Sarah had been up the better part of the night, calling Johnny’s phone every hour on the hour. She’d left message after tearful message. He was not returning her calls. Of all the things to get pissy about, her being on the pill had not once crossed her mind. It took forever for it to sink in that all this time, he’d been trying to get her pregnant. She never would have put two and two together if he had not mentioned it that first night they’d shared feelings. At the time it had seemed strange and sexy that he thought of putting a baby in her belly. Considering she worked in a field where getting shot at was part of the job description and she was still tracking her screwed up missing sister, did he actually think now was the appropriate time for them to be making a family?

Still, she kept seeing that expression of genuine hurt and betrayal on his face every time she closed her eyes. He’d shared intimate things about himself with her and trusted that she wanted the same things he did. Realizing they were not on the same page at all had to have felt like getting gut punched in the most profoundly painful way.

Now she was goddamn stuck. He wouldn’t talk to her, she had taken time off and she didn’t even have the information they’d taken from Petrov. Her only link to her sister had disappeared like a gust of wind. Going back to Homeland wouldn’t help either, since they’d deleted the part relating to Margaret from the drive they shared. Now, only Johnny had that information.

Grabbing her purse, she headed for her vehicle. She’d corner him at that little dance club of his. Fear spiked through her that he’d gone running back to the women there. It took less than twenty minutes to get there, but she didn’t see his bike anywhere. Entering the club, she approached the bar.

Larisa, the vixen, was behind the counter and Sarah watched a smirk jump onto her face the moment she realized who she was.

“Is Johnny around?”

“You should know he doesn’t do the same woman twice and he definitely doesn’t waste his time with ones too good to get on their knees for him.”

“Cut the crap. It’s been a long night. Just tell me he’s here.”

The woman’s eyes raked down her body. “You look like absolute shit.” Her eyes softened a bit. “Getting kicked to the curb by him messed with my head too. You gotta shake that shit off, sister.”

Sarah palm smacked herself, trying to remember she was a grown adult and not a teen. A growly voice filled the air, making them both jump.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I need to talk to Johnny.”

“You need to leave the poor fucker alone.”

“You don’t understand…”

Cutting her off, Gino took a threatening step forward. “I know you think you’re all that because you’re an agent, but my fuckin’ friend does not need a ruthless bitch like you messing with his head.”

“I’m not. There was a misunderstanding.”

“Don’t really care. You fucked him over to the point that I had to pick him up last night more messed up than I’ve ever seen him and trust me, I’ve seen a lot outta him.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s having tea and crumpets with my mother, now get the fuck outta here.”

“I’m not leaving until I see him.”

“Well you should have been with me last night. The man was so fucked he zipped his own cock right up in his zipper. You’re nothing he needs in his already fucked up life.”

“I need to apologize.”

“I’ll pass it along. Just remember one thing, Doll. Johnny’s a mafia Don’s son. He doesn’t live in the world the rest of us do. In his world being that messed up could cost him his life, so how’s about you leave him the fuck alone?”

“What about my sister?”

“We’re on that shit. Go do whatever it is you bitches do when you fuck a man’s life right up. Eat ice cream, have a spa day, or a girls’ night out. I don’t give a fuck, just stay away from Johnny.”

The last part of his rebuke chewed into her self-esteem, injuring something really tender. Tears sprang to her eyes and she turned on her heel, marched out to her vehicle and just drove.

Clearly, she’d hurt him much more than she’d originally thought. How could Gino even think for a moment there could be any way for her to ease the pain of losing a man like Johnny? She couldn’t decide if she wanted to stop by a bar and start the biggest, baddest brawl of her life, just for the satisfaction of messing some people up, or if she wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. At this point it was a tossup.

Instead, she did something really stupid. She stopped at a tattoo parlor and got a huge back tattoo that took the better part of a day. The odyssey began with looking through books of images. She found one with a man wrapped around a woman, only his arms were dark wings protecting her. It was warm, sensual and decorated with roses. She showed pictures of Johnny to the man from her cell phone. There was momentary shock and then she realized that everyone probably recognized him. The man recovered quickly and asked, not very subtly. “You want mafia motifs?”

Unsure what that meant, she just nodded. It didn’t matter particularly, she just craved the punishment of pain and a re-embrace of the man she only now realized she had fallen hopelessly in love with. Even if no one else ever saw the tattoo, it would give her some inner peace to have a small part of him with her always.

The man’s hand landed on her shoulder. “Take your shirt off and relax. I’ll take care of everything.”

“Do you have a place where I can plug my phone in?”

“You have half a charge. I don’t need to see Johnny to draw him.”

“Thanks for not asking.”

“I am dying to know.”

“Just another of his women who got tossed aside.”

“I don’t think my cousin is quite that stupid.”

“Fuck, he’s your cousin? What are the chances of that?”

“In this neighborhood? Pretty good. I’m the cousin who didn’t join the family business, by the way.”

Smiling, she enjoyed his easy conversation and self-effacing humor.

“The one who never gets invited to dinner, right? All families have one of those. I’ve met his father, so I’d have to go with ‘lucky you’.”

The man snickered and he prepped her back. “Got anyone like that in your family?”

“I suppose it would be my twin sister. She’s always doing something dangerous.”

“A thrill seeker?”

“I suppose. I wish her biggest problem was that she didn’t like crime and wanted to run her own tattoo parlor.”

“What’s her issue, drinkin’ or drugs?”

“Is this conversation confidential, like at a doctor’s office?”

“Naw, but I know how to keep my mouth shut. You can trust me.”

“She’s got problems with always mouthing off, particularly to testosterone jockeys.”

“Fuckin’ hell, I guess you always gotta step in and break it up?”

Nodding she continued. “Now, I screwed things up with tall, dark and handsome, because I’m stupid.”

“So you want to get punished by my needle? Can’t say I like the direction this conversation is headed.”

“If you don’t do it, I’ll just get someone else. Maybe, they’ll love the idea of hurting me.”

“Fuck, you belong with Johnny. Both of you play to win.”

Laying her head on her arm, she murmured despondently. “Be sure to let him know that the next time you run into him.”

He must have decided to go ahead because she could feel his hand smoothing over her bare skin, lingering on her one and only scar. “How old is this, Sarah?”

“Really old, you can tattoo right over it.”

“I’m trying not to think bad thoughts here, but it looks just like someone snubbed a cigarette out on your shoulder.”

Tearing up she whispered. “My sister and her first boyfriend did it when were fourteen. She didn’t want him to get hold of the wrong one of us by mistake.”

“Shit, Doll. That’s really messed up.”

“She was always the jealous one. Don’t worry, she grew out of it mostly.”

“You are tearing my heart out here.”

Smiling she lifted her head to look over her shoulder. “A sensitive tattoo artist, who would have thought?”

“What, we’re all supposed to be tatted-up freaks with a bunch of body piercings?”

“Umm…”

“You don’t have to say it. I know that I look the part better than most.”

“But it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is.”

As he worked, he murmured. “I gotta hand it to you. You are going from no tattoos to your entire back covered. You don’t half ass things do you?”

“I’m at a weird place right now. I feel like I need to step over the threshold from one phase of my life to another.”

“Then it’s not just about the pain, it’s more of a metamorphosis.”

“I feel like I’m groping in the darkness for something but I have no idea what. It’s frustrating as hell.”

“Well good luck finding yourself. The tattoo is coming out really nice.”