Chapter 6

This may be the only cliché thing I have ever done in my life, but when I got back to the condo that night, I went straight for the mirror. I wanted to see if I looked different, older. I checked every crevice of my body and although I didn’t look any different, I felt unbelievable. It was as if I was born again, like I was a butterfly that was finally out of its cocoon. I never wanted this feeling to go away, I wanted to bottle it up, and hold onto it forever.

The months that followed were uneventful, or so I thought. My mother had suggested that it was time that I go on birth control and the pill was just being introduced to modern day American life. The doctor came to The Cathouse like they always had. I hadn’t met this doctor before, though I had heard the name, Dr. Casler.

Dr. Casler performed specific procedures and my mother took a phone call when he started to ask me questions.

“Are you sexually active?” he questioned, not looking up from his chart.

“No,” I responded, keeping my eyes on my magazine.

“Have you ever been sexually active?”

“No.” I felt him look up from his chart, he knew I was lying and I didn’t have the nerve to look at him in his face.

He sighed. “What was the date of your last period?”

“Ummm…like three weeks ago.”

“Anything seem abnormal?”

“Not really…they’ve been lighter than usual.”

“How long have the lighter ones lasted?”

“A day or two, I didn’t keep track,” I responded, flipping through my magazine.

“All right, Lilith,” he said as he handed me a cup. “Take this cup into the bathroom, and I want you to pee in it. Bring it back to me when you’re done.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Why?”

“It’s a necessary precaution before I can give you the prescription. Go on,” he insisted.

I handed the cup back to him when I was finished and my mother walked in just as I was sitting back down on the couch.

“We are almost through here, Madam. I’ll need a few more minutes.”

“Thank you, James.”

We waited until Dr. Casler came back into the room. I will never forget the look on his face. He looked concerned, but most of all, he looked scared as fuck; for whom I didn’t know, but I would soon find out.

“Madam, I need to talk to you. In private please,” he announced without looking at me.

“James, I don’t have time for this. What’s going on?” she demanded, showing her lack of patience. I stood up from the couch trying to walk over to them but my mother raised her hand in a stopping motion.

He looked at me, then once again at my mother, pulled a stick out of his lab coat and handed it to her.

My mother’s face turned white as a ghost, and before I could even interpret what was going on, she rushed over to me and backhanded me right across the left side of my face. I felt her knuckles pound into my cheekbone. My entire body flew to the ground. I didn’t have time to acknowledge the pain before she came at me again. She slapped me across the face again and this time I saw stars.

She grabbed the lapels of my blouse and jerked me forward. “Get the fuck up before I fucking kill you.” My face was on fire and my body was going into shock from the pain and nerves.

“If you so much as shed one fucking tear, Lilith…” she threatened as she roughly let go of my blouse to stand up.

Dr. Casler reached out his hand to help me up and my mother shoved it away.

“Mind your own fucking business, James, and get the fuck out. Lilith, get your ass off the floor before I really make you sorry.”

“Madam, there are things that need to be discussed before I can ethically leave.”

“There is nothing that needs to be discussed, James. She’s having an abortion, END OF FUCKING DISCUSSION!” my mother violently yelled.

“It’s too late, Madam, by my calculations and her responses, she’s probably around three months. No one will perform an abortion; she’s too far along. If you find someone to perform one at this stage, she could die. It’s too complicated,” he calmly explained.

My mother ran her fingers through her hair in a frustrated gesture. “So what you’re telling me is, my sixteen-year-old daughter got knocked up and now it can’t even be taken care of? Am I hearing this correctly, James?” He hesitantly nodded.

“FUCK!” she shouted.

She looked over at me with disgust. “Lilith, if I have to tell you one more fucking time to get your ass off the floor, I will personally escort you off; and trust me. You. Do. Not. Want. That. To. Happen,” she roared.

I grabbed whatever big girl panties I had left and picked myself up off the ground. I could feel my left eye starting to shut and I focused on trying to keep it open. My whole world came crashing down on me in less than five minutes. The feelings of being empowered, a woman, a VIP, slowly left my mind. I felt like a child. I was a fucking stupid naïve child. Not once did I think about protection or pregnancy. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I was pregnant and I had no idea what to even think. I felt empty, alone, and utterly fucking confused. I couldn’t be a mother, I was sixteen, and I couldn’t get rid of it, what other options were left? All I wanted to do was breakdown. I knew better than to allow it, the mere thought of it would have my mother beating the fuck out of me, again.

I did the only thing I was conditioned to do, I held it all in.

“Go get yourself cleaned up, Lilith; James, follow me.”

What happened next, I still remember as if it were yesterday. I spent as much time as I could changing my clothes before making my way into the bathroom. I turned the faucet on, avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. I soaked my washcloth, took a deep breath, and finally looked up. I had no idea who was staring back at me. My eye was almost swollen shut, it had already started turning purple and blue, and there was a cut on my cheekbone, probably from one of my mother’s rings.

I brought the washcloth up to my bruise and I yelped in pain. I couldn’t regulate the tears that uncontrollably came down my face. I threw the washcloth across the bathroom and unconsciously put my hands on my stomach. There was a person inside of me. I couldn’t fathom how I could have let it happen. I felt weak and out of control. I once again looked at my reflection, and it further ingrained how weak I was, how weak I looked. I wanted it all to go away, I needed to be in control, I raised my fist and punched the mirror as hard as I could. It shattered all around my fist; I cocked my head to the side, watching the blood drip off my knuckles.

I don’t know how long I stood there wallowing in my own self-pity.

All I know is that my life had changed forever, with or without my consent.

<>-<>-<>-<>

I didn’t see my mother for the next few days. I know she was avoiding me; there was no doubt in my mind that she really wanted to kill me. I still wasn’t truly convinced that she wouldn’t try…after the third day of her being MIA, she made her appearance as I was eating breakfast.

She looked right at me. “Have you been icing your eye? And applying cream on that cut? I don’t want it to scar,” she questioned without looking away from me.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Madelyn said she cleaned up glass from your bathroom. How did that feel on your knuckles? From the looks of it you did quite a number on them.”

“I’m fine.”

“Finish your breakfast and meet me in my office. You have fifteen minutes.” And with that, she was gone.

Ten minutes later and I was knocking on her door.

“Come in,” I heard her say. I walked in and she was leaning against her desk, arms and legs crossed. My mother looked extra intimidating that day.

“What a pleasure you could finally join us,” she announced.

“Us?” I cautiously responded.

“Oh yes.” She nodded while looking behind me.

I turned to find Julian sitting on the couch, leaned forward with his head in between his hands.

My jaw dropped and I had no words.

“I’m to assume you have been properly introduced…Veronica?” she facetiously asked.

“The Madam” was not only going to beat the shit out of me, she was going to embarrass the fuck out of me too. Which was a far greater punishment than her putting her hands on me.

“You know, I kept wondering why a client of mine would keep calling to ask for another date with a Veronica. Who the fuck is Veronica, I thought to myself. Then, when your bastard decided to make its presence known, it all clicked. Your baby’s daddy is looking at mandatory jail time for knocking up a minor, darling,” she revealed with a giddy smile.

“The Madam” was enjoying each and every part of my humiliation. She was getting off on the power and control, as well as scaring the shit out of Julian.

“Please, the expectant mother should have a seat. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to my grandchild.”

“That’s fucking enough, Madam!” Julian shouted, getting up off the couch.

“You know as well as I do that I am not serving jail time. Your precious VIP organization would be held responsible, because I will sing like a motherfucking cannery if you so much as try to put this on me. The stories I have would put VIP in ruins. She’s a child. What the hell did you expect would happen? I’m held responsible for this, not her. I was high as a fucking kite that night. I barely remember any of it,” he responded, putting my mother in her place.

I knew he was doing it for my benefit, but I didn’t think it was possible for my dignity and heart to break any more than it already had.

My mother cracked her neck and moved to grab a file off her desk.

“I made some calls. There’s a place in Vermont that will take her for the duration of her pregnancy. It’s a five star resort for expectant teen mothers that are high profile. No one will find out, and the second she delivers, the child goes up for adoption. I need you to sign off on this form before I can proceed.” she handed him a file.

“It’s a confidentiality agreement. You agree to not speak a word of this and to sign off all rights to the child.” He nodded and immediately signed the last page of the document. He threw the file on the table and acknowledged me for the first time.

“Oh, and by the way, you’re no longer a client of VIP. Now get the fuck out.” He didn’t address my mother’s malicious words or even look at back her. He walked over to me and grabbed my chin to make me look at his eyes.

“You will understand this one day, kitten, I am so sorry.” He kissed the tip of my nose and left.

And I never saw him again…