Chapter Fifteen

Melinda

One Week Later

I finally felt good enough to be at work, something that had taken me an entire week to achieve. I had been so sick that I ended up having to go to the doctor to get some pregnancy safe medicine to help with my morning sickness. The medicine had worked immediately, and I was so glad, because I hadn’t even kept water down in that period of time. I needed the distraction of my job, especially since my mind was somewhere else.

I hadn’t heard from Troy in a week, after he’d kissed my forehead and run out on me. I thought I’d known him, and that reaction had not been what I was expecting whatsoever. I tried to call and text once or twice, but he sent my calls to voicemail and never answered my text. I stopped trying after a couple of times, starting to feel like the rejected girl who was harassing the guy that broke up with her. There was too much going on for that.

Behind the tough façade, though, I was at a loss. My mind was blown at what it felt like to be truly be pregnant. To have a human being growing and maturing inside of me, depending on me for protection and nourishment. I’d always wondered what pregnant women felt, how weird it was to know there was something that intense going on inside of them. My mind, when not on how completely Troy had let me down, was on that. At this pace, so completely distracted, my work would never get accomplished.

That was another thing; my life was going to change so much. My level of attention to my work would have to go down. I would have to take time away; my body would look different. I would need to move to a better place, and clearly, I would have to do all of this on my own. I’d never thought I would be a single mother. In fact, I’d gone out of my never to become a single mother, because I’d seen what it did to my own mom. I swallowed hard and sat back in my office chair, feeling tears burning at the corner of my eyes.

I couldn’t believe that Troy had put me in this position. We had both made this baby, and we should both have been taking care of it. I really thought we’d been building an unbreakable bond, something that news like this would only dent a bit, but not break. I realized that maybe I had been giving Troy way too much credit for being a decent guy. He was just like any other man, getting what he wanted and running full speed in the other direction when it came to responsibility for his actions. It was disheartening, to say the least.

My heart was extremely heavy, and I went through the rest of the day barely talking to anyone. I had finally hired a secretary, Lucy, and asked her to screen my calls, trying to keep my head focused. I liked Lucy; she just did things without asking questions or judging, exactly how I wanted things in my life. I knew that when the news broke about my pregnancy, I would have more than enough judgmental looks. I could hear the chauvinism now.

This is why you don’t ever promote women to a top position.

I went to my meetings for the day, choosing to sit at the edge of the table instead of right in the middle like usual. I acted like a quiet spectator, answering when needed, but otherwise just listening and taking notes. No one seemed to notice too much, and I was pretty sure that Mr. Cartucci just figured it was me getting back into the swing of things after being out for a week due to 'illness.” I was glad no one questioned me. I hadn’t figured out what I was going to say yet.

After the morning meetings, I retired to my office, asking not to be disturbed, and leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes. I really wanted to take a nap, my body was so exhausted. I knew I still had a whole other half of the day that I needed to be productive, but my mind wouldn’t slow down or shut up. I figured that maybe it would be a good thing if I opened up about what was going on, maybe got it off my brain and passed it on to someone else. So I picked up my phone and scrolled through until I reached Chastity.

“Hey girlie,” she answered. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” I replied. “But I have something to tell you.”

“All right, shoot,” she said.

“So, you were right. I’m pregnant,” I said, not skirting the issue. “I found out after you joked about it. It struck a chord with me, so I took a test and it was positive.”

“Oh my God,” she said in total surprise. “I mean, well. Damn. That is freaking amazing!”

“Uh,” I replied.

“Seriously, Melinda. I know you must be completely freaking out. But look at the positives,” she said. “You’re gonna be a mom, and with a guy you really care about. One who really cares about you. It’s not like he’s some random meaningless one-night stand. Troy will man up and be a great dad.”

“Yeah, about that,” I said.

Chastity went quiet for a second. “Uh oh.”

“Yeah,” I scoffed. “I called Troy over, told him, and his reaction was to kiss me on the forehead and say he needed time. It’s been a week and he hasn’t returned my calls or texts.”

Chastity cussed a blue streak. “That bastard!”

“He surprised me so completely,” I admitted, tearing up as much from sadness as from hormones. “And I really have no idea what to do at this point. He won’t talk to me at all and I refuse to be the psycho stalker who harasses him. If he can’t do it on his own, then that is his problem.”

“Well, I don’t know Troy, but like I always say, brace for the worst and be surprised if it turns out better,” she said. “Besides, you don’t need Troy to be a good mom; you have that ingrained into you already.”

“I know. I just am really scared about being a single mom,” I sighed. “My mother really struggled, and it was hard on both of us at times. I really wanted to one day have a family where my children had their mom and dad close, even if we weren’t technically together. Now, it doesn’t even seem to be an option.”

“I don’t even know why you’re worried,” she said. “You have like the best job out of anyone your age that I have ever met. You could totally have an Angelina Jolie obsession with adoption and be able to comfortably afford them all. You have a steady income that is more than both of you need, even when you move out of that shithole Brooklyn apartment that you’re in. I mean, if you really look at your life, you have an amazing one. If have to be in this this situation, at least you’re slaying it completely.”

“I know, I just—”

“No,” she interrupted. “You’re doing it again, overthinking everything until it makes you literally sick. Stop. You’re not your mother, not that being her would be a bad thing. Her situation was complicated and unfortunate, whereas yours is completely different. With the way you care for people, this child will not even miss having a father. You’re a badass bitch that can get it done. You need to not forget that.”

“I know.” Hearing that my child wouldn’t have a father made my eyes well up. “It’s just hard to get those thoughts out of my head. I spent most of my childhood watching her struggle to just put food on the table. I remember going to sleep at night and listening to her crying in the room next door, thinking I couldn’t hear her.”

“So, are you thinking about not going through with it?”

“No, that’s not an option for me,” I said. And it honestly wasn’t. Almost from the moment I’d found out I was pregnant, I had just known I would keep the baby. “I’m just scared. That’s all.”

“Well, you won’t be alone,” she said. “Hell, we can get a place and raise that child together. I’m not a man, but I’m a hell of woman, and I’d give that baby one crazy perspective on life.”

“I love you,” I said, laughing a little. “And don’t say things like that. I might take you up on it.”

“Shit, I’ll call a realtor right now,” she teased. “But for real, you’re going to be okay; I can feel it. And maybe Troy just needs some time. I know it’s shitty, because you don’t have the luxury to time out and think things through, but men are tricky. Give it some time. Let him really think about it, and maybe he’ll come around.”

“I don’t know if I can forgive him for this,” I said flatly. “He broke my heart, Chastity.”

“I understand that,” she replied. “But remember, if he does come around, it’s no longer just about how you feel about him; it’s about how your child will feel. You don’t have to forgive, but you do have the responsibility to that baby to give him a chance at having a father, if that father can manage to be a reasonably good human being.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I replied. “I wouldn’t turn him away from being a father, just maybe from being a significant other. But right now all I know is that he isn’t speaking to me.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through that part, but you need to start thinking about the good things,” Chastity said firmly. “This weekend we should go look at all the fun things that you get to buy, and maybe start looking for a new place for you. You can afford it now, and I know you were waiting so you felt stable in your job, but from what I’m seeing, you don’t need to worry about that. So I think it’s time to lighten up on that wallet of yours, missy.”

“You’re right,” I said. “Thanks, Chastity. I needed to hear all that. But I have to get back to work. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“K. Love you, girl.”

“Love you too,” I said, hanging up.

I knew that Chastity was right about it all. I knew that this situation was not even close to what had happened with my mom. I knew that there was a chance that Troy would come around. And I knew that I had a responsibility to this child. But none of it made me feel any better about what was going on. I had a pain in my chest that ached.

I wanted Troy to be there for me, to be the man I’d thought he was, but he was showing me that it wasn’t going to happen. He was supposed to be the white knight, not the college frat boy, and everything that we had shared just seemed cheap now, with him bolting like that. There was definitely a pain associated with being blown off, but an even bigger one associated with being tossed to the side when I was in need.

All that, and I couldn’t get the thought of raising a child on my own off my mind. Giving birth, changing diapers, kissing all the boo boos, smiling at all the cute moments—and all alone. I’d wanted to have a family one day when I reached my goals, but one that was full of love and laughter from both parents, not just one. I wanted the all-American family, but that didn’t look like it was anywhere in my cards. It sure looked like was going to be raising a baby on my own, hoping like hell I did a good enough job, not causing him or her the same worry I had as a kid. Either way, that pain in my chest just kept getting worse.