Leaving Holly’s place last night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I can still feel her lips on mine. Her tongue dancing in my mouth. Her mouth pressed to my chest. God, I always loved when she did that. It made me feel like I was the most important person in her world. When she did it again after all this time... I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I wanted her in that moment. Still, I couldn’t go there. Not yet. If I did, she’d probably think that’s all I’m after. But I want all of her. Heart, mind, body, and soul. When I decided to go into business for myself, I knew exactly where I wanted to do it. Here with Holly by my side.

But what if she doesn’t understand why I stopped things? She looked so upset, like she’d done something wrong, when really she’d done everything right. All day I’ve resisted the urge to stop by her place. Holly hides when she’s embarrassed, and I’m sure she is. I figured it was best to let her be. But now I’m on the way to the Christmas party at the children’s center, and I intend to show her how much I’ve changed. How much I’ve grown—hopefully into a man worthy of her love.

I pull around back and park next to a red Mazda, which I’m willing to bet belongs to Holly. She always had a thing for Mazdas and red has been her favorite color as long as I’ve known her. My guess is that April picked her up for work today since she never got her car after our date last night. Was it a date?

I get out and knock on the back door, not feeling right about just walking in the employee entrance. When the door opens, I’m not surprised to see it’s April instead of Holly.

She puts one hand on her hip and only opens the door wide enough to step into the space. “Well, at least you still showed up.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, cocking my head at her.

“I spent the night listening to my best friend cry to me about how you walked out on her.” She puts her hand up to stop me when I open my mouth to protest. “The worst part is she thinks she deserves it. She thinks after she left you on your wedding day, this is karma slapping her in the face.”

“No, it’s not like that at all.”

“Then tell me what it’s really like.” April’s tone has no trace of the friendliness I used to expect from her. She always liked me, thought I was good for Holly. That’s obviously changed.

“I didn’t want her to think I came back here for a random hookup.” I pause, not sure how much I should admit to April.

“Go on.” She waves her hand in the air for added emphasis.

“I need to talk to Holly,” I say.

“Sorry, but you have to get past the gatekeeper first. You’re off to a good start with the ‘not looking for a hookup,’ so I suggest you keep talking.”

I sigh, knowing she’s not going to give in. “I’m still in love with her.”

Her jaw falls. “Are you serious? Because if this is a line—”

“April, you know me. You know how crazy I was about Holly five years ago.”

“Yes, but like you said, that was five years ago.”

“Do you want to know how I spent those five years?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “If you’re going to say ‘bedding various women only to be disappointed none measure up to Holly,’ please save it.”

I shake my head. “No. Nothing like that. It took me two years to even attempt to date after her.”

“Two years? Of no sex with anyone but yourself?” Her eyes widen, and I get the impression she’s going to call bullshit.

“You don’t have to believe me. It doesn’t matter anyway.” I step closer to the doorway. “I volunteered as a big brother.”

“You did?” She looks more shocked by this than she did when I said I didn’t have sex for two years.

“I nod. At first, I sucked at it. I thought it was further proof that I’m not cut out to be anyone’s role model.”

“But...?” She stares at me, waiting for the rest of the story.

“Last year, something changed. I was assigned to a young boy who lost his father oversees. Something about the boy made me want to be there for him. Made me want to put a smile on his face every day.”

“Are you saying you aren’t opposed to having children anymore?” she asks.

I nod. “That’s why I’m here. I need to show Holly I’ve changed, and then I’m going to let her decide if she wants to give us another try.”

April steps aside. “Come in. But let me warn you that if you hurt her, I will hurt you, and believe me when I say it will be a lot worse than finding out she left you at the altar.”

She’s wrong about that. Nothing could be worse than the way my heart shattered that day. It was the worst Christmas I’d ever had. Hopefully, I’d make this Christmas the best one yet by winning Holly back.

* * *

An hour later, I’m sitting on Santa’s throne with a long line of kids waiting to climb onto my lap and tell me what they want for Christmas. Holly has avoided me since I got here, and April is watching me like a hawk. I guess she’s trying to figure out if I really meant what I said.

I recognize the strawberry-blonde girl who is first to approach me. Holly called her Erica. “Hi, Erica,” I say in my best Santa Claus voice. “Don’t be shy.”

“You know my name?” Erica says with wide eyes.

“Of course. You’ve been a very good girl this year.” I reach for her hand, and she climbs onto my lap.

“Do you know what I want for Christmas, too?” she asks.

I panic, not wanting to disappoint this little girl, but then a thought pops into my head. “I have a pretty good idea, but why don’t you tell me to make sure I get it just right?”

“Okay,” she says. She leans toward me and whispers, “I want my mommy to get a better job so she’s not at work so much. I love coming here, but I miss her.”

My heart breaks for this little girl. Her mother probably works around the clock to provide for her. But how can I promise to grant this Christmas wish? She’ll be crushed when her mother doesn’t get a better paying job with fewer hours.

“I’ll tell you what, Erica,” I say, and my eyes flit to Holly, who has moved closer, probably to try to hear what Erica is saying to me. “I’ll see what I can do about getting your mom a better job, but it might take some time, so why don’t you tell me what you want for yourself this Christmas? You know, something you can unwrap tomorrow morning.”

“I really want a bicycle,” she says. “I don’t care what it looks like. I just really want one.”

Holly’s hand rises to her mouth. I’m sure the gifts they have for me to give out before I leave are nothing as big as a bicycle.

“One bicycle, coming up,” I tell her, and Holly’s nostrils flare.

“Erica,” Holly says, “I need to talk to Santa for a moment. Why don’t you get everyone to gather around the Christmas tree for pictures while I do that, okay?”

“Okay, Holly.” Erica kisses my cheek right above my fake beard before hopping off my lap.

Holly motions for me to follow her into her office. As soon as I’m inside, she closes the door and says, “How could you do that? You’re going to break that little girl’s heart.” Her eyes are full of tears.

“No, I’m not.” I remove my phone from my pocket and search for the nearest Walmart. I order a bike they have in stock and mark it for pickup later today. “There. Order placed. I’ll pick up the bike after I leave here.”

Her face goes pale. “You just bought her a bike?”

I nod. “I’m not going to disappoint Erica. In fact, I’m going to need a receptionist for my contracting company, and I plan to interview Erica’s mother if you’ll give me her contact information.”

Tears spill from Holly’s cheeks. “Why are you doing all this?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.” I step toward her. “Just like leaving last night before things got too intense was the right thing to do. I didn’t want you to do something you might regret. I was only trying to protect you, Holly.”

“I thought...” Her words are cut off by a sob.

I close the distance between us and cup her cheek with my hand. She leans into my touch and closes her eyes, a stray tear trailing down her face. “Please spend Christmas with me,” I say. “Nothing would make me happier. We can deliver the bike to Erica’s house before the sun comes up, and I’ll even draw up a job application to leave for her mother. We’ll play Santa and Mrs. Claus together.”

Instead of answering me, she reaches for my belt and pulls me in for a kiss. She tastes like cinnamon, and my tongue sweeps across hers with a sense of longing. Longing to be able to do this every day for the rest of my life.

“Erica, wait!” April yells as the door to Holly’s office opens.

I pull away from Holly and look at the little girl, whose eyes are wide with horror.

“You were kissing Santa Claus!” she shrieks.