Damn sexy bitch thought she’d lie to him and pick fights with stupid fuckers when she could be carrying his child. Regardless of how cool he came across on the phone, he was fuckin’ coming unglued. That ex-partner of hers was a walking dead man and she might just as well get her pretty little head around that fact.

Jumping off his bike, he stalked to her apartment and slid his key in her lock. He seriously needed to decompress before she got there. Peeling off his clothing, he made a beeline for her shower. Something about standing under the cool cascade of water calmed him as he tried to analyze his feelings.

Truth be told, he could easily forgive lies about what her sister did for a living. Butcher, baker, or candlestick maker, it didn’t matter one little bit to Johnny. He understood why she lied about that shit. People were judgmental bastards. The fact that her sister was some kind of super spy didn’t bother him. Sarah even got special bonus point for giving a shit about a killer. Maybe, she’d even learn to love him as well, given enough time.

It was the picking a fight that was fucking with his head. Why the hell would she do that when they were practically trying to make a baby. Then the thought hit him hard and fast, making bile rise in his throat. Climbing out of the shower, he rifled through the drawers in her bathroom. Jerking on his pants, he walked into her bedroom and began pulling out drawers, tipping the contents into the floor. The longer he went without finding them, the more convinced he was that they were there.

The front door opened and closed. Within seconds there was a gasp from the doorway. Turning on her, his eyes zeroed in on the purse in her hand. As he advanced, she took a step backwards. Snatching the bag from her, he opened it and laying there right on the top was a round plastic case. Grabbing it, he popped it open and stared down at the birth control pills.

Looking up at the woman, he realized she’d been playing him the whole fuckin’ time. How could he have been so ignorant? He felt like that scrawny kid with bad breath, hoping a beautiful woman could love him all over again. Slinging the packet against the wall, he grabbed his shoes and shirt and headed for the door. She tried to grab his arm, but he easily shrugged her off. Dressing on the run, he climbed on his bike and revved the motor to cover the sound of her voice yelling at him.

Hitting the open road, he needed to feel the wind on his face. He pulled into the clubhouse and Cheryl’s brother Charlie came out to meet him.

“You look jacked up.”

“Thanks for the fuckin’ keen observation, dickhead. Got any alcohol?”

“Alcohol, whores, weed. Whatever you want to forget about, we can probably make it happen.”

“Good. How’s about we take a little from column A and a little from column C.”

“Roger that, Johnny.”

Making their way into the clubhouse, the party was just getting started. He plopped down at the bar and found a cold beer in front of him before he could blink.

Charlie laughed. “Don’t take offense, we train the prospects to drop a starter drink right off the bat. It’s what we drink while we’re waiting for our drink.”

Shaking his head, he shoved away the ugly feelings of being betrayed by his lovely agent. “You know, that almost makes fuckin’ sense.”

Slapping him on the back, Charlie pulled an old fashioned cigarette case from his cut and offered him a joint. “Well, I don’t mind if I do.”

Two joints and about a dozen drinks later, he looked down to find a woman attempting to unzip his pants. Pointing to her, he slurred, “Shit, where did she come from?”

He realized he was now sitting on a sofa and Charlie was sitting across from him being serviced as well. “Dude, she’s been here all evening. Relax and go with the flow man.”

Johnny shook his head, trying to clear the haze, and pushed the eager young woman away.

“Naw, I can’t, I -”

“What the actual fuck are you doin’?” Gino’s parental voice came out of nowhere, snapping him to attention.

“Beers, mixed drinks, weed and apparently whores, though that’s kind of new. You can have her if you want. I think I need to barf.”

Gino’s hyper critical voice snarled back. “I do not want to share your fuckin’ whore, dipshit. Come the hell on. I’m takin’ you home.”

“I’m not going back to my place.”

“I got a place for you to sleep it off. You’ll like it cause it’s got a pool and everything.”

“Sure thing.”

Johnny wasn’t sure what happened after that, but he woke up with aggressive sunlight shining on his face. It made his skin prickle, just short of burning. He turned over and tried to remember if he had ever heard of anyone internally combusting after a night of debauchery. The smell of chlorine hung heavy in the air, reminding him of long lazy summer days hanging out with the guys in his backyard pool.

He sat up abruptly, terrified that he’d been taken to his parent’s home. He’d never live that down. Catching his breath, he realized he was somewhere totally alien to him. Meandering out of bed, he stumbled around the room. There were pictures of Gina and an older lady who looked like a stripper. Relaxing, he knew he was at the older woman’s pool house. That was a flipping relief. The worst thing that would happen, would be him being fed bacon along with Marshall and being forced to act like the little dog was a real person.

Staggering to the shower he found clean clothing with the tags still on and hygiene products in a small bag from the pharmacy. How the fuck did these people pull shit like that off? After a quick shower, he wandered out to the patio. There was a little table set up and sure enough the chihuahua was sat in a highchair at the table with a little bib around his neck that said I’ll take bacon topped with more bacon.

Having been to Gino’s house before, he knew the drill. Pouring himself a cup of coffee from the carafe he greeted Gino’s brother. “Morning little buddy. How’s it hangin’?”

The little dog barked a high pitched yelp. Johnny chose to interpret that as fine. “Glad to hear it, cause I ain’t doin’ so well. My best girl’s been fuckin’ up our chance to make a baby. What do you fuckin’ think of that?”

“She clearly isn’t ready for a child.”

Gino turned to see Gino’s foster mother wobbling over in her three inch heels carrying a huge oval tray piled high with food. Jesus Christ, the woman was going to kill herself.

Plopping down the tray with a thunk, she sank into a seat. “Not all women want to jump right into a pregnancy, you know?”

“It would have been nice if she’d just told me instead of lettin’ us bonk our brains out trying to make a little one together.”

The little dog yipped for his bacon and Johnny grabbed a bunch with the tongs and laid it on his little plate.

“Thank you, Johnny. You’re always so nice.”

“Proves you don’t know me at all, mam.”

“Back to your little problem. Maybe your girl just likes riding your rod.”

Johnny choked on his coffee. “Jesus, lady you can’t talk like that.”

“Because I’m old?”

Looking at her offended face, Johnny knew the answer to that question. “No, not at all. It’s because Marshall might hear you.”

Smiling, the woman murmured. “You’re a nice boy, Johnny. I think you should talk to your girl. She’s been calling Gino nonstop.”

“Yea, well I ain’t gonna. I thought she really liked me and now I know she was just usin’ me. I made a promise to find her sister and I’m gonna do that, but then we’re done. I don’t wanna see her fuckin’ ugly mug again.”

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“Maybe, but this shit stops today. I fell in love, I’ll just roll right back outta love.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Johnny. Deep down inside, you know that.”

Shaking his head, he took a gulp of strong black coffee. “It fuckin’ well should.”

“Give yourself time. Don’t make any rash decisions.”

“Fuck, you’re easy to talk to. I can’t believe I just told you all my shit.”

Putting an oddly shaped and very ugly pancake on his plate, she smiled. “I’m just used to dealing with boys. I raised Gino, after all, and he’s a real live action hero.”

Tilting his head, he responded sincerely. “Yes, you fuckin’ well did. You know, I like you so much that sometimes I totally forget you’re totally bat shit crazy.”

Smiling indulgently she reached him a fork. “Don’t say bad words in front of Marshall. Now, eat your bacon pancake before it gets cold.”

“What the heck is a bacon pancake?”

“My Marshall despises pancakes, so I hide my bacon inside one and so he doesn’t complain when I eat it.”

“Selfish, little prick, isn’t he?”

The woman’s light musical laugh didn’t even make his head hurt. Gino was a lucky slug to get a nice woman, a military career where he got to blow shit up and a really nice but crazy foster mother. Johnny was nothing short of green with envy.