* * *

Instead I headed outside to get some air and cool my shit. Once I had myself under control I’d headed back inside and made some calls to make sure my boys were doing what they were supposed to just for some normalcy. I was acutely aware of that closed door and what laid behind it the whole time though.

After making sure that all was as it should be, I made a few callbacks to people looking to hire our services, and then finally I’d called Zeta back. I had no idea that that phone call was going to change the course of my life.

“Oh, so you finally have time for me.” I ignored her taunting and got down to her reason for calling. We’re not in the habit of keeping in touch when I’m on a job, so this was a bit of a surprise. Plus I didn’t feel comfortable talking to her with Tara in the next room. Why that should be, I didn’t question.

And then I remembered that I hadn’t even bothered telling her that I was leaving town. It wasn’t the first time in the last year that that had happened when in the beginning I at least had the decency to do that much.

Shit just goes to show how distant we’d been getting in the last year or so. I was thinking that maybe it was time we called it quits. I’d had the thought before but never followed through because some shit always came up that needed my attention.

Now I knew there was no point in putting it off any longer. I had to end it. I was trying my best to convince myself that it had nothing to do with the emerald green eyes of the young beauty in the room down the hall, when she flipped the script on my ass.

“So, how is the babysitting going?” I didn’t miss the off-color tone in her voice. I’m accustomed to her being upbeat and fun, never heard a bad word from her as far as I can recall and she always saw things my way. Now there was a distinct note of…something, in her voice. “I’m not a babysitter Zeta.”

“Oh don’t get your tits in a twist, it was just a figure of speech. So, how is she?”

“You know I don’t discuss my job.” I figured it was just a touch of female jealousy, no one marks their territory like a fucking woman, fuck a dog, dogs have nothing on them.

“Oh I see, I guess I’m not important enough.” What the fuck? Where was this shit coming from?

“I don’t follow. I’ve never discussed my work with you.”

“Did you tell her about me?”

“What, what the… what’s on your mind Zeta?”

There was a moment of silence before she hit me between the eyes. “What’s on my mind is that I have to hear from someone else that my man is off sniffing around some Hollywood skank without a by your leave. I saw those pictures online.”

There was too much going on in that one sentence for me, but that last bit caught my attention. “What pictures?”

“The ones from a few days ago when you were looking at her like you wanted to fuck her.” What the fuck! Okay, granted my inner feelings towards Tara had changed in the last few days, but I hadn’t done anything different.

“Where’s this picture? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She gave me the name of some online gossip site. One of those rags that have nothing better to do than follow stars and other celebrities around like lovesick puppies, spreading their shit all over the place in the name of free press.

I booted up my Mac and found it and got gut punched when I saw my own face looking back at me. Damn she was right. There were about five shots of us leaving the studio. As usual there was a throng waiting to get an autograph and I was just there doing my thing, wishing them all to hell.

Most of the shots were innocent enough, but she was right, there was one that did indeed look like I was hungry and my gaze had been trained right on Tara’s face. Damn! That shit did say a fuck of a lot.

I didn’t know what to say, what could I say? “So, are you fucking her?”

“No, and you know I’m not about to have this conversation. If I were it would be none of your business remember? We both agreed a long time ago that we are free agents. And this little conversation has convinced me that maybe I should do something that should’ve been done a long time ago.”

“Yeah, and what’s that?” I never had any intention on ending shit this way. She’d been there for me in the past as well as I her, and apart from this little out of body experience we’d both been cool with each other and respected one another’s space. But she’d crossed a line with this shit and I wasn’t the most forgiving fuck once crossed.

“I think we need to call this quits.”

“Oh I see, you string me along all this time and now you’re gonna drop me for a fresh piece of ass. Do you really think she wants you?” I was listening to her with half an ear as I scrolled through the rest of the photos and that’s when I got it.

I knew it wasn’t my interest that had set her off, or even the fact that Tara was a celebrity. In the five years we’d been fucking around I’d bedded other women and she never gave a fuck. But when I came across the picture of Tara looking at me, that’s when it clicked.

The by-line was right. Looks like someone else had read between the lines of that look too. If there was hunger in my eyes, there was something more in hers, in the way she looked at me.

It was taken on the same day, but we had left the lot and were heading through the door of her favorite coffee place. I remembered it well, as I was now in the habit of saving every fucking moment with her to memory. Like I was planning on pulling them out later once she was no longer in my life or some shit.

In the shot she was looking up at me while my face was turned, with a very telling look on her face. I’d missed it that day but it was hard to miss now. I looked toward the closed door with my gut in knots and my mind on autopilot. But Zeta’s screeching brought me back to the here and now.

“Zeta cut the bullshit. You and I both know we don’t have that kind of relationship, you don’t get to question me and neither does anyone else. We could end this on a good note or you can stay on this shit.”

I kept my voice down low and tried to rein it in. I didn’t want Tara to hear me and neither did I want this to deteriorate into something ugly. I was more pissed off at her shot that Tara wouldn’t want me than anything else, and it bothered me that I would even care.

I’ve seen the men who swarm around her like bees. All Hollywood types or businessmen with enough money to buy half the known world. I was nowhere near that league, not yet anyway. But she wasn’t looking at any of them like she wanted to climb under their skin and live.

I ran my thumb over her face through the screen. Now instead of that look of sadness that has been plaguing me for days, I had this to take its place. I wasn’t sure which was worst. But I knew that I wasn’t strong enough to ignore both.

In that moment I knew that I’d just been kidding myself that I could walk away. I realized that subconsciously I’d already made the leap, even though I refused to accept it. But the clues were all there.

It’s why in the last few days I’d grown more possessive of her time. Not letting anyone get too close. Killing any ideas she had about going out to meet friends. I see now that I’d been laying the groundwork for when I finally made my move; when I finally staked my claim.

I’d convinced her and myself that it was for her safety, until we figured out where the danger came from, but now I have to face the truth. Seeing the evidence with my own eyes, the way she was looking at me, explained why she hadn’t complained, not once. But just accepted my word for it.

Now I’m thinking that maybe there was more to her capitulation. I’d become such a sap in the last few days, that even though she spent most of her time locked away in her room while we were alone here, I preferred that to sharing her with her millions of fans and the people who always seemed to show up wherever she went.

She never gave anything away, same as I. She’d kept that shit well hidden. But now some asshole with a camera had put it out there for all the world to see. I couldn’t look away. It was as if I were trying to see into her head by staring at that shot.

What did it mean? Her expression was raw, open. And when I went back to mine I saw that same open need written on my face. I felt the first blip of hope and my mind ran away with maybes and what-ifs, before I caught myself.

Dammit Hunter, what the fuck! You’re too old for this middle school bullshit. I went through all the reasons it wouldn’t work in my head, but the thought that I could have her wouldn’t let up.

It had been a long fucking time since I’d let myself feel. I wasn’t afraid of it, of the emotion that I’d been keeping at bay ever since I allowed myself to really look at her. But not being afraid did not necessarily mean that I wanted to jump into the pool.

Still I kept going back to that shot of her. The look on her face said that maybe I wasn’t the only one questioning what could be. That maybe there was more interest on her part than she let on when we were together.

I looked towards the door again, wondering what she was doing this very minute before looking away, my attention drawn time and again to that picture, that said so much.

I’m no expert but I know lust when I see it. And therein laid the problem. What I saw written so plainly on her face was a hell of a lot more than lust. If that was all there was, it would be an easy write-off.

I could fuck her, get her out of my system and move the fuck on once the job was done. But there was something else in that look. Something that made my dick hard and my heart soft. Fuck!