I sat quietly, staring across the room at my friends. It still was blowing my fucking mind that sweet little Dana was with Gunner of all people, the drug lord. I am really not even sure if Dana knows what a big deal he is. Tim may have “kicked him out” of his little group, but make no mistake, Gunner wanted out. Because if he wanted in, he damn well would have been fucking in.
I have to say, seeing them together is like witnessing a chemical reaction or some shit like that. The two are made for each other. He brings out the best in Dana, her strength, her fight, and she sure as shit brings out the best in him. It’s a miracle they got together. It’s a miracle Gunner let it happen. I thought Logan and Sam were annoying, but Gunner and Dana are worse. Why? Because what they have is the desire of every human being; ultimate trust and respect in one another. Even as cold hearted and bitter as I am I want that, and fuck, it kills me to watch them.
The only person in the room I am truly aware of, however, is Rex sitting next to me. His presence is like ice in my bones and fire in my heart. I hate that man. He’s the only one who can make me fucking feel. Sam’s my best friend, my sister, and I love her. I’ve even worried over her. Same with Dana, to a lesser extent. The dudes are cool, Logan and Gunner, but I feel nothing. Okay, I admit Jazmine has my heart. I’d give a kidney to that kid, but those emotions only go so deep. All these people let me keep shit buried deep, and I love it. I need it. Rex, on the other hand, pulls things out of me. Things I don’t want to feel. He’s seen too much, he knows too much of me. The way he looks at me wavers between wanting to murder me or complete indifference, like he doesn’t even care that I exist. I don’t know how I feel about either of those looks. I hate it. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking hate him. I don’t usually hate anyone. It’s too strong of an emotion and a waste of my precious time. There are few people I’ve hated. My dad. The Russian. He takes the cake, but also the men who assaulted Sam. They ripped her body apart. She is still so scared. Badass as fuck and owning it like the mother she is, but still… I’ll never forget when she entrusted me to help her get ready at the hospital. When she took off her gown and I saw the beating she took, the gashes all over her body, even I was sick. No amount of hardness I had built over the years could have prepared me for that moment.
Even with all that said, no one has taken as much of my emotional bank as Rex fucking Carter. Since we were kids this boy has done that to me, and I hate him for it. The last bit of humanity I have left is because of him, and I don’t want it! I don’t.
Sam’s voice is what snaps me out of my fog.
“Alexa,” Sam whispers. I already know where this is going. “It’s time babe. How do you know Rex? Who were you before you met me?”
I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to resist the urge to run or punch them all square across the face. I am not beyond that by the way. I gather my courage and take a look over Rex. I’m at least relieved to see he looks just as uncomfortable and pissed off as me.
“You know you can trust us. You know,” Sam emphasizes. “You’re family. We love you and this is creating distance between us. Don’t push us away. Please.”
Sam is begging me. Sam Perkins Prescott doesn’t beg. The family line got to me. I’m not even going to lie. Sam is the only person in the world I’d even come close to considering family. She’s a girl after my own heart. Even married to Logan flipping Prescott she manages to be an independent woman. She’s one of the few people I respect so I meet her gaze.
“I know,” I say softly to her. I know I sound different, weird, but it’s not often emotions overwhelm me. This happens to be one of those times. I look over at Rex, whose eyes are boring into mine. “It’s your story Rex. Go on.”
He looks at me more closely. I know he is asking permission with his gaze. He wants to be sure I want him to tell it. I nod. I know I’m going to take the story back from him at some point, but he needs to start it. The beginning is his and I will give him that. Once he sees that I'm sure he turns away from me, his eyes hardening again. I pretend not to notice. It hurts less that way.
“I met Alexandra when I was seven…” he begins. “I met her dad when I was eight.”
The room goes silent as everyone waits to hear what Rex has to say. I, on the other hand, am busy staring at Rex’s hands which are clenching and unclenching at a rapid pace. I’m zoning out. I’m super good at that.
It’s my best fucking talent.
And you’ll see why…
When you hear my story.