She talked a lot. A lot a lot. He was a really good listener. A good question-asker. The sunset shining and reflecting on the brick of the houses on the street made him rosy. Her cheeks were rosy. She scraped the last chip through the dregs of the salsa.

“Mark—you want it? Last chip!”

“Oh sure.” He opened up his mouth like a little baby bird. And she dropped the chip and kissed him instead. She couldn’t help it. He shone when she looked at him. When he’d opened his mouth, it was like he sparkled. She wanted some of that for herself.

So she took it. She didn’t really have plans, she just leaned over and kissed him.

After a second of stilled surprise, he kissed her back, so much. And then he reached for her, pulled her onto his lap, toppling over the table in the process, and she was wrapped tight in his arms and he was kissing her hair. She sank into his arms for a moment.

That…whoa. That wasn’t really what she wanted her neighbors to see.

“Mark—Mark! Whoa, buddy.”

“Holy fuck.” Yeah, he was breathless. “I am so sorry.”

“I’m not exactly sorry, but I don’t want to make a spectacle for my neighbors to watch. Some of them, I teach their kids.”

Okay, maybe she was sorry? She wasn’t exactly the kind of girl that kissed boys spontaneously. She’d kinda assumed that her kissing time had finished and passed her by. Still kinda dazed by his kisses oh, and maybe it was the beer. Maybe it wasn’t just her.

She stood up and pulled the table up. “You want to come inside?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, I guess.” He also looked dazed, and his body mass was substantially greater than hers. Gratifying.

She pushed everything into the back corner of the porch and followed him into the front room. He was still blinking like an owl in the daylight. She gave him a hug because yes, he looked a little lost, and then he didn’t let her go.

He shook himself and set her apart from him, like, lifted her up and put her three feet away from him.

“You can’t get so close to me,” he said. “I lose my concentration.”

“Okay, well, you sit on that couch, and I’ll sit over here, okay?” She was shimmering on the inside.

He sat down as suggested. “Listen, Sarah, I’m so sorry. I don’t do that. You throw me off balance. Will you forgive me?”

“Forgive you for the best kiss I’ve had in ages? I feel like I should thank you.”

But she still didn’t know what to do about it all. She did have some serious convictions about where kissing led and when it should happen. Convictions that had left her righteous and alone. None of the single guys that passed through church—usually during their stint in seminary—understood her commitment to the neighborhood.

None of the guys she met outside of church thought pursuing a girl who wouldn’t sleep with them was worth it. Her dating life had been a slog and then a desert.

And now, here was Mark.

“Well, I mean, okay, you’re welcome I guess?” Mark was shaking a little bit. Quivering? Did strong former-military 29-year-olds quiver? He had gotten close to her and wanted her closer. He was not like that. He was strong and controlled and…had spent the last four years surrounded by women-kids who had no idea what they wanted to do with their life or their bodies. The ones that he had been interested in had either had serious life plans or gotten snatched up by the younger dudes.

But Sarah—she was beautiful. She knew who she was and how to do what she was doing. Her talking about her family and friends who didn’t understand the choices she had made—she’d been counting the cost, over and over again, and always chose compassion. Sure, she could be so grumpy. He wanted to sit her down and pet all the grumps away. She was turning him inside out. In such a short amount of time, too. He either needed to go back to counseling or this was some serious providence. Even though she was against his job, she was still helping him. He was drowning. He’d never been able to not-touch someone.

And the look she was looking at him with… he probably needed to go. Maybe they should just email from now on. Stay on the porch? He’d better join a church and get a pastor to stay with them. Holy fuckity fuck. The thing that came out of his mouth next was unplanned, and it horrified him.

“I just want you to know I’m not quite a virgin, but I am waiting to have sex until marriage. I haven’t been able to shake those convictions.”

Sarah had curled up herself up in the armchair, and now she was laughing. He felt gutted. She managed to calm the coughing fit she’d worked herself into, and then it was clear she really looked at his face.

“Oh, hey, just—me too. I was wondering how to tell you. And then you did it for me.”

Great, they were on the same page. Really, they were on too many of the same pages. Theoretically he was a grown up in control of his urges. But something about her…it just destroyed him. She was like a detour in the path of his life, like bridges collapsed and he had to take country back roads and be late. He was still getting his late start in life figured out. God, what the fuck are you doing?

“Okay, so that’s good. I guess.” His stress responses had kicked in, and he was panting shallowly a little bit now. What do they do now? “So—so—I guess I’ll go home now. Thanks for the teaching help.” He tried super hard not to stumble when he walked towards the door.

“Mark.” Her smile as she looked at him was incredibly dear. Almost like she thought he was dear. Her eyes were warm. “You came in through the alley so you probably want to go out my back door. And pick up those vegetables on the way.”

“Oh right. Thanks.” He changed direction and looked at her begrudgingly. “Have a good night.”

She hugged the pillow she was holding even harder to her chest. “Yeah…we’ll see.”

He could feel her gaze on him as he walked through her house. He’d almost forgotten his pad of paper, too, so he picked that up. Then he stopped and tore off a sheet. He wrote down his phone number and his email address. “Just in case,” he put down underneath them.

Then he grabbed the produce and hustled out the door, alternately praying and cursing and laughing all the way to his house.

Sarah sat in the chair for a while, clutching on to that pillow like it was a life preserver.

Finally, she got up with a sigh and went to lock the door behind him. She saw the paper he’d left on the table. Email? What did he think this was, You’ve Got Mail? Maybe she’d surprise him with an email. Maybe she should bring in the salsa bowl off the front porch.

God, she had really made out with that man on her front porch. Jesus, what is going on? And yeah, she still had to get her mind right and her lesson plans ready to teach tomorrow. These first graders weren’t going to learn about subtraction by themselves. Well, okay, like three of them could. The rest needed their loving teacher.

She opened up her laptop and went to her personal email before opening any of her teaching things.

“Hi Mark, This is your neighbor Sarah. How is it going? I’m still shaking a little bit. I hope you’re having a good night tonight.

Heh heh heh.

I just wanted to make sure that you remembered what we’d talked about so here are the steps and terms I used.

(She made a tidy bulleted list.)

Then you have to remember that it’s your classroom and your culture that you’re creating. Also, wear short sleeve shirts so you show your muscle and look strong.

Affectionately, your Sarah”

Wait. That was supposed to be “your NEIGHBOR, Sarah” not “your Sarah.” No, that wasn’t a Freudian slip. Not a bit. Not at all. She had her own busy life with school and a garden and church, and this goofball amateur from Tennessee wasn’t going to throw her. He was at a charter school, for goodness sake!

She really had to repent of lying to herself, though.