Chapter Thirty-One
BY DINNERTIME TREAT was exhausted. His father was feeling infinitely better and practically needed to be tied to his chair to follow Ben’s order to rest. Every time Treat and his siblings turned around, their father was trying to get outside to the barn. Josh finally lured him back inside by offering to watch a rodeo with him. Now Treat was relaxing on the front porch as Rex parked the tractor in the barn. They’d worked from sunup to sundown, and they still had evening chores to take care of. He had to give Rex credit. He was still running on full steam while Treat was sucking down coffee just to get a second wind.
The screen door opened behind him. “You still alive out here?” Savannah sat beside him on the top step.
“Barely. I had forgotten how labor intensive it was to run the ranch. I don’t know how Rex does it.”
“He’s pretty tough. So are you, you know. Everyone is tough in their own way.”
“I guess,” Treat said. The spark in his sister’s hazel eyes had dulled. He’d assumed it was from his father’s health issues, but he remembered what his father had barked at him in the hospital. “Everything okay with you? What was Dad saying about Connor? Do I need to take care of him for you? Because I’m wondering if Rex might be a better person for that job.”
She linked her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder. “No one is better for that job than you. You’ve always been my protector.”
The weight of her against him made him miss Max even more. “Way to skirt the question, Vanny.”
She sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Isn’t everything?” he said, thinking of Max.
“Yeah, I guess. Do you remember what Mom and Dad’s relationship was like before Mom got sick? I don’t remember much more than what you’ve told me.”
Treat had always tried to keep their mother’s memory alive for his siblings. “I remember some of it, but as a kid, you don’t focus on your parents’ relationship. You know what I mean? They’re Mom and Dad. That’s it. Mom was beautiful. She had this light about her that’s hard to describe. She was always happy, but I do remember how she used to yell at Dad when he’d try to toughen you up. I can still hear her.” He raised his voice an octave. “Hal, she’s a girl. G-I-R-L. She doesn’t need to know how to bang a nail. That’s what men are for.” He laughed at the memory.
“She did?” Savannah smiled. “I wish I could remember that.”
“She always treated you like you were precious. She’d want to put you in frilly pink dresses with ribbons in your hair, and Dad would say she was raising a sissy.”
Savannah scrunched her nose. “Pink dresses? I can’t even imagine. I loved growing up as a tomboy. I always thought Dad did such a good job with us.”
“He did. So did she. She loved us so much. Even when we were bad, she would give us heck for a minute or two and her eyes would turn fierce, like yours. And in the next minute she was laughing and joking like we were blessed angels who could do no wrong.”
“Really?”
“Yes. You know it was Mom who started the whole backyard grilling thing, don’t you?” He watched Rex ascend the hill, heading in their direction. His jeans stretched tight across his massive thighs, and his hat was still pulled down low. He looked every bit like the quintessential cowboy he was.
“I never knew why we did it,” Savannah said. “It’s all I’ve ever known.”
“It was Mom.”
Rex stepped onto the porch and sat beside Savannah. “What was Mom?”
“She was the one who started the barbecue tradition,” Savannah answered.
Rex took off his hat and ran his hand through his thick hair. He set his hat back on his head and wiped his face with his hand. “Remember that? She said we were only nourishing our bodies if we ate inside all the time and that we also had to nourish our souls.”
A warmth softened Rex’s hard exterior, and for a brief moment Treat saw the gentler little boy Rex had been before their mother became ill. Had he changed too? Was there a before- and after-Mom-was-sick Treat? If so, he had no recollection of that person.
“‘Because that’s what the sun, wind, snow, and rain are for,’” Treat added, quoting their mother.
“I wish I’d known her the way you guys did.” Savannah tried to mask her frown, but she fell short.
Treat put his arm around her.
“You’re just like her.” Rex pushed to his feet and headed for the door. “You doing night chores with me?”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Treat answered.
“Why isn’t Max with you?” Savannah asked. “Dad said you haven’t brought her over at all.”
“Because I’m selfish,” Treat admitted. “I wanted every second I could have with her without the pressure of the family.” He picked up a rock and tossed it into the yard. “She had to take care of a few things out of town and Dad got sick, so…”
“She really likes you.” She scooted closer to him again. “I want that for you. I want you to be with someone who adores you. Someone who would go anywhere to be with you, like she did.”
“That makes two of us. I want that for you, too.” Remembering what Savannah had said about reading between the lines, he asked, “Do you want Connor to follow your bread crumbs?”
A breeze swept her long auburn hair away from her face, and for an instant she was the spitting image of their mother.
A shadow passed over her eyes, and she said, “I’m not sure. Most of the time I think I do. Sometimes, though, I’m not sure if I’m setting myself up to be hurt.”
“Please tell me you don’t mean physically hurt, because I’d hate to be known as the guy who killed Connor Dean.”
“He’s a butterfly, really. He’s not a fighter.”
“Well, you are a feisty thing. Is that the problem? That he’s not a fighter?”
“It’s just schedules and craziness.” Savannah put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s analyze you instead.”
“Let’s not.” He’d done enough analyzing for a lifetime. All he wanted was for Max to call and say she was safely back at her apartment. If it weren’t for her, he might never have dealt with the guilt that had hung over him for too many years.
He stood and reached for her hand, helping her to her feet. “We’d better help get dinner on the table.”
They helped get the food ready, and Treat carried a jug of apple cider out to the table, stopping when he caught sight of his father and Rex walking down by the barn. Rex had a pinched look on his face. Their father put his hand on Rex’s shoulder. Treat could practically feel that secure weight on his own flesh. He knew the look his father was giving Rex, and he would bet the discussion had something to do with him.
He’d better go face it head-on.
Savannah touched his arm before he could take two steps. “Leave them,” she said.
“I’m sure it’s about what I said last night.”
“No, it’s not. Let them be.”
Treat narrowed his eyes at his sister. “How do you know?”
Savannah took the cider from his hands and set it on the table, ignoring his question.
“Savannah?”
“Leave it alone, Treat,” Hugh said as he approached from behind. He set plates and silverware on the table. “Rex seems tough, but he’s not as tough as you might think. He’s having a hard time with Dad’s health issues.”
Treat shot another glance at Rex, who was looking everywhere except at his father, while his father’s attention never wavered from Rex’s face.
“Why wouldn’t he tell me? We worked in the field together for hours and all he did was snap at me.”
Hugh shrugged.
“Would you tell you?” Josh asked. He brought the burgers to the table and motioned for everyone to sit down. “Think about it, Treat. He’s here every day, slaving to help keep the family business alive, and suddenly you sweep in and expect him to just accept it. Meanwhile, the one person he loves the most lands in the hospital. It’s a lot to deal with.”
I failed him again? “So, what? I should have asked his permission to come back to my own family’s ranch and help out? I thought it was what he wanted all these years.”
His three siblings exchanged a look that said perhaps that’s exactly what he should have done. “All right. I get it. I’ll talk to him.” He started for the barn.
“Treat!” Savannah hollered. “He’s hurting. Please don’t push him. You know Rex. When he’s ready, he’ll open up to you. He always does.”
When it came to his siblings, hurting them was the last thing he ever wanted to do. His father and Rex headed toward them, and Treat turned away. Was he doing more harm than good by being there?
A few minutes later Rex and Hal joined them at the table. Rex snagged a burger and bun, eyeing the rest of the food.
“Dad, you have a follow-up with Ben next week. I’ll take you,” Treat offered.
“I’ve got it covered,” Rex said gruffly.
“Rex’ll take me. Tell me what’s happening with that pretty little gal I met,” his father said, clearly trying to steer clear of the whole Rex situation.
He’d stirred the hornet’s nest with Rex, and now it was his turn to wait it out—just like Rex had for the past fifteen years.
“Not much to tell. She’s on her way back into town, and every minute she’s away feels like a frigging year.” He stabbed at the steak Savannah had dished onto his plate, anxious to see her.
“So take that lame behind of yours and go get her,” Rex said, and followed it up with a big bite of his burger. “What are you afraid of?”
“Nothing scares me, little brother. I’m here fighting the demons that have strangled me for years, which is more than I can say for you.” He knew he shouldn’t push Rex, especially with his entire family watching them, but he was agitated and sick of playing games.
Rex rose to his feet. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m here every single day, taking care of the family business, while you’re out doing whatever you please. At least I didn’t abandon Dad.”
Treat felt his father’s eyes on him. Their siblings watched without a hint of stress, and Treat realized that they must have known what was eating at Rex the whole time. His father slowly rose to his feet but made no move to come between them.
“I apologized for leaving last night. Remember? You walked out on me. And while you were building your life here, I built mine.” Treat pushed to his feet, too, meeting his brother’s angry glare.
“Right. You travel endlessly. You live a life of leisure while I hold down the real job.”
“I’m not going to get into a pissing match with you about my career versus yours. What’s this really about?” Treat closed the distance between them.
“You left, leaving me to figure out how to hold things together.”
Treat had the urge to grab his brother’s enormous shoulders and shake him until he spit out whatever he was holding back. “Dane’s older than you—it wasn’t your job to hold them together.”
“Dane was a mess, and he had no interest in working on the ranch. I was fifteen! How was I supposed to watch over the other three kids and take care of the ranch—and Dad? Fifteen, Treat. Fif-teen!” His eyes flashed with a rage.
Treat stared down at him. “I went to school, Rex. It was what I was supposed to do. That was Dad’s plan for me.” He stilled as the truth of his own words sank in. It was Dad’s plan for me. It’s true. He looked at his father, and confirmation shone in his eyes. He’d known all along what Treat was struggling with, but as always, he’d let him come around to it on his own. Holy sh…How could I have repressed that for so long?
Rex twisted out of his grip, and Treat planted his feet in the ground, readying for the blow that was sure to come as Rex’s hands fisted.
“I came home every time you called, Rex.”
Rex’s nostrils flared. “No, you didn’t.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I called you a few weeks after you went to school and said I couldn’t do it.” Rex’s eyes shot darts; every word was laced with venom. “Hugh was pulling away, and Savannah had disappeared for the weekend with her friend. I didn’t know what to do.”
“What? When?” He vaguely remembered a call about Savannah. It seemed like a hundred years ago. “Was that the time when you said Savannah went to a party and you couldn’t find her? I left my date and went back to my dorm and called every one of her friends’ parents. I was going frigging crazy looking for her from a million miles away, and you called me a few hours later and said she was back home, that her friend had lied about it to get her in trouble.” Treat took a breath and tried to bring his anger down a notch. “I thought it was fine after that.”
Rex huffed, rage simmering in his eyes. “Nothing was fine.”
“How could I have possibly known? I was a kid, too, Rex. What would you have had me do? Quit college? Give up everything Dad said I had to accomplish? Is this what you’ve held over my head forever? Isn’t this exactly what I apologized for last night?”
They stared at each other, posturing, silently banging chests and measuring feathers. And then, with the force of a bullet train, Treat realized what this was really about. Rex was younger than Dane, but even as kids, after they’d lost their mother, Rex had watched over Dane just as Treat had. And when the pressures of trying to be something neither he nor Treat could became too great, he’d fall apart and Treat would put him back together. It’s no wonder you felt abandoned. And no wonder I felt like I abandoned you.
“Boys!” Hal’s stern voice broke their match. “You want to blame someone? Blame me. I wanted Treat to excel. He was too academic and had too much to accomplish in life to run the ranch. He’d have had me buying up more ranches by the time he was fourteen if I’d let him, and maybe if I had listened to him, we’d all be even richer. And, Rex, you were born to ranch and you know it. The day you started walking, you wanted to follow me all over this place. You’d sit with me while I ran the finances and rode with me on nearly every ride. The ranch is a heck of a lot of responsibility, and I don’t blame you for resenting your brothers—all of them—for taking off.” He put a hand on Rex’s shoulder and spoke calmly. “But, son, I gave you the same choice I gave them. How many times did I say, ‘Go out there and get your own ranch, or find something else that you want to call your own?’”
Rex looked away.
“When I’m talking to you, son, you keep your eyes on mine.”
Rex met his gaze. “I didn’t want my own ranch. This is family. This is where Mom is.” He slid an angry look to Treat.
To a stranger, the two angry men staring each other down would mean fists were going to fly. But Treat knew what they looked like to his family. Two brothers fighting to find their way back to each other.
His father placed a hand on each of their shoulders and said, “Now that you’ve had your say, let me tell you how it’s gonna be. You want to blame someone for all of this? Blame me. I’m the one who led you all those years. Grief is a terrible and powerful thing. I thought you’d each grow out of missing your mama, but that was a fairy tale. If anyone knows that, it’s me, and I’m sorry. We all did the best we could.” He looked around the table, and then he settled compassionate eyes on Rex and Treat. “We did better than any family could. If Treat had stayed, I’d have felt guilty for not cutting him loose. And, Rex, you’ve always been the cowboy, not the rodeo clown. I guess I always knew you could handle it, and yes, I knew you were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you were unwilling to part with it.”
Rex’s gaze shifted away.
“I’m sorry,” Treat said to both of them. “I was a kid trying to keep my own head above water. It’s true I abandoned everyone because I felt guilty, but, Rex, you have to believe that if I had known you felt that lost, I’d have come running back. After Savannah came home, I figured it was just more of the same confused, angry kids that I’d left when I went away to school.”
Rex continued looking away for the longest time, and when he finally brought his attention back, it was his father’s eyes he met, not Treat’s. “Sorry I ruined the afternoon, Dad. I’ve got to go check on Hope.” He headed for the barn.
Treat took a step toward him, but his father held him back. “Leave him. This is how Rex operates. You remember this pattern, don’t you? He’ll work out his frustration. It’ll take time, but now you know what’s what. It may not be today, and it may not be next week, but at some point this’ll come out in the wash.”
Treat sat at the table, but he couldn’t eat. He knew Rex would eventually come around. There was no avoiding it now that Treat was home. He might buy a place nearby, and he might have to travel and set up an office, but he wasn’t going to abandon anyone ever again. And he was done waiting for Max. It was time for him to set his future in motion.
“Sorry I was such a jerk when I was a kid,” Dane said.
“You were just a kid.” Treat pushed to his feet again. “I’ve got to go take care of something.” Without another word from his family, he headed into the house.
A few minutes later, he was in the car, pulling down the driveway when Rex rode up on Hope and stopped in his path. Treat slammed on the brakes and jumped from the car. “What are you doing? Trying to get Hope killed?”
Rex settled Hope from her startled shuffle and said, “I know all that crap you said back there. I’m not an idiot.”
“No. You’re not,” Treat said.
They stared each other down again. Treat had a feeling they’d be doing that a lot.
“Just like you’ve been carrying that baggage around with you all these years, so have I.”
Treat nodded. Honesty was difficult, and he wasn’t about to get in Rex’s way.
“I know you didn’t abandon me. Or Mom or Dad. I get that,” Rex admitted. “The truth is, I wouldn’t have wanted you to give up what you were destined to do. I was just…”
“As messed up as the rest of us?”
Rex held on to Hope’s reins, and Treat had the overwhelming urge to hug him, but he was afraid to move. Rex had a shell that was thick as a brick, and Treat knew just how much this breakthrough meant to their relationship, which might not be anywhere near normal for years to come, but this was a start.
Rex nodded. “I’m glad you’re home, but I’m still running the ranch.”
“Okay.”
“You’re far from in shape for this kind of grueling work,” Rex said gruffly. “It’ll take you months to get back up to speed—physically anyway.”
“Agreed.” Every muscle in Treat’s aching body could attest to that, though it was his pride that was taking a beating at the hand of his kid brother.
“All right, then.”
“Where are you going?” Rex backed the horse from in front of the car.
“I’ve got to get my girl. I’ll be back to help with the evening chores.”
Rex nodded. “Take your time, bro. Believe it or not, I’m glad you’re staying.”
Treat ran a hand down the side of Hope’s face and swore he saw his mother’s beautiful reflection in the horse’s eyes, a smile of approval on her lips.