Jonathan’s mind hadn’t been on his mother when she died. His mind had, in fact, been very much on another woman; his brother Matthew’s first wife, Tara. Cecily Carter’s funeral had been a nightmare of undercurrents, tensions and oddness, culminating in Jonathan having to escort his father back to Orchard Cottage after he’d had one too many at the wake. Jack had rambled when he and Jonathan had been alone, confessing drunkenly to all manner of sins, most of which, to Jonathan’s younger self, seemed as distant and irrelevant as the inconstant, shadowed moon above them. It was January when his mother died and the sharpness of the cold night underpinned the family’s grief. Not even the church organist, whose playing style resembled Les Dawson’s skilled, yet practiced ineptitude, was enough to provide a light in the darkness.
The moment Jonathan had settled his father on the sofa with a bottle and a blanket, he’d belted back to Pippin Cottage, where he was living rent free. Bought by his father in the early seventies, it was, forty years later, to become the homecoming property of his brother’s future second wife, Anna Hemingway. But then, in those relentless mid-noughties days, it was Jonathan’s home. On the night the Carter family buried its matriarch, Jonathan and Tara snatched a few forbidden moments alone while Matthew took Meredith, still a toddler, home to her bed. Those moments were frenzied, borne as much of pain as of need, and at the end of it Jonathan felt nothing but a feverish longing for more.
How things, and how people, had changed. With Jack Carter lying cold in the mortuary, Jonathan couldn’t think of anything, or anyone else, but his father. The painful realisation that his father had been looking at the Buckthorn papers on Jonathan’s insistence when he died, was eating into his soul. He should never have pushed him; never have forced an issue that in the grand scheme of things, meant so little. But he had, and his own hubris had finally caught up with him.
The morning after Jonathan was paralysed by grief. He ignored the landline telephone ringing off the hook, presumably with people wanting to commiserate or find out the gory details. A private ambulance travelling through the village had not gone unnoticed and the Little Somerby rumour mill was in full force. Jonathan bolted the door.
At around lunchtime his mobile phone buzzed. Glancing at it he saw Anna’s number. He watched the phone for a few seconds before it clicked through to voice mail. The inertia, the total inability to function, was what frightened him the most. When Matthew came round that afternoon, he listlessly agreed with whatever his brother proposed about Jack’s funeral, and then closed the door, relieved to be alone again.
*
At the other end of the village, Anna thumbed her phone to lock it and sighed. She didn’t know whether to just go to see Jonathan or whether to leave him be. Matthew had gone into work to inform his employees of Jack’s death and was going to try to sort out some of the funeral arrangements from his office. He needed to maintain some sense of normality even though underneath he was struggling. As she was fretting over the decision, she heard the back door open and Matthew came into the kitchen. He looked akin to how he’d looked when Meredith was lying in a coma in hospital after the car accident that nearly cost her life. Anna’s heart ached.
Before Anna could ask him anything, he spoke. ‘I went round to see Jonathan.’
‘How was he?’ Anna asked.
‘Fragile,’ Matthew replied. He sat down heavily in one of the kitchen chairs. Meredith was upstairs in her room studying for her English Literature mock exam the next day. Ellie had crashed out the moment Anna had put her to bed, exhausted from all the emotions she was only beginning to understand.
‘And, how are you?’ Anna crossed from the kitchen sink over to where Matthew was sitting in his usual chair.
Matthew said nothing, but his hands, clasped in front of him on the kitchen table, clenched convulsively. Wordlessly, Anna walked up beside him and put her arms around him. He turned into her embrace, burying his face in the warmth of her soft cashmere jumper. Eventually, he pulled back from her and looked up. ‘I’m so glad I’ve got you,’ he said hoarsely.
‘I’m glad I’m here,’ Anna replied. Her heart broke as she saw the sadness in her husband’s eyes.
‘Dad was so, so happy to find out about the baby,’ Matthew said. ‘He didn’t think he was ever going to get another grandchild. I wish he was going to be here to meet him or her.’
‘Me too,’ Anna said, her left hand still stroking Matthew’s thick dark and silver hair.
‘He’s been so happy to see Jonathan and me finally running the business together. It was good that he actually saw his wishes realised before he… before he died.’ Matthew swallowed again. ‘It was just tragic that it took so long for Jonno and I to sort ourselves out and do what he wanted.’
‘But he saw it in the end,’ Anna said softly. ‘He loved the fact that you took it on together, and were finally at peace with each other.’ She shook her head. ‘And now he’s at peace, too.’
‘I hope Mum’s up there, giving him a glass of sherry and a good telling off!’ Matthew said shakily. He looked up at Anna. ‘She’d have liked you, I think. She never was sure about Tara.’
Anna’s eyes filled with tears. ‘So much loss,’ she said softly. ‘Don’t you think we’ve all had our fair share by now?’
Matthew shook his head. ‘We’ve got each other. And the children.’ His face clouded over. ‘And we may need to take care of Jonathan for a while. He thinks he should have been there. That he shouldn’t have pushed the takeover idea with Dad. He thinks he caused Dad’s heart to fail.’
Anna pulled Matthew close again. ‘He couldn’t have known. Jack’s heart could have gone at any time.’
‘I know.’ Matthew reached up a hand and touched Anna’s cheek. ‘But Jonathan’s struggling to believe that. Not that there’s any doubt now about Buckthorn; there’s no way we’re going in with them. Dad was right.’
Anna nodded. ‘Sounds like you’ve made your mind up.’ She paused. ‘I texted Caroline this afternoon. I know she’s on holiday but she needs to know what’s happened.’ She omitted to say that Caroline hadn’t yet replied and resolved to try and call her later. Perhaps wherever she’d gone didn’t have the best phone reception.
Matthew’s face clouded over. This was not unnoticed by Anna. ‘What is it?’ she said.
‘Oh nothing,’ Matthew shook his head. ‘It’ll have to keep until after we’ve made the arrangements for Dad.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Christ, Anna. The old bugger and I didn’t see eye to eye about a lot of things, but now that he’s gone…’ he put his head in his hands.
Wordlessly, Anna put her arms around Matthew again, running a warm hand through his hair and reassuring him with her presence. Eventually, he looked back up at her. ‘I’ll just go and check on Meredith,’ he said hoarsely. ‘And then I think we both need some rest.’
Anna wrapped an arm around Matthew’s waist as he stood up. She knew the days ahead were going to be tough and she felt exhausted already, but for the sake of her new family, she needed to find the strength to hold things together. She wasn’t sure exactly how she was going to do it, but for everyone’s sake, she needed to try.