CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Tuesday, October 3rd
Frisco sat at a table in Leroy’s and waited for Brooke to arrive. Checking his watch, he figured she would be here any minute, and he shifted in his seat. Doing his best to let go of the bad feeling that had been building since she suggested they meet for lunch, he hoped things were not about to go from sugar to shit.
Something was off, and he prayed she wasn’t having misgivings about how their relationship was progressing and he was simply being paranoid. When he told her he’d pick her up and she adamantly refused, he felt like it was a bad sign.
And he hated bad signs, because they always led to seriously bad shit happening. But how that was possible after the last week they’d spent together, he didn’t know. Trolling through his memories, he tried to come up with some mistake he’d made, and hadn’t been able to come up with anything.
Had he been heavy-handed in the way he had claimed her as his?
Yes.
Was that something she couldn’t handle?
Hadn’t seemed like it. Scrubbing his hand down his face, he realized he didn’t know crap about women and the way their minds worked. This was the first real relationship of his adult life, and he had no idea what he was doing. All he’d managed to do so far was go by instinct and show her everything he felt the moment he felt it.
Was it too much?
Maybe.
Could he do anything about it?
Probably not.
Everything he felt for her was bigger and brighter than anything he’d ever experienced, and his ability to keep it under wraps was nonexistent. And that might be a bit much if she wasn’t feeling it too.
Maybe that was why she wanted to meet for lunch.
Maybe she was going to tell him to back off.
Which he could do.
If that was what it took to make her happy, he could back off and relax and play it as cool as an ice cube.
He’d never had a problem doing it in the past, so it shouldn’t be that hard now.
Except it was Brooke, and all he wanted to do was run at her as fast as he could and claim her so that she would always be his. And if that wasn’t some sick possessive shit, he didn’t know what was.
God, he was fucked.
Lifting his glass of water, he drained it and instructed himself to pull it together. The last thing she needed to see was him losing his shit. And here came the owner of his happiness. Watching her walk toward him with a grin made him feel a bit better. Assume the best, he instructed himself.
He stood and embraced her and felt her arms twine around him tightly. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Thank you for meeting me here. I heard they have great burgers, and I figured it was worth a try.”
“It’s my buddy’s favorite place, and I had one last week, and it was good.”
He pulled out a chair next to his and made sure she was comfortable before he took his own seat. “How was your morning?”
“Fine.”
Bending over, he looked at her closely. “What’s going on, Brooke?”
“Let’s eat first.”
Before he could object, the waiter came up, and they placed their order. Once the guy had left, Frisco scooted his chair closer and took Brooke’s hand. “How did your visit go with your dad yesterday?”
“Fine.”
“I hate that word, and if you say it again, I’m going to lose my shit. What the hell is going on, Brooke?”
Making a small choking sound, she shook her head. “Frisco…”
Feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, he rubbed his finger over her hand and leaned forward so their heads were touching. “I’m sorry, Brooke. I didn’t mean to upset you; just forget it. You can say fine as much as you want.”
“I think trying to have this conversation in public was a mistake; maybe we should get our food to go and leave.”
“Forget the food, Brooke.” He stood, opened his wallet, and threw some money on the table, and then took her hand so she stood. “I’m taking you home.” Once she was standing, he put his arm around her and walked toward the door, signaling the waiter they were leaving.
“My car is here.”
“We can come and get it later.” He loaded her into the truck and then headed to his condo. Whatever he was about to hear was going to be bad and, the sooner he could hear it, the sooner he could fix it.
They were settled on his couch and Frisco did nothing more than stroke Brooke’s hair as she rested her head against his chest. “Tell me what’s going on whenever you’re ready.”
Pulling away, she crossed her legs and settled her hands in her lap. “Sorry I lost it in the restaurant.”
“Don’t apologize. Whatever it is, we can handle it.”
Letting out a long breath, she gave him a small smile. “I’m just going to spit it out.”
“Please.”
“I’ve been pretty wiped out since I got back from Chad, and at first, I thought it was just jet lag and the chronic stress that I’ve been under catching up with me. When it didn’t abate after two weeks, I thought maybe malaria had flared up again or I brought home some parasite from Africa.”
“But…”
“It still could be any of those things, and I’m praying that’s all it is, but…”
“What?”
“I had childhood leukemia, ALL, to be specific, and there is a small possibility that my low white blood cell count is an indication that it’s returned.”
“Cancer?” Frisco whispered.
“You can say it aloud.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much my feeling.”
Picking her up, he put her in his lap and hugged her with everything he had. “If that’s what’s going on, then we’re going to beat the shit out of it.”
Throwing her head back, she let out a small laugh. “Okaaay.”
“So, this is you not trying to end things with me; this is you scared out of your mind that the cancer is back?” The incredulous look she gave him made him feel all kinds of stupid, but what could he do? He could handle cancer. He couldn’t handle her wanting him out of her life.
“Oh. My. God. You are crazier than I thought.”
“Yeah, I probably didn’t hide it that well.”
“No, you sure didn’t.”
He took her hands and held them. “Tell me what’s next.”
“I had my blood drawn this morning, and tomorrow, I’m having a spinal tap done so they can draw CSF.”
“What is CSF?”
“It’s cerebrospinal fluid, and it bathes the brain and spinal cord. It will tell my hematologist-oncologist if the cancer has returned. In my heart, I don’t believe it has, because the possibility of it recurring is very small. I truly believe it’s a malaria flare-up.”
“How small a chance?”
“Only fifteen to twenty percent of patients who beat ALL ever see a reoccurrence.”
“I want to be there when it happens.”
“Not necessary. My brother and Piper are going to come, and it’s really pretty uneventful. The procedure takes about thirty minutes, and I’ll only have a local anesthetic. After they’re done, I rest for four or five hours and then go home.”
“How long until you get the results?”
“Three or four days.”
“Is your dad going to go as well?”
“No.”
“You don’t want him there?”
“He wasn’t around the first time I battled leukemia, so I really don’t need him now. He wasn’t around much when I was growing up period, so we’ve never been close, and as an adult, I’ve never felt the need for that to change.”
“Okay.”
Sitting up straight, she squared her shoulders. “I really believe that the cancer has not come back and this is going to be no big deal.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Brooke. I don’t need some happy, fake crap. I can handle whatever is coming.”
“Frisco, how many dates have we been on?”
“I’m not sure.”
Holding up her hand, she pushed down one finger. “Dinner in N’Djamena, and…”
He covered her hand and shook his head. “The number doesn’t matter.” He motioned between the two of them and then pressed their hands against her heart. “Sometimes, it takes days to discover who and what is important. A year could pass and the answer is still the same. You and me. Together.”
“Is that some sort of SEAL confidence, or are you a relationship savant?”
“A little of both. I’ve witnessed many friends over the last couple of years falling in love, and it happened almost instantly for every single one of them. I told you when we first met that either it is or it isn’t, and I believe we are.”
“I guess time will tell.”
He gave her his best winning smile and pulled her back into his lap. “I guess it will.”
He leaned back against the couch and held her as closely as he could and sent up a prayer asking that Brooke be spared having to battle the cancer monster again.
How in hell had she managed it the first time? And where in the hell had the rear admiral been when it had been going on?
Not expecting to ever get answers, he silently resolved that he would be by her side through whatever she was about to face. He wasn’t interested in only the good times with this woman in his arms; he wanted to be part of it all. And if that meant fighting leukemia, then so be it.
Fuck cancer.
No way was it going to take her away.
***
Brooke quietly walked down the stairs of her house, turned on the small light in the kitchen, and almost jumped out of her skin. “Chance, what the hell are you doing sitting in the dark?”
“Bargaining with God.”
“Well then, you’re going to need some ice cream.”
“Three scoops.”
“With whipped cream?” She looked over at her brother and saw his smirk. “Why do I ask?”
“Not sure.”
She pulled out the ice cream and made two sundaes in record time. Walking to the couch, she handed him a bowl and then collapsed next to him. “It hasn’t come back.”
“I know. But I was just making sure that God understood what I’d be willing to do if it did.”
Leaning her head against the other half of her soul, she let out a sigh. “I think you’ve had it the toughest out of all of us, because there’s not much you can do. First with me and then with Mom. For someone who likes to affect change and be in charge of his destiny, it must suck having to be on the sidelines.”
“More than you’ll ever know.”
Scooping up a big bite, she enjoyed the smooth, chocolaty taste hitting her tongue and breathed the moment in. Right now, she wasn’t fighting anything. Right now, she was sitting next to her favorite person in the world, eating her favorite thing in a beautiful home they had created together. Right now, all was good in the world.
“Is Frisco upstairs?”
“No, I sent him home. I couldn’t take the long, searching looks he was giving me anymore.”
“You think he can handle this?”
“Not sure. He said all the right words and I believe in his heart he thinks he can handle it, but we both know that, until you’re in it, you never really know.”
“Did you tell the rear admiral?”
“Yes.”
“How did he handle it?”
“Made all the right noises.” Eating more ice cream, she wondered if he meant it.
“And…”
“I didn’t give him any slack and told him exactly how I felt. I don’t want him there tomorrow because it will just remind me of all the times he wasn’t.” Setting her bowl down, she pulled a blanket over her shoulders. “He told me that he stayed away because he was powerless and couldn’t handle the feeling. It was easier to go out and battle terrorists than come home and battle cancer.”
“Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Because it’s a shitty excuse, and knowing why he did it doesn’t make it okay.”
“It’s an old story, and I decided a while ago that it wasn’t anything that was going to affect my future.”
“Proud of you, sis.”
“More proud of you, brother.”
“Want to watch a movie?”
“Absolutely. Harry Potter or Napoleon Dynamite?”
“Knock it off, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesadilla!” Chance replied.
Taking the remote off the table, she handed it to him. “I knew you were going to choose that one.”
“How many times did we watch this in the hospital?”
“Hundreds.” As she watched Chance look for the movie in their on-demand library, she felt a deep well of gratitude for having him as her twin. God might have thrown her a couple of shit storms, but at least he gave her someone to navigate them with.