I normally wasn’t up at 7:00 a.m., but going to bed sober on Saturday night hadn’t happened since my first night in the house. While I tried to choke down a container of yogurt, I heard the front door open and then close.

The sound of her heels on the hardwood floor was unmistakable. My entire body tensed in anticipation of what was to come.

Just inside the kitchen door, she paused. Her mouth curled into a smile. “That was genius.”

Huh?

I scooped another spoon of yogurt into my unwilling mouth. “We should get something else to eat. This stuff makes me want to hurl.”

She cleared her throat. “Did you hear me?”

Dressed in a pair of loose-fitting floral pattern fun pants, heels, and a blouse with a plunging neckline, she looked cute. Her hair was up in a messy bun that wasn’t very messy.

It must have been her Sunday look.

I set the yogurt aside and looked at her. “Genius.”

She reached in her Neverfull. “You need to have a look at these.”

She handed me four photos. A face wasn’t visible in any of them. I recognized two of the photos as being me, when I was with Rhett. Two were of Ballerina legs, one in bed, and one of her and Eric walking down the hallway.

If I didn’t know it was her, I would have thought she was me.

I glanced at each of the photos and then looked at Kelli. “Wow.”

“We’ll have to film a few scenes of you two talking about things like sex, hooking up, life after the show – stuff like that. He’ll need to be adamant in his convictions regarding sex. Then, when they see that scene from last night?” She sat on the barstool across from me. “They’ll assume it’s you. We’ve already done some editing. It couldn’t be more perfect. We’ll end that show with you two in bed, and then, in the teaser for the next show, we’ll show him walking her to the car, and reveal her face. They’ll go crazy.”

I handed her the photos. “So, you’re glad I thought of it?”

“Ratings will be out the roof for the episode that follows this one. I need you to continue to think out of the box for the next three men. Come up with whatever you think you can get away with.”

Thank God.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said.

“Where did you find that girl? She’s perfect.”

“At a bar.”

She took a glance at the photos, grinned, and then put them in her purse. “And, that car? It’s perfect, too. Everyone is going to detest that bitch.”

An idea came to mind, but I wasn’t sure if it was doable or not. After chewing on it for a moment, I revealed my thoughts.

“What if we had them ride off together after the last show. Maybe I find out they’re fucking, and I kick him out? And then she pulls up in her red Jaguar and picks him up to take him to the airport? The show ends with them riding away in her sports car, and me sitting on the steps in tears.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh. My. God. Lou, you’re a fucking genius.”

“I have my moments.”

She stood. “I’ll accept nothing short of that. Make it happen.”

Hiding her joy was impossible. For the first time since we met, she appeared truly satisfied with me, the show, and what she expected the ratings were going to be. I decided to push my luck. She seemed to be so pleased that telling me no wasn’t an option.

“What about some walking around cash?” I asked. “I’m basically broke. I’ve spent almost all my money, and until this show’s over, I don’t have any income. If we’re going to be at the bar picking up girls for the show, I’ll--”

She reached in her oversized bag. “How much do you need?”

Oh wow.

“Uhhm. I don’t know. Just. Whatever.”

“A grand? Two?”

I would have settled for fifty bucks.

I shrugged, struggling not to smile. “Two should work.”

She grabbed her wallet, rifled through it, and pulled out a wad of $100 bills. After counting them, she handed me the money. “There’s $1,700. It’s all I’ve got in cash. Will that work?”

“That should do it. Thanks.”

“You’re doing great, Lou. I’m going to leave this up to you. You’ve proven you’ve got great judgement. Let’s get a few scenes filmed that we can put in front of last night’s, and then get her over here for a few more short scenes.”

She inhaled a long, deep breath, exhaled, and then met my gaze. She was grinning from ear to ear. “And then we’ll shoot the fight, and the departure. End it with a shot from outside the fence of the runway, with the plane taking off.”

I envisioned the tears rolling down the cheeks of the viewers. “I love it.”

She hugged me. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

I glanced at my fistful of $100 bills. “Okay, I will.”

As she walked away, I shoved the money into the pocket of my sweats. She no more than closed the front door, and Eric walked into the kitchen.

He opened the fridge. “Was that Kelli?”

“Yeah.”

“What’d she have to say?”

“She wants you to get the girl back here for a few scenes. Will she do that?”

He set a carton of eggs on the counter. “Sure. She liked the thought of being on T.V.”

“In one of them, she wants you to fuck that girls brains out,” I lied. “They’ll edit it into something useable.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. She said the dirtier, the better.”

“Okay.”

If he did, it’d make me another $200. “Will she do that?”

“She wanted to last night, but I told her no.”

My eyes thinned. “What?”

“She wanted to last night, but I said no. I thought--”

I raised my hand. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve got her number, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Here’s what we’re going to do. Get her back here. We’ll film you two going at it, and then after you’re done, I’ll walk in without knocking. I’ll act surprised, and so will you. Then, you’ll walk her to her car. You and I will get in an argument the next morning, and I’ll demand you leave. She’ll come pick you up and take you to the airport. That’s it. That’s what we’re going to air.”

He gave me a blank look, and then blinked a few times. “Do I have to leave?”

“Jesus. No. Just on film.”

“Is everyone going to hate me?”

“They’ll love you. You two will ride off into the sunset,” I said. “You’ll live happily ever after in the eyes of the viewers. Hell, they might even give you two your own show.”

His eyes went wide. “Really?”

“Sure,” I said. “As long as these next few scenes are believable.”

“Man. That’d be cool. I like it here.”

“Just get her back here,” I said. “As soon as possible.”

He opened the cupboard and grabbed a skillet. “Tonight?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Tonight’s great. But it’s got to be good. From one end of the spectrum to the other.”

He glanced over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“From kissing to cum shots,” I said.

He grinned. “Okay.”

From kissing to cum shots.

I coined it.