“You did what?” My voice rises a few octaves when Kaiya tells me what she has done. She is my twin sister and best friend, but that also makes her a royal pain in the ass.

“It’s time Jai.” She shortens my name to calm me, but it fails miserably. I’m on the verge of a panic attack at what she has done.

“I’m not going, Kaiya. You can go. You bid as me so you can go as me.”

“I can’t. I have a wedding this weekend, and you are going. Sebastian is former military and Nadine’s cousin. You should be fine.”

“I should be fine. Really? That’s what you’re going with—I should be fine.”

“Josh was crazy, and that’s why you broke up with him, Jaci. You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding from people.” Kaiya knew better than anyone what I’d gone through. After the attack, my dad moved us to Norfolk away from a life, which now seems so long ago.

“I’m not ready.” I try to deny while shaking my head as fear churns in my gut. Rainbow, my dog, puts her head on my knee because she senses my need for her comfort. Kaiya is still moving around the kitchen cooking breakfast as if she hadn’t just ripped open an old wound.

“You will never be ready if you don’t try, Jaci. I love you, and you are my sister, but you’re stifling yourself in this house by not getting out. Even your writing is being blocked because of it.” She states truthfully.

She is correct. But I’m damned if I will admit she is right. I haven’t published a book in over a year, and my fans are waiting for the next in the series. Josh getting out has completely fucked with my head. Though I’m now two states away from where we grew up, and there is no way he can link, JK Carmichael to Jaci Michaels.

“It will come back,” I say stubbornly. It’s more of a hope, rather than a certainty the words will come.

I’ve been a bookworm all my life. I couldn’t get enough happy endings and fairy tales. While my sister was into sports and boys, I was into books and the men that were flawed to perfection. The way a writer can take a man, who is an ass in real life and make you fall in love with him in the fictional world,

it is incredible. Taking someone, who is utterly broken and making them whole and healed with love. It was my dream to create those characters, a dream I had achieved, until recently.

It was my senior year of high school when everything in my life changed. Josh was the star quarterback of the football team, and everyone expected great things for and from him. He was only a blip on my radar, until the day he talked to me. I never noticed or cared about him and apparently, that got his attention. He wanted the one girl, who wasn’t throwing herself at his feet. He was cocky and confident and pushed until I finally said yes.

We had been going out for a few months when I started to notice things. If I went to the movies with my sister or a girlfriend, he would show up. I was shopping for a banquet dress with my mom and ran into him at the mall. He needed me at every football game, even though I didn’t understand the sport and had little interest in it. It wasn't enough for me to be at the game, but I had to be watching.

I took a library book with me once, and he was pissed I was reading, instead of watching him play. It ended up with me having to pay for the book because he “accidentally” ripped the cover when he took it from my hands. He was subtle about it, and if I brought it up, he made me feel like I was crazy and imagining things.

The week before senior prom I decided I had, had enough. We were driving, and I was singing along to the radio. The music was relaxing, and I smiled as I sang the lyrics. For whatever reason, Josh flipped out because the song mentioned cheating. He was convinced I’d cheated on him because I smiled during the catchy song. He was yelling and calling me every name in the book, even some I’d never heard before. I was shocked and hurt he thought so little of me.

When we got to my house, I told him I was done. We were over, and he needed to leave. He followed me out of the car and up to the house. He apologized, but it didn’t matter how “sorry” he was. I wasn’t ever going out with him again.

Josh grabbed my arms and pulled me close. His lips slammed into mine in a bruising kiss. I struggled hard against his hold, but he was a football player, and I was a bookworm. He had the height, mass, and strength to overpower me.

He eventually let me pull back, and when I did, I slapped him. Anger clouded his face, and he shoved me back. My feet tangled, and I fell hitting the back of my head on the brick steps. He left me there bleeding and injured. Kaiya and mom came home to find me being loaded into the back of an ambulance. Our neighbor had called 911 when she saw I was laying on the steps unconscious.

I shake my head and the memories away. There is no use in looking back at what was, but at the same time, I feel frozen and unable to move forward. Six months ago, I was ready to start living again, but then I found out Josh is getting out early for good behavior. That is when the fear took hold of me, and I felt myself slipping backward.

“Please try, Jaci.” She said as she puts a big plate of biscuits and gravy in front of me.

“I’m scared, Kai,” I whisper as her hands grasp mine.

“I know, but the only one standing between you and having a real life is you. It is one date. It’s not a lifetime commitment. I only want you to have some fun and see that not all men are like him, Jai. He’s Nadine’s cousin. I wouldn’t set you up with just anyone.” She declares.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. “What kind of date did you bid on?” I asked.