Chapter Twenty-One

Snow

Any questions that I had about my continued investment in the retreat were gone by the time that I returned home. The unexpected encounter with Noah had worked to confirm that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I was finally doing something for myself and following through with what I had intended from the beginning rather than allowing the will of someone else to control me. I had looked into Noah’s eyes, hoping to see there what I now knew was the only thing that could supersede the valuable personal and sexual discoveries that I was making with each new date. This wasn’t just about the sex, though I definitely felt like I understood Robin’s fascination now. Continuing the retreat was about me connecting to and honoring myself, accepting that my own needs mattered, and that I deserved to focus on not just knowing myself, but knowing how to look beyond everything else to live the life that I deserved. In those last intense moments in the cottage I hadn’t seen in Noah what I needed to, so I made the decision that I needed to and was more determined now than ever to see this through.

Friday morning had come again and I got into the shower to ready myself for my journey back to the retreat. My date box sat in the living room, waiting to be brought along with my luggage. The card had been the same cryptic, vague message that I had become accustomed to over the last several weeks.

“Express yourself”

I had just rinsed the shower gel from my skin when the temperature of the water suddenly shifted to scalding. I pressed myself back against the wall, trying to stay out of the blistering water, and pushed the door open so that I could climb out. My skin stung as I reached in to turn the faucet off. Shaken, I picked up my towel and dried off. I dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, turning toward my bedroom to get my luggage. Moments later I heard the high-pitched scream of the smoke detector. I ran into the hallway and immediately smelled smoke. Rushing toward the grey trail I saw forming near my ceiling, I found a small fire burning on the carpet of my living room. I ran into the kitchen to grab my fire extinguisher, but I couldn’t activate it. Feeling panicked, I ran out of my house and into the yard, shouting for help.

My hand touched my pocket and I realized I hadn’t grabbed my phone. I had no way of calling for help. I was tempted to go back inside, but even from this vantage point I could see that the fire was building in my living room. Tears were forming in my eyes and I felt my chest crushing. Suddenly a figure rushed past me and into my house. A few moments later I saw the glow of the fire stop and the windows open to allow the smoke to stream out. The chauffer’s face appeared in one of them and I felt myself sag with relief. I glanced behind me and realized that the limo had pulled up behind me without me noticing.

“Philip,” I said, the tears trickling down my cheeks now. “Thank you.”

“It’s alright, Snow,” he said. “The damage isn’t too bad. I’ll make some calls and make sure that it is fixed for you before you get back.”

I heard the wail of sirens and looked to the street to see a fire truck zooming toward me. The men rushed out and streamed into my house where Philip reassured them that he had the situation under control. They did a quick scan of the house and then came out to tell me that I could go in if I wanted to.

“I can get your things for you if you’d like,” Philip offered.

I nodded, not wanting to face whatever damage the fire had caused before he was able to extinguish it. A few minutes later he came out of the house carrying my luggage and my date box. He tucked them into the trunk and then went back inside the close the windows and lock the door. With another promise that he would ensure that everything was fixed when I got back from the cottage, he started on the now-familiar drive to the cottage where I hoped that I would be able to calm down and relax before my date the next day.

Lucille

I sat in the upstairs window of the house across the street from Snow’s, my anger tightening in my jaw until it hurt. I had been watching Snow’s house for the three weeks since I discovered that it was for rent and in that time, I had watched her come and go in that limo twice. Not knowing where she was going or what she was doing made me angrier with each passing day. The time away from the company was supposed to be giving me the opportunity to figure out a way to get rid of her. Instead, it seemed to be giving her even more of the adoring worship that she constantly received. It was sickening and more than ever I wanted to destroy her. The end of her leave was coming up quickly. I was running out of time before I was going to be forced to let her back to work and have to deal with her every day. Something had to be done.

I watched as the firefighters took a final sweep of the perimeter of her house and started packing up their truck. All of the fuss surrounding the tiny fire seemed ridiculous, just more of the pomp and circumstance that seemed to define Snow’s life. More people falling all over themselves to ensure that her life was nothing but rainbows and butterflies. It’s not as though I had meant for the fire to get out of control. I didn’t want to kill her. Ruin her day, yes. Piss her off, sure. Scare her and hope that it would make her want to cut her losses, go somewhere else, and start again where she could ruin someone else’s life, absolutely. It was a controlled burn, just like the shift in temperature in her water. Harmless.

My phone rang and I glanced down at it, rolling my eyes before answering it.

“Hi, Honey,” I said, trying to inject as much pleasantness in my voice as I possibly could.

“I just got a call from the fire department. They responded to a fire at Snow’s house. Do you know what’s going on? Is she OK?”

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

He sounded nothing short of frantic and it took everything in me not to throw my phone across the room.

“What do you want, Walter?” I snapped.

“I’m worried about Snow. You said that she’s on vacation.”

“Yes, she’s on vacation. She has been for weeks.”

“But there was a fire at her house.”

“And I’m sure that the fire department handled it. They are the professionals. Speaking of which, do you want to explain to me why they would be calling you to tell you about a fire?”

I was hoping to deflect the situation, make him feel guilty so that he would leave me alone.

“Any time that there is an emergency at the home of one of my employees, I’m notified,” he said. “It’s part of our insurance policy. They all agreed to my notification when they started working for me.”

“Well, I don’t like it,” I said, giving a sniff for extra emphasis. “You shouldn’t be thinking about her when you are away. You should be thinking about your wife.”

“I am, Darling. I’m always thinking of you. I miss you so much. In fact, I’m thinking about cutting my trip short and coming home to you.”

“No,” I snapped, a bit too quickly. “I mean, no, don’t do that,” I said more softly, trying to recover. “You’ve been so looking forward to this trip. Don’t give it up. We’ll have plenty of time when you get home.”

“Our whole lives,” he said.

I felt my stomach turn but I forced myself to make an affirming sound. I ended the call and tucked my phone into my pocket. Across the street a white van had pulled up in front of Snow’s house. A team of men in white jumpsuits climbed out and started carrying equipment into the house. More heroes already swooping in to rescue her.

This had to end. I couldn’t stand the thought of her coming back to work and having to look at her every day. I already heard her name enough just with people missing her and clients asking when she would be back. I couldn’t tolerate having to hear even more about her. Grabbing my keys, I left the house through the garage door and drove out of the neighborhood, heading for the Royal and Company offices. I wanted to do some more digging into Snow’s files. There had to be something there, something that I could use.