Saturday 22nd February

I finally told the olds with about half an hour to spare. Then me and Jess got through the next two weeks of reasonable discussion and tight faces around a table.

It was all decided for us. I’d still go to university and study music. Jess would have the baby, and then she and the baby would live with her parents until we were old enough to know what we wanted.

What we wanted? That’s a laugh. Nobody asked us, and we already know.

Rock star. Artist.

I could see those dreams writhing in the dust.

We were sitting on the pallet stage in the shed alone for once.

“I leave in a week,” I said and took her hand. Jess threaded her fingers through mine and nodded. Her hair fell around her face.

Then she looked up. “I don’t want you to go away, Isaac,” she said softly. “Please stay.”

And I think it was the first time either of us had said it. I needed to stay. I didn’t want to leave Jess and the baby anyway. It was Mum who drove the whole ignore the baby and carry on plan.

“Do you want to get married?” I asked.

Jess nodded again.

“Okay.” So much for Mum’s plan, and this decision to get married was not going to go down well. It wasn’t an option our parents even considered. The whole idea of Jess’s family is too much for Mum. As for Jess’s dad, I’m pretty sure if he could see a way of getting rid of me without ending up in jail, I’d be toast.

“We need to sort out everything before we tell them,” said Jess. So, she did have some idea of how our parents would react.

I nodded, but my brain was spinning. I was going to need a job, and we were going to need somewhere to live and that meant furniture. How the hell do you get that sorted in less than a week? Mum was expecting to load me and my gear into the car and take me to Auckland the following week, so I could start university.

“Do you think this is sensible?” Jess asked.

I shrugged. Of course, it wasn’t sensible. I know fuck all about babies and being married.

“Do you still want to go to university?” she asked.

I thought about that. Maybe. Definitely. A lot more than I wanted to be married and look after a baby anyway. But Jess didn’t want me to go, and I didn’t think I should leave.

“All I want is to be with you,” I lied.

Tuesday 25^th February

“Children getting married.” Mum exploded at Dad. Jess’s mum and dad had just left the house after the getting married discussion. Mum looked at me. I still look like Zac Coleman, rockstar, eyes like a panda, hair straight, cut so it hangs over half my face, and dyed as black as midnight.

“It’s the hair and the makeup that have caused the problem.” She never liked the look.

Then she decided it was all Jess’s fault. “That girl has destroyed our son’s life. She could have kept her legs closed. Some people should be sterilised at birth.”

And so on and so forth.

I wasn’t sure why Jess got most of the blame.

“I was there too, Mum,” I pointed out.

That shut her up.

Thursday 27^th February

I had a talk to Luke. He’s not going anywhere either and probably won’t be a rock star. He’s starting his apprenticeship in a couple of weeks.

“Do you think your dad would want another apprentice?” I asked him.

“Don’t know.” Luke’s as shocked as me about all this. Said his dad had told him to use heavy duty condoms from now on. And spermicide.

Is there such a thing?

Might have to look that up.

“I’ll ask him.” He flicked his hair back. “Since you’re sticking around, are you still in Stadium?” That’s something I hadn’t thought about. The band had got that gig in Hamilton. Every Saturday night Stadium was going to play at Collins’ mates’ pub.

After Luke asked the first time, I’d decided if I was in Auckland it would be too hard for me to be part of it. But I’m not going to be in Auckland. I’m going to be here. If Luke and Cole were travelling over to Hamilton each weekend, I could go with them.

“Yeah, why not?” And suddenly I thought maybe this whole baby thing isn’t all bad. Maybe Collins will be happy to keep on writing lyrics with me, and maybe if I keep playing with the band I’ll have some sort of a life.

“First gig, this Saturday night,” said Luke. “Me and Cole will swing by and pick you up around lunchtime. You can bunk down at Tessa’s flat. She’s flatting with Noah and Adam and a couple of others, so bring a sleeping bag.” He folded his long skinny frame into his car.

“What about Milly?” Last I heard Cole was still hanging about with her.

Luke shook his head. “She’s gone to England for a year to ride horses or something.”

Things change fast. I slammed the car door shut, and Luke took off. Bunking down at Tessa’s Saturday night might be what Cole’s doing, but Luke’s been going out with Tessa since they were kids, so he’ll be in her bed. He does tend to look after himself and let everyone else make do.

Sunday March 2nd

Saturday arrived, and Luke turned up at the house to pick me up.

“Ready?” he asked as I came out the door, guitar in one hand, violin under my arm, back pack slung over one shoulder and sleeping bag in the other hand. Mum was in the kitchen, doing something.

Luke grinned at Mum. “See you, Mrs Coleman.” And because Luke’s got that sort of grin, Mum smiled back. It didn’t seem to worry her, that he was wearing even more mascara than I was. Mum’s all for me sticking with Stadium. She said it might show me what I’m giving up by getting married. She’s still fighting this wedding.

I’d gone all Goth. I was wearing the Matrix coat, I wore when we played at the school ball. It’s got dollar coins sewn into the hem, so when I move it flares out.

“See you boys, have fun.”

Luke grabbed the violin and the sleeping bag and stuck them in the boot.

Jess was staying home with her Mum and Dad. She said she didn’t feel up to coming with us. Morning sickness that goes on all day must be a bastard.

We got to the pub, just on midday. Noah and Adam were already there.

“You made it,” said Noah. He helped us unload the guitars and violin. He spotted the back pack and roll bags. “Where are you staying tonight?”

“Your place.” Luke hopped out of the car and came around to the back to help carry stuff.

“Lucky we’ve got a couple of couches.” Noah handed the amp and cords to Adam. Cole and the others were in jeans and t shirts as usual. Luke was all waistcoat and fedora.

Adam carried the amp, and we followed him into the pub. “Harry’s got a spare room out the side where we can set up and store our gear, said Adam. “That’s where the drums are, and the rest of the sound system. It all looked all right. I came and checked it during the week. It shouldn’t take us long to set up.” He’s the technician. We all know a fair bit about setting up our gear now, but he knows the most.

Inside the pub, dust danced in the light from the high windows, and the tables and chairs were sitting there emptily. Pubs always look sad during the daytime when no one is there. It’s like they’re going to have a party but aren’t sure anyone will turn up.

A big guy in a white shirt and black pants came over. The Harry Adam was talking about.

Luke introduced me and Cole. Harry waved at a door to a side room.

“Put your gear in there. I’ll leave you to set up.” What he’s paying us isn’t going make anyone rich, but he’s taking a chance on us, so maybe that’ll improve.

“Are we going to try and have a practice?” asked Noah. It was a fair question. We hadn’t played together since before Christmas.

Luke was all business. “We’ll set up and do a sound check. I guess if there’s any time to spare, we’ll have a run through.” He’s usually full of energy and ready for anything but he was taking this seriously.

We got to work, we had about six hours to get ready.

By late afternoon, we were nearly set up and ready to run through “Stardust”. I wrote it with Collins help. We’d decided we should at least do a soundcheck to see if we could make music here.

Luke talked me into playing the violin part. “Natalia said you’re the best violinist anyway,” he said, probably to get in first before I started complaining. “Besides you wrote “Stardust”, and with that coat you wore at the ball, and a bit of showmanship you look good.”

Jesus. He’s the showman. And bloody Luke can play the violin, so can Noah and Adam for that matter, but it’s always me who gets stuck with it. I wonder which one of them would have done it if I’d gone to Auckland?

That afternoon, I was struggling with the violin. The bloody thing doesn’t stay in tune anyway, and Luke sticks it in the boot on a hot day. And I let him! When I started learning the violin, it was a deal with Mum. If I wanted guitar and piano lessons, I got to take violin lessons too. I think she could see me in the symphony orchestra or something. There was no way that was going to happen but when the violin teacher’s hot, why give it up?

Adam came over. He rested against the back of a chair and watched.

“Luke stick you with the solo again?” he asked.

“Yeah, just for “Stardust”.” I tucked it under my chin and tested how the thing sounded. Almost right.

“That’s good, he’d almost talked me into doing it. How’s Jess?” he asked.

She’s pregnant. How does he think she is? But Adam’s all right. He would be the one who asked about Jess. He tends to remember to do that sort of stuff. He’s nice to people.

“Okay.”

“I thought she’d be here for our first night,” he said.

I swiped the bow across the strings. “She didn’t feel up to it.”

He nodded. I put the violin down and picked up my guitar. I checked that was in tune too. Played a few chords. Cole was behind the drums and had a steady beat going. They sounded all right. He and Adam had been adjusting them for most of the afternoon and had got them the way Cole wanted them.

“You ready Isaac?” Luke had the mic in his hand. His guitar was leaning against a chair where he could grab it. Noah’s was behind the keyboard. Chords were floating out from that. It was all just random sound, but we were starting to sound ready. This was going to be our first real performance. It wasn’t the first time we’d played in public. But it was the first time we’d played in public together outside of the Smokefree thing, school balls and assemblies.

“Yeah,” I said.

“We’ve got half an hour to make sure everything’s right,” said Luke.

“Yeah.”

We ran through “Stardust”, it sounds great. Then we went and got something to eat. It could be a long night.

We got back to the pub, and it was time to go on stage. I picked up the violin and the bow, held the guitar by the neck with the other hand, and breathed in. I followed the others to the stage. The lights dimmed. A spotlight followed us. Everyone in the bar looked at us, just white faces and dark eyes. The hush was magic. Like expectation. Waiting just for us.

Luke did the talking like he’d done it a million times before.

Then we started playing. The music took over. Being there was a fairytale.