10

A bunch of guys were putting the finishing touches on the bonfire as Charlie and I crunched through dead, fallen leaves into Kevin’s backyard. It was freezing, and when our friends offered us beer, I shook my head, wishing someone would hand me a steaming cup of hot chocolate instead.

The Davidsons had a fan-shaped yard, spreading outward as it moved away from the house with its bi-level deck. Beyond the tree line that marked the edge of their property, the shadows of Maple Acres’ rolling hills and pointed treetops were visible in every direction. The tall, narrow fire sat dead center in the lawn, and I spotted Jordan even before we pulled folding chairs up around it. He stood against the railing of the top deck, a cup of beer in one hand, the other balled in the pocket of his hoodie, talking to Sara Mendez. She twirled the end of her long black hair, threw her head back, and laughed at something he said. Jordan’s eyes darted straight to her ample chest when she did.

“What’s that crotch monger doing here?” Charlie muttered.

“You knew he was coming.”

Charlie snorted. “I meant Sara. She’s a junior. Why would she be here? Oh, right. Probably because she’ll need knee replacement surgery by age twenty-five from all the time she supposedly spends on them. No wonder they invite her every year.”

“Charlie, what is wrong with you?” I exploded. I’d had enough. It was one thing to have an off moment every now and then, but moments where my best friend felt like a stranger were a hard pass, thank you very much.

She blinked, appearing genuinely surprised by my outburst. “It was a joke, Marisa.”

“It was mean. And so was what you said about Kendall in the car the other night. What’s going on with you lately?”

Her head dropped and she traced the rim of her cup. “My Templeton is showing, isn’t it?” she said quietly.

“I’m not gonna lie. You’ve been…different since you started going to school there. Not all the time, but…”

“Enough that you had to call me out for being a total bitchface.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Marisa. It’s a different world over there. There’s so much pressure to ‘not only succeed, but excel.’” She rolled her eyes as she quoted the school’s motto. “Competition is so cutthroat and it’s like you have to kill or be killed. I guess I let myself get sucked into the vortex sometimes.”

It was the first time Charlie had ever spoken disparagingly about Templeton, and it surprised me. “Do you regret not staying at Herring Cross?”

She shook her head. “I’m happy where I am, but it doesn’t mean the school isn’t ridiculous. I think people forget that it’s an education, not a status symbol. Including the students. Consider this conversation my mental slap back to reality.”

“Good. Because I’m not above actually slapping you.”

We both laughed, but when my eyes darted back to the deck, Charlie pinched my arm. “Go get a beer. If you’re going to convince me that you’re here to socialize, you need to do way better than this.”

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out and headed toward the keg, which sat at the base of the deck steps. I had gotten three quarters of the way there when Jordan noticed me. He nodded in my direction and raised his cup in a wave. Before I had even finished wiggling my mittened fingers in return, he turned back to his conversation with Sara.

Okay then.

I lowered my hand, feeling ridiculous. He’d asked me to be here and that was the best hello he could muster?

I took my drink back to the fire and tried to join in the chatter, tried to care about the game of beer pong in progress, tried to keep myself from wondering if Jordan had really brushed me off or if I’d read too much into his lack of greeting. It’s not like I could expect our relationship to be perfect overnight after months of cold shoulders and death glares. So when my eyes kept panning the yard like sprinklers on a timer and located Jordan alone at the keg, I stood up to prove to myself that I was overthinking things.

My cup still held half of my original beer, and it had grown warm and skunky, but I clutched it like a security blanket and forced myself to take sip of the putrid liquid as I closed in on Jordan.

“Hey,” I said.

“What’s up?” He glanced at me and then looked down at the tap again, giving me a twitchy smile like he couldn’t decide on an appropriate level of friendly. The greeting felt lukewarm at best, but again, I told myself to stop letting my imagination work overtime.

I wrapped my free hand around my arm and rubbed briskly. “I don’t remember it being this cold last year.”

Probably because I’d had Jordan’s arms around me all night. I shivered, but not from the weather.

“It’s pretty raw out here.” He scooped a second cup up from the ground. “Hey, can I catch up with you later? I have to bring this to someone.” He indicated the other cup he’d picked up.

Nope, not my imagination at all. He was definitely blowing me off. The last shred of hope I’d been clinging to withered inside me and died as I realized I’d been had yet again.

“I—yeah. No problem. Later.”

His smirk had enough condescension and self-righteousness to make me want to hurl my beer at his head and then barf the portion I’d drank all over Kevin’s crunchy lawn. He turned and walked away to bring “someone” her beer, like I didn’t know damn well who that “someone” was.

I tossed my cup in the garbage hard enough to make the beer slosh out and took a deep breath of chilly air to loosen the knot of disappointment in my chest. Disappointment in myself, that is. I’d spent an hour choosing my outfit, blow-drying my hair, and putting on makeup, all to watch Jordan flirt with another girl. What was it about him that turned me into a brainless, spineless moron?

“Never again,” I said out loud.

“Is it that bad?”

I jumped and spun to see who’d responded to my chat with myself. To my surprise, TJ stood a foot away from me, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his plaid coat. I opened my mouth, but only a croaking sound came out.

“The beer,” he said, nodding toward the garbage. “Is it that bad?”

“It’s…not really beer weather, I guess. Too cold.” I laughed, a wimpy little sound that made TJ narrow his eyes at me.

“Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “Sure. So what are you doing here? Where’s K—” I almost choked swallowing the word Kendall. “Kevin? Have you seen Kevin yet? It’s his party and he’s barely been out here.”

Nice one, Marisa. You suck.

TJ took a look around the yard and shook his head. “I haven’t seen him. Last year, after this party, there were beer cans and crap all over our property. I really only came over to make sure no one does anything stupid.”

Too late. I’m the biggest idiot in this place.

TJ grabbed a cup, looked at it, and put it back. “On second thought, maybe I should go say hi. I’ve gotta be social if I’m gonna make friends. At least that’s what my parents tell me.” He smiled. “Be right back.”

He bounded up the stairs to the deck and I wasted no time yanking off my mitten and whipping my phone out of my pocket to text Kendall.

Where are you?

A few seconds later her response came: Cousin’s bachelorette party. Why?

At a party. TJ is here. Thought he was w/ you tonight.

Kendall had to have dislocated her thumbs typing her response, because that was how quickly it had arrived. What party?? With who?? What’s he doing??

Oh Lord. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

Bonfire near his farm. Not with anyone. Doing nothing as usual.

Another almost instantaneous reply: Don’t let him out of your sight.

“Geez, obsessed much?” I murmured.

“Do you always talk to yourself?” TJ stood behind me on the deck stairs. I shoved my phone in my pocket and jammed my mitten back over my hand.

“Did you find Kevin?”

“I did, but I think he was too wasted to care.” He did a double take in the direction of the fire. “Is that Charlie Reiser? I thought she went to Templeton. What’s she doing here?”

“She came with me.”

“Oh, right. I forgot. She’s a Herring Cross defector.” He squinted. “Is it me, or is she giving you the evil eye?”

I didn’t have to look at Charlie to know that she was telepathically demanding to be briefed on my encounter with Jordan. Waiting for her chance to say I told you so. When we made eye contact, she spread her hands in front of her as if to say So? I played dumb and waved at her before turning back to TJ.

“How long can I convince you to stand here and talk to me so I can avoid her lecture?”

TJ raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? She doesn’t want you drinking?”

“No, if anything she probably wishes I’d drink more. A lot more. Long story.”

“The fire in the middle of the Arctic tundra is lovely, but it doesn’t put me in the mood for beer either.” He rocked on his heels and hunched his shoulders. “If you’re still interested, we could take a walk over to my shop, a.k.a. the big white barn. I’ll show you where I make my stuff.” He looked down like he was embarrassed at his own invitation. “If you’re interested.”

I brightened instantly. “I’d love to! Are you working on anything right now?”

He smiled and his shoulders relaxed. “Always. I made this belt last week.” He lifted the hem of his coat to reveal a black leather belt threaded around the waist of his jeans with silver-ringed holes and a big, square buckle. I gasped and started to lift my hand to touch it, until I remembered (a) I couldn’t feel the leather through my mitten and (b) it would be entirely inappropriate to put my hand that close to his crotch. Which automatically made my eyes drop to that area, which made me flush furious red and want to die on the spot.

“It’s, um, really nice. Let me tell Charlie where I’m going.”

I turned on my heels and prayed he hadn’t noticed either my red face or my accidental ogling of his goods, and sped over to where Charlie sat cross-legged on her chair. Her eyes widened as I approached.

“What happened?”

I shook my head. “I—nothing. I’m going for a walk with TJ, okay?”

I turned before she could pry for more information, but she caught my hand. When I looked back, I only saw concern in her face. “Are you all right?”

I gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m fine. I just need to get out of here for a bit. I won’t be long.”

She nodded and gave me a reassuring smile. One of the many differences between my friendship with Kendall and my friendship with Charlie was that Charlie always knew when to stop talking. I’d have to hug her later when there weren’t drunk doofuses around to catcall or make perverted remarks.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and joined TJ across the lawn, falling into step at his side. The Marisa who’d walked into Kevin’s yard earlier tonight definitely would’ve looked over her shoulder to check if Jordan was watching. The Marisa who left the party with TJ didn’t even bother.