Chapter 30
“What about this pale green gown, miss? I always think it suits you very well. It goes so nicely with your hair and your skin and it fits so well.” Ruth said excitedly.
“But I am going nowhere today, Ruth. I hardly think I need to put so much effort into my appearance on a day when I am to do nothing more than wonder about the house, read, and sew.” Charlotte laughed. “Not that I am not, as always, appreciative of your care of me.”
“Not at all, Miss.” Ruth said and her cheeks were suddenly pink.
Charlotte had noted a change in Ruth in the last couple of days. She had seemed in onemoment excitable and the next distracted and Charlotte could not hazard a guess at the cause. After all, Ruth was the most sensible, level-headed person that Charlotte knew.
“Ruth, is everything alright, my dear? You seem a little out of sorts.”
“Not at all, Miss. I feel very well indeed, as a matter of fact. Very healthy and content.”
“If there was something wrong, Ruth, you would tell me, would you not?” Charlotte had a feeling that there really was something to tell.
She hoped with all her heart that Ruth really would tell her if something was troubling her and not simply suffer in silence. After all, they were the closest of friends and Charlotte had always known that she could tell Ruth anything. But what if Ruth did not feel the same way? What if Ruth had never been able to trust her mistress with the secrets of her own heart?
Charlotte had always assumed that there was nothing for Ruth to tell, but perhaps that was not the case after all.
“Of course, I would tell you, Miss. If something was wrong, if something was upsetting me, you would be the very first person that I would come to with it. In truth, you would be the only person.” Ruth seemed to calm down suddenly, appearing very much like her old self again, and Charlotte felt relieved.
“Well, I am glad to hear it. But if there is something you think I should know, do not forget that we have the house to ourselves today. When my Aunt Gwendolyn goes out after breakfast, we shall be left to our own devices until this evening. We could have a wonderful walk, could we not? And then you and I could take tea in the drawing room. What do you think to that?” Charlotte said, relishing the prospect of sitting down with her friend in the main part of the house without any of the constraints that existed between master and servant.
“I think that sounds like a very fine idea.” Ruth said and lifted down the green gown from the rail.
“So, I see you cannot be persuaded into affording me nothing more than minimal effort today?” Charlotte said and grinned as she eyed the gown.
“Well, it is such a very fine day, Miss.”
James have been unable to force down anything more substantial than tea at breakfast and, now that he was approaching Hawthorn Manor, he hoped that his stomach would not rumble and roll as he tried to speak sensibly to Charlotte.
He had received Ruth Clarkin’s brief letter the evening before and it had suddenly given him hope that perhaps things really would work out for the best. If nothing else, Miss Clarkin was a very clever young woman with an art for careful planning.
“Your Grace,
As promised, I am writing to you with details of an idea which I think might work. I have just discovered that the mistress of this house, Mrs. Gwendolen Dearborn, is to be away from home for a good deal of tomorrow. She is due to leave after breakfast and is not set to return until the early evening.
Forgive me for presuming to present you with a plan, Sir, but I think it might be best if you arrived early. It would give Miss Cunningham the rest of the day to come to terms with her emotions before her aunt returns in the evening and, as such, I believe it would be a little fairer.
There is only one road out from here, and if you wait upon that road it will be very obvious when Mrs. Dearborn leaves. Perhaps if you wait ten minutes and then approach the house, I shall be able to wait for you by the front door and let you in without any of the other servants being aware of it. Perhaps better still if you came on foot, Your Grace.
But I shall leave the final decision to you and, should you choose in the end to say nothing to my mistress of what you told me yesterday, please know that I shall never breathe a word of it.
Sincerely,
Miss Ruth Clarkin.”
James could see no reason to deviate from Ruth Clarkin’s plan at all. It was simple and really very good, especially if he could be given admittance to Hawthorn Manor without anybody else knowing it.
In the end, that is exactly what happened. James waited precisely ten minutes after seeing Gwendolen Dearborn being spirited away in her small carriage before he tethered his horse once again on the very edge of the estate and made his way through the gardens on foot.
Ruth was waiting for him by the door, her bright blue eyes peeking out from the tiny crack she had it open. She peered quickly over her shoulder before silently opening the door and ushering him in, leading him this way and that until he finally arrived outside a partially open door.
Ruth knocked on the door and James heard Charlotte callout from within.
“Come in.” She said gaily.
“Miss, I have a visitor for you.”
“I did not hear anybody at the door.” Charlotte said curiously.
“No, Miss. Nobody else knows that he is here.” Ruth said and opened the door wider so that Charlotte might see the Duke of Sanford standing behind her.
“Ruth? What is this?” Charlotte said and looked upset.
“Miss Cunningham forgive me for this is the only time I have ever deceived you, the only time I have ever kept anything back from you, but I knew I must.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The Duke of Sanford has something to tell you, something very serious. I fear it is something that will upset you greatly and yet I am certain that you must hear it.”
“You want me to hear something that would hurt me?” Charlotte said and began to look betrayed.
“Please, Miss,” Ruth saidand tears streamed down her face causing Charlotte to rise to her feet and embrace her maid. “Please, you must hear him out. Even if you are so angry with me that you dismiss me from your service, I truly believe that your future happiness rests upon knowing the truth.”
“Very well, but you must not cry, Ruth. And you must never, ever speak of me dismissing you for there is nothing on this earth would make do that.”
“Then I shall leave the two of you, Miss. I shall wait for you in your chamber.” Ruth said and turned to leave, looking up at James with tear-filled eyes as she made her way out.
“What have you said to Ruth that you have upset her so?” Charlotte said thunderously the moment Ruth was out of earshot.
“If you would sit down again, Charlotte, I will tell you.”
“How could you upset her?” Charlotte went on angrily, but he knew that she was just playing for time.
James knew that Charlotte had an idea that something very big was coming and she was too afraid to look at it.
In the end, he could not blame her.
“I would not have upset her for the world, in the same way that I would never have upset you had I any other choice.”
“Well, you are here now, and I suppose you are determined to tell me.” Charlotte tried to look and sound unconcerned and, to the untrained eye, she would have succeeded.
But James knew her, he could see beyond the self-sufficiency and into the tender heart which lay underneath and it gave him such pain to know of the further hurt he was about to cause.
“The truth of the matter is that I really did turn away from you all those years ago to protect you, Charlotte.” James began, thinking it as good a place as any. In the end, he wanted to put some distance between himself and the moment at which he would change Charlotte’s world forever. “And it really was my father’s interference at the root of it all. I see you are not convinced, and never would be, and so now I am bound to tell you everything my father did to ensure that you and I were kept apart.”
“By all means.”
“Charlotte, my father was very determined that we would not marry and so he sent his attorney, a dreadful man called Charles Holt, to discover whatever he could about your own family. And I am afraid to say that he did unearth something that meant I could not be with you.”
“Why, what had I done that was so dreadful? Nothing, that is what. I can tell you that I have never done anything in my life that would make me unfit to be anyone’s wife, Duke or not.” Charlotte’s spat angrily.
“It is nothing like that, Charlotte. And it was not for my own protection that I turned away from you. You should know the truth that it broke my heart.” James could hear the rasping emotion in his own voice. “It broke my heart because I loved you. I love you now, I never stopped loving you. I have lived with this every day and wish that we could simply have found a way through our differences without all of this.”
“Without all of what?” Charlotte’s cheeks were turning pink and her eyes were filling with fearful tears.
“Without telling you the truth that I sought to protect you from in the first place. But at least now I can tell it to you and know that you are still safe. For you see, my father had threatened to spread the information he had unearthed far and wide and to have you and your father gravely embarrassed by it.”
“Please just tell me what it is.” Charlotte said with sudden vehemence. “Do not keep prevaricating and just say it.” Once again, she seemed angry with him, but he knew it truly was just fear.
If only he did not have to hurt her so, and yet he had come too far now to go back.
“Then I shall tell you straight out, Charlotte. And I shall beg you not to blame Ruth because she did not know any of it. She is as much a victim of it as you are.”
“A victim of what?”
“Charlotte, Ruth Clarkin is your half-sister. She is the child of your father.” James listened to a voice that he did not even recognize as his own.
He sounded suddenly so businesslike as if he could not tell her with the emotions that he himself felt, but rather he had to remove himself from it for just a moment.
He watched in silence as her expression changed from incredulous to angry to confused.
“What are you saying?” She said, and he knew that the accusatory tone was not really meant for him.
“I am so sorry, Charlotte, but the Clarkin family in Hollerton gave up all their secrets for a purse full of coins from my father’s attorney. And that is how my father was able to keep me away from you for the rest of his life. And I knew that he would make that information known, that he would do it out of spite. And so, in the end, I had to choose to turn away from you. Not into the arms of another, not because I was playing some game that I thought I had won with a kiss, but because I loved you so much I could not bear to see you and your father so cruelly exposed.”
“And now? What of now?” She said, and he knew that she was in shock, that she was wishing he would simply swallow down the words he had spoken as if they had never existed.
“I have the greatest of respect for your father and I am very fond of Ruth Clarkin. I would not easily hurt either one of them, but you would not hear me, Charlotte. You would not allow me to tell you how much I love you because you did not believe that I ever did. But I cannot imagine the rest of my life without you, especially after these three long years, and I have to do something to make you see my love, to know it.”
“I do not know what to… I mean I cannot…” Charlotte rose to her feet and made to leave the room before turning back again.
She seemed entirely at sea and all James could do was stand and look at her, waiting for her to decide what she did next. Finally, tears coursed down her face and he knew he was bearing witness to a range of emotions, none of which he could entirely identify.
And, in the end, with nobody else to go, Charlotte raced towards him, her head hitting his chest with full force as she silently demanded to be held.
James wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her as she wept tears of anguish and confusion. He buried his face in her thick, fragrant red hair closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her in his arms and knowing that he had, in that moment, been the cause of such great pain.
If only his father had never been such a determined, spiteful man. None of this might have happened, everything might have lain dormant forevermore.
He held her until her weeping subsided and her breathing began to return to normal. They stood locked in their embrace for several minutes before Charlotte finally extricated herself.
“I think you should go now.” She said, rubbing furiously at her face with her hands in the attempt to dry her tears.
“I do not like to leave you in this state, Charlotte.”
“Well, I do not want you here. I want to be left alone.” She said and sounded suddenly so exhausted that he knew he must accede to her request.
“Then I shall not leave without first telling you how much I love you, Charlotte, because I do. I love you with all my heart, and I always will. Whatever you decide, even if you choose never to set eyes on me again, I shall always, always love you.”
When she would not look at him, James knew the time had come to leave and he turned slowly to make his way out of Hawthorn Manor.