While Eric shoveled a dozen eggs and two containers of yogurt down his throat, I explained my plan.

“I try to hit on you, acting like I’m wanting to hook up. You brush me off every time, but I keep coming back, hoping you’ll change your mind. You’re not a dick about it, you’re just, I don’t know. You lack interest. You brush me off, always making an excuse.”

His eyes were fixed on his plate, and his fork was going a hundred miles an hour.

Assuming he heard me, and that he simply chose to eat eggs instead of giving confirmation, I continued. “I don’t like dicks, so don’t be a dick, okay? Maybe you can give me some spiel about how you never hook up with chicks until you know them. Yeah, that’ll be even better. Make up some long drawn out explanation about how you’ve never hooked up with a chick, and you’ve got to love them first. Then, when you hook up with the chicks from the bar, they’ll be like, that son-on-a-bitch lied to her.”

He looked up, nodded, and went back to eating.

“Are you even listening?”

He shoveled the yellow gobs into his mouth. “Uh huh.”

I wanted him to pay attention to me. His inattentive nature during the planning stage left me wondering just how well we’d pull it off when the time came. I needed it to be believable, or Kelli would throw a fit.

“Dude. Finish eating and pay attention, okay? This is important.”

He wagged his eyebrows and forked another clump into his open gob. I hoped the remaining men were just as lacking in the personality department as he was. If that were the case, denying them would come easy.

After finishing his eggs, he inhaled the two tubs of yogurt, ate three pieces of toast, then pushed himself away from the counter. He crossed his arms, and gazed down at his empty plate and grinned.

“Don’t tell me,” I said. “Now you’ve got to go work out?”

He shook his head. “Already did.”

“Are you ready to listen?”

“Yep.”

“You going to act like you’re not interested in having sex with me. You can explain in this longwinded story about how you’ve never hooked up with a girl, and how you believe in love being the predecessor to sex or something like that. But you’ll be nice to me. Can you do that?”

“Uh huh.”

When people categorized guys at the gym as being meatheads, I was sure they were talking about men like Eric. He was handsome, muscular, and had a massive cock. In most women’s eyes, based on looks alone, he would be the perfect man.

Beyond the surface, however, he was simple-minded and without so much as a grain of personality.

I mentally rolled my eyes and looked at him in disbelief. “So, you’re good with this? You think you can pull it off?”

“Uh huh.”

My eyes thinned. I had my doubts, but I guessed time would tell. We could film it, re-do it, and continue to re-do it until he got it right. I’d already learned that what actually happens and what is seen on television are two totally different things.

“There’s another thing,” I said.

“What’s that?”

“You’ve got no game.”

He gave me a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“In the bedroom. You just…” I put my hands on my waist and then moved my hips back and forth while my eyes roamed around the kitchen aimlessly. With my hips still gyrating, I fixed my gaze on the refrigerator. “Oh, cool. Look, a refrigerator.”

His eyebrows raised. “What do you expect?”

I leaned onto the edge of the counter and grinned. “Girls like it when guys are vocal during sex. There’s a lot of ways to do it, and none of them are wrong. What one girl likes, another might not. You can figure out what they like by talking to them while you’re fucking them. Kind of test the waters, then proceed based on their reaction.”

His eyes shot wide and he straightened his posture. “Like how?”

He seemed so juvenile. It was obvious that playing football and managing the hardware store in Dumpville, Nebraska hadn’t enlightened him much on how to interact with women.

I let out a sigh. “If you were fucking me right now, and you got to say anything you wanted, and no matter what it was, you knew I wouldn’t get mad at you, what would you say?”

“If we were going at it now?”

My eyes dropped to the floor. I let out an exhaustive sigh and then looked up. “Just say when you were fucking that Karen chick last night, that you knew she would absolutely love anything that you said or did, what would you have done?”

“I would have fucked her in the ass.” He twisted his mouth to the side and shrugged. “That’s something I’ve always wanted to do to someone.”

The thought of him fucking anyone in the ass with his five-pound cock was laughable. “Okay, what else?”

“I’d like it if I was talking shit,” he said. “You know, just say some stuff, like the guys in porn videos.”

“I’m not into porn, so you’ll have to enlighten me,” I said, lying through my teeth. “What kind of stuff?”

“You want me to say it?” He glanced around the room. “Now?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, man. I don’t know. It seems kind of weird saying it to you. I mean, you’re cool and all, but I don’t know.”

I rubbed my face with my hands and tried to maintain my composure. After growing increasingly more frustrated, I lowered my hands and looked at him. “Fuck yes, take that big dick. You’re a good little slut, aren’t you?” I said in a manly voice. “Do you mean something like that?”

He grinned a cheesy smile. “Yeah.”

“Okay, that’s one way you can do it. Some girls like it, and some don’t,” I explained. “You can kind of get the whole thing started by saying something like, your little pussy is so fucking tight. It feels good as fuck. And then you wait and see what she says.”

“And she’d like it?”

“She’d like it a lot more than you saying nothing, I can guarantee you that. And another thing. When you’re doing it, don’t put your hands on your hips.”

“What else am I going to do with them?”

Oh. My. God.

“Have you spent your entire life in Nebraska?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?”

Kelli was on point with her hillbilly remark, and it was becoming more obvious with each passing minute.

I innocently shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know, just wondering.”

He tossed his yogurt containers in the trash and then looked at me. “Are we going to get some girls from the bar?”

“That was the plan. Then, we’ll make it look like you’re bringing them home without me knowing it. You’ll sneak them in the back door or whatever. We’ll have to make sure they’ll sign the waiver before you mess with them, though. Just so we don’t waste a bunch of time.”

He carried his plate to the sink and then turned to face me. His mouth curled into a huge grin. “How many do you think I can bone before I go home?”

Solely based on looks, getting girls to hook up with him would be easy. The only two problems I could come up with were his lack of personality and his massive dick.

“When you pick up girls at home, do you tell them up front about your dick? You know, how big it is?”

He coughed out a laugh. “Back home everybody knows about it. That’s why I wanted to come here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nobody will hook up with me back home. It’s a small town, and everyone knows everyone. After hooking up with a couple chicks in high school, that was it. They all talked about me after that.”

“Seriously?”

His gaze fell. “Yeah.”

“That sucks. What about college?”

“All I did was play football.”

“So, you’ve got like zero experience at macking on girls?”

“Pretty much.”

Teaching Eric how to pick up women would be parallel teaching a goat how to drive a car. He needed to refrain from speaking, and simply smile until he got in the bedroom. Then, he could unleash the porn-speak.

I envisioned him being slapped a few times before he got it right, though.

I motioned toward the stairway. “Get showered or whatever you’ve got to do, and then we’ll go see Franky.”

Orchestrating the sexual drama wasn’t going to be easy by any means, but it was necessary. Without something believable from Eric, there wasn’t going to be much of a show. As he sauntered toward the staircase, I wondered how in the hell I was going to make it through the rest of the men without Kelli knowing my mind – and heart – were elsewhere.