Three weeks have passed since I got to Columbus Mississippi, and I’ve yet to find any information regarding the mysterious Tammy Richards. It’s as if she doesn’t exist, and each day that goes by, I find my will to keep looking dwindling. I’ve Googled her, looked through several newspaper clippings, and I’ve even thought about putting an ad in the local paper just to help me narrow down my search. It just seems either Tammy doesn’t want to be found, or she doesn’t live here anymore. And every single day before work, I sit in front of the courthouse. I went inside the huge building on Main Street once, but yet again it was another dead end. It’s not easy finding a person that I have no information on, or the fact I can’t even prove that I’m her daughter. Although I understand I can’t get personal information on her without legal help, it’s frustrating that I keep hitting that damn wall I had before I came here. This is why I decided to find a job at the local bar close to the hotel I’m staying at, until I can hopefully find the answers about my birth mother. Staying at The Holiday Inn isn’t exactly helping my savings account. I have my adoptive parents to thank for giving me the funds to make this uneventful trip, but I also know it hurt them knowing I wouldn’t be happy until I found what I’m looking for.
Looking out the window of the rental car, I let out a deep sigh wishing I knew how to make my parents understand. After they told me about my adoption, it seemed as though everything about myself clicked into place. For as long as I can remember, I always felt … different, but never really understood why. I had friends and loving parents, but I felt as if a part of me was missing. I thought since learning about my birth mother things would change, and I wouldn’t feel this gaping hole inside of me. If anything the hole has grown, and the longer I go without finding who Tammy Richards is the bigger the hole will get. It scares me not knowing if I’ll ever be complete. If I could just find the ever elusive Tammy, just maybe I can move on with my life.
I will say, Columbus isn’t all bad. Glancing around Main Street, I feel a strange sense that I’m where I’m supposed to be. It sounds crazy, and I question this feeling every day, but something deep down is telling me I’m where I need to be. It’s partly why I sit in the same spot every day for hours just waiting for fate to give me something to go on. Granted it’s humid here, but the people I’ve met are so welcoming. Even now as I have the air conditioner running, I feel the sweat under my armpits. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to move here at the beginning of May, but I couldn’t stop myself from coming once Dad gave me the small shred of information I’d been looking for. Maybe fate or some higher power is in play here. I also like the busy streets of downtown, but yet I like the smallness of it. It’s not a huge city by no means, but it’s just enough to feel at ease and home. Even if I’m still new to the area, everyone I’ve met always greets me with a southern twangy hello, and one lady even hugged me once. They’re complete and total strangers, but somehow they don’t feel like strangers. Growing up in Florida wasn’t bad either, but the environment here is so different than I imagined. The air isn’t as salty, the people always seem to have a cheerful vibe about them, and the food is unbelievably amazing.
With all the good surrounding me, there’s still a deep sense of longing I’ve yet to fill. It’s as if something is missing, or like a part of me isn’t whole. It’s hard to explain a feeling without knowing the cause, and that just makes the feeling worse. Since finding out I was adopted, thoughts of finding my birth mother have consumed me, and I have high hopes that this part that’s missing will be filled once I find her. Huffing out another breath, I glance at the dash clock wondering if I should go back to my hotel room. I’ve been sitting here for hours, even though I know the answers I seek aren’t here and even if they are, I can’t get them. My phone begins to ring, and I’m grateful for the distraction. A smile crosses my face as I see my best friend, Kelsey Bennett, calling. “How did you know I needed to hear your voice?” I ask, relaxing back into the seat.
“What can I say? I must be psychic.”
Shaking my head, I respond. “That has to be it.”
“Are you doubting my mad psychic skills, Savvy?”
I roll my eyes and let out a huff. “No, I’m not doubting you. You’re my bestie for a reason.” Kelsey and I have been friends since elementary school. She might as well be my sister from another mother because we did everything together. We even went to the same college for our art degree. She went for painting and mine was for photography. Kelsey has always supported me and my search for my birth mother. She and I attended the same college for a while, but once she decided to move to New York to attend a different college, we did lose touch for a year. Once we reconnected, it was as if we never stopped talking. “How are you? Still cooped up in that small apartment you call home?” Once Kelsey and I started speaking again, she told me why she closed herself off from the world so much. On her twentieth birthday, she was brutally attacked, and she’s never been the same.
“Don’t hate on my apartment.” She’s quiet for a moment, and I wonder if she’s really alright. Before I have a chance to ask her, she says, “I’m fine. No need to worry about me. Plus I have Kayleigh if I need anything since you’re in the Deep South.”
Kayleigh is Kelsey’s older sister and recently got married to her high school sweetheart. “I know Kayleigh is watching out for you, but I still worry. I wish you would take me up on my offer and come down to see me.”
She huffs and I know she’s irritated with me. Kelsey hates when I bring up anything with her leaving New York. Even if I know she hates it there, I also know she’s terrified to leave her apartment. Since her attack, she’s developed agoraphobia. I hate she’s so afraid to literally leave her home, and I wish there was something more I could do for her. “We’ve talked about this, Savvy. I can’t leave.”
“But you can, Kel. You’re the one that’s stopping yourself. If you would just –”
“It’s not that I can’t.” She snaps. “I want to go outside and not have a panic attack. I miss the sun. I miss feeling the wind on my face, and a million other things. I’ve tried to get over this fear, but I can’t.”
“I’m sorry, Kel. I know you want to get over your fear. I just hate knowing you’re suffering.”
“It’s no big deal. Kayleigh and my parents are always on my ass about it.”
Feeling guilty, I change the subject hoping to take her mind off me being inconsiderate. “What about your art show? How did it go?” Kelsey’s mood immediately changes, and I know it’s because of her art. It’s her one passion, and she puts her heart and soul into. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s still doing something she cares for. It’s present in the tone of her voice and the way she describes her most recent painting. It’s as if I can see it right in front of me. Even with her agoraphobia hanging over her, Kelsey still manages to deliver every time when she has an art show. Granted it’s a bit unconventional how she does it, but with the modern technology, she makes it work. She explained it once to me, and from what I gathered, it’s similar to going live on Facebook or like Skype. I’m also glad she has a wonderful agent that cares for her needs and respects her enough to do whatever possible to make Kelsey comfortable.
“I wish you would’ve been there, Savvy. It was amazing.”
Hearing the happiness in her voice makes me smile, and I know even if I worry a lot about my bestie, she’ll be fine. “When is your next one? Maybe I can come up and spend some time with you.” It’s not like things are going as well as I’d hoped here, but I don’t say that to her.
“Are you serious? Savvy, I would love for you to come see me.”
I begin to answer her, but I frown as I notice a cop car pulling up behind me. My heart drops when I see the flashing red and blue lights. It’s sort of ironic how the colors of our flag, the symbol of our freedom, is the same color as someone who could take that freedom away. Watching the police officer step out of his vehicle, I begin to panic. I haven’t had the best past with cops, and my mind begins to race. “Kel, I have to go.”
“But wait Savvy. I didn’t ask you about your birth mother.”
“I’ll call you later,” I snap and hang up the phone just as the officer reaches my window. Tossing my cell in the passenger seat, I swallow hard as I roll the car window down. “Is there a problem, Officer?” Trying to keep my voice steady, the last thing I want is for him to think I’m nervous. Which I am.
He leans on the car, and I swallow again at his closeness. “License and registration, please.”
I scramble to get him everything he needs, and I push my shades up on my head as I hand him my information. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong,” I say defensively. I can’t help myself. With my past, the police and I haven’t had the best relationship. As he glances over my license, I look him over. His all black uniform does fit him quite nicely, and it compliments his dark brown hair. It’s shaved on the sides but longer on the top. It reminds me of a military cut, but not as short. He’s certainly tall as I have to lean my head to the side to get a good look at him, and once I start back down, I notice his name tag reads C. Harlow. He moves back some, and I swear it looked as if he just flexed his arm for me. Did he know I was checking him out?
Feeling my face redden, I turn away as he says, “Not from around here I see.” Instead of stating the obvious, I stay silent. I’ve gotten into trouble more than once with my smart ass comments, so it’s best to keep my mouth shut. “Well, Savannah Owens of Destin Florida, I’ve driven by this spot three times today, and you’ve been here. Planning some kind of heist on the courthouse?”
“What?” Shaking my head, I try to explain. “No, I … I would never. I’m … I’m just …” He begins to laugh, and I frown. Is he making fun of me? “This isn’t funny.”
He lifts his sunglasses on top of his head, handing back my information as he says, “You should’ve seen your face.”
It takes me a second to get my bearings as I take notice of his smile and his bright blue eyes. For a split second, I forget where I am, why I’m here, and the fact he’s making fun of me. Shaking myself out of whatever the hell that was, I narrow my eyes at him. “Do you always prank innocent bystanders?”
“Actually, I do. It’s part of my southern charm.”
More like arrogance. “Am I free to go? Because I have lots to do.”
“Are you sure you’re not planning anything illegal? Because I’ll have to take you downtown if you are.”
“What makes you think I’d tell you if I were?”
“Sassy. I like it.”
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but grin. “More of your charm?”
“Why, yes. I’m so glad you noticed.” He leans his arm on the car, and I have to suck in a breath as his handsome face crowds me. Oh, he smells good too. Our eyes lock, only for a moment, and my stomach flutters with a million butterflies. What the hell is going on? I’ve seen my fair share of attractive men, but there’s something about this one … I can’t put my finger on what, but he’s different. “Are you sure you’re not from around here? I swear I know you from somewhere.”
“Uh, no. I just got here three weeks ago.”
His eyes never leave mine, but I look away first. It’s too intense with the way his blue eyes penetrate mine. “Newbie for sure then.” He starts to say something more, but his radio on his shoulder starts talking. It startles me, and I feel my face flush when I hear him laughing again. I don’t catch what I assume is the dispatcher says, but he answers back quickly then turns his attention back to me. “It was nice to meet you, Savannah Owens. I’ll see you around.”
Watching him slowly back away in my rear view mirror, I stare as he gets inside his squad car. As he drives by, I stupidly watch him more knowing he’ll see me. Grinning when he waves at me, I let out a huff as he drives past. My heart is still beating a mile a minute, but I don’t understand why. Or why I felt as if he promised me something. Pushing C. Harlow out of my mind, I push my sunglasses down and start the rental. Deciding to chill in my hotel room before work, I make my way there. It’s normally a depressing trip back knowing I didn’t get any new information on my birth mother, but this time it’s different.
The way Officer Harlow said my name whispers in the back of my mind. It’s like a caress with his deep and husky voice, and the way he said he’ll see me later makes me wonder if I really will.
Or if I even want to.