Chapter Twenty-Four
THE FROWN MAX was trying so hard to hide cut right through Treat. He knew his enthusiasm for his work was intimidating, but he’d promised to always be honest. He wanted to take her in his arms and promise her the world that he knew he could give her, but something told him that she also saw his own turmoil. He had no concerns about Max, but Thailand was riding his nerves. He’d worked hard for that acquisition, and truth be told, he would give up everything to be with Max, but one last foray into negotiations would be a sweet send-off. It was the three months of international travel that caused him concern. There was no way he could expect Max to pick up her life and go with him. It was an unfair request.
“I’ve been clear about what I want,” he said, holding her gaze. “What do you want, Max?”
She shrugged, tugging at his heartstrings.
“Max?” If she didn’t want all those things, then what were they doing together? Why had they revealed their souls to each other?
She looked up at him, and he asked her again, “What is it that you want with me, babe? Where do you envision this going?”
Max pulled away. “I guess maybe we’re moving a little fast.”
Her words sent a swift kick to his gut. “A little fast? I thought you felt the same connection that I did. I thought you wanted this just as much as I do.”
“I do, but—”
“But? Max, we can move slower. I never meant to push you.”
“I’m sorry, but I overheard you on the phone talking about your Thailand deal. What if you give that up and then you resent me? Or if I never come to grips with my past? If I don’t, that could suck for you.”
His chest constricted. She worried so much about him. “First, I’ll never resent you. I understand your concern, but, Max, there are plenty of properties I can acquire that don’t require that type of travel. And as far as your past goes, I’m here no matter what. My only concern is that you don’t drive yourself crazy with worry because of what you’ve been through. You never had closure. I don’t want you facing that guy again, but maybe talking with a therapist would help.”
She nodded, tears in her eyes, and rested her head on his chest. “Maybe,” she said just above a whisper. “I don’t want you to give up what you love for me, especially when I still have so much to work through.”
“We’ll work through it together.”
MAX WAS EMOTIONALLY exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and erase the anxious evening that had found them. She was relieved when Treat took her hand and led her upstairs. They took a warm bath together and lay talking into the wee hours. Long after Treat fell asleep, Max’s heart still wouldn’t settle. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his gorgeous dark eyes dancing with excitement as he told her how much he loved his work. She’d also felt his genuine honesty when he’d talked about wanting to live a fuller life. Who was she to question what he really wanted?
As she lay in the confines of his loving arms, staring at a streak of moonlight streaming through the curtains, a sudden and jarring thought occurred to her. What was she really afraid of? She trusted Treat with her whole heart. If he told her something, she knew it was true. She thought about what he’d said about closure and wondered if he knew her better than she knew herself.
Was she really trying to save him from a lifetime of resentment, or was she running from happiness because she didn’t trust that Ryan hadn’t ruined her for life? She’d missed the signs back in college. The way he’d suddenly started drinking more, going out to bars, becoming mean, and lost interest in talking with her. She’d never miss those signs again, but she didn’t want to recognize them in Treat years from now and know she was the cause. She had no doubt that Treat knew himself well enough to make the right decision for both of them. But did she know herself well enough to do the same?
Too restless to lie still, she stepped quietly from the bed and went to the window, gazing out at the reflection of the moon rippling on the water. She needed a guidebook to navigate her past and create a future, or a mother who could tell her the right way to handle this. Since she didn’t have either, she had to make a decision.
With her heart in her throat, she grabbed her phone and went downstairs.
She was shaking as she sank to the couch and pulled up Facebook. She loathed social media for anything other than promoting the festival. The idea of posting updates about what she did all day seemed an enormous waste of time, right up there with tweeting and getting manicures. Well, maybe a manicure now and then would be nice. With a deep breath, she typed Ryan Cobain, Texas A&M into the search bar. Within seconds several Ryan Cobains appeared. Her ex-boyfriend’s photo stared back at her, and her heart nearly stopped. She hadn’t set eyes on him in years, and she hadn’t prepared herself for the stab of hurt slicing through her. His thick brown hair was cut shorter now, and his face had thinned. If she didn’t know him, she’d think he was a handsome, happy man. But she did know him. She looked into his green eyes and saw the same fiery mess of a man she’d seen the day she left.
She told herself to put her phone down and go back to bed, to disappear into the safety of Treat’s arms. But Ryan would always be lurking in the shadows. With a shaky hand, she clicked on the message icon. She was pretty sure there was no way he would respond, but she had to try to slay the demons that were poisoning her like a disease.
She stared at the message box with absolutely no idea what to type. Hey, this is Max. Remember me? The girl you mistreated? She closed her eyes, and it was Treat’s voice whispering through her mind, telling her he’d be there no matter what and that they’d heal together, that gave her strength. She struggled for what seemed like hours but in reality was probably only fifteen minutes before finally typing, Hi. That was all she could do. She hit return and then stared at the screen like it might come alive. Her body was poised to flee, or fight, which was silly since it was only a message.
“That was stupid,” she said to the empty room, and padded into the kitchen. She set her phone on the counter while she poured herself some juice.
A few minutes later her phone chimed, and Max’s pulse sprinted. Holding her breath, she reached for the phone, then stopped. I don’t want to do this. Yes, I do. She closed her eyes, gathering courage like a cloak, and finally picked up the phone. With her jaw clenched so tight she worried she might crack a tooth, she read his message.
Hey, Max. How are you?
She bit her lower lip and typed, Fine. Since when had she become a liar? She was so far from fine right then, she could barely think.
His response was instant. Glad to hear it.
She stared at the screen, trying to figure out what she wanted to achieve. She never did things without a plan in place, and suddenly she was adrift in a sea of worries. Why had she reached out? What did she really want? Closure? To see if she was strong enough to actually face him? To see if he regretted how he’d treated her?
All of the above?
She typed, Where are you living? Again, his response came quickly. Yakima, Washington. You?
Max’s hands stopped cold. She didn’t want him to know where she lived, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she was already forming a plan.
She typed, I’m in your area tomorrow for work. I’d like to come by and talk.
He answered quickly. Working all day.
Where? She stared at the screen after sending the message and then read his response twice—Crowne Inn, off Central Ave—before making her decision and typing, Can I stop by?
She held her breath as his response rolled in.
I never thought you’d speak to me again. Yes, I’d like that. I have things to tell you.
She had things to tell him, too, though she had no idea if they’d come out in tears or rage, and she didn’t care. She needed to do this, if for no other reason than to get the hatred she’d been harboring out at the right person. Her efficient, organized mind was already racing through the travel and work arrangements she’d need to make. She hated the idea of leaving Treat to deal with this, but she knew if they had any chance at a future, it was necessary.
She responded with, Okay. 7:00 p.m.?
Once he agreed, she went to work making travel arrangements before she could chicken out. She’d left Ryan once, and she’d carried the nightmare of him with her like a silent predator.
After tomorrow she hoped to never feel like his prey again.