Veronica

He didn’t recognize me.

I laid on Trent’s unmade bed as he and Margo pestered me with questions about my first day. I stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceilings that I’d helped him put up so many years ago. I was having a hard time focusing on the rest of the day because my mind kept going back to that one incident.

The incident.

He hadn’t recognized me. I still couldn’t believe it.

First of all, how utterly ridiculous that when I did finally run into Drew, I literally ran into him. I was not a clumsy person. At all. I mean, just look at all my trophies. I’m no ballerina, but I’m not a klutz either. So the fact that I ran into anyone at all was weird. But why did it have to be him?

My mind kept replaying that moment when I was awkwardly hanging out in his arms. Literally, hanging. The look on his face… I could have sworn he recognized me. He looked stunned, obviously, but there was a recognition there. And then he’d smiled.

Oh man, that smile.

I’d forgotten how cute he was. No, not cute. He’d been cute as a freshman, but now? Now he’d grown up. He’d filled out and the boyish features had solidified into something manly. His jaw was sharper, his cheekbones more defined.

And his body? Yeah, that had definitely filled out. He was still tall and lean, but I felt the hard chest and the muscles that had bulged beneath my touch as he’d lifted me back up to my feet as if I weighed nothing.

I let out a long breath.

“Are you all right?” Trent asked.

I glanced over to see them hovering around me with matching looks of concern.

“You’re kind of catatonic,” Margo informed me. “Do you need some water or something?”

I shoved myself up onto my elbows. “No. No water. I just… I need to regroup.”

Yes. Regroup. That was what I needed. Margo sat beside me, her hands fussing with my hair. I hated to tell her that I no longer needed to look pretty and that in about two point five seconds all that perfectly blown out hair would be tossed up in a bun. And these clothes? They were so gone as soon as I got home.

God, how did those A-listers in my old school do it every day? The hair, the makeup, the tight clothes? It was exhausting.

I met my gaze in the mirror. Get used to it.

I bit back a groan. Today was only day one of a long school year. Two long school years, but at least there’d be a summer in the middle there. A summer during which I intended to let all of the hair on my body do whatever it wanted.

That included my leg hair. Unless I was going to the pool or the beach. I may not be a beauty queen but I didn’t want to scare any small children either.

Before the questions could start up again, I gave them a recap of my day. It had been a success, hands down. Until I’d run right into Drew Remi… and he hadn’t recognized me.

“See?” Margo squeaked, looking entirely too pleased with herself as she shot a triumphant look at Trent and then me. “I told you he wouldn’t recognize you.”

Trent shook his head. “I don’t believe it.”

Me neither! “Believe it,” I said.

“Are you sure he just couldn’t place you?” Trent said. “Maybe he couldn’t remember your name.”

I thought about that. At first I’d thought he’d recognized me, but then… that smile. Holy hell, I’d know that smile if I’d seen it before, and I had never seen anything like that from Drew Remi. It wasn’t friendly so much as it was sexy. And it wasn’t a smile that said, “oh hey, I know you from somewhere.” It was a cocky grin with a sultry drawl, “hey girl, I’d like to get to know you.”

And yes, I totally gave his smiles voices. I’m not sure when that happened, but my imagination had gone a bit wild after that run-in and his smile, the look in his eyes, the way he’d felt, the way he’d smelled—it was apparently all I could think about.

I should have been thinking about my game plan. I should have been celebrating my success. All those self-help books had been right. It had been so easy. All I’d had to do was fake it… and I’d made it.

For one day, at least.

I’d held my head high and pretended that I was totally comfortable with my surroundings. And guess what? Everyone bought it. Walking into the cafeteria was terrifying but I made sure to keep a calm smile in place despite my sweaty palms and two seconds into my terrifying walk down popularity plank and I’d been hailed over to sit with a group of girls who were clearly at the top of the pack.

God, listen to me. Walking the plank? Top of the pack? First of all, I was massively mixing metaphors, and second of all, I was falling into the trap of thinking that high school is just one big popularity contest. Which, it kind of was, but it didn’t have to be. Right?

“This is a good thing, right?” Margo asked, drawing my attention back to planet earth and her big, blue excited eyes. “I mean, you didn’t want Drew to recognize you, and he didn’t. Mission accomplished!”

She was watching me with excited anticipation. Trent? Not so much. He looked wary and like he wanted to argue with his girlfriend, but wouldn’t.

Wise man. Margo seemed awfully invested in this one.

And I knew why. She’d invested in me. She’d spent a good deal of time and energy helping me to be the best version of me. “The best version of me.” Ugh. I was getting tired of hearing that phrase. She’d stolen that line from one of my self-help books and she’d run with it. Now it was one of her favorite sayings. I supposed it was better than the alternative: “I helped Ronnie go from ugly to passable.”

Equally true and not nearly as nice.

I forced a smile for her sake. “Right.”

No. Wrong. I mean, yes I’d hoped to stay off his radar, but to come face to face with him and have him not recognize me?

It hurt. My pride stung. I knew I hadn’t been popular at our old school, but I hadn’t thought I’d been so very forgettable. I mean, was I really that invisible? Had anyone outside of Trent and Margo even noticed I wasn’t there today?

I almost asked but lost the nerve.

Neither Trent nor Margo was a good liar. If no one had noticed I was gone, they wouldn’t be able to hide the truth. They’d hesitate at the very least before trying to lie. And honest to God, I wasn’t sure my ego could take that. So I didn’t ask.

Instead I made myself feel better by remembering that Atwater’s girls’ soccer team would start up this week and my team would notice I wasn’t there. I’d been one of the stars of the team. At least there was one area where I knew I’d be missed.

Briarwood’s soccer season started this week too and I couldn’t wait. I hadn’t mentioned it to the girls I’d had lunch with today because I’m determined that I’m going to be known for more than just that at my new school. I could be well rounded, dammit. I was well-rounded, I just couldn’t get anyone to see that before now.

Trent didn’t look fooled by my answer. “Ronnie, don’t worry about Drew. He’s not worth your time, anyways. I asked around about him today. Sounds like he’s ignoring all his old friends.” He made a face of disgust. “Just because he’s going to Briarwood now and is their starring pitcher he thinks he’s too good for us or something.” His eyes meet mine. “No offense.”

“None taken.” The Briarwood kids had something of a reputation in my old school for being stuck up and elitist. But then the two schools were kind of rivals so I’d decided to take that with a grain of salt. From what I could tell at school today, the students at Briarwood were pretty similar to those at Atwater, for better or for worse.

But people see what they want to see, I guess.

For me, Briarwood was more of the same. Just like Atwater, it was a high school filled with teenagers who cared about what other people think—me included. I wasn’t all high and mighty about it. I gave up trying to pretend that I was above it all.

I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be popular for once in my life. I wanted to be noticed.

The way I saw it, Briarwood was a practice round for college. Everyone knew that college was a chance to re-imagine your identify. But I didn’t want to wait. And now, thanks to my scholarship, I didn’t have to.

“This is a good thing,” Margo insisted. “If Drew didn’t recognize you than he can’t cramp your style. All you have to do is steer clear of him.” She clapped her hands together as if that was all settled. And maybe it was. She had a point; I was being ridiculous. I didn’t want him to recognize me but then when he didn’t I moped about it?

Totally nonsensical.

Margo was already moving on to more interesting topics. “Other than Drew Remi, how’d it go?”

I grinned. “Great. It went perfectly.” And it had. Drew Remi aside, I’d had more guys talk to me in one day than in my entire life.

She listened with excitement as I detailed my day, from being greeted by a queen bee in the first minutes of arrival to being hit on by a hottie named Alex. Twice, actually. The All-American boy with his short blond hair and sparkling blue eyes had cornered me after lunch, hitting on me so hard I was dazzled. Or maybe bedazzled by those sparkling teeth.

No guy had ever hit on me like that. Heck, no guy had ever looked at me like that. I felt all warm and fuzzy just thinking about that look.

Margo’s eyes were so wide by the time I finished, it looked a little painful.

That was what I’d set out to accomplish and so far I’d succeeded. I’d done it.

For one day. Now I just had to do it again every day of the year. No pressure.

“Are you going to go out with him?” Margo asked.

I shrugged. He hadn’t actually asked me out. He’d just called me “beautiful” a lot and gave me a look that said he’d like to order me for dessert.

“He didn’t ask,” I said.

“He will.” Trent didn’t look amused, and he didn’t seem pleased as his gaze moved over me again. All those guys were eyeing me like I was sex on a stick but my best friend looked at me like I was meat that had gone rotten. “Trust me, he will.”

* * *

He did. Trent was right. Alex asked me out exactly one week later. I was on my way out of the cafeteria and he caught me by surprise. “Hey beautiful.” He jogged to catch up with me. “You didn’t sit with me at lunch today.”

I blinked over at him. Great observation, Einstein. Of course, I didn’t say that. That was what old me would have said. And so would begin the kind of sarcastic, teasing, tousle my hair like I’m his little brother type friendship that I was used to with the guys back at my old school. So instead I tucked some hair behind my ear and wondered for the millionth time how girls managed to keep their hair down without going insane.

Was it just my hair that constantly fell into my face? But Margo assured me that my hair down and blown out in pretty, beach-waves-that-look-effortless-but-totally-aren’t soften my face. Whatever the hell that means, I have no idea. I just take her word for it.

He seemed to be waiting for a response. “Nope, not today.”

Because there’s nothing I love more than stating the obvious. I’d never sat with Alex. I always sit with Melody and her friends. Why? Well, because Melody is nice to me, but also because Alex always sits with Drew and I had been going out of my way to stay away from him.

He grinned and those pearly white teeth flashed against his tanned skin. “How about tomorrow?”

I opened my mouth, hoping a good excuse would come to me. “Um…” Thanks to Drew, I couldn’t sit with Alex, even if I wanted to.

And I did want to. Alex seemed sweet and funny, and have I mentioned how hot he was? But he was also friends with Drew and I was determined to keep my distance. I’d managed to avoid talking to Drew—or running smack into him—for an entire week, but sitting with him and his friends at lunch would be tempting fate. He didn’t remember me, and I was embracing that fact.

Good. Good riddance. Who needed him to remember that we used to eat glue together? Not me.

But now I was stumped on an excuse for why I wouldn’t join Alex for lunch. I mean, Melody and her friends were nice and all, but it wasn’t like I’d signed some oath that required me to eat there every day.

Alex gave me an excuse for me. “It’s Tina, right?”

I stared at him. Tina? I assumed he meant Tine Withers, who I’d met in passing. She was a friend of Melody’s but didn’t have the same lunch schedule as us. Tina was petite, blonde, and a cheerleader, and that was about all I knew of her. She’d been nice enough to me when I met her, but that was the extent of my knowledge, so I found myself saying, “Umm…”

He grinned again, like we were in on some secret. “No worries, beautiful. If you can’t have lunch with me then what do you say I take you out for dinner?”

I stared at him. I couldn’t help it. Much as I might have prepared for this moment—nothing could have prepared me for this moment. A guy was asking me out. A hot, popular, nice guy was asking me out.

And not as a joke.

He was legit asking me out. I realize I’m belaboring the point, but seriously… this was so surreal. Like maybe whales would start swimming down the hallway on a tide of balloons kind of surreal.

Things like this just did not happen to me.

“Yeah, okay,” I managed. I tried to sound cool and laid back but I’m pretty sure it came out as a squeak.

And then Drew Remi ruined everything, because apparently that was his role in life. Drew Remi, ladies and gentlemen, my very own ruiner of everything.

“Hey.” He gave Alex a very manly jerk of his chin as he walked up to us. Then he turned to me. “Hi, Veronica.”

I did what I’ve done every time I was forced to be in close contact to Drew. I ducked my head, letting my hair act as a curtain as I mumbled a hello. It seemed this hair-in-face torture served one purpose, at least.

I turned, ready to make my retreat, but apparently Alex wasn’t done with our conversation because he slung an arm around my shoulders as he greeted Drew like he was some long lost prodigal son. But then, Alex seemed to greet everyone that way. He was a nice guy. And now Melody and her friend Angela were coming up to us and I couldn’t run away without looking like I was… well, running away.

All of us walked in a slow clump that rudely took up the whole hallway. “You coming to watch our practice after school?”

Alex’s words lingered for a bit too long and I looked up in surprise to see that he was talking to me. So many of those things took me by surprise I didn’t even know how to respond.

I knew that their baseball team was good. Like, probably heading-to-state good. But I couldn’t imagine why he’d think I’d want to go and watch them practice. I mean, a game? Sure. I loved going to games, but practice? Why would I want to watch them practice? I had my own practice to go to.

“Um…” I hadn’t quite figured out how to say any of that, but Melody answered for me.

“She doesn’t have to go to your practice if she doesn’t want to, Alex.”

Of course I didn’t have to go. There was something in her tone that threw me, like she was trying to tell him something.

But then her friend cut in. “Yeah, maybe she’s not into sports.”

I was. Obviously. But they didn’t know that and for a moment I reveled in my anonymity. In the fact that for once in my life I could be anything or anyone. I could be super smart or really into musicals or maybe chess was my thing. They didn’t know. All they knew was what I told them and how I acted.

“You don’t like sports?” Drew asked. He sounded put out. Why? I couldn’t imagine. I’d barely spoken to him this whole past week and when I did it was in mumbles.

Even now I shrugged and managed a mumbled, “Umm...” before Melody answered for me again. “What do you care, Drew? I thought you didn’t like it when we came to practices.”

I glanced over at him through my curtain of hair, waiting for his response.

He gave Melody an easy smile. “I just like to stay focused, that’s all. And who could focus with you ladies around?”

Ugh. I almost made a gagging sound but stopped myself right in time. But seriously, this sounded like a scene from the 50s or something. The guys got to have all the fun while the girls could sit around and swoon at their bulging muscles and tight butts. I bet in Drew’s mind we were all cheerleaders who lived to wave our pom-poms at the big game.

Um, I don’t think so. I was all for cheerleading—I had enough friends who were cheerleaders to know that it took some serious gymnastic skills, but that wasn’t the only area where girls could shine. Some of us have games of our own to practice for, I wanted to say. Some of us have a life.

Melody made a pouty face at Drew that did nothing for my gag reflexes. Do not roll your eyes, I commanded. Do not do it.

“Don’t give the new girl a hard time just because she’s not into watching you,” Melody said.

Somehow, but I’m not sure exactly how, I got the feeling that I was being insulted. Not outright insulted, but like I was being… undercut. Maybe it was because she’d called my “new girl” instead of my name. But if felt like what she was really saying was, Don’t blame Veronica for being lame.

Or maybe I was just paranoid.

Alex jumped back into the conversation, saving me from anymore paranoid thoughts. “Why wouldn’t she want to watch me in action?” He pretended to preen, making the rest of us laugh. He leaned in so he was talking directly into my ear. “Trust me, I look good out there.”

I laughed along with the others but I was superbly conscious of how close he was. I wasn’t used to this kind of physical intimacy with a guy, even if he had just asked me out, and I definitely wasn’t used to PDA.

I could feel heat in my cheeks as I cast a glance at the others. Melody and her friend were rolling their eyes. Drew was shaking his head, but he was smiling too.

Man, he had a really nice smile.

“You look good because I make you look good,” Drew said.

Alex laughed and the two started ripping on each other in a way that felt oddly familiar. They might be popular and they might be at a private school, but they sounded just like all teammates everywhere.

This was what I’d missed since coming to Briarwood. Well, not this, but my teammates’ version of this. The bond that comes with working hard toward a common goal. Thank God soccer practice started up after school today. I might not know my teammates yet, but I knew without a doubt that I would find a place to belong on the team. It might not be all I am, but a team player is a big part of who I am.

The group of us reached the end of the hall and it was time to split up and go our different ways. Alex squeezed my shoulder. “See you Friday.”

I nodded and gave him a shy smile, even though I was thinking, I’ll also see you later today and tomorrow and every day between now and then.

But I kept quiet. Because I had a date.

My first date. That’s right, my first date. Ever. So yeah, maybe now you can see why I needed an image overhaul. I’d been lost in the land of the dateless back at Atwater, but here? One week in and I was going out with one of the school’s most eligible bachelors.

I headed down the south hallway, ready to revel in my excitement, thinking of how exactly I was going to spill this news to Margo and Trent. Well, Margo mainly. Trent would roll his eyes. But Margo would be psyched and—

“So, you don’t like sports.”

I jumped at the sound of Drew’s voice next to me. I was on the tall side but he was taller and I felt like he was looming over me in his attempt to walk by my side through the crowded hallway.

Dammit, I’d been caught by the enemy!

In my head I’d started thinking of him as the enemy. He might not know it, but that’s kind of what he was. Why? Because he was the only person in this school who could ruin everything for me. Again, my own personal ruiner of everything. The name fit.

I tried to focus on what he’d said. Clearly he wanted to prolong that conversation, just the two of us.

Neat.

I shrugged, quickening my pace. “Um, not really.”

Crap, I hadn’t wanted to actually outright lie, but what could I do? His gaze was on my face, and I could feel the weight of his stare. If he connected me to sports, he’d recognize me. Maybe.

Unless I was that completely and utterly forgettable. Jeez, what a depressing thought.

“Look,” he started.

I picked up my pace even more—the door to my next classroom was in sight. If I could just get there, I could end this conversation before it went any further.

He startled me with a laugh. It wasn’t a funny “ha ha” laugh. It was a rueful laugh, almost self-deprecating. “Look,” he said again. “You don’t have to run away from me.”

I instantly slowed down, my cheeks burning up under his scrutiny, a sensation that was neither pleasant nor familiar. I didn’t turn to face him, but I didn’t ignore him either, defensiveness winning out over my fear of being remembered and my anger at not being remembered.

Clearly my feelings around Drew were complicated.

“I’m not running,” I said.

He laughed again. “If that’s not you running, you should definitely try out for track.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I had this image of me with my pretty makeup and my insanely time-consuming beach waves running through a finish line as I headed into Mrs. Olang’s geometry class.

I glanced over at him and saw that he was grinning, clearly pleased that I’d laughed.

It was cute, really. His grin was boyish and charming, not that sexy smirk I usually saw on his face. This one reminded me of the boy who used to play touch football with me at recess back in the day.

My smile fell as soon as I remembered our shared past.

His smile faded too and he scratched the back of his neck in a rare display of discomfort. “I’ve gotta ask. Did I do something wrong?”

I snapped my attention back to the door down the hallway. If I took off now, I could be through those doors and far away from this awkward moment in about three seconds.

“No, of course not,” I said quickly, automatically. My innate politeness refused to let me say anything else. Besides, what could I say?

I hate what you represent. I hate the way you and your friends made me feel from junior high on. I hate that I can’t forget who I used to be when you’re around. I hate that you don’t remember me or recognize me… or maybe both. I hate that you’re still hot and popular and that it all comes so easily to you.

No, I couldn’t say any of that. Instead, I said nothing.

After an epically awkward pause, he let out a huff of a laugh. “Okay, so…what? You just don’t like me?”

“No!” What kind of horrible blunt question was that? Besides, what did he care?

And then it dawned on me. It must be a blow to his pride. From what I could tell, every girl and her sister had a thing for him, whether they openly admitted it or not.

Take Melody for example. She said they were just friends but I saw the way she acted around him, the way she watched him. So obvious. She’d even warned me off him on my second day. She’d caught me sneaking a peek in his direction and had said, “Don’t bother. Drew doesn’t date.” I’d looked to her in surprise and found her smirking at me. I didn’t ask why. I guess I hadn’t wanted Melody or any of the others to think I shared their interest. As far as I was concerned, he was all theirs.

But that must be why it bugged him, and it clearly bugged him. Why else would he ask me like that?

And had I really been that rude?

Yes. The answer was yes. The thing was, I didn’t think he’d really notice or care. I mean, he wouldn’t have if it had been Ronnie ignoring him. If we were back at our old school, and I was back in my comfortable clothes and my bushy ponytail and my makeupless face, he wouldn’t have even noticed I was alive let alone care that I wasn’t responding to his jokes.

But you’re not back at your old school, I reminded myself. And he was still waiting for some sort of explanation, even though I couldn’t figure out why it mattered.

I licked my lips as I tried to come up with a good explanation. “It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just…” I held my breath hoping that inspiration would hit. My mind raced with conversations we’d had in group settings, something that would explain my lack of interest, if not my rudeness. Every conversation I could remember was eerily similar to the one we’d just left behind, all of which seemed to revolve around their baseball team which was on its way to playoffs.

I blurted it out before I could think it through. “I just don’t like athletes, that’s all.”

The moment it was out, I realized how dumb it sounded. Also, there was a very obvious flaw in that logic.

His brow furrowed in disbelief. “Didn’t you just agree to go out with Alex?”

Um… yes? Crap.

But also, why did he look so bent out of shape about that? I thought he and Alex were friends.

I shook off the thought. I could overanalyze later with Margo and Trent.

I pictured Trent’s look of disgust whenever the topic of boys came up. Okay fine, I’d analyze later with Margo. For now, I had an awkward encounter to escape and a class to get to. I started backing away, heading toward my classroom as I gave him a little shrug. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, it’s just….” I shrugged again. “Alex is the exception, I guess.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

What did that mean? “Sports, athletes, jocks…” I rambled as I backed away. “Just not my thing.” I thought of Alex and I’m pretty sure Drew was thinking the same thing as he arched a brow.

“Normally, I mean.”

He nodded again, and this time I could have sworn his smile was taunting me. “Sure.”

I whirled around and bolted into the classroom, my heart racing as I found my seat and cracked my book, pretending to be absorbed by the problems that swam in front of my eyes.

I was only one week in but suddenly everything felt too complicated. The date that I’d been so excited about made me anxious. What would we talk about? What was I supposed to wear? I was doubting the new friends I’d been so excited about. Why had Melody talked about me like I wasn’t there? Why was she calling me “the new girl” like I didn’t have a name?

Relax, Ronnie. I focused on my breathing as the other students slid into their seats. I was spiraling into paranoia-land and it was ridiculous. I was getting everything I ever wanted. A hot, popular guy wanted to date me. I had friends who were the popular girls... Heck, even Drew Remi finally noticed me.

But that thought made my chest tighten and breathing seemed impossible. Drew was at the heart of all these new problems. If he wasn’t here I’d be fine. But every time he was near he made it impossible to forget who I used to be.

When he was around I felt like a fake. A fraud.

But I wasn’t, I reminded myself. This was me, just with better hair, makeup and clothes. It didn’t change who I really was. I was still me, just better.

Guilt and shame rose up like a tidal wave as I remembered my desperate words of parting. The outright lie about not liking athletes.

How could I not like athletes? I was an athlete, and a damned good one.

The teacher walked to the front of the room and I focused all my attention on her, grateful to have something other than my own thoughts to fixate on. Quite frankly, my thoughts were making me uncomfortable in my own skin.

All of Trent’s judgements and criticisms came back to haunt me. I’d told him over and over again that by being this new version of me I wasn’t denying who I was, I wasn’t trying to be someone different. So what was that back there?

It was Drew Remi’s fault, all of it. I’d never meant to lie. I shouldn’t have had to.

It was official. Drew Remi was ruining everything.

I watched the teacher talk but realized I hadn’t caught anything she’d said for the past five minutes. My mind kept insisting on replaying my parting words and the feeling of shame grew with each passing second. Much as I wanted to be angry at Drew, I couldn’t fool myself.

It wasn’t Drew who’d ruined everything in that moment… that was all me.