Chapter Eighteen

Snow

Thursday two weeks later I still hadn’t gotten my box for my next date and was starting to feel anxious. I lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, watching the gentle swirl of light that emanated from the lamp that I had gotten. It looked like a wash of tiny stars. I let it soothe me to sleep and by the next morning I was filled with resolve. Packing my luggage, I headed to the retreat even without a date box. It was my weekend there and I wasn’t going to be swayed from going.

I had left for the retreat slightly later than I usually did, which got me there after supper. I wasn’t surprised that Fawn wasn’t there to greet me, but I was when I found a small box sitting on the table in my room. It was pink rather than the usual white of my date boxes and tied with white string. I opened the card on top.

“Tomorrow.”

I’ve been reduced to a single word.

I untied the string and opened the pink box. I couldn’t imagine what type of clothing might be tucked down into the tiny box, and was relieved when I saw that it wasn’t clothing at all. Instead, there was a small chocolate cupcake. I lifted it out of the box and admired the perfect swirls of frosting and tiny pink sprinkles. My heart suddenly felt like it skipped. There was only one person who I could think of who would have left this for me.

I looked at the clock and settled the cupcake back into the box before leaving my room and scurrying toward the kitchen. Noah was wiping one of the brushed metal tables when I peered inside.

“Noah?”

He looked up at me.

“Snow,” he said, his voice holding a hint of the surprise that I had felt when I found the cupcake. “I thought that I wasn’t going to see you until tomorrow.”

“So, you did leave that cupcake for me.”

He nodded and I stepped into the kitchen with him. I hadn’t been all the way inside it and was temporarily silenced in awe of the pristinely clean, sparkling space.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t have time to get one of the usual boxes to you. I was hoping that you would come here this weekend anyway.”

“I’m confused,” I said. “You’re my date?”

“I am now,” he said.

“What do you mean ‘now’?”

“I’m kind of a fill-in,” he said. “Your original date had to cancel. Fawn wanted to find a replacement, but she didn’t have time to go through all of her files to find someone she thought would work for you, and she was running out of time. I volunteered.”

“You did?” I asked, my heart leaping slightly. “Isn’t this incredibly against my contract?”

Noah shook his head.

“Fawn said that it was extenuating circumstances. To be fair, though, I don’t think that she knows how much time we’ve spent together.”

I didn’t want to contemplate that too much and I moved ahead.

“Does the date you have planned have anything to do with that cupcake?”

“You already know that I’m a baker. I thought that you might like to see some of that.”

“You’re much more than a baker,” I said, thinking about all of the delicious foods that he had prepared for me over the weeks. “Maybe,” he said, “but baking is what really matters to me. Tomorrow I’ll teach you some.”

He walked out of the kitchen behind me and I said goodnight to him at the door to the cottage before rushing to my room, wanting to spend as much time as I could pampering myself before the date.

Noah came to my room early the next morning and I was waiting for him.

“You’re up early,” he said. “I thought that I was going to have to wake you up.”

There was a hint of disappointment in his voice and I briefly regretted that I had gotten up. The thought of waking up to him seemed like a wonderful start to the day. He offered me a cup of coffee and I sipped it happily.

“What are we making today?” I asked. “Cupcakes?”

“I thought that we would start with bread since you apparently believe that it springs out of the air fully risen and baked.”

I made a face at him, but then smiled.

“I would really like that.”

We walked out of the room and went into the kitchen. He took one of the aprons from a hook on the wall and draped it over my head, reaching around my waist to tie it in place. I felt my breath catch slightly but I tried not to show it. Noah slipped into a white chef’s jacket and buttoned it. I followed him around the kitchen as he gathered ingredients, trying to make note of them in my head as if I would be able to recreate it later. Finally, we had everything and I stood by his side at the table as Noah guided me through adding the ingredients into a bowl and mixing them. Dough formed beneath the wooden spoon and I felt strangely accomplished when he turned it out onto the counter, sending up a slight puff of flour. He told me to knead the dough and I pressed into it. Noah laughed quietly and stepped behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his hands over mine.

Noah’s body pressed against mine as he used his hands to help me knead into the dough. We massaged it deeply, turning and folding it. I let my hips push back slightly so that they could nestle harder against him and was rewarded by him pressing slightly closer to me. The muscles in his arms tensed and relaxed as he kneaded the dough and his breaths became deep and suggestively rhythmic. I could feel those breaths on my neck and my lips tingled in desire of his kiss, but he didn’t lean in. Too soon, the kneading was finished and Noah stepped away from me. He scooped the dough off of the counter and put it into a bowl that he had oiled before we started.

“This has to rise for about an hour now before we bake it.”

“What are we going to make in the meantime?” I asked.

“I was planning on making ice cream for dessert tonight. Would you like to help me make that?”

I nodded.

“That’s another one of those magical foods that no one makes.”

“Well, I do,” he said.

Again, we gathered ingredients and then stood side-by-side by the stove. It had never occurred to me that ice cream was cooked in any way and I watched in awe as Noah stirred sugar into cream and vanilla. He took a tasting spoon out of a metal canister beside the stove and dipped it into the mixture, tasting some of what was on the spoon before offering the rest to me.

“It could be sweeter,” I said.

He nodded and reached into a bowl of sugar. The granules sprinkled down from his fingertips like snowflakes and the thought crossed my mind that sugar had never been so sexy. We combined the mixture with lightly warmed eggs in a huge glass bowl and then Noah lifted the bowl to pour the mixture into the ice cream machine attached to the wall. I thought that he was going to guide me into another project, but instead he turned to look at me, his face slightly drawn.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I just need to tell you something.”

“OK. Go ahead.”

“I didn’t just volunteer to do this as a favor for Fawn.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. I’ve been attracted to you since the first moment that I saw you. I was jealous when you spent the night with that other man and when I heard that there was an opening in your experience, I didn’t want to think about another man taking it. I wanted the chance to spend more time with you.”

I stared into his emerald eyes, my breaths feeling shallow.

“I wanted to spend more time with you, too.” I gathered my courage and took a step toward him. “You were in the cottage the first day that I was here,” I said.

Noah nodded.

“I wasn’t supposed to be,” he admitted. “I had gone in there to look for something, and when you came in, I didn’t want to leave.”

“But you…” my voice trailed off.

“I couldn’t help myself,” he said. He was starting to come closer, but he suddenly cleared his throat and stepped back. “We should get back to the dessert. I just wanted to tell you that. I felt like you needed to know.”

“I’m glad you did,” I said.

Noah started guiding me through making a burnt caramel sauce for the ice cream, but I was barely listening to him. All I wanted to hear was his words over and over in my mind.

“Nope. I’m not going to eat it.”

Noah backed away from me, but I pursued him, holding a bowl of ice cream in one hand and a filled spoon in the other. My face ached from laughing throughout the morning as we baked the loaf of bread that we had made and then cupcakes and cookies while the ice cream solidified in the freezer. We had poured the thick ribbon of rich-smelling caramel into the container with the newly-churned ice cream so that it swirled through the finished scoops. I had dished out a large bowl for us to share, but Noah had turned me down, telling me that while he loved creating the decadent desserts, he rarely ate them.

Noah took another step back and his leg hit one of the chairs that were clustered in one corner of the kitchen, creating an area where he could sit to take a break without being too far from whatever he was making in the kitchen. Before he could correct himself, he stumbled and sat down hard. I laughed at the surprised look on his face and stepped up close to him to prevent him from standing up. I leaned forward to bring the spoonful of the ice cream to his lips.

"Don’t you want to try any? Just a little bite?" I asked, my voice falling to a soft, powdery half-whisper as I brought the spoon to nearly touching his lips.

"Just a little bite," he finally replied and opened his mouth so that I could slip the spoon onto his tongue.

His eyes closed and he made a moaning sound in his throat at the flavor. The sound went straight between my thighs.

"Would you like another one?" I asked.

Noah nodded, opening his eyes. I scooped up another bite, making sure to gather up a large portion of the thick ribbon of burned caramel and held it to his lips. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he pulled the spoon into his mouth and swept the dessert onto his tongue. I had dipped the spoon back into the bowl and was lifting it to his mouth for another bite when I felt his hands touch my thighs. In one swift movement, he grabbed onto my hips and pulled me forward, parting his thighs so that I stood between them. I gasped as the sudden movement at once startled me and caused me to splash some of the ice cream onto my cleavage.

I looked down and watched the white drops trail across my skin. Though the trail was cold, as it meandered along between my breasts I couldn't help the thoughts conjured by that image. Holding me still in his strong hands, Noah leaned forward and licked the melted ice cream from my skin, lingering for a few seconds as his tongue darted between my breasts to ensure he gathered every drop.

I whimpered and felt myself arch slightly, pushing my body closer to his. The spoon dropped from my hand and I felt Noah take the bowl out of my other hand. My arms fell to my sides as he dipped the pad of his thumb into the cream and stroked it across one of my collarbones.

"Another little taste," he said, letting his tongue follow the trail he had created.

He repeated the process, using his thumb to trace a line of the cream along the side of my neck. His mouth nibbled along the sweet trail and by the time he had gotten to the soft dip behind my ear, I was trembling.

"Another?" he whispered and I nodded, surrendering myself to him and to whatever game he was playing.

I watched him through lowered eyelashes as he slicked the cool ice cream along my lips. A second later, his mouth touched mine. It was the gentlest of kisses and I admired his control as he held his lips just above mine so that they barely brushed against each other as he let his tongue gather the melting treat. He dipped forward and drew my bottom lip into his mouth, giving it a suck as if seeking out every drop of the sweet liquid and tasting me mingled with it.

"Maybe just a little more?" he whispered again.

I nodded. My eyes had fallen nearly closed and I wasn't able to see what he was doing, but a moment later I felt Noah's fingers press against my lips so that I opened my mouth. He placed a piece of praline on my tongue and slowly withdrew his fingers. I sucked on them gently as they disappeared and felt Noah's breath against me as he leaned forward to replace his fingers with his tongue against mine. The caramelized saltiness of the praline and the rich silkiness of the ice cream mixed with the taste of Noah’s mouth lit my body on fire and I wrapped my arms around his neck to draw myself deeper into the kiss.

Noah place the bowl on a nearby table and his hands returned to my hips so he could pull me forward even closer to him. I complied with the pressure of his hands, giving myself over to him as he led me off of my feet and into his lap. My knees settled onto the chair on either side of him and my pelvis touched his. Noah tightened his grip and led me down until I settled into his lap, cradling the erection I could feel building beneath me with the heat of my core. He flattened his hands on my back and drew me closer to him.

Noah drew his tongue along the opening between my lips and I parted them willingly, coaxing his tongue into my mouth again so that he could explore me deeper. He broke the kiss so that we could catch our breath and a moment later I lifted my mouth toward his, craving the taste of him again. Not showing any signs of urgency, Noah trailed his mouth down the center of my chest until he reached the deep scoop of my neckline. He ran his tongue along it, tracing the curve of the fabric against my body so that he licked the swell of one breast and then the other. When he finished this blissful torment, he ran his fingers from my ankles up my legs to my hips. He let them trace their way back down again, stopping at my feet to carefully remove my shoes and toss them aside.

“Stand up,” he whispered.

Though I didn’t want to relinquish the deliciousness of my seat in his lap, I complied. When I was on my feet in front of him, Noah eased off of the edge of the chair so that he was on his knees in front of me. He leaned forward and nuzzled my stomach with his face, then suddenly paused. His head hung and I felt a sinking feeling in my chest.

“I think that you should go,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

He climbed to his feet, straightening his coat before combing his fingers back through his hair. The expression on his face said that this was actually the last thing that he wanted to do, but there was something burning in his eyes that made it very clear it was the only choice he was willing to entertain at that moment.

“I don’t think that I thought this through enough when I told Fawn that I would do it.”

“What do you mean?”

Noah looked at me beseechingly, as if he didn’t really want to have this conversation, but I needed to know what had changed.

“I can’t look at you the same way that the other men can,” he said. “They don’t know you until you meet them on your date. I haven’t spent much time with you, but I feel like I know you.”

“I feel like I know you, too,” I said, stepping closer to him. “Why is that a problem?”

“You already mentioned your contract. I signed one, too. I can’t honestly say that I’m here right now thinking about only your pleasure and knowing that we aren’t going to see each other again. That’s not what’s on my mind and I don’t think that it’s fair for me to continue if I’m not doing it for the reasons that I told Fawn that I would do it. She hired me for a specific purpose, and I’m not fulfilling that purpose.”

“I thought that you wanted me,” I said, almost embarrassed by the statement as soon as I said it.

“I do,” Noah said. “That’s the problem. I wanted you before I came here, and that’s not why you’re here. You signed up for this for a reason, and you don’t deserve to have someone distracting you from that.”

“But, Noah,” I started.

He turned his back to grab the bowl from the table, immediately silencing me.

“Come on. I’ll walk you to your room.”

It had been a surprise to know that Noah was my date and to hear everything that he admitted to me, but I hadn’t expected him to cut off our date so abruptly. In my mind, I knew that he was right, but that didn’t change the disappointment that I had felt. We had been having so much fun together. It was different from the other dates. With them, I had been thinking about the men in visceral, sexual terms from nearly the first second that I saw them. I had fully embraced the exploration that was intended to be part of the dates and though it had been interesting and illuminating to go through the different types of dates that the men had planned, I had looked at each of them as a different form of sexual being and weighed our activities and interactions on a scale of the effectiveness of the seduction and what it had taught me about myself and my tastes.

It wasn’t that way with Noah. Instead, the time that we had spent together had been about just that. I had enjoyed his company and felt present and engaged in the moment throughout the evening, truly having fun with the activities that he had planned. Now I was back in my room, Noah having left me at the door, trying to really wrap my head around what had happened and what it meant. Though it was still early, I decided to go to bed. I kicked my clothes off in the bedroom and walked into the bathroom. Positioning the shower on to the hardest massage setting, I turned the heat up until it filled the room with steam and stepped around the gauzy curtain into the stream.

I had only been standing in the water for a few moments when I heard the distinctive click of the door to the bathroom opening and I felt my stomach tighten.