20

If I thought I’d had insomnia the night before we got our Christmas tree, it was nothing compared to the night of.

Into the wee hours of the morning, the word ex-girlfriend echoed through my head. Someone was being less than honest with me, and if it wasn’t Kendall, it was TJ. I didn’t understand why TJ would lie about being in a relationship. Until I thought about the trip to the horse pond, the way TJ had touched my hair, my face. Had I imagined it? The whole thing happened in a matter of seconds. I could’ve totally spaced. Or hallucinated. Or something.

Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, when my sheets were as twisted around my legs as strips of licorice, I threw off my covers and headed into the bathroom. I scraped a comb through my hair and brushed my teeth, then threw on a coat and boots, and left a note for my parents before heading out the front door.

It had snowed overnight. My boots broke through the hardened powder in lopsided ovals as I clomped down the front walk, my nose buried in my collar. Sliding into the driver’s seat of my jalopy felt like having an ice cube under my rear end, but it didn’t stop me from turning on the car, scraping enough space on each window to be able to see, and reversing out of my driveway as fast as I could.

I had no idea where I was going, but I had a feeling I knew exactly where I’d end up.

• • •

Shit!

I cursed silently and then out loud as I drove past TJ’s house at the exact moment he approached the edge of his property, obviously headed to the farm for work in cargo pants, his flannel Paul Bunyan coat, and a knit hat that flattened his dark curls against his face. Not only did he see my car, but we also made direct eye contact thanks to the unforgiving winter morning brightness. So much for being on the sly.

Some spy I was.

I waved and flashed an awkward smile as I passed, trying to make it look like I totally meant to be driving by a tree farm in my pajamas at an ungodly hour of morning. Dear God, I was at a tree farm in my pajamas. Pajamas with cupcakes all over them, tucked into my clunky winter boots. And now I had to stop, because there was not an excuse on the planet for why I’d be in TJ’s neck of the woods except to be at that farm. I had seriously lost my damn mind.

TJ watched and waved as I made a three-point turn and parked on the opposite side of the street, farther up from where I normally lurked in the shadows, staking out his house. I would’ve sold my soul for some of those shadows as I emerged from the car, pulling at the hem of my coat to make sure it at least covered the word sweet embroidered across my ass.

“Marisa.” TJ smiled as he walked toward me. “What brings you back to Maple Acres on this fine subzero morning?”

My teeth chattered as I tried to smile back and think of a halfway decent excuse. There were a hundred reasons I’d come, none of which I could share with him.

Oh hey, TJ. I’m just trying to figure out how you can be so nice and so shady at the same time. Carry on.

Oh, you know, just trying to catch you cheating on the girlfriend you deny having. The usual.

“Um, I think I need to put in an order for one more bracelet. I always forget someone when I try to do my Christmas shopping early.” I managed a jittery laugh and TJ beamed.

“No problem. Come over to the barn. I have something I wanted to give you anyway.”

He did?

“You do?”

“Uh-huh. I have a few minutes before anyone will be looking for me. Let’s go. You look like you’re freezing to death.”

I followed him, embarrassed and grateful all at once. We trudged through the snow in silence, and the pond came into view, its surface steaming with water vapor. It was so pretty, like ghosts dancing on the surface. I whipped out my phone and snapped a picture. Since I’d already started the day embarrassing myself, I might as well go all the way and give drawing the barn another go.

When TJ pushed open the wooden barn door, much to my dismay, it was only about half a degree warmer inside. He pulled a stool up against his worktable and patted the seat.

“Here. Sit down. I’ll get you some hot chocolate.”

And then tell me again how single you are?

“That sounds amazing.”

I sat and curled into myself as much as I could, huffing hot air into my gloveless hands and rubbing them together. TJ flipped on the space heaters and the coffee machine before turning back to me with a laugh.

“You’re not even wearing real pants! There’re still a couple weeks until Christmas. What was your rush?”

“I-I don’t know. I wanted to get it done while I was thinking about it, I guess.”

“I hear that.” He picked up a small box from the end of the long, wood table and brought it over to me. “I could wait to give this to you, but I really don’t want to.”

I looked at him and then at the box.

“That’s for me?”

He nodded. “Open it up.”

I clamped my frozen fingers around the box and lifted the lid. I gasped. “TJ! This is gorgeous!”

He jammed his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor. “You like it?”

I lifted the bracelet out of the box. He’d stained the leather a deep caramel and dotted the edges with tiny, clear crystals. Woven down the center were thin strips of brilliant gray blue, white, and green. I rotated it around and around on my fingers, studying the design from every angle.

“I love it. You didn’t have to do this.”

He hunched into his coat, embarrassed at my praise. “You told me that you tried to draw the barn and the pond but couldn’t quite capture the scene. So I started wondering, what would it look like if I tried to capture it for her with something I can make?” He looked sheepish again. “And that’s what I came up with.”

I kept looking from the bracelet to him, my mouth hanging open but nothing intelligible coming out. He’d even put crystals on it for me. “Thank you” was the best I could do.

“Open the clasp. There’s something on the flip side I think you’ll like.”

I did what he asked, and for a second, I forgot how to breathe. On the underside of the leather, he’d stamped the letter M. And next to that, he’d painted a poinsettia.

I ran my thumb over the delicate red and black brushstrokes, at a total loss for words. There was so much artistry, so much care in that one tiny flower. He’d made this for me, without me asking him to. And it was perfect.

“It was the best I could do on short notice,” he said. When I could do nothing but gape at him, TJ laughed. “Here, put it on.” He slipped the bracelet onto my wrist and after he clasped it, he squeezed my fingers. “Marisa, your hands are freezing!” He placed both my hands together in a praying position, sandwiched them between his own, and rubbed vigorously. He paused to blow a warm breath against my palms, then smiled at me as he started to rub again.

And then something very strange happened. A warmth that had nothing to do with the space heater and everything to do with his grin and his hands on mine and the cinnamon-and-chamomile scent of his breath spread through me, flooding me so quickly that I snatched my hands away, startling even myself.

“Thanks,” I fumbled. “I forgot my gloves.” And my clothes, and my mind, but who is keeping track?

“And your hat too.” Apparently, he was. He gave me a teasing smile.

TJ lifted the knit cap from his head and mussed his hair before shimmying the thick wool down over my forehead and around my ears. His lips curled in a faint smile, but my own muscles were paralyzed. I was all too aware of the distinct lack of distance between us and the fact that it was making me uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons—one, because I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes away from his lips. I’d never noticed how beautifully shaped they were, with a deep V in his top lip and a slight pout to the bottom one.

Why was I noticing now?

His hands were the second thing making my heart flail around in my chest. Again. They lingered at the edges of the cap he’d placed on my head while his eyes grew darker and the smile faded from his face. We were only inches apart and I could no longer tell where the frozen puffs of my rapidly increasing breath ended and his began. His fingertips gently traced the line of my jaw, and I knew without a doubt that I hadn’t imagined them there yesterday.

Then the distance between us closed completely, and I only felt hands in my hair and the most amazing softness against my lips.

That was the moment I should’ve pulled back. But something inside me erupted like a volcano, and I shot off the stool, pressing myself against him. He pulled the hat from my head and threw it to the ground, threading his strong fingers deeper into my hair and sliding his tongue into my mouth. My hands found their way inside his coat and my fists curled so tightly into his thermal shirt that soon my thumbs were touching the bare, cool skin at his waist where I’d pulled the material free from his pants.

I didn’t even know how I wound up sitting on the table, gripping his neck as our lips met again and again. When we broke apart, panting and wide-eyed, it was clear that neither of us had a clue how this had happened. We stared at each other, not saying a word.

I raised my fingertips to my cheek. Not a single part of me, inside or out, felt close to cold anymore.

TJ stepped back and scooped his hat off the floor. He jammed it back on his head, looking at the ground, the walls, the stables, anything but me. “Marisa, I’m really sorry. I—”

I couldn’t let him finish. I jumped down from the table. “I have to go.” I ran out of the barn, barely hearing him call after me as I sped to my car without stopping.

I didn’t need him to tell me we’d made a mistake. I already knew.