Tears streamed down Caleb’s face as he retold the story. Still in the position on the floor, Erin also cried, just as devastated as he.

“I couldn’t save him.” Caleb’s voice was shaken. “And every night I see him.”

This made Erin rise up. She glanced in his eyes, bewildered by his confession.

“Every night?”

Caleb’s gaze left the ceiling and drifted to her face. He reached for her cheek and caressed her skin there.

“Except when you visit me.”

Blinking rapidly, Erin wrapped her mind around what Caleb was saying.

“Are you saying dreaming about me is the only time you don’t think of Timothy?”

“Dreaming of you, is the only time I don’t dream about Timothy’s death,” he said making sure his comment wasn’t understated.

A gasp flew from Erin’s lips and more tears sailed down her face. Caleb wiped them away but to no avail. They continued down her freckled cheeks and moisturized his fingers.

“Why are you crying?” Caleb’s voice was now soft and profound as if the sorrow for himself left as soon as Erin was in despair.

She half gawked and stuttered out a response. “Are you se— do you really need to ask me that?”

“If those tears are for me, save them. I don’t deserve them. It should’ve been me in that cab. I broke protocol. We should’ve never switched positions.”

“That’s your solution?” Erin asked incredulously. More tears ran down her face. “You’d rather be dead then— ugh!”

Erin removed herself from the floor jumping to her feet.

“Where are you going,” Caleb asked rising to a sitting position.

“Just… give me a second.”

Erin left the dining room and ran to her bedroom. Inside she leaned against her wall and shut her eyes. Her mind tossed as Caleb’s revelation hit her hard. Caleb blamed himself for Timothy’s death, and he thought the recurrence of his nightmares were apart of some justified torment because of his guilt. But Erin knew better. During her research into the lives of soldiers, she came across articles on PTSD and this was a pure case of it, plain and simple. She gathered her senses then pushed off the wall to go back to him. Erin didn’t have to go far. Caleb stood in her doorway, seconds from entering, as she went to make an exit.

They bumped into each other and her hands slipped up his chest as his hefty palms clutched her arms to hold her steady.

“Careful,” his thick voice grooved.

Erin shivered under his intense stare. “I didn’t see you,” she said.

“It’s alright. You weren’t expecting me, and I didn’t mean to intrude. You left in such a hurry, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Erin let out a long breath. “You wanted to make sure I was okay,” she repeated astonished.

“Yeah.”

“Caleb, it is not your fault Timothy died.”

Caleb’s stare had gone from warm to melancholy.

“I know that’s hard for you to believe; and for people with PTSD, that’s a given.”

This time Caleb frowned. “You think I have post-traumatic stress disorder?”

“You don’t?”

“No.”

Erin was bewildered. “Baby…” she paused after catching the word slip from her tongue, but it was too late. Caleb heard it, too, and his hands moved from her arms to wrap around her shoulders.

Slowly, he pulled her closer until their breastbones pushed against one another. The warmness in his eyes returned and his voice thickened.

“Finish what you were going to say, sweetheart.”

Erin swallowed thickly, and an involuntary shudder crept down her spine. Instead of attempting to remove what she’d said, Erin pushed forward with her commentary.

“I’ve done research on this. There’s a program called Wounded Warrior Project. The program specializes in helping soldiers with PTSD. Um,” Erin snapped her fingers trying to remember exactly what she’d read. “Project Odyssey!” She practically yelled. “It’s an adventurous outdoor type of project that will help improve your mental and emotional health.”

“I don’t think an outdoor activity is going to help me in this situation.”

“How do you know? First give it a chance.”

Caleb removed his arms from around her and took a step back.

“Listen Erin, I appreciate you trying to help me, I really do, but if you’d witnessed what I did, I think you’d change your mind about your research.”

Erin frowned. “How can you dismiss it without even considering it?”

Caleb shoved his hands into his pockets. “I know what I know.”

They stared at each other for a long minute.

“So that’s it? You have no solution, you’re just going to keep going through this every night?” Erin folded her arms and leaned into a hip.

Caleb knew the feistiness in her was seconds away from emerging, but he still thought this Wounded Warrior Project was silly. In his mind, there was no way he could get over what Caleb had deemed his fault by doing some outdoor activities.

“I have my own way of dealing with this.”

Erin lifted a brow. “Which is?”

This was the part of the conversation Caleb hadn’t wanted to get into, but standing by his word to talk to her about his thoughts or decisions, he got on with it.

“I’m going back this fall,” he said.

Erin’s forehead creased and her eyes lurched. “What?”

Caleb pulled a hand out of his pocket and it sailed over his face as he let out a breath. “I’m only here for the summer, then I’ll be sent back to Iraq.”

Erin stopped breathing. Her mind tumbled as she thought about what Caleb said. Heat stung her cheeks from a boiling madness she felt. Her pulse exhilarated. She was stunned to say the least. Erin swallowed.

“Wait,” she lifted a hand in the air. “You’re saying your solution for getting past Timothy’s death is to go back to the place it happened and do what for God’s sake?! How is that going to help you?”

“I’m not looking for it to help me get over it. But the fact that I’m still alive and he isn’t, because of a decision I made, means I should continue to serve. It’s not fair for me to come home and live a decent life when he has none. I won’t. I can’t.”

Caleb wanted Erin to understand him, but he knew it would be hard. He didn’t blame Erin if she couldn’t.

Erin’s mouth fell open. The madness had her trembling now; not hard but a light tremble that resonated enough that Caleb noticed it.

“What you’re really saying is that because you think it’s your fault, you deserve to serve in the military until you die.” Her voice broke at the end of her sentence.

“Baby…” Caleb reached out for her, but she swatted his hand away.

“No!” She screeched.

Erin didn’t know how to react. There was a part of her that wanted to console him and tell him how much his way of thinking was wrong. She wanted him to understand it wasn’t his fault. There were real solutions right here in the United States of America. Erin wanted to let him know that no matter what he did, serving until he died wouldn’t bring Timothy back. She wanted to be strong for him and help him thoroughly. But Erin’s anger was elevated, and she couldn’t stop what she said next.

“Get out.”

Surprised, Caleb took another step towards her. “Erin, I don’t want to fight—”

“Yes, you do! Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be saying this to me right now. How dare you come back here and ask me to give you another chance only to turn around and tell me you’re leaving again out of some duty you feel to kill yourself in the military.”

“It’s not like that.”

“The hell it isn’t! That’s exactly what you’re doing, Caleb! You think it makes it better because you’re telling me this time. You’re delusional! And I can’t be a part of your life while you try to kill yourself.”

They had another intense stare down.

“I’m not trying to kill myself.”

Erin folded her arms tightly and bit down on her teeth. She was seeing red, and unless Caleb started making sense, she was seconds away from throwing him out. “What do you call it, Caleb?”

“Please, understand me, baby. I can’t live with myself like this.”

Caleb reached for her again. Seeing his eyes mist over, Erin allowed him to pull her into his embrace.

“It's not just the nightmares. My soul hurts. I chose this life, I should deal with the consequences.”

Erin’s heart broke for him. “Caleb,” she paused and tried to collect her thoughts. “I don’t’ know how much to tell you it's not your fault. But please, don’t do this.”

A phone rang out and Caleb kept his attention on her face while he fished inside his Capri shorts for the device. It slipped into his palm and he pulled it to his ear.

“Yeah,” he answered. Caleb’s eyes moved away from her face after hearing the voice on the receiving end. “Staff Sergeant Hopkins,” he announced.

Erin’s eyes widened. Why would his sergeant be calling today?

“Yes, I understand.” Caleb removed his other arm from Erin and checked his wristwatch. “Yes sir, thirty minutes is fine. See you then.”

Caleb disconnected the call and dropped the phone back into his pocket. His gaze shifted around the room, and for the first time, he scanned the area, taking in Erin’s cherry oak wood furniture and queen size canopy bed. When his eyes found her again, he answered her unspoken question.

“He wants to meet with me.”

“In thirty minutes, yeah, that much I gathered,” Erin said a bit feisty.

Caleb sighed. “This wasn’t much of a lunch date, was it?”

“I wouldn’t consider this a date at all. But besides that, are you going to consider what I’ve said, or is your mind made up?” Erin wanted to reach him, but she didn’t know how to pull him out of the consuming decision he’d made.

“Erin…”

“I need you, Caleb.” Again, the words slipped right out of Erin’s mouth in an attempt to save his life. Deep down, Erin’s words were heartfelt and truthful, but she still tried to tell herself she was just doing it to help him.

Caleb’s gaze froze on her and he drew Erin closer to him. He kept their connection until their faces were mere inches apart.

“You need me, Erin?”

Being so close to him made Erin’s body betray her. Her skin heated instantly at the soft caress he trekked up and down her back.

“Ye-yes,” she said in a whispered stutter. “Don’t leave me again.” Her true feelings were showing, and this time, her eyes misted over with renewed tears. “Let me help you through this. If you really want to be with me again and regret everything that happened in the past, you would let me help you. Don’t break my heart again.”

Erin forced herself to believe she was putting on a show, but it was useless. If he denied what she was asking, she’d break again; and this time, she would put him out and never look upon his face again. A tear crept from her eye and Caleb wiped it away. He blew out a deep breath.

“When can I see you again,” he asked.

Erin’s thoughts shuffled. Nocturnal Encounters would be opening its doors at 8 pm. “I have to work tonight, but if it suits you, you can come by.”

Caleb ran his fingers down her cheeks. “Will you get a break?”

“I can take a break when I want. I own the place, remember?”

Caleb nodded. He did remember. He also didn’t forget that she’d taken the money they saved to get married to do it. But he wasn’t upset in the least.

“I’m glad you found something you love. I’m sorry for all the grief I’ve caused you. It seems to be the story of my life,” he said.

Erin felt her heartbeat pick up. There were so many emotions flooding throughout her, she didn’t know which one to lean on.

“I’ll look for you tonight. If you don’t show, that’s fine too, but don’t go off and leave without telling me.”

Caleb cracked a smile. “I wouldn’t do that again. I told you.”

Erin let out an elongated sigh.

“Walk me to the door.”

She nodded, and they turned to leave the room. Strolling down the hallway side by side, Caleb and Erin were quiet as they both mulled over their collective thoughts.

At the front door, Erin spoke up. “You should take your lunch since we never had the chance to eat.”

George’s ears sat straight up, and the Labrador jogged over to Caleb as if noticing he was leaving.

“I’ll grab something after I leave the station.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Caleb reached out to grab her chin. The strum of his fingers tickled her flesh and made her shiver. Again, Caleb was making Erin feel things she’d thought she’d put away for safe keeping. Tugging her chin gently, Caleb hovered over her as she easily glided into him. His eyes combed throughout her face then fell to her lips. He was asking without vocally making a request.

Erin only had seconds to decide if she wanted to fall into this cycle again of loving Caleb; wanting and needing him every second of her life. Flashes of their yesteryears, the good and bad sailed through her. But, it was Caleb who took the lead. His lips cruised into hers and mixed with the softness of her mouth. He covered her completely, sucking on her top lip before sliding his mouth over her bottom. Caleb’s hands sank into her waist and pulled her harder into his core. A buzz fell over them both and heat wafted around as they melted into the consummation of the kiss.

Their breathing became bated, as their warm breaths mixed. They invaded one another’s mouths and tasted each other’s palate.

“Mmmm.”

A moan drifted from them, but neither Caleb nor Erin knew which one made the sound. At the time, they didn’t care. The unadulterated eroticism of the kiss tinged their skin and sent their nerves in an outpouring over their skin. Erin’s hands drifted up Caleb’s torso, covered his shoulders, then rounded his neck. Her vagina thumped, and the seat of her panties became threatened by the moisture that coaxed from it. Caleb’s hands roamed down and took in a gripping palm full of her ass. Another moan slipped from them and Caleb drew her waist to him, lifting her slightly so her crouch could feel the hardness of his shaft.

It was the bulging erection that made Erin snap back to life. The pressure of his hardness gave her heart an extra palpitation and she realized they were closing in on something they’d never crossed before.

Pulling her mouth away from his, their lips smacked at the disconnection. Caleb’s smoldering gaze seared her, and he licked his lips as if needing to taste the flavor she’d left on his tongue once more.

“What’s wrong?” His thick voice drummed, easy and smooth.

“Nothing,” Erin said almost too fast. She cleared her throat. “Um,” she smiled slightly. “Nothing,” she said again.

They watched each other for the better part of a minute.

“You should probably get going,” she said.

“I see, now you want to put me out,” he responded.

Erin’s brows shot up. “No. That’s not what I’m doing.”

Caleb chuckled. “I’m just playing with you, sweetheart.”

He wiped the corners of her lips with the pad of his thumb then kissed her quickly once more on her lips before releasing her.

“Do you mind if I have your number,” he asked.

Erin grinned. “Sure, let me have your phone.”

Caleb reached into his pocket and handed over his device. He curved his gaze over Erin’s body as she entered her digits.

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way,” he said.

“To the club?”

“Yeah. Unless you’d rather me come back here. I’d love to have dinner with you, for old times’ sake.”

For some reason, dinner with Caleb didn’t make Erin think of old times, but of the new times they could make.

“I may take you up on your offer.”

Caleb’s gaze shimmered as he looked forward to that possibility. He pinched her chin and stepped away from her to open the door.

“I’ll see you then,” he said.

“Yeah, see you.”

He stepped back into the sun and Erin watched him step down her wooden porch and strolled to an Audi sitting in front of her mailbox. Once at his car, he turned to her and waved while opening the driver door and easing inside.

Erin waved back then shut the door, quickly pivoting on her heels. Her back sunk into the wooden frame as she let go of her first wind of air, blowing so hard her bangs flew up. What was she going to do now? Everything she vowed never to do again was happening as if she had no control over herself.

Erin had to get a grip, or she’d find herself head over heels in love with Caleb, again.