CHAPTER 17
Sloan whimpered as Dan’s fingers slipped easily between her wet folds, lifting her hips, desperate for him to engage with her knot. It was so swollen, throbbing with a painful ache. She couldn’t speak. All she could do was moan his name, and hungrily absorb his skilled fingers moving toward her entrance.
She heard his voice, low and thick, as he slid his arm beneath her neck, lifting her against him. He guided her thigh over his, opening her fully to him. Her fingers dug into the soft lavender bedspread.
“Easy, baby,” he crooned near her ear. “I know you’re hungry.” He kissed her cheek, trailing his mouth down the line of her jaw.
Dan slid his fingers into her aching entrance, caressing that swollen knot, placing his lips over one of her nipples. Her whole body exploded as he sucked her deeply. The release was beyond anything she’d ever experienced in her life. He grazed her nipple with his teeth, sending shards of savage fire erupting once more deep within her. He teased her with ruthless precision, lifting his lips from one nipple to the other. As he grazed the other with his teeth, those shards exploded into a second orgasm that rolled fiercely through her.
She arched, moaning his name as he thrust as far as he could go within her. Then he began to stroke the nerves along her wall. Sloan had never known about them until she’d met Dan. It was one of the first things he taught her about her body. That sensitive area, so deep, gave her the most long-lasting, most intense orgasms. Sloan whimpered, as he triggered a third orgasm, feeling the savage rush beneath his knowing caresses. Sloan had no idea how long she was a puppet to this pleasure and didn’t care. Dan left her nipple, kissing her parted lips, soothing her as he eased his fingers slowly out of her. Right now, she was naked and vulnerable with him once more—and he’d never disappointed her in that respect. Even now, as she lay beside him, she felt his love cascade through her. Sloan knew it was love. It was the only time she could feel close to him emotionally. She kept her eyes closed, absorbing every touch of his hand. Dan knew her hot buttons and how to milk her body, pleasing her endlessly until after the storm of orgasms.
She yearned for the time when he’d be far enough along in his physical healing to allow her to love him in return. What shattered her was that Dan had gone out of his way, despite his surgery, to care first for her.
Her head rested in the crook of his shoulder, her cheek pressed against his shirt. And for the first time, she completely surrendered over to him.
“Talk to me, Sloan,” he rasped thickly against her ear, kissing her temple, his other hand cupping her breast.
“You…” she struggled to whisper, opening her eyes. “You’re different…changed…” She watched his mouth move into a careless smile, making him look younger, even boyish, at that moment.
“Almost dying has done some major reorganization within me, Sloan. It’s continuing; it’s not something I can stop. I guess I don’t want to, either…” He skimmed her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes. Sloan felt herself dissolving at that moment, no longer separate from Dan.
“Everything feels so new,” she managed, “between us, Dan. Do you feel it too?”
He pressed a kiss to her brow. “I feel something,” he said. “I don’t know what to call it, but it’s a nice, new feeling.”
Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips against his, lifting her hand, and cupping his cheek. He might not ever have the words, she realized.
Dan lifted his mouth reluctantly from hers. He eased strands of her hair away from her cheek, smiling down into her glazed eyes, seeing how fulfilled and happy she was. Hell, so was he. “I need to get out of this position, or I’m going to have to take a pain pill, baby. I want to stay right here beside you the rest of the night. I don’t ever want you to leave my arms again…”
Feeling as if still floating in a dream state, Sloan slowly sat up, pushing her hair away from her face. Worriedly, she said, “Let me help you sit up?”
“Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks.”
As she slid off the bed, coming around to the other side, she realized that Dan had asked for help. Another first. Placing her one knee beside him, she leaned over, sliding her arm around his shoulders. Using her strength, despite feeling languid, she eased him into a sitting position. She could tell that what he’d done for her had cost him dearly in physical terms. He was pale beneath that tan of his, his eyes darkening. “Tell me what you need?” she whispered, coming and sitting beside him. Her gaze went to his shirt to see if it was stained with blood or not. It wasn’t, to her relief.
“Just let me sit here for a few minutes?” He gave her a slight smile. “I can really feel those inner stitches right now.”
“You stretched too much,” she whispered, turning, and quickly opening the buttons on his shirt. She placed her palm against the long, red scar, looking for swelling beneath his skin. It would mean he’d torn his inner stitches open and that would be a very bad thing—she’d have to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. Dan would have to undergo another surgery to close that wound where his kidney had once been. Her heart pounded with relief as she felt no swelling. “You scare me to death sometimes,” she muttered darkly. “You shouldn’t have done that. It’s too soon.”
He cocked his head, catching her anxious gaze. “I’m okay, Sloan.”
Shakily, she nodded. “There’s no internal bleeding.” She shook her head. “Dan, sometimes you drive me crazy.”
His lips curved and he raised his right hand, caressing her flushed cheek. “Baby, you drive me crazy every time you come near me. So? We’re even. All right?”
“You’re impossible,” she muttered, standing. “Let me get dressed. I’ll walk you to your bedroom.”
“Do you have to? I mean, I’ve missed seeing you naked in my bed.”
Sloan gripped his hand and slid out of his reach. “We need to talk, Dan, but not right now.”
“I knew that was coming.”
“Don’t get grumpy about it, Malloy.”
He watched her appreciatively as she picked up her clothes and put them on, sorry to see her beautiful breasts covered back up by her blouse. “I’m feeling better. Does that count?” he teased. Right now, Dan’s heart was still wide open to her. He saw the softness in Sloan’s eyes and felt damned good about pleasuring her. His erection ached, but this wasn’t about him right now. It was about showing her that he could be her man in all ways, not just in bed. He hoped his care for her counted.
“Next time you need some relief, come and see me sooner.” He saw Sloan blush. “I’m pretty good at it, you know,” he gloated, reaching out, catching her hand, and giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “And we were always good in bed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us taking advantage of that, do you?”
“I don’t know, Dan…I’m still feeling my way through everything that’s just happened.”
He patted the bed on his right side. “Then let’s talk it out?”.
“Are you serious?”
“Well, hey, maybe a tiger can change his stripes, right? Come on, sit here next to me?” He needed her closeness.
“I’m hoping,” Sloan admitted, sitting down. He opened his arm, sliding it around her shoulders. “In some ways,” she began, her voice low, “I feel like I’m in some dream with you.”
“What do you mean?” Dan held her worried stare, felt her searching, and unsure of herself. This wasn’t like her at all.
Opening her hands, she said, “I miscalculated how much of a physical effect you’d have on me. In fact, it never crossed my mind when I asked you to come here to heal up. I was more than ready to care for you.”
“And I’m grateful. You’ve put yourself out in a lot of ways to do this for me.”
Dan watched her struggle, tears in her eyes. “Hey,” he murmured, “what’re those tears about?”
Trembling inwardly, Sloan knew she had to be honest with him. “I wonder if I just took one step forward with you Dan, and five steps back.”
Frowning, he saw the tears glimmer in her eyes. “Tell me more?”
“It’s my stuff,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes. “When you walked out of my life at Bagram, I swore I’d never let another man define what and how we were with one another. And then, four years later, I meet you again. And seeing you now?” she risked a look in his direction, her voice growing strained, “it was like yesterday to me. I thought I’d gotten over you, Dan. Thought the love I’d felt for you was gone. But it wasn’t.”
“I’ve been a bastard toward you, Sloan. I guess after I saw you again, I figured you probably hated me. And when you said you were still in love with me? That stunned me. I didn’t know what to say. What to do.”
“Made two of us, believe me,” she rasped, shaking her head. “I screwed up with you. I hadn’t meant those words to ever leave my mouth.”
He dragged in a heavy breath. “I’m not sorry you said them. When we had our talk out at the beach, I guess I felt relieved about it.”
“What do you mean? You asked for a second chance with me.”
“Yeah, not that I deserved it. Not after what I’d done to you.” He gave her a grim look. “You need to know the rest of the story. Why I walked out on you like that at Bagram.”
“What do you mean?” Sloan swallowed hard, staring at his set mouth, his eyes closed for a moment. There was such heaviness and grief surrounding him.
He reached over, placing one of his hands over hers. “Remember the crash investigation?”
“Yes.”
“There was a colonel who was the head of it,” he began wearily. “That man I told you about who had never liked me. It’s a long story, but when I was a new pilot in his squadron years before, I got into a verbal disagreement with him. He didn’t like it and told me that he was going to ruin my career. I was young and cocky. I told him to try.” Dan shrugged. “It wasn’t my finest moment. That’s why I got a transfer out of his squadron. But, he was good for his word. If I’d just kept my mouth shut…I was arrogant, Sloan. I brought this on myself. That’s what I didn’t tell you. I felt too ashamed to admit it to you.” Glancing at her, he saw her eyes go soft with sadness for him.
“Thanks for telling me. That helps me understand why it happened.”
Dan gave her a look of apology. “You were collateral damage, Sloan. You were the innocent lamb in all of this. The only thing I can blame you for is loving a bastard like me. When we came back from our scuba diving that afternoon? After our talk?”
“Y-yes…”
“I’d already decided to take you aside, tell you the whole truth. I had to come clean, with you. I was trying to time it for when things were quiet.” He rubbed his hands down his thighs, staring at the opened door to her bedroom.
“Young officers are sometimes cocky, Dan.”
“I had too much pride,” he rasped, watching grief come to her face. “And my pride impacted you. Look,” he muttered, “I need to leave your home. I’m not doing you any good as it is. You need time to get through your own healing after getting shot. You never knew the whole truth about me until just now.” Wearily, he added, “I’m like a bad penny who shows up in your life, and you suffer and pay for being around me. You always got the bad end of the deal with me.”
Dan slowly rose to his feet, standing close to her, his eyes filled with remorse. He knew leaving would be best even if she disagreed. “Look,” he said quietly, “I’ll call Tal. I’ll ask her to send a driver out here to pick me up and take me back to my condo.”
Her heart ripped wide open, and Sloan winced, her mouth compressing. Her feelings warred with her head. She saw the regret in his eyes as he looked down at her.
Dan reached out, lightly caressing her hair. “I’ll make this easy on you. I will leave no matter what you say. I think you need this time alone, to sort things out, regarding me…us. I am no knight in shining armor to you, baby. I’ve been a coward in hiding for four years. I’m older now, and I took to heart what we talked about out on that beach.”
“Oh, Dan,” she whispered, her voice anguished.
He dropped his hand, giving her an apologetic look. “I don’t know what love is. And having you in my arms again just now? I got it. I feel things for you I’ve never felt for another human being on this earth. I don’t know if it’s love or not. All I know is that I still want that chance with you and I damn well know I don’t ever deserve it. You never caused me pain. That’s all I’ve caused you, baby.” He barely grazed her cheek. “Take your time on this. I’m going to hold out hope you want that second chance with me. I’ll wait to hear from you. I feel we deserve this time to honestly sort everything out and start all over if you want—because I do.”