It was pouring so hard that the wiper blades of his truck working overtime couldn’t quite manage to provide a clear field of vision, but he knew where he was, even in this pouring rain. He came here often to this dark country road.

He could see her tail lights up ahead, just as he had that night. His foot stomped on the pedal, his heart racing when he realized that they were not where they were supposed to be. Where they would be if her truck was upright.

He slammed on his brakes when he reached the truck, heart feeling like it was beating out of his chest. He jumped out before he was even certain that his truck had come to a complete stop, running to the dark heap on the side of the road.

When he reached her, he could see that she was bleeding profusely and that she was deathly pale.

He turned her over, already pulling off his shirt to use as a makeshift bandage.

He tried this every time, but the outcome of the nightmare never changed. Still, he had to try to save her.

Only this time, when he looked at her face, it wasn’t Jenny he was staring at, it wasn’t Jenny he was desperate to save.

It was Ashleigh.

Walker jerked upright in his bed, his heart hammering in his chest so loudly he was sure it would wake her. He was shaking and covered in a layer of sweat, the image of Ashleigh dying on that country road floating around in his head.

He focused on her sleeping form next to him and tried to calm himself by breathing in and out deeply as she did.

She was still naked, sleeping on her tummy with her hair fanned across the pillow. He placed his hand gently on her back, trying to reassure himself that she was fine, that she was breathing, that she was safe.

He kept breathing in and out with her for several minutes before the shaking finally stopped. He wiped the sweat off his brow and lay back in bed, trying to gather his thoughts.

Shit. He remembered suddenly that he was supposed to meet his brothers today to do some work on the ranch. A swift glance at the bedside clock told him that he would be late to meet them if he didn’t get his ass up and showered in no time.

He hauled himself up with more effort than it should have taken, wanting nothing more than to pull Ashleigh close and to make sure that she kept breathing. That she didn’t get hurt even though logically he knew she was alive and safe in bed.

He showered quickly in ice cold water, hoping like hell that the icicles hitting his skin would help clear the cobwebs from his mind, taking the image of Ashleigh bleeding to death with them. It helped, but it didn’t clear the horrifying image completely.

He sighed as he dressed and headed out to find his brothers already saddling their horses in the barn.

Walker gave Noir a quick rubdown, focusing on grooming his midnight black coat until it gleamed. He fetched his tack and had Noir saddled and ready to go just as his brothers led their mounts from their stables.

By the time the sun started rising, Walker was still silent and stony, riding slightly ahead of Sawyer and Colt.

He heard his brothers talking quietly as they came up behind him, flanking him before Sawyer finally spoke up.

“You’re even more stoic than usual today,” he remarked, cocking his Stetson-clad head at Walker.

Colt had bought each of them one of the cowboy hats when they’d returned to Catahoula for good, and they never went out to work on the farm without them.

“What’s going on with you, bro?” Colt asked.

“I’m always quiet,” he grumbled in reply, confused as to why they were suddenly interested in his silence.

“Yeah, but this feels… different, somehow. You okay?” Colt asked, clearly concerned.

“Fine,” he said, but didn’t elaborate.

“We haven’t seen you all that much lately, but you seem to have been in a good mood,” Sawyer pointed out.

“I’ll bet that’s because of Ashleigh, wanna put ten bucks on it, big bro?” Colt smirked at Sawyer, only to be met by both Sawyer and Walker staring him down at his attempt at gambling.

He held up his hands in mock surrender as he chuckled easily.

“Wait a second, what did you do, Walker?” Sawyer asked as he noticed Walker’s expression had turned even stormier than it had been before Colt had brought up Ashleigh.

“Big bad Walker in trouble with his tiny fiancée?” Colt joked, cracking both himself and Sawyer up.

“My advice, unsolicited as it might be, is to just apologize, Walker,” Sawyer offered when he finally came up for air. “Whatever it is you did, beg for forgiveness, even if you don’t know what you did that was supposedly so wrong.”

“And then buy her something. Or better yet, apologize with your co-“ Colt started.

Walker cut him off. He had no intention of letting their conversation go in that particular direction right now. Also, he really didn’t need to hear Colt talk about his sex life.

He shook his head. “It’s not that. You wouldn’t get it.”

“Try us, brother. We might surprise you yet,” Sawyer said as he dismounted Pericles once they’d reached the shade of the tree that they usually stopped under for breakfast when they came out this way. Sawyer had taken a liking to Pericles on their first ride together when he’d returned to Catahoula and always chose the same horse to ride out on.

“Yeah,” Colt echoed. “We can at least try. You’ve been there for us for some pretty hectic shit, Walker. You gave it to us straight when we needed to hear whatever needed to be said, and you helped us fight to the very end. It’s our turn now. Let us at least try.”

Walker thought about it as Sawyer passed out the containers that Remy had packed for their breakfast.

They were silent as they ate, practically inhaling the food, each brother stuck in his own memories of the times Colt had mentioned.

The haunting image of Ashleigh bleeding out in his arms flashed in his mind again and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to rid himself of the unwanted image.

When his eyes opened, both of his brothers were observing him curiously, their eyes dark with worry.

He sighed as he made up his mind. Time to buck up and face those demons, Roman.

“There’s some stuff I haven’t told you about the night Jenny died,” he started, releasing a low, pained breath. He hadn’t told anyone this story, the real, whole story about that night. He’d opened up more to Pastor Jim than to anyone else, but he hadn’t been ready to say it all out loud.

“You know that we were at Jeremy’s party, that we got into an argument when we got home and that she left, turned her truck over and bled out.” His voice was tight, foreign even to himself.

His brothers, even Colt for once in his life, kept quiet and let him tell the story at his own pace.

“What you don’t know, is that she’d been flirting with Jeremy all night. That’s what we got into it about. The things I said needed saying, but I guess she wasn’t ready to hear it. She grabbed her keys, but it was coming down something awful outside, so I tried to stop her. She yelled some stuff that hurt so bad that I just kinda shut down. Stuff about Mom and The Colonel, and… By the time I could think again her tail lights were already fading. So I let her go, since I figured she’d drive around for a while. Maybe crash at her mom’s, but a couple of hours later it started coming down even harder, so I got worried because she wasn’t back yet. I called her mom. She told me Jenny wasn’t there. So I ran out, went to find her.”

His breathing was heavy now, and the pain of what he was about to say crushed his heart like a vise grip. He’d never been one for tears and he wasn’t about to start now, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“I found her out on the old plantation road eventually. She’d been flung from the truck when she turned it over. She was bleeding so badly… I tried to stop it, called the hospital and told them to get ready for us so they’d be able to work on her as soon as we arrived.” He paused, allowing himself a few deep, calming breaths before he continued.

“Just before we got there, her last words…” His voice was strangled now. “Were that she was pregnant.”

His words hung heavy in the air. Sawyer sucked in a long breath while Colt let out a low whistle. Both looked like they’d been doused unexpectedly with ice water.

“Thing is, I’d heard the rumors by then. I didn’t know if I could trust her, so even if she was pregnant, it might not have been mine. I’d only been back about two weeks…” He trailed off. “I just don’t fucking know. I could never ask her parents, and the coroner wouldn’t tell me if she was pregnant. I would’ve loved that baby though, wanted it as soon as she said it.”

Sawyer looked like a piece of a puzzle had slid into place as he whispered, “So that’s what you meant, when we were up at Satchell Creek after I found out about Shi…”

Colt looked between the two of them, seemingly confused until the mention of Shiloh’s name.

Walker just nodded in confirmation at Sawyer.

“There are just so many questions I’ll never have an answer to, and I feel like I lost two people that day, even though no one knows.”

They were silent as they absorbed the enormity of his words.

“I’m sorry, Walker.” Colt spoke up first. “And I’m sorry for giving you shit about moving on, getting over it.”

Sawyer was silent for a minute or two longer, his eyes roaming over the countryside. “Yeah, I’m sorry too, for all of that, for everything you went through and the answers you’ll never have. What I’m about to say doesn’t negate any of that though, so just hear me out.”

He turned back to face Walker and Colt. “It’s just, not too many people get two chances at happiness, Walker.”

“What?” He felt as if Sawyer had punched him.

Sawyer frowned at the question. “I mean Ashleigh, obviously. I meant what I said earlier, you’ve been in a better mood lately than I’ve seen you since Jenny’s accident and we all know what Colt said was right, it is because of Ashleigh. She’s brought you back to life, bro.”

As Sawyer spoke the words, Walker knew them to be true. He felt like a fucking idiot, because it was true. That was exactly what Ashleigh was, what she had done. He just hadn’t realized it.