The C-130 was utterly quiet as they sat numb from the terrible loss of Blue, now in the rebels’ hands. Bronte made a soft, distressed whine and Tank dug his hand into her fur. Losing Blue was a bitter pill to swallow. He stared at the body bag, his eyes moist. She had decided that it was more important to tell him that she loved Blue than it was to give up the name of her contact.

Still, she had confirmed what they already knew. Even now LT was on the line with the brass and he was telling them there was a confirmed leak in the Kirikhanistan government. The very same government they had been working with. Every mission had been compromised, and whoever had given out that information was going to pay.

He leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. He could sure use some of Blue’s philosophy right now.

Be like the fish.

Tank hadn’t understood that during the masquerade ball, and he didn’t understand it now.

A hand descended on his shoulder and squeezed. He looked up into Ruckus’s stern face.

“We did everything humanly possible. Don’t beat yourself up.” Ruckus looked at the other men on the plane. “None of you should feel one ounce of remorse about this op. We almost had him. The good news is we rescued the NATO and Green Berets and the three SEALs from Bravo. That’s a victory.”

“Hoo-yah,” they responded.

He rose and said, his voice reverberating through the metal aircraft, “We’re going to find him and Speed and we’re going to bring them home.

“No matter the cost,” Scarecrow said to Wicked.

Wicked looked at him, and when Scarecrow raised his arm, they fist bumped. “Hoo-yah,” Wicked said, then again, louder, “Hoo-yah!”

“Hoo-yah,” sounded in a chorus of men’s voices.

Ruckus sat down next to Tank.

“She deserves a hero’s burial,” Tank said. “I’ll pay for it.”

Ruckus nodded. “Her name was Elena Sokolov. She was a naturalized American citizen, translator at the UN. We’ll make sure she’s buried with honors,” he said.

“I intend to deliver her message to Blue.”

Ruckus smiled. “I have no doubt. We’ll find him, Tank.”

He took out his cell and texted Alyssa that he was coming home and his ETA. He needed her right now. Needed her arms around him.

The rest of the trip was quiet as each of the men gave in to their exhaustion, both body and soul. When they touched down, Tank headed to base and took care of Bronte. Before he left her, he hugged the dog. “You did good out there, girl.” She licked his face, effectively saying he also had kicked ass. He ruffled her fur and slipped out of her enclosure.

He closed the kennel and drove over to Alyssa’s apartment. When she opened the door, she could tell something was wrong right away. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Oh, Thorn,” she said softly. He could see that her dad was still there, and Alyssa seemed subdued and on edge.

“Come with me?” she said. “Unless you’re hungry.”

He shook his head. “I’m not hungry, at least not for food,” he whispered. “I just need to hold you.”

She drew him into her bedroom, not seeming at all concerned by her father’s presence. She started a bath and he just stood there as she removed his uniform. When he was naked, she brought him into the bathroom and the tub of steaming water. He got in, and she stripped down and settled in behind him.

“Lean back,” she whispered tenderly, and she washed his hair, her gentle but firm fingers massaging his scalp. He sighed as she finished. Then she got a soapy washcloth and washed him.

“Tell me what happened.”

He couldn’t go into details, but told her about rescuing all the hostages, then going after Blue.

When he said, “The rebels have him.” she sagged weakly into his embrace.

“I’m so scared for him,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him for a long, long time. Tightening her arms around him, Alyssa ran her hand over his hair and kissed him on the temple.

“I know,” he said softly. “It’s been one hell of a six weeks.”

She rubbed his back, cupping his head with her other hand, trembling with reaction. Adjusting his head on her shoulder, he curled his arm around her waist. He hadn’t realized how strung out he was until the terrible tension let go. The pressure in his chest finally abated, and he was able to take a deep, relieved breath as Alyssa pressed him more tightly to her.

Her voice unsteady, she whispered, “When are you leaving again?”

He rubbed her thigh beneath the water. “I don’t know. Soon.”

She held him for several more moments, then brushed another light kiss against his temple. Her tone still quiet, she said, “After Thanksgiving?”

Tank turned his face into the soft skin of her neck, swallowing hard against the sudden cramp in his throat. He fought back the emotion. He looked up at her, an exhausted kind of numbness settling in. “Probably. I could get the call any time.”

Maybe he had to rethink his plan to fight for her. They were both serving their country, and he was going to be caught up with finding Blue. As soon as the brass decided what course of action to take, they would be going back. To build a strong relationship, proximity was important. Maybe he should keep his opinions about what she should do to himself. It would free her to make her own decision about taking the job at Lackland.

The thought of losing her, of not having her here when he came off deployment was like a kick to the groin, but he refused to pressure her like her dad. He’d learned too much from her in the past weeks about being there for her and how important it was. He would support her in any decision she made, even if it meant that he would lose her.

No more his way or the highway.

He was no longer that man.

“Let’s get you to bed,” she murmured as she rose out of the tub.

“I like the sound of that,” he said, stepping out, water sluicing off him. She stared at him for a moment, her eyes going glassy. Reaching out, she ran her hand over his biceps, then let her breath go with a soft, dreamy sigh. He caught her by the back of the neck and drew her head against him. “You drive me crazy. I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I wasn’t dodging bullets.”

Her face went serious. “Not something I want to hear,” she said. She wrapped a towel around him, hugging him briefly before drying him off. He grabbed her chin and kissed her long and slow.

Once they were on the bed, he pulled her on top of him. “Ride me hard, Alyssa.”

And she did, taking him to a new height of passion and pleasure. Afterwards, he dragged her close, so tired he could barely put together a coherent sentence. His last conscious thought was how fucked up everything was right now; then the gray fog of sleep pulled him under.

It was three in the afternoon when he woke up, a little surprised at how long he’d slept. He dressed in his running clothes. Exiting the bedroom, he walked into the kitchen. A piece of paper on the counter caught his eye. He read the short sentences. Alyssa had gone to work. He stood in the kitchen and looked up from the note to find Kyle St. James standing in the entrance to the kitchen.

“Hello,” he said, looking distinguished in a pair of jeans, a black pullover, and cowboy boots on his feet. Tank wondered if he had a cowboy hat like his teammate. Cowboy wore it every chance he got. After spending several weeks with him and Kia in Reddick, Texas, he wasn’t really keen to go back there. At least not to the small town. But he wouldn’t really have any need as Kia had moved here and she and Cowboy were getting married as soon as they set the date. It was easy to see that his teammate was besotted.

“Mr. St. James.”

“Oh, I don’t stand on formality. Call me Kyle.” His good ol’ boy drawl put Tank on edge. “Had a tough go of it?”

Tank opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

“It was a tough deployment, but I can’t really talk about it.” That hollow feeling hadn’t diminished. After his run, he needed to make arrangements for Elena Sokolov’s funeral. Blue would want her to be taken care of, even in death. His heart broke for him, and he tried to block the images of his teammate, his brother, being tortured. He knew all too well what the enemy did to captured US military.

“Of course,” he murmured.

Tank went to go past Alyssa’s father, but he grabbed Tank’s arm, stopping him. Her dad was an opposing man, but taller where Tank was broader.

“I’m suspecting you don’t want to hold my daughter back. She’s wanted this job for a long time. It’s what she had been working toward before she let that ex-husband derail her. I’ve told her before, emotion has no place in business.”

Tank stopped and stared the older man down. He let go of Tank and stepped back. “I have no intentions of telling Alyssa what to do. It seems she’s already had enough of that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” her father growled. He glared at Tank.

Unaffected, Tank walked toward the door and opened it. “If the boot fits, Kyle… Have a great day.” He shut the door behind him and broke into a run. He’d have to burn off the energy of holding back from socking her father right in the kisser. His disapproval could go to hell. Tank was determined he wasn’t going to be that kind of asshole.

After his run, he went home, showered, and changed, then went out to the base to check on Bronte. He walked her, played tug with her for a bit, then put her back in her kennel. He couldn’t help thinking about Echo.

He headed over to the clinic and walked inside. The receptionist looked up and smiled. “How can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Dr. St. James.”

“If you’d like to take a seat, I’ll buzz her.”

He waited for five minutes before Alyssa came out. “Hey,” she said, looking like she wanted to kiss him, but they kept it platonic in public while in uniform. She did squeeze his hand, her warm gaze connecting with his. “What’s up?”

“Lunch?” he asked hopefully.

Her eyes twinkled. “Ooh, at the delicious mess hall?”

He laughed. “Yeah, if you’re pressed for time.”

“I am. Let me grab my purse.”

At the Mess, they took their trays to a table. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Keeping it together. Ready to go look for Blue.”

“I can imagine. Do you have any leads?”

“A contact in the Kirikhanistan government.” He explained about Elena, and Alyssa reached out and covered his hand.

“That is so tragic and awful. But it’s good of you to handle her burial. So sad she lost her parents and her life over there. What a brutal way to live.”

“Yeah, after seeing that shit, protecting our freedom takes on a whole new meaning.”

“It does.” She toyed with her food. “Tank, I’m thinking about going back to active duty, leaving San Diego and moving back to San Antonio.”

Feeling as if his lungs were closing up on him, he didn’t say anything for a moment, and she filled the gap.

“I know. We just met, and it’s been so wonderful, but I keep thinking about Echo, about how I can make a difference there for those dogs who come in severely wounded. I want to be an advocate for them; that’s why I started the charity.”

“Only you can make that decision, Alyssa. I support whatever you decide to do.”

Her lips tightened, and she sat back as if she’d expected something more. She rose. “I need to get back.”

He dropped her off, not understanding her obvious anger toward him. There was no good way to discuss this while she was working. Potentially heated arguments were better saved for privacy. He had a funeral to manage, and that required him to be at the morgue in half an hour.

He left the base feeling as if he was losing the one thing in his life that made sense. He wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do if she followed through.

* * *

Alyssa walked back into the clinic and opened her desk, chucking in her purse and slamming the drawer. She’d held it together because she didn’t want to look like a fool in front of Tank. Only you can make that decision, Alyssa. I support whatever you decide to do.

She pressed her fingers to her eyes, refusing to cry. What had she expected? Him to declare that he loved her? That he didn’t want her to go? God, she was such a fool. Just because she was in love with him didn’t mean that he was as invested. They hadn’t talked about that at all.

She was torn between her desire to be here for Tank and moving on to Lackland, taking what she had been offered and proudly serving her country. But, the feelings of wanting to run the clinic she loved and continue to raise money for her charity wouldn’t go away. Her father had pointed out that she was a skilled surgeon and the Army needed dedicated professionals like her. Part of her knew he was being manipulative, but that didn’t diminish the argument. The thought of leaving Tank almost wrenched her in two. He had to be feeling the same way.

But maybe he was being practical. She sat down, glad she had a few minutes to compose herself before she needed to see her next client.

They were caught between serving and their own personal needs. Which one took precedence? He certainly wasn’t going to leave the SEALs for her, and she didn’t want him to do that, make that kind of sacrifice. But she also had the opportunity to continue to serve her country and this was more about compromise. Was she willing to relinquish her commission? Was she ready to go down a different path? She stayed late and caught up on some paperwork, unable to face either her father or Tank. It lightened her load so that she could enjoy Thanksgiving on Thursday. She still had a million things to do for that.

When she got home that night, she sighed when she saw Tank’s truck. That was Tank. The man who didn’t give a damn that her dad was still here. Didn’t worry about the awkwardness. Did he want to talk? She expected him to be up, but when she tiptoed into her room, he was in her bed.

It had been such a bad night for him last night. She’d never seen him so quiet and withdrawn, his expression grim, and Alyssa wondered if he needed space to come to terms with his teammate’s capture. Feeling too raw to wake him, she was careful, an empty ache unfolding in her. She understood his mood; she didn’t want to talk, either.

He had left the bathroom light on, and she paused by the bed, her heart contracting as she watched him sleep. He was lying on his stomach, one arm tucked under his head, his face turned away from her. He had shoved the pillow aside, the position of his arms drawing his muscle structure into deep definition, revealing the even rise and fall of his rib cage. She gazed down at him, an ache forming in her throat, remorse finding a hold among all the other emotions that clogged her chest. He didn’t deserve this. None of them deserved it.

A deep weariness settled on her, and she went into the bathroom and got ready for bed, suddenly so tired she could barely move. Two more days until Thanksgiving, and she was cooking for a crowd. Tank, his two brothers, Dan was bringing a date, Holly and her dad. She slipped into bed beside Tank, relieved she didn’t wake him up.

Tank was up already when Alyssa woke the next morning, the empty space beside her resurrecting the same feeling of aloneness she’d experienced the night before. And her spirits sank even lower when she found out he’d already left.

At some gut level, she knew that something had happened to make him close up the way he had. It hurt to realize he had withdrawn behind that wall of reserve he’d had the first time they’d met, that he had shut her out. The one good thing that had come out of this mess was the new intimacy they had discovered over the short relationship, and she desperately didn’t want to lose that. If that happened, it would be, in some ways, the greatest loss of all.

The next two days were full of getting prepared for the meal she was going to cook. Trips to grocery shop, buying fresh flowers, cleaning her apartment. Tank was absent. He texted her a couple of times and said he was caught up on base, but she couldn’t be sure he wasn’t avoiding her.

She’d be glad when it was over because by then she would make her decision, but the accumulated stress and strain left her almost numb. When Thanksgiving morning dawned, she woke up and got out of bed. It was early, and when she went into the kitchen to start her stuffing, she halted. Tank was standing there drinking coffee.

“Hey,” she croaked, then cleared her voice. “How long have you been here?”

“I just got here. I didn’t want to wake you. You sounded so exhausted on the phone last night. Sorry I’ve been absent.”

“I understand,” she said softly, and she did. He was part of a gun slinging team that kept the US safe. She couldn’t be petty about some time away from her.

He stepped close to her. “I’ve missed you,” he murmured. As a reconciling gesture, it was a good one.

She leaned up and kissed him, her voice uneven as she whispered, “I missed you, too.”

He nodded. When she went to go past him, he caught her arm. Startled, she looked at him. “That stuffing and turkey aren’t going to make themselves,” she said.

His mouth curved. “Do you know how much I want to drag you into your room and have my way with you, babe?”

She blushed, still not used to the way he made her body sing with declarations like that.

“Have I ever told you I fucking love it when you blush?”

“No.”

“Now you know.”

Her throat cramping painfully, she slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze, wishing they could just spend the day together alone. He brushed a kiss against the back of her hand, then released her. “Can I help?”

“No, you can relax. My stuffing is a one woman show.”

“I’ll get my run done, then.”

That one brief exchange eased the awful heaviness inside her, and she faced the dinner with a renewed energy. She put everything together, greeting Jordan with warmth when he knocked at her door, a bottle of wine in his hands. He joined Tank and her father on the couch for the endless hours of football.

Was it her imagination or had she detected tension between her dad and Tank? They were cordial, but there was some underlying animosity there.

She wasn’t sure she should even ask Tank about it. Their relationship was a bit shaky now. At the next knock, she opened the door to Dan and the woman she’d seen at Tank’s house. For a moment, she was confused and blinked a couple of times.

“Hello, Alyssa,” Becca (or Tinkerbell) said as she flounced inside in the most gorgeous pink outfit, a fluffy pink, three-quarter sleeved sweater over a white chiffon blouse, the sleeves flouncy and a slim pair of white designer jeans. Her shoes were also pink with little pompoms on them.

Tank rose and looked from Dan to Becca. He cocked his head. “What’s going on?”

“Becca and I are together,” he said

Tank’s brows rose, and Alyssa said, “Well, that’s nice,” to break the tension. Jordan looked from Tank to Dan, then exchanged a wry look with her.

Jordan took that moment to say, “I have to go to the hospital to have exploratory surgery.”

They all looked at him startled, which, she realized, was his way of breaking up the tension by focusing on him. “I’m sorry, Jordan,” Alyssa said, looking at Tank who reached out and squeezed his brother’s shoulder.

Holly took that moment to arrive. When she walked in she was all smiles, toting a pumpkin pie. She stopped short for a moment and looked at everyone’s faces. “Happy Thanksgiving,” she said, but it was more a question than declaration.

The tension was mounting with Tank and Dan seeming at odds. It overpowered the festive spirit that should be present in the room. Family dynamics were always interesting, but this took that to a new high.

Finally, after dinner, Tank grabbed Dan and dragged him out to the patio. Alyssa could only hear the muffled conversation while she cleaned up.

“Hearing anything good?” Becca said.

Alyssa jumped and whirled around. “No…I wasn’t…you caught me.”

Becca smiled. “I don’t have any siblings, so this has all been really interesting. It’s true that Thorn and I fooled around.” She nudged Alyssa. “He’s great in bed, right? Can I say that and not have it be weird?” She smiled.

“You’re definitely right,” Alyssa said. “But that might still be a bit awkward.”

“Of course, but we can be friends. I hope so.” She peered out again. “He loves you.”

She said it off the cuff while she was staring out the window. But Alyssa’s heart jumped in her chest at the sound of those words.

“Anyhoo, at the time, I didn’t know why he stopped calling, but after I met you, the mystery was solved.” She looked out the window, her eyes focusing on Dan, her face going soft. “It’s no secret that all three of them are pretty amazing catches: Thorn, a Navy SEAL protecting his country, Dan a firefighter protecting us all, and Jordan as sweet and smart—” her voice caught. “I can’t believe the unfairness of him getting sick. I intend to pay for his treatments. Dan argued with me at first, but I told him it was futile. I’m rich, but I don’t want that to be what defines me anymore. I understand you have a charity. I’m wondering if you’d let me participate. I need to learn the ropes to prove to my dad I’ve changed.” She squeezed Alyssa’s arm and smiled. “I thought I wanted more from Thorn, but after I met Dan, anything I felt for him withered into friendship. We’re both pretty damned lucky.”

Alyssa smiled, any wariness or worry she had about Becca dissolved.

“Hey, do you have any more of that delicious pumpkin pie?” Then she leaned forward and said with a mischievous, infectious grin, “I bet if we opened the window, we could hear what they were saying.”

Later that night, Alyssa waited for Tank to join her in bed, but as it got later and later, she went back out to the living room. He wasn’t there, and for a moment she thought he had left without saying goodbye.

But then she saw him outside staring up at the sky. Grabbing her throw off the back of the couch, she wrapped it around herself and opened the patio door and stepped outside.

“You all right?”

“Just thrown with the news about Dan and Becca. He told me he was in love with her and she’d already explained about me and us sleeping together.”

Alyssa laughed. “Yeah, it’s awkward.”

Tank laughed, too, and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Who am I to stand in anyone’s way?”

“Including me?”

He straightened and turned to face her. “Including you.”

“If I go active duty and take the Lackland job, it will make it very difficult to see you.”

“It’s going to make it impossible,” he said. “I’m not leaving the SEALs, Alyssa. I’m based out of San Diego. I want to be with you, but I’m not going to be that selfish jerk I was before I met you. I’m not going to demand you change for me. You have to make your own decisions about what you want to do. It’s not my way or the highway anymore. I care about the decision you’re going to make. I just won’t influence it or make it for you.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “That’s exactly what I need to hear. I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m needed at Lackland. Stephen is a good example of what can go wrong. It keeps me up at night.”

“You want me to stay?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Please.”

“I’m going to hang out here for a bit. You do have some thinking to do. I’m here for you if you need to talk some more.”

She nodded and left. An hour had passed since she’d left him on the patio. The luminous numerals showed 1:32 when she heard the telltale squeak of the door. She stopped breathing, every nerve in her body on alert, a flutter breaking loose in her chest. There was a soft click as the door closed, a brief silence, then a rasp of a zipper. Her heart pounding so hard she was sure it could be heard halfway across the room, Alyssa stared into the darkness, a hope-riddled anxiety immobilizing her. She felt the covers being pulled back, then the mattress shift as Tank slipped into bed.

More than anything, she wanted to turn into his arms, to close the physical and emotional distance between them, but fear that she would just lose it kept her still.

Feeling the warmth of him only inches away from her back, she opened her eyes and stared into the blackness, wondering if she would risk breaking the tenuous intimacy if she said something. Expelling a long sigh, he slipped one arm under her head and the other around her midriff, drawing her securely into the curve of his body. Thrown into emotional overload, she tried to turn in his arms, but he held her fast, the arm around her middle locking her against him.

Could she really give this up? What was more important? Her personal needs or her vow to serve her country?