Chapter 1
The silence was deafening.
Ryder shifted his gaze across the deserted buildings on his left. The intel was good. That just made this Iraq mission all the worse. This bomb maker had gone to ground now, pinned inside the dilapidated structure in front of Ryder. He wanted to make sure the bomb maker didn’t set booby traps to allow him to escape. The US military wanted him for questioning regarding the two bombs that blew up a stadium in Baghdad. Twenty-two people had died with another seventy-plus severely injured.
Devlin and Easton were on the far side of the building, tracking enemy movement. Corey watched Ryder’s back. Another four-man team checked out other buildings. Ryder’s headset crackled. “Beta team moving in.”
Ryder swept forward, silent and deadly. Nothing in front or to the side. He dropped low and did a fast sweep inside from the doorway. No trip wires. Good.
In sync, Ryder and Corey went through all the ground-level rooms while Easton and Devlin maintained surveillance of the perimeter. Ryder and his partner found … nothing. Ever aware, Ryder kept moving. This was not the time to drop his guard. Too much at stake.
Gunfire sounded in the distance. The other SEAL team. Devlin’s voice crackled in Ryder’s headset. “Watch your back. Bullies coming up on the outside.”
Instantly Ryder and Corey faded into the shadows. If somebody was coming, Ryder wanted to see them first. Anybody who knew the bomb maker was of interest to them. More wild gunfire sounded. Ryder exchanged a look with Corey. Ryder knew exactly what that meant. The other SEAL team taking more fire. But they couldn’t help. Not just yet. He and Corey had done a full sweep of the downstairs, but they had the rest of the building to check.
“Sweep completed,” Easton whispered in Ryder’s headpiece. “I’m on the other side of the front entrance. We have company.”
Silently Ryder signaled to Corey before slipping around the outside of the building, following the wall toward the front. He peered around the corner. One man stood guard, his back to the entryway. A second man crouched against the front door and placed something on the step. A bomb.
Ryder warned the others with the appropriate clicks of his comm.
Of course it would be a bomb. As a weapon they were so damn unforgiving. Ryder had no way to calculate the devastation this one could bring, and he had no plans to find out. At the single tap on his comm, he lifted his semiautomatic rifle and waited.
From the far side he heard, “Step back away from the bomb. Hands in the air.”
The crouched man spun, lifting a rifle.
A single shot clipped the air. Ryder sprang from his hiding spot, his weapon on the man still standing. The other man had collapsed on top of whatever he’d placed on the front step. From his position, Ryder could see the wires connecting to the doorknob. It was crude but effective. The questions of the moment were, did the bomber die with the trigger in his hand and was the bomb ready to go off?
Ryder returned his gaze to the other man. The guard inched backward as he stared at his fallen comrade.
“Everyone take cover,” Ryder yelled into his comm before diving to the ground. Seconds later the bomb exploded, sending clay and body parts flying. Ryder rose immediately, his weapon once again on his prisoner who’d been thrown down by the blast.
With Ryder’s alpha team now at the designated rendezvous spot, but earlier than expected, Devlin and Easton pushed forward to the far side of the town where the earlier gunfire came from. The beta unit hadn’t checked in on the comm. Ryder had to assume they were in trouble, and he wasn’t taking any chances. Shoving his weapon into his prisoner’s neck while backing him against a wall, Ryder asked, “Where’s the bomb maker?”
Black eyes flashed his way as the man stayed silent.
Ryder shrugged. “We’ll get the answers one way or another.”
He didn’t for a moment believe the man who had died in the doorway was the bomb maker. Men like him had a dozen faithful helpers who’d die to protect him. So many young men had died for nothing.
Devlin reported in for him and his partner, Easton. “Alpha team still in search of beta team.”
Ryder wanted to leave too but with another mission in mind. He studied the prisoner, wishing for an easy way to get him to talk. But men like this would take a bullet rather that give away their secrets.
Ryder glanced at Corey and said, “Keep him here. I’ll be back in five.”
Corey protested. But Ryder wanted to check the bomb maker’s house. Now that they’d left the bomb maker’s building, Ryder wanted to know who had showed up. The bomb blast would have alerted the rebels. Ryder raced back to where the remains of the dead man lay. Ryder kicked open the door, sending a hail of gunfire inside. Cries ripped through the house. He didn’t go inside but slipped around to the back and sent a message to Easton and Devlin.
Gunfire shot out from the floor-to-ceiling windows. The men were disorganized. As far as Ryder could tell, only two gunmen were inside. Ryder took a quick look through a broken window, popped off a shot, and one gunman dropped. Now that was more like it. The second gunman stood in front of an older man who cowered behind him. This then was the bomb maker. As soon as Ryder had a shot, he took out the final gunman and stepped through the window, holding his weapon on the bomb maker. “Ahmed Amin?”
The man glared at him, hate in his gaze.
Ryder nodded. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He motioned the man to move toward the front door. The bomb maker shook his head and dropped to his knees.
This wasn’t a kill mission as the bomb maker was wanted back at headquarters. Ryder quickly tied Ahmed’s hands, stripped him of his weapons and forced him outside. Within minutes he had him in the rendezvous enclosure beside Corey and the other prisoner.
With both prisoners now secure, Ryder gave Corey a hard grin. “Time to go to the extraction point.”
As they pulled back, Ryder’s comm crackled, and Easton said, “One man down. Mac’s been hit.”
Ryder’s heart sank. “Copy that.”
Following directions, they picked their way to where the beta team was pinned in a corner. With Corey holding the bound and gagged prisoners to the ground, Ryder slipped forward. He took out two insurgents and managed to get into the beta team’s hideout. Macklin was out, his left shoulder and chest bloody. “How bad?”
“He’s unconscious, but I’m sure he can walk when he’s awake again,” said Keenan, one of Mac’s unit.
Ryder slid a hand down and checked Mac’s pulse, his heartbeat strong and steady. A lot of blood stained his chest, and … air bubbles surfaced. Shit. Definitely a compromised lung. Time for a field dressing of the roughest sort. They had to get everybody to fall back so they could arrange for an emergency medical evac.
Mac needed care. Now. Ryder slapped a piece of thin plastic over the hole in Mac’s upper chest. The bubbles stopped, and Mac breathed easier. From his view of the position of the injury, Ryder figured the bullet just caught the tip of a lung. That was bad enough. Breathing would become damn near impossible soon. The blood-clotting field dressing was temporary at best.
With Mac’s wound bandaged, the men lay out a quick plan of cover fire and an even faster retreat. They had two vehicles available. They’d need both to get back behind enemy lines. Mac was big; then again so was Ryder. And time was running out for his friend.
One of Mac’s team said, “You okay to do this?”
Ryder shot him a frown and nodded. Why the question? Did everybody know Mac was with his best friend, Caitlyn? Or should Ryder say his ex-best friend? It didn’t matter. They were still a team. They’d never let women come between them before. He wouldn’t let one now. Although he had avoided Mac as much as possible and apparently that had been noticed. Some things hurt even after two years’ time.
Carrying Mac, Ryder retraced his steps with the other men covering his retreat.
With Easton and Devlin pulling up the rear, they returned to the vehicles. There, Ryder lay Mac on the back seat. They were at least an hour outside the next town and, if driving, another several hours from a medical center. All they could do was make Mac as comfortable as possible and try to keep him alive while arranging for a helo. Ryder did not know if the enemy had given up or been taken out. They saw no one as they drove to town. That, in itself, was suspicious as hell. No way to hide the direction they traveled or where they’d come from with the sand and dust they stirred up. They could only hope the cloud of dust at least hid them as targets until they could get clear.
This place was so damn riddled with land mines that they’d be lucky to get out in one piece as it was. Still, mission accomplished thus far, but, until Mac was safe and the prisoners were handed over, Ryder wouldn’t consider it a success.
Watching for enemy traffic coming in behind them, they raced toward the helicopter as arranged. Mac’s breathing was labored; his color was gray, and the blood, although sluggish, still pumped slowly from the wound by the time they reached the bird.
“Go. Go.”
Ryder picked Mac up and raced him to the helicopter. They strapped him down on a stretcher and watched as the chopper took off, heading in the opposite direction where the fighting had been.
“Ryder, let’s go.”
He raced back to the truck, and they continued on to the camp. There, the prisoners were transferred from their care to be transported to one of the main bases. This was just a temporary headquarters.
Four hours later Ryder stood in front of his commander with the others of his alpha team.
“What happened to Macklin?” the commander asked in a hard voice.
Ryder gave a brief account of what he knew, followed by each team member adding his details.
The commander nodded, listened to each person, writing a few notes at the same time.
As the others turned to leave when dismissed, the commander called out, “Ryder, a moment.”
Ryder turned back. “Yes, sir.”
“Is there a problem between you and Mac?” The commander leaned against his chair. “Normally I wouldn’t bring it up, but there were murmurs a while ago. One of his men brought it up as well.”
Ryder let one eyebrow rise slightly. That was the only reaction he’d let himself show. Inside though was a different story. “No, sir.”
“As rumor has it, a woman is involved.”
“No, sir. Caitlyn and I are longtime friends. We never were together,” he lied glibly. Other than that one magical weekend where we made love for three days straight after two decades of being just friends—the best of friends. Then I said I love you, and she bolted. Refused to speak with me afterward—for the last two years.
The commander studied him intently.
“Caitlyn is dating Mac.”
“Are you okay with that?”
Ryder nodded. “I am.”
“Good. Make sure you are. I don’t want anything to come between our team members.”
Inside Ryder was angry at the inference he’d be less than professional over a female. Sure it was the woman he loved, but she wasn’t his. Whether he liked it or not, he had no choice in the matter. “That won’t happen, sir.”
The commander nodded. “Dismissed.”
Ryder spun on his heels and headed out.
Corey waited for him. “Did I hear that right?” Corey asked in a low voice.
Ryder gave a clipped nod. Corey shouldn’t have heard anything, but, on a base like this, sounds carried.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, man.”
Ryder gave a shrug. “Nothing I can do about it.” The trouble was, he loved Caitlyn, but he’d lost her. Of course she’d found somebody else. He headed to the medical tent, hoping an update on Mac had been shared with the base. Macklin was a good man. If Caitlyn was happy with him, it didn’t matter one bit how Ryder felt about it. She’d made her decision two years earlier, and Ryder had to live with it.
He stopped at the tent, cleared his throat. The medics turned and looked at him. A small blonde stood with her back to him. He frowned at the familiar profile, his heart slamming against his ribs. Why wasn’t she at the main base hospital outside Baghdad with Mac? “Caitlyn?”
She turned.
He stared in confusion at her and then backed up one step toward where the helicopters sat. “What are you doing here?”
She shrugged. “I’m a military nurse, remember? I have another few weeks in my tour.”
“And Mac?” he asked hazily.
She frowned. “Mac’s a good man.”
He felt the shock of surprise go through him. “Of course he is. I just helped save his sorry ass. I came for an update.”
A businesslike look came over her expression. “He’ll make it. But he’s got a tough few days ahead. Depending on the damage he could be off for months of physical therapy.”
“Why aren’t you with him?”
“Because I’m working.”
“He’s your partner. You would get leave to be at his side.”
She gave Ryder a long hard look. “He’s my friend. He’d expect me to do nothing less than stay here and look after the rest of you.”
Unfortunately that was all too possible. Still Ryder felt bad. Macklin shouldn’t be alone.
Everyone needed someone.
Even Ryder.
*
Caitlyn watched as the only man she’d ever loved exited the tent—obviously frustrated, with anger and concern on his face. She’d barely seen him since their infamous weekend—which had about torn her apart. She regretted only one thing in her life, and that was not setting things straight with Ryder earlier. And in all this time she hadn’t found a way to put it right. “Ryder, Mac will be okay.”
Ryder retreated as fast as he could.
She watched until he disappeared from sight. Even though little love was lost between the two men, they were teammates. They would still be concerned about each other. She hated that she’d come between them. She hadn’t intended to. Mac knew some of what had gone down between Ryder and her, and Mac had been there to help, hoping she’d patch things up. But she’d refused to answer Ryder’s many initial attempts to contact her because she wasn’t in a mental state to do so.
After he stopped calling, and she took over reaching out, she’d turn mute on the phone once Ryder answered and would hang up in exasperation. This went on for months. Followed by her stalking Ryder phase. Which hadn’t led to any communication between the two of them either. When Ryder had seen her with Mac, that had been it. Ryder had walked away from her at the barbecue without giving her a chance to say a word to him. And that was the only reason she’d gone to the party—because Mac had told her that Ryder would be there.
Now she realized it hadn’t been the best decision. Of course Ryder would’ve taken things out of context and would have believed she was with Mac. She’d seen the anger on his face—the hurt. Mac and Ryder had been good friends, until Ryder had seen her with Mac at the barbecue. Mac said things had changed after that. Not in a major way but, if Mac joined them while they were hanging out, Ryder would inevitably find an excuse to leave. Or, if they arrived at the gym at the same time, Ryder would head in the opposite direction. Subtle changes but obvious ones to Mac.
She knew Ryder’s walls would be higher, bigger and stronger after the barbecue. Another event she had to make up for. She had to get him past all that history in order for him to understand that Mac was her friend, not her lover.
She stared down at her hands, wondering at the foolishness of her actions. She’d specifically asked to come overseas—hoping on the off chance Ryder would show up wherever she was posted. That she’d see him, talk to him.
Afterward, she realized she had to talk to Ryder face-to-face, so she’d stalked him for months. Mac had caught her midstalking and finally wrangled the truth from her. She’d felt like a fool. Mac had alternated between angry and horrified. She remembered his words clearly.
“Well, I’ll be damned. As much as I’d love to know a woman cared enough to track me down, stalking is damn creepy,” he said.
And that’s when she’d stopped. Mac was right. She wanted to apologize to Ryder for being too scared early on to discuss what making love had done to their decades-long best-friends-only friendship. Hence the barbecue and her overseas assignments.
Yet, why hadn’t she said something now? Why did she keep avoiding this? She stood outside the medic tent to detect the direction he’d gone.
She could’ve gone into the private medical sector and made a killing, but here she served her country, putting herself in danger every day. Mostly as a punishment.
And for a chance to see Ryder. As she turned, somebody stepped up and blocked her way. She glared up at Corey. “What’s your problem?”
He thrust his face toward hers. “Leave Ryder alone. You’ve done enough harm already.” On that note Corey spun on his heels and stormed off.
Inside she broke a little more. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Ryder but knew she had. His declaration of love—after twenty platonic years as best friends—had been like a bomb of awareness going off inside that had confused and devastated her to the point she no longer knew what was real and what wasn’t. Like an injured animal, she’d hidden away, trying to find a new normal in a world gone awry.
It was foolish to say she was just young and immature. Ryder had always been there on the sidelines, watching, friendly and supportive.
He’d been at her graduation, her wedding. He’d been her best friend, but she’d been sure he wasn’t the one. If there was one thing she could count on, it was that he was her best friend. Forever. And he would never be the love of her life.
She found out the hard way how wrong she’d been.
That weekend she lost her longtime best friend … and her newest lover.
She didn’t remember how they had ended up in bed that night and stayed there for the entire weekend. Might have been the wine, but neither of them drank much. Ever. Might have been her devastation mixed with joy over her divorce. She’d been a mess at the time, finding George’s complaints about their marriage so off base. Was there anything more confusing than a major breakup? First there’d been George. Then no George. And through it all there had been Ryder. The mainstay of her life—until that weekend. The sex had been phenomenal, overwhelmingly hot, passionate, fun, caring. When she woke up after that marathon and saw his face, heard his whispered declaration, her heart wanted to rejoice, but her mind had rejected everything. Her feet had picked up and followed her mind.
Her heart and mind at war never led to anything good. Look at what happened with George.
It had taken her months to figure it out because she’d been so busy looking everywhere but inside. Finding out the truth had been shocking and delightful. Followed by her horror as she realized she’d let too much time go by. Ryder’s hurt had gone too deep by now, and life had never been the same after that. Not for Ryder. Not for her either.
The next few months had been really rough. He had been sent on mission after mission, training after training. Too much distance between them. As if he’d volunteered for every opportunity possible, hoping to get killed. And now she sat in a world she wasn’t terribly comfortable in, or wanted to be in, because this was Ryder’s world and the only way she knew to be a part of his life. Her plan had worked. They were both here in Iraq now. And that was terrifying enough.
Yet, she didn’t want to mess this up, her attempts to reconcile with Ryder.
Where was Mac when she needed him? He had proven to be a good friend. He understood her heart lay with Ryder, and Mac had threatened to take Ryder around back and beat the crap out of him until he was willing to listen to her. But she hadn’t wanted that. She also didn’t want Ryder to know she had cried all over Mac’s shoulder. Many times.
If there was one thing Ryder had, it was pride. She’d taken it and shredded it unintentionally. But, when he put it back together again, it was stronger and thicker and harder than ever before. And she didn’t want to tear it open. Again. She went back inside and checked her watch. Almost 1800 hours. She grabbed her jacket, put it on and headed for the mess tent. She had no patients at this moment, so it was a good time to eat.
Just then the area to the left of her blew up, and she was tossed to the ground. Coming to after momentarily being knocked out, she bounded to her feet and raced in the direction of the blast. The camp was heavily manned. There would be injuries.
As she ran, the smoke thickened. She was grabbed from behind, spun around and slammed up against a hard chest. She struggled to get free. “Let me go. Let me go. I have to help.”
Arms squeezed her tight. “You’ll go in a few minutes, not until the scene is secured.”
Ryder. She fell limp against his body. Of course it was him. She glanced up, but he wasn’t staring at her. His grim face was locked on the devastation behind her.
Moments later he let her go, and she raced into the chaos. She could see at least two dead so far, three more injured. It could’ve been much worse. As it was, she mourned the loss of those who died. She knew them both. They were good men and didn’t deserve this. Not for the first time it came home to her just how close she’d been to dying. Another few feet to the side, and she’d have taken a direct hit.