I’m not sure if there’s two date-worthy outfits in my closet. I’d worn the best one I had when I went on a date with a guy that I no longer think about. At least I try not to think about him. Somehow he’s always in my head.

TJ texted me half an hour ago asking if I still wanted to get dinner with him. I said yes, and he said cool, and I’m still waiting on more details. I stare in my closet while wearing my underwear and a bra, hoping that a perfect date night outfit will magically appear. Maybe it’ll fly off the hangers and slide onto my body, Cinderella style.

When nothing happens, I sit on my bed and text TJ again.

 

Me: Where are we going?

TJ: Lone Star Diner. Only the best food on the planet

 

Okay, that makes it easier. The diner is a small place in town and dressing up for it is definitely not required. I think it’s cool that he’s keeping our date low-key, although I can’t imagine a romantic walk along Main Street afterward would be as fun as a walk on the beach. Not that it matters, I remind myself. That date with Gavin was a sham.

I choose an outfit and don’t second guess myself as I get dressed. This is laid back and casual. It’s how normal teenagers date. I put my phone on silent and slip it in my purse and then go to wait for TJ on the porch. The last thing I want is for my grandpa to meet another boy. He may not be able to see, but he still remembers everything and I’d hate to answer why I’m suddenly going out with a different guy so soon after the first.

When I step outside, TJ is already here, parked on the side of the road in his silver SUV. I wave at him and walk to the car.

“I didn’t know you were here,” I say, climbing inside.

“I was just about to text you.” He puts the car in gear and starts driving. “You look hot.”

“Thanks,” I say, buckling my seatbelt. I wish first dates weren’t a thing, because they’re so awkward. Why can’t everyone just skip ahead to the third or fourth date where you know the person better?

As we drive to the diner, there’s not much to say, so the conversation is stilted. TJ’s radio fills the silence, and I’m so grateful that we’re only traveling a few blocks to the diner. It hits me now that I don’t really know this guy at all. We’ve had a few conversations in homeroom about nothing important, and I know he’s on the soccer team. That’s it.

I do feel a little guilty because I haven’t told my mom or Livi or anyone about this date. I just lied to Mom and said I had dinner plans with friends, and I didn’t tell Livi anything.

A part of me wonders if this is because of Gavin’s warning. Am I scared that he’s right? I screwed up big time by telling my mom and Livi about my date with Gavin because now they know it didn’t work out. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m keeping this date to myself until I know it will lead to something more.

The diner is busy for a Monday night, and I recognize a few people as we make our way inside, though I’m not close friends with anyone.

“Ladies first,” TJ says, motioning with his arm as we make our way to a booth in the back. I smile and sit down.

“I’m glad you came out with me,” TJ says. He grins at me from across the cozy two-seater booth. He’s cute, with dark eyes and light hair, and a somewhat stocky build. TJ is like most guys, which means he’s not taller than I am, but maybe an inch or so shorter.

“Thanks for asking me,” I say.

“Order anything you want. It’s on me.”

I grin. “How gentlemanly of you.”

TJ snorts. “That’s not exactly what I’m known for, but I’ll take it.”

When I give him a questioning look, he winks at me. I decide to let it go. He was probably joking, but he almost seemed like he was bragging at the idea of not being a gentleman. You’d think most guys would want to be called that.

Okay, I really thought getting Gavin out of my head would be easier once I went on a date. Instead, the reverse is proving true.

TJ and I both order cheeseburgers, which are the best thing the diner sells. He talks about soccer a lot and I pretend to care about the sport.

“Thank God we’re off drills every day,” he says, shoving a fry in his mouth.

“What are drills?” I ask because I haven’t heard that term about soccer before.

“Exercises,” he says, taking another fry. “Like, extreme exercises. We usually do them maybe fifteen minutes before practice, but Coach had us doing two hours of the shit before Gavin got caught.”

I lift an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Punishment,” he says. “Coach knew someone on the team messed up that shed thing and he was punishing us until someone confessed. Luckily, that bastard got caught or we’d still be doing drills.”

My chest clenches. This is exactly the topic I didn’t want to talk about. “It was a greenhouse,” I find myself saying, despite not wanting to talk about it.

“Huh?”

“The shed he destroyed. It was a greenhouse that the daycare uses to plant flowers for the kids.”

He shrugs. “Yeah, whatever it was. He’s so damn stupid. Glad he got caught.”

“I thought you were friends with him?” I ask, tilting my head. I know there’s tension now because they don’t talk in homeroom anymore, but I want to hear him explain it. Seems like Gavin ruined more than the greenhouse. He ruined his chances with me and he lost his friends.

TJ shrugs. “We were teammates so that made us friends. But now he’s kicked off the team so we’re not really friends anymore. Plus, he’s the prick who quit coming around.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Parties, hanging out. Hell, he doesn’t even sit with us at lunch anymore.”

“Looks like he isolated you first.”

TJ nods. “Hell yeah he did. Why so much Gavin talk?” he asks, peering at me over narrow eyes. “You still like him or something?”

Oh God, I think I’m blushing now. “I do not like Gavin,” I say, trying to keep my voice level. “Not in any way.”

“Yeah, well you used to,” he says. His lips turn into the tiniest smirk. “Did you two date or something?”

Something in this eyes tells me he probably already knows the answer. I shrug, trying to act just as casual as he is. “We hung out, like once.”

“And why not twice?”

“He ruined my greenhouse.”

“Your greenhouse?” TJ asks, lifting a brow.

I’m trying to have a nice time here, so I don’t bother bringing up the importance of it. “I work at the daycare,” I say as an explanation.

He nods. “Well this date has had enough talk of idiots in it. Let’s move to a new topic. You like hiking?”

“Sure,” I say, which is about as true as I can answer since I’ve never been hiking. Maybe I do like it. “Why?”

“There’s a cool trail along that man-made lake off Northpoint.” He reaches for the bill on our table and lays some cash on top of it. “You want to go?”

I check the time. “Sure, but I need to get home around nine. My hair doesn’t look this amazing unless I spend two hours washing and drying it.”

TJ just stares at me because I guess he doesn’t get my joke. Gavin would have laughed, said something silly back to me. Or maybe even complimented my hair, I think as my stomach gets all tingly and nervous. Gavin was a better conversationalist than TJ. But none of that matters anymore.

We head out to the park which is a few miles away. I’ve never been here because it’s supposed to be a dog park and I don’t have a dog. But there is a playground for kids and also a lake with a walking trail around it.

TJ takes my hand the second we step on the trail. I feel my heart clench and my breath get shallow. It’s as if this hand holding thing is supposed to trigger something in me, awaken some butterflies or something. But nothing happens.

I’m not even nervous. I kind of just want to go home.

I take a deep breath and look over at TJ and smile. He smiles back. “I wish there was something more exciting to do, but this is fun too.”

“We can get to know each other,” I suggest. “Tell me stuff about you.”

He shrugs. “Not much to tell.”

We keep walking and holding hands and it’s starting to get weird. I mean, no one is talking. It’s just silent, save for the sound of the birds and the occasional slapping of feet as a jogger runs by us with their dog running next to them. Only a few people are at the park this late, and it’s kind of the perfect romantic spot to take a walk.

But I’m so not feeling it.

Am I broken now? Did Shawn and Gavin break me? This is a freaking date. It’s supposed to be fun.

We’re nearly back to the start of the trail after about thirty minutes of walking in a winding circle around the small lake. I release a breath slowly, glad that we’re finally about to be done with this weird date. It wasn’t exactly bad, it just wasn’t very fun.

I look over at him. “Does it bother you that I’m so tall?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Why?”

“It bothers most guys.”

“I’m not most guys,” he says, grinning at me. That makes me feel a little better. He’s already better than Shawn was. Now I just need to find a way that he’s better than Gavin and maybe I can move on. Maybe I can get out of this funk and have a real boyfriend.

“So,” TJ says, coming to a stop. “I think it’s time for this.”

“For wha—” I say, only to have my words crushed by TJ’s lips. His hands grab my hips and tug me closer and then his lips are all over mine, moving and opening and closing as his tongue slithers all around my mouth. It’s quick and sloppy and feels like he’s about to get on a jet and blast into orbit and never see another girl again.

I realize my hands are just hanging limply at my sides, so I put them on his back. He tugs me closer and keeps kissing me for what feels like forever.

There are no fireworks.

There are no tingles in my toes.

This is a bad kiss.

And although I’m trying very hard to make the best of this, to find something to like about TJ besides the fact that he likes me, I can only focus on one stupid thing.

My date with Gavin was so much better than this.