* * *

After the driving fiasco I found myself watching her, like really looking at her every chance I got. She was gorgeous as fuck and I wondered how I’d missed it. Even when I’m not interested it’s not like me not to at least recognize these things, if just only in passing. She had the most amazing ass and her tits weren’t bad either.

But it was her softness, that air of innocence that was so real once you got to know her, or in my case, spend time around her away from the flashing lights. For the first time in my life I wanted to care for someone in a real way. Not for the job, and not for a short fling before we both went our separate ways.

The more time I spent with her after that, the more time I wanted. Since we’d moved to the beach house she spent more time in my air space, walking around the house in her little shorts and tight tops like she thought bodyguard was a synonym for monk or some fuck. And though we kept the conversations to a minimum, I had more exposure to her. More time to look and want.

I’d be reading something on my Mac in the dining room where I’d set up for the duration, and she’d just waltz in there like she was bored of her own company. I usually pretended interest in whatever was on the screen, but the truth is, as soon as her scent hit me, I lose all concentration on everything else but her.

It was as if she was digging her way deep under my skin. The shit both scared and fascinated me in turns. That air of sadness never really left her and I was getting a bit frustrated because the skell was still working beneath the radar.

The longer he evaded me the longer I’d have to stay on her and I was beginning to question my own mind. Each time she turned those orbs of hers on me, with that look of sadness, she ripped away another layer of the shield I had protecting my heart.

Then came the day I started thinking that maybe, just maybe what I was feeling was a little bit more than just a casual attraction to a pretty face. That’s when fate jumped up and bit me in the ass with razor sharp teeth.

Now when I looked at her it was through the eyes of interest, an interest that ran deeper than any I’d ever had before. I had to rework some shit in my head because I know me. If I decided that this little girl was for me, there isn’t shit anyone could do to stop me from having her.

But she belonged to this shit, this life. And I couldn’t get the fuck out of there, fast enough. That was a problem. I didn’t see her leaving all this behind to come back to my lair and shack up with me. Not unless I worked on her, gave her the old Hunter Sloane treatment, which I wasn’t yet sure I wanted to do.

A few days ago, after I’d been driving her for a while, just her and I alone for hours on end, she finally opened up to me on a more personal level. My phone had gone off while we were sitting in a restaurant waiting for the waiter to bring our meals.

I’d preferred to stay outside while she did her thing but she didn’t want to be alone. A few days ago I wouldn’t have cared, but now when she looked up at me with that little girl lost look I caved. I knew I’d already placed one toe on that slippery slope and was fighting like hell not to plant my foot on that shit.

There was only one way to go once that happened and she wasn’t ready for it. Too fucking innocent. Once that shit was done, once I made that move towards her, there would be no turning back. Meanwhile she didn’t have a fucking clue that the danger had changed and was now coming from a completely different direction. Me!

I’d amped up my search for the asshole stalker and was ready to take the fight to him. He’d been bouncing shit off of IP towers in foreign countries all along, and it had taken me this long to pin down his general location here in the states.

I still had no clue what he looked like, but I was closer now than I had been. Though I like getting my hands dirty in a fight, SIGINT is my shit. Once I pinned him down I could move in and eliminate the threat. So basically I no longer felt any threat from that corner. As long as I was on her, no one was getting within breathing distance.

But now, I was the one she had to look out for, though she didn’t know it. If where my head was going played out, her whole life would be turned upside down. I have no intentions of living here and I especially wouldn’t have my wife sleeping away from me for months at a time while she worked on location... And what the fuck! Wife?

So we were sitting there waiting to be served and the phone rang and a female’s face flashed across the screen before I could answer. It was my on again off again fuck buddy. At least that’s what they’re called these days. When we started there wasn’t a name for it I don’t think.

“Is that your girlfriend?”

“Yes.” It was a lie but it was easier than explaining that shit.

“Oh; she's pretty.”

“I think so thanks.” Zeta wasn't my girl, not really. Just someone I fucked when the need arose but not for lack of trying on her part.

There had been times in the five years I've been fucking her that I'd been tempted to go the distance, but always something held me back. My heart wasn’t in it and lately my dick has been on his way out.

Plus there was the fact that we both agreed that we were free to see other people, when we weren’t rolling around in the sheets together. I know for a fact if I saw her as mine that shit wouldn’t fly. So basically it was a dead end situation all around. But a pussy is better than my hand and with all the diseases running around out there I’m not trusting my shit to a rubber.

So, Zeta was my go to as I was hers. As long as she was careful I didn’t give a fuck who she fucked, though I’ve been doubling up on the skins whenever we get together. I really do like the fuck outta myself and won’t take chances with my life.

Lately though, I haven’t been calling her as often as I used to. I'm a passionate man, my fires run deep. And though our encounters were anything but tame, there was always something missing, something that I know I needed but had yet to find.

I knew she wanted more, at least I’ve been sensing that lately. But though I had nothing else on the horizon, I still wouldn’t take the jump. I’d rather not have kids than have them without loving their mother. That shit’s fucked.

She didn’t say anything else about Zeta and I let the call go to voicemail. We ate in silence once our food came. Me not giving a second thought to the conversation or the phone call, and she reading over her notes for the next day.

On the way back I’d glanced in the rearview at her. For some reason her silence felt different now. Like there was a new tension in the air. She was flipping through some magazine as usual, but her face looked sad. Her natural light faded.

I didn’t know what was bothering her. I’d been running interference, making sure she never saw another piece of threatening mail and nothing else had changed in the time that I was with her. But ever since that phone call she’d seemed…distant. Here but not really here.

I told myself it was fine by me, that I preferred it that way. But wasn’t a bit surprised to realize that it wasn’t true. I wanted to see that smile that she’d flashed me the day before. Wanted to hear her soft western drawl as she questioned me about my job or dug her nose in my shit in that cute unassuming way of hers.

Before that phone call they’d been a shift in our dynamic. She was still the same soft-spoken easy-going girl, but she’d seemed to open up a little and we had a few good conversations that only served to make me admire her more.

She was a smart kid with a good head on her shoulders. She saw her career as just that, the ability to do something she loved. But she had no interest in living up to the hype of the Hollywood set.

She planned to go home for some downtime after the movie wrapped before she started work on the next movie she already had lined up. She really is in high demand and I could see why.

She wasn’t my first entertainer, but she was so completely different from the norm it was hard not to anticipate the other shoe dropping. But the more we talked the more I realized that she was the real deal.

Hollywood, stardom, not even wealth had tarnished her as yet, and I found myself wishing I could snatch her up before that all changed. A thought that I had killed almost as soon as it was formed. I wasn’t quite ready even with these new developments to take that road.

I was sure that I could control my feelings and let them fade out once I went back to my life. Anything else would be too damn complicated. I decided that since her life was here and mine could never be it was best to keep a lid on whatever the fuck was growing inside of me.

Now as I watched her I wanted to ask what was on her mind, but we hadn’t got that close, not close enough for me to go digging into her life like that anyway. It was only in my mind that shit had changed, she didn’t give any signs that she was even on the same wavelength.

So I left it alone and told myself once again that I shouldn’t fucking care. She was the job, nothing more. And though I’ve never done anything the easy way in my life, getting tangled up with Hollywood’s latest darling was not my thing. As far as I was concerned the shit was dead. My dick would just have to find someone else to obsess over.

Once we got back to the place on the beach, she’d shut herself up in her room and I didn’t like the feeling of emptiness I felt when I looked at that closed door. I must’ve stood there for a good five minutes talking myself out of going after her.