Chapter 25

We continued to stare at each other from across the room, and our connection was strong and evident. We couldn’t take our eyes away from each other. There was this imaginary line that was pulling deep within my bones. I felt it in every part of me. It was flashes of a life that wasn’t mine anymore. I wasn’t that person. I hadn’t been that person in a very long time. It didn’t change the fact that he was there and so was I.

I could hear Mika saying my name in the back of my mind, it was like I was at the end of a tunnel and he was trying to pull me back in. I was terrified that if I looked away he would disappear, and a huge part of me didn’t want him to leave. I knew that if he left so did everything else, the feelings, and emotions, the physical need to feel something for someone else. The truth that I had been hiding for so long. The fact that I given her up, and that I had no idea if she was dead or alive. I had turned my back on something that I created, something that was mine, and a piece of me.

A part of me died that day and I had just realized it by looking across the room at the person who had helped me create it. I had given life and it was brutally taken away from me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I ran. I ran on pure impulse to pull myself from a situation I didn’t think I could survive. It was fight or flight mentality and I chose the latter. I ran as fast as my legs would allow me to go.

As soon as I felt the strong hand wrap around my arm, I turned around and I fought. I fought with everything I had in me. I pushed, slapped, and hit. I knew it was Julian and I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel like he was dying. I wanted him to think that I was fucking burying him in the ground, alive. I wanted to piss and spit on his grave. I punched him in the face with such force that he fell back and I thought I broke my hand. Mika’s arms wrapped around from behind me and lifted me in the air.

“Angel, calm down,” he repeated over and over again.

“You don’t know! You don’t fucking know what he put me through! You don’t know what he did! I fucking HATE YOU! I wish you were fucking dead!” I screamed.

“I’m sorry, kitten. I’m so fucking sorry!” he said.

“Don’t fucking call me that! I was sixteen! I was a fucking child. You could have done something; you could have done anything. You didn’t do one goddamn thing but tuck your tail in between your legs and walk the fuck out. You gave her what she wanted! You let her fucking win! How can you look at yourself in the mirror?” I yelled.

“I have no idea where the fuck she is! I don’t know what the hell happened to her and it’s your fucking fault!” I tried with all the force I had to get Mika to release me, but he wouldn’t. The more I tried, the harder he would hold me.

I hysterically cried big, fat, ugly tears. They poured out of my eyes and the pores of my skin. I was hyperventilating and my vocal cords felt like they were on fire.

“You didn’t do anything, Julian. Nothing. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much because I didn’t do anything either. I let all of it happen right before my very own eyes. I didn’t even get to fucking hold her or say goodbye. I didn’t get a fucking chance to do anything but cry. It was the only day my mother ever allowed me to shed one tear over my loss. I went through it all by myself. You’re to blame for all of it! DO YOU HEAR ME! ALL OF IT!” I shouted. My body couldn’t take it anymore and my legs finally gave out beneath me. I fell to the ground in Mika’s arms.

I cried for it all.

“Her?” Julian said barely above a whisper. I looked up at him and he was crying. He was still one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever seen; he had aged but it only made him look better. I took in his disheveled appearance, he had scratches all over his face and his lip was bleeding. The bruising around his eye was becoming darker and it had a cut from one of my rings.

I slowly nodded. “Get the fuck out of my face.”

“Kitten…”

I cocked my head to the side, “Madam, motherfucker, and if you don’t get out of my face I will destroy you. Do you understand me? You will never be able to show your face in this city again.”

“I’m so-”

“Listen, fucker, you heard her. If she has to say it again you will have to deal with me. Let me tell you a little something about me, I always let my hands to do the talking,” Mika threatened.

Julian placed his hands in the air in a surrendering motion. He wanted to say more, but he succumbed. He took one last look at me before he stepped back and walked away.

I breathed a sigh of relief and Mika picked me up under my thighs and behind my back and carried me to the limo that awaited us. We were back at The Cathouse fifteen minutes later. He carried me inside the house and we went straight for my bathroom. He turned the shower on and undressed me slowly and carefully and then did the same to himself. He helped me into the shower and as the water dripped from my head to my body, I felt like it was washing away all my sins.

Mika washed my hair, face, and body with tender touches and caresses along the way. He kissed all over my face, my neck, and down my body. Anywhere he washed me he would kiss right after. I closed my eyes, taking in the feel of him. Mika and I weren’t like this, we weren’t sweet, caring…loving with each other. That’s not who we were. He treated me like a doll that was going to break at any moment.

The truth was…I was broken.

I just never let myself admit it.

After he dried me and changed me into a silk robe, he put on a pair of boxers and I sat on my bed up against the headboard.

He got up off the bed; I panicked and grabbed his arm. “Don’t leave.”

He lightly smiled, knowing that must have been hard for me to say. “I’m not going anywhere. I was going to get you something to drink. What would you like?”

“Tequila.” He was going to say no but he thought about it before he nodded. He brought back a glass with the bottle of Patrón and handed me both. I grabbed the bottle and he sighed. I took three huge gulps straight from the bottle, so lady-like. It burned the entire way down and after a few seconds, it warmed my insides. I repeated the process three more times.

Have you ever tried to get fucked up when you’re upset? It doesn’t fucking work. I did feel nothing though, and I guess that was something. We stayed silent for a while, just passing the bottle back and forth between each other.

“I’ve lived a really fucked up life, Mika, and at the same time a very privileged one. It’s all I know,” I said in a Tequila haze.

“Angel, no one is perfect and you pretend to be all the time. You are your own worst enemy,” he declared. “What happened back there?” I took a deep breath.

I had never shared this with anyone before. I had never shared a lot of things with anyone before. I trusted Mika, and somewhere deep within my subconscious and heart, I probably loved him. My guard would never allow me to say that out loud. I wasn’t made like that.

“You know my mother. I don’t have to explain the infant, child, teenager, and adult I had to be. I hated being told what I was allowed to do. I am my mother’s child, after all. When I found out about VIP and what my life would become, I wanted it then, right there at the ripe old age of sixteen. I had a very thought out plan, as best as any sixteen year old girl could have, I guess. I waited till my mother’s eyes weren’t on me for one fucking minute and I took what I wanted. Julian wasn’t anybody to me other than someone who gave me attention. Our encounter was brief and he was the first man I ever had sex with.” I took another gulp of Tequila not wanting to say the next words.

“I got pregnant.” I nervously laughed. “What a cliché right? First time I have sex and I get knocked up. Make a very long story short I ended up in a facility where I became someone else’s problem. I went into premature labor, there was a lot of bleeding, and they had to perform a hysterectomy.” I took another two gulps of the Tequila. I really didn’t want to say what was next.

“I can’t have children, Mika. I have no one to leave this empire to. I watched my child through a window in an incubator on machines that helped her stay alive. I never got to touch or look at her face. You could put hundreds of baby pictures in front of me and I couldn’t pick which one belonged to me.” I bit my lip, trying to control the tears that were threatening to flow. I cried enough that night. I wouldn’t allow for it to happen again.

“And Julian?” he questioned with some hesitation.

“He didn’t do one fucking thing to stop my mother. He signed all the necessary paperwork to make the baby and I go away. Tonight was the first time I had seen him since the day he walked out on his mistake.” I tried to take another gulp and Mika took the bottle away.

“That’s enough, Angel.”

“Fuck you,” I stated, trying to get the bottle out of his hand. He quickly grabbed my wrist.

“You want to forget? Let me help you forget.” He placed the bottle on the nightstand and stood up facing me. I looked up at his face, taking anything he had to offer. He untied my robe and slowly opened it, never taking his eyes off mine. His eyes were intense, they were blue, dark, and beautiful; they were Mika. I reached for his belt and he grabbed my hand.

“No, Angel. Let me take care of you,” he said in a soft tone.

He slid my robe off my shoulders and kissed along my neck as it slid down. Mika has seen me naked hundreds of times, but it was the first time I felt like he was truly seeing me. I was in true form. The layers of all the bullshit were gone and all that was left was me. Mika had peeled away the mask that I wore and I had temporarily placed it in my back pocket.

His mouth grazed down my neck to my breasts where he licked and sucked at my nipples, making them hard stones. His path continued to my navel and my lower abdomen and he got down on his knees. I lay back staring at the ceiling. The foundation of a room…if it caved in, it could kill you. It would happen so fast and you would never see it coming.

The Madam was the ceiling to VIP.

“Angel,” Mika murmured while his hands lightly touched up and down my thighs. “Stop. Don’t think about anything other than how good I am going to make you feel.”

His eyes were different; I had never seen them like that before. This wasn’t the Mika that I was use to being intimate with. There was no darkness present in my bedroom that night. It was just me and Mika, two people coming together as one. I didn’t need to feel the sting of anything.

We looked into each other’s eyes as he kissed from my mound to the folds of my pussy. They were soft, tender strokes of his tongue, while he moved his way toward my opening. He started there; opening me tenderly and slowly, and then gently pushed his tongue in and out of me, making my breath catch. His warm, soft tongue licked all the way to my clit where he stroked his tongue back and forth and then in a circular motion. My breathing became labored and I waited for the words that never came. Mika loved to make me beg for it and I anxiously awaited to hear them.

When he took my nub and lightly sucked on it, I gasped. He went tortuously slow, lapping and manipulating my bundle of nerves. I had no control over my reaction, he did. I felt his thumb proceed to make circles around my opening and he eased it in. He pushed up, making sure to hit the upper walls of my pussy. It was rough but tender and I was close to release. Mika could sense it and his techniques continued to become more persistent and demanding. When he pushed what felt like his middle finger inside me, my legs started shaking.

My eyes closed and my head fell back. “Don’t close your eyes,” he ordered.

I moaned and watched as he sucked my clit and finger fucked my g-spot. When he started to hum, my vision blurred and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

He licked all of my juices and then his fingers as he made his way up my body. I was all over his face and he leaned forward to kiss me. I tasted myself and the distinctive taste of him, and I sucked on his tongue enjoying the taste of us. The shaft of his cock slid up and down my slit and I came once again, lathering up our sacred parts with more of my moisture.

“Jesus, Mika. Just fuck me already,” I begged, wanting to feel his hard cock deep within me. I couldn’t take this dry fucking anymore.

“Angel, you’re always so fucking wet. I have never felt a woman who can get as wet as you. Do you have any idea how much of a turn-on it is to a man like me?” he praised, never letting up from rocking on my clit.

“Ahhh…” he captured my mouth with his as he forcefully thrust into me. My back arched off the bed and he put his arms under mine, holding me close. My legs curled on top of his ass, waiting for him to move. He didn’t. He stayed inside me, just holding me and kissing me. We had never been like this with each other. I knew we were crossing lines but we allowed it; even the feel of his skin felt different to me.

I rocked my hips, trying to get him to move because I was growing anxious and impatient with all the emotions and sensations he was causing. I couldn’t handle it. This night had been an overload of it already and my mind and body needed to just be fucked. Mika wasn’t having it; he knew what I wanted. I had no idea what game he was playing, but with each kiss and caress, he made his way deeper into my heart.

I wanted to hate him for it, but the heart wants what it wants. She’s a brutal cunt like that.

He grabbed the sides of my face and looked deep into my eyes; he was searching for something, I didn’t know if I had what he was looking for, but I didn’t cower down. I kept his gaze as intently as he looked into mine. It was as if we were absorbing our way into each other’s blood streams, where neither of us could function without the other.

Never taking his eyes off mine, he started to move; it was slow, loving, and passionate. I had never been with someone like that before and for some reason I believed that he hadn’t either. His hand reached for my neck and he softy pressed down on it. It was the one Mika move that did seem familiar to me; he always wanted to feel like he could control me in any way, and what’s more dominate than knowing you could stop someone’s breathing. I leaned my head further back to expose more of my neck to him, and he pressed down further.

I moaned and my pussy pulsated. He started to pump faster into me and the nerves in my lower abdomen throbbed for release.

“Fuck, Angel…do you have any idea what you do to me? Your pussy is my kryptonite. You fucking devour me,” he groaned. “Tell me...tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know.”

“I’m thinking how fucking amazing your cock feels and if you keep hitting my g-spot like that, I’m going to come,” I muttered.

He kept hitting the same spot, more aggressively than before. “No…that’s not what I want. Hmmm…give me what I want, Angel.”

I knew what he was implying. “What do you want from me? Ahhhh…why are you doing this?” I pleaded in the middle of climaxing.

“Because I always give you what you need, not what you want,” he simply stated as he angled my leg to hit my g-spot harder. “Tell me or I’ll pull out.”

“Fuck…I’m thinking…how much I need you…” I moaned, closing my eyes as I arched my back.

“Let me see your eyes, Angel.” I opened my eyes and looked intently into his. I could feel he was close to losing it because his thrusts were becoming faster.

“I’m glad I have you in my life. You’re not going anywhere,” he groaned, taking me over the edge just as he was.

We lay like that for several minutes, just kissing and enjoying the feel of being connected. We passed out in each other’s arms.

I knew things were going to be different in the morning, and for the first time, I would embrace it.