felt my cheeks heat up. He was much too good at teasing me.

“Fine, I’ll come talk to you but you had better not leave before I’m finished.”

“Oh, don’t worry!” he said with a laugh.

I grabbed my stuff and stood closely beside him, (I wasn’t taking any chances with this crowd), as we walked out together and headed for the same interview room we had gone to the day before.