Chapter Eighteen

Troy

There I was again, back to pacing the floor of my penthouse, my hair a mess, still completely unshaven. I was really nervous since I had sent the flowers the day before to Melinda at the office, had gotten confirmation of their arrival, and had still heard nothing from her. I couldn’t send more to her office since it was Saturday. As for her apartment—I didn’t know if she would even be home. My guess was she was spending a lot of time with Chastity, even since I’d bailed.

Besides, more flowers might just be overkill at that point. I guess in my mind I had thought that the gesture would make her want to see me. I thought that I would get a response or something from her almost right away, but instead there was nothing but silence. Maybe I had waited too long; maybe she had decided she was better off doing this on her own. The thought of being cut out of her life and the child’s twisted my stomach in a way I had never felt before.

I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door, I couldn’t just sit there and not do anything. I was going to go to her apartment, regardless of whether she wanted to see me or not, and wait for her to open up. If I had to camp out beside her door until she let me in, so be it. I couldn’t just let this be the end. I couldn’t give up on a life with the woman I loved and the child that was growing inside of her, a child that was half me.

I refused to be the father that never showed up. I wasn’t sure how to be a dad, but I knew that I would have to figure it out. I needed to be in front of Melinda and tell her how much I loved her. I needed her to know that there wasn’t a moment that went by that I’d ever wavered in that stance, no matter how much I’d messed up, and that I wanted to be part of their lives. I need to be.

I wanted to support her through this entire pregnancy and beyond. I wanted to be a father with her, not separate from her, and I wanted to see if there was any way in the world that she could find it in her heart to forgive me for what I had done.

I knew that the moment I walked away I had hurt her. The moment that I didn’t jump forward, take her in my arms, and tell her we would work through all of it hand in hand was when I really shoved a knife deep into her heart. I knew it wasn’t going to be as simple as sending flowers or showing up at her doorstep, but I was ready for the challenge. Once upon a time, Melinda had been my target. I’d hit that target and won her heart. And if need be, I’d do it all over again. Not just for myself this time. Not just for her. For us. For our baby.

The car ride was faster than I anticipated, or at least it felt that way. When we pulled up out front, I sat there contemplating the last week and everything that had happened. I checked through a mental list of all the things that I needed Melinda to know. I couldn’t leave anything out, especially if this was the only time I was awarded the opportunity to talk to her about this and show her how sorry I was. Finally, after several deep breaths, I stepped out of the car and started up the stairs.

Every single step felt like it was happening in slow motion. I felt like I now knew what someone felt like walking to the courtroom to find out whether they would be found guilty or not guilty, only I already knew I was guilty; I was just awaiting the sentencing at this point. I stepped up to the door and stood there for a moment before knocking hard.

I stood to the side so that she wouldn’t see me through the peephole. I could hear her footsteps shuffling toward the door and my heart started to beat out of my chest. This was it, the moment of truth. Would she let me in or would she slam the door in my face?

Slowly Melinda cracked the door and stared out at me. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and there were dark circles under her eyes. To be honest, she looked absolutely exhausted and I knew that I’d played a part in that exhaustion. That knowledge drove the guilt in even more deeply. My mouth went dry and I couldn’t even find the words to say anything, suddenly.

She stared at me for a long moment, then shut the door and removed the chain lock before opening the door wide. She hovered in the doorway for a moment like she was trying to decide whether to let me in. She was dressed in a pair of pink plaid pajamas and her feet were bare against the wood floors. Dressed in pajamas or a business suit, she remained the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Hi,” I said uncertainly. “Would it—could it—I mean—” So much for an eloquent speech begging for forgiveness. “Can we talk? Please.”

“Sure,” she said after a few moments. “Come in.”

She watched as I walked into her apartment. I looked around and could tell that she had been lying on the couch with a blanket. There was a half-eaten salad on the coffee table and a bottle of water. The television was on and there was some kind of chick flick playing. She closed the door and walked over to the television, switching it off and turning back toward me, her face was awkward and afraid. I hated that I’d put that fear on this confident, strong woman’s face.

“Melinda,” I said, staying where I was though I badly wanted to go to her and hold her like I should have done in the first place. “I want to start by telling you how sorry I am for disappearing like that. I never intended to hurt you in any way. There is no excuse for what I did, including not responding to your messages afterward. I was in complete shock and it was like my brain shorted out or something. I didn’t go to work; I didn’t talk to anyone; I just stayed in my apartment pacing the floor back and forth. It was wrong. It was unfair. It was cruel, Melinda. I know it was.”

“Go on.” She walked away and started closing the blinds, so I couldn’t read her expression as I kept talking.

“At first, I didn’t have any emotions and then the fear flooded me,” I said honestly. “I knew what kind of father I had, and I had always told myself that if I were to have children one day I wanted to be in a place where I wasn’t the absent dad. I worked so hard for so long, and I was afraid that I would screw up my company and my child’s life all in one fell swoop. Then I realized something. I realized how much I love you.”

At that, she turned back toward me and I could read everything in her expression—her surprise, her fear, her sadness, and yes, her anger. I went on before she could say anything.

“Yes. I love you, Melinda. Even though no man who really loves a woman treats her the way I treated you, I do love you. I messed up terrible. But I can’t imagine a life without you and our child in it. I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect, but I want to be there with you to sift through the mistakes, the fears, and all the good times together, with our child. I’m asking you to forgive. I’m beginning you for a second chance to prove that I’m worthy.” My voice shook slightly as I finished speaking, finally.

“I’ve thought a lot about this,” Melinda said after a moment of silence. “I’ve thought of all the different things that you might say if I ever got to talk to you again. I’m angry at how you handled this situation, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to be a part of our child’s life.”

The ache inside my chest eased somewhat. At the very least, I hadn’t lost that chance.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. “I don’t deserve that, so thank you. What about being a part of your own life, Melinda?”

She looked down at her hands. My heart was starting to sink, terrified that she was going to tell me she didn’t want to be with me. And I couldn’t imagine my life without her anymore. She looked up at me and took a deep breath in.

“I want you in my life too,” she said. “I realized when all of this happened that I wasn’t just upset because of the baby, I was upset because I loved you and I felt like my heart was breaking without you. I love you very much, Troy, and I don’t want to do this without you. I think I can do it. I can do anything I put my mind to. But I don’t want to.”

I could feel all the emotions of the last week instantly flood me and tears burned at the edges of my eyes. She loved me, and she wanted me to be part of her life, and the life of our child. It was the best news that I had ever gotten in my entire life. I took a few slow steps forward, then a few more, moving steadily across the room until I got to Melinda and drew her into my arms. I looked deeply into her eyes and rested my forehead against hers.

“I love you, Melinda,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“I love you, too,” she replied, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I wrapped my arms around her tightly and leaned down, pressing my lips passionately against hers. She leaned back into me, a small whimper escaping her throat. Our kiss quickly went from passionate to lustful in an instant and I leaned down and scooped her up into my arms. Cradling her with her arms wrapped around my neck and her lips pressed closely to mine, I walked back toward her bedroom slowly.

Once inside, I kicked the door closed and stood there holding her and kissing her for several moments. Slowly I lowered her feet down and gingerly set her on the floor. She reached forward and began to pull my shirt up and over my head, rubbing her hands down my warm chest, my breath heaving in my lungs. She kissed my skin and looked up at me with darkened eyes.

I pulled her back slightly and unbuttoned her pajama shirt, opening it up and exposing her breasts, already starting to swell with her pregnancy. I pulled the shirt from her shoulders and tossed it to the side before bending down and pulling her nipple into my mouth. She gasped quietly as I rolled my tongue over her breast, my other hand massaging the left one.

My hands moved down her stomach to the band of her pants and I pulled the bow undone and pulled her pants down to the floor, helping her as she stepped out of them. I kissed her stomach as I stood back up and groaned lightly as she reached for my belt, unbuckling it and unzipping my pants. She tugged on my pants, letting them fall to the floor in a pile at my feet.

My cock was hard and pressing forward through my black boxer briefs. I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her forward, rubbing my hands down over her ass, and feeling the pink satin panties clinging to her skin. She smelled sweet like strawberries and vanilla, and my cock twitched as it grazed against her belly.

I wanted to ravage her, to make her feel all of the emotions that were surging around inside of me, but at the same time I knew that she deserved a lot more than that. She deserved to be cherished, to be handled with care, and for me to show her just how much I loved her. No matter how lustful I felt at that moment, I was determined to enjoy every inch of her body, and have her enjoy mine as well. I didn’t want to fuck her or have sex with her like we had done dozens of times before. This time, I wanted to make love to Melinda, and that was exactly what I was going to do.