CHAPTER 9

Conversation wakes me up. My head is pounding, I’m on a mattress, still wrapped in my drying cloth under a lightweight blanket, and my wrist is tied to the bed. I obey my first instinct and tug on the knot. When it doesn’t move, I feign sleep and listen. The first thing I hear is Flynn’s gruff voice asking who’s after me.

“That’s what I’d like to know.” Frustration colors Beta Sinta’s answer. He’s pacing, his long strides beating a steady rhythm on a wooden floor. “She told me everyone is her enemy. At the time, I thought she was exaggerating, but any royal or noble would kill to get their hands on the Kingmaker. She can steal magic. Turn invisible. She might even be able to drive a Dragon. The Gods only know what else she can do. She’s even handy with a knife.”

Handy? Handy! My eyes almost pop open out of indignation.

Beta Sinta’s footsteps stop next to the bed. Warm fingers brush mine. “Who wouldn’t want her?”

Something in his tone makes my stomach tumble. That horrible mushy feeling hits me again.

Carver joins the conversation, sounding broody. “There’s more here than we know. More to her.” He exhales loudly. “Can we protect her?”

I doubt it.

“Can we hide her?” Flynn asks.

Maybe.

“We have to get her to Egeria,” Beta Sinta says.

Gah! Her again.

“Our first problem is who’s coming now,” Kato says. “We’ll deal with the rest later.”

Good old Kato. He knows how to get rid of the dung and clear out the stench. Behind closed eyelids I see broad shoulders, Adonis-like features, smiling blue eyes, and sunny blond hair. In my mind, he’s winking at me, his three knives planted in the knot of a tree. I showed him that.

“I could ride hard and fast, bring back a third of the army,” Flynn offers.

“No. They’re protecting the castle.” Beta Sinta’s voice rings with finality, and I mentally roll my eyes. They’re protecting the castle—and his darling Egeria.

“We could find more Magoi and pay them for protection,” Carver suggests.

“That would only expose her more,” Beta Sinta says, pacing again.

Other footsteps join Beta Sinta’s. The tread is heavier, less precise. “So what do we do?” Flynn asks.

No one says anything for a while. Then Beta Sinta’s voice rumbles above me, low and sure. “Stay together, like we always have. The four of us have never come across an enemy we couldn’t best.”

A hollow feeling spreads through me. I could be lying on my circus cot, listening to Aetos, Desma, Vasili, and Selena having this same conversation. But they’ve loved and protected me for years. Beta Sinta only wants me alive so he can use me.

I want to live. At least one of our interests converges.

I let out a sigh and start talking. “They’ll start by sending armed men. At least twenty, and some with magic. If that doesn’t work, they’ll resort to creatures. Centaurs, Kobaloi…that kind of thing. Maybe even a Dragon.” I open my eyes. My head throbs, and the glow from the oil lamp feels like a dagger through my skull. “By the way, I hope Lamia drains your blood and eats your hearts.”

Carver grins. “Lamia only eats children.”

I huff. “That’s what you think.”

“Welcome back.” Flynn pats my foot through the blanket.

I sit up with a groan and grab my head.

“The headache is a whole Harpy’s nest of fun,” Kato says, his expression strained, his face paler than usual. “Thanks for that.”

I scowl at him. “Sarcasm is not favored by the Gods.”

“Do you see any Gods here?” he asks, spreading his hands wide.

“That’s the whole point. You don’t see them until they’re firing lightning bolts at you.”

His lips twitch with a weak smile before his eyes squeeze shut, and he drops his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Great. I brought down Adonis with a hit of euphoria. I feel like a delinquent.

Beta Sinta crouches by the bedside, eye level with me. “How do you know what’s coming?”

I look away, flushing. I can’t help remembering his heated gaze on me in the pool, or the way his arms tightened around me before sleep robbed me of conscious thought.

My eyes lowered, I pluck at the blanket. “Experience. And just a hunch. I could be wrong.”

“Are you ever wrong?” he asks.

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

His weight dips the mattress. “Work with us, Cat. We’ll help you.”

My eyes jerk back up. “I wouldn’t even be in danger if it weren’t for you!” At least not immediate danger. “I’m not part of your team. When will you get that through your head?”

“You’ll have everything you need,” Beta Sinta argues. “Coin, shelter, protection.”

Does he really think that’s all a person wants? I could sell myself to any number of Magoi nobles for that. “Do you need protection?”

“Sometimes.”

“I don’t. I don’t need anyone.” Is that my eye twitching?

Beta Sinta watches me, his expression sober. “That sounds like a lonely life.”

A familiar hole gapes wide inside my chest, and I swallow, closing my eyes against the four of them. When I open my eyes again, they’re still looking at me, and I can’t seem to muster all that much hate. Well, Beta Sinta gets some, but it’s not that dramatic, even in my own head. It feels like another defeat. He caught me. He kept me. And now I don’t even truly despise him anymore. It’s humiliating. I’ve already been humiliated enough for one day.

I disappear.

“Cat?” Beta Sinta calls. I don’t know why. I’m still attached to his bloody rope, which is attached to the bloody bed, which is now bloody invisible right along with me.

“I’m getting dressed.” I push the blanket back and reach for my clothes. I manage well enough except for my tunic. I pull it over my head, slip my free arm through one sleeve, and then tug the rest of it down enough to cover most of me before reappearing. “You have to untie the rope.”

Beta Sinta’s eyes lock on me when I reappear, their burning intensity turning my temperature volcanic. His gaze keeps coming back to my hair. It’s almost never loose, but now it’s a wild mess, falling to my waist in waves.

Almost hesitantly, he reaches out, lightly touching a dark curl. “You’re too young to be so cynical.”

I shiver, growing horribly self-conscious. Being mostly covered just reminds me of being completely naked, and I blush uncontrollably. Even my toes turn red.

As my color rises, Beta Sinta’s mouth curves a little too smugly for my taste. He wraps hot fingers around my free wrist, slowly reaching across me to untie the rope with his other hand. As soon as I can, I punch my arm through my tunic, ignoring the traitorous tightening in my stomach and the Gods-awful fluttering in my chest.

He tugs me off the bed and then gets Carver to tie us back together around the waist. I feel unsteady, and not because of the euphoria.

“Is that really necessary?” I ask, glaring at the rope.

“You make it necessary,” Beta Sinta responds.

He’s right. I’d be gone like an arrow from Artemis’s bowstring if I could get away. “Did you really think I’d hand over my loyalty just because you say you won’t randomly massacre Sintans, and your sister, the Alpha, is ‘so nice’?”

“I thought you’d see reason,” he says stiffly.

“Reason and I don’t mix.”

“I can tell,” he mutters.

My blood instantly boils. Everything about him sets me off, builds up pressure I don’t know how to deal with. With no other conceivable outlet for my visceral reaction to him, I swing at Beta Sinta, my fist connecting with his gut.

Pain explodes in a flash of blistering heat, fracturing my body into brittle shards. I crumple to the floor, my cry muffled by a clap of thunder so violent it rattles the inn. I scream. On fire. Burning up. Ripping apart. Lies are nothing compared to this. This is Olympus raining fire, scorching my skin, my eyes, my soul!

I claw at my throat and chest where the burning is excruciating. The room echoes with a long wail. It’s me. The wail is me!

Beta Sinta grabs my hands and hauls me back up. “You’re hurting yourself!”

I fight him, kicking and screaming, thrashing like the Furies. Oh Gods! The Furies!

“What in the name of Zeus is wrong with her?” Flynn demands, joining in the struggle to keep me still.

I whip my head around. My skull splinters, leaving me half-blind with pain. “Get it out! Get it out!”

“What? What, Cat?” Flynn looks as panicked as I feel.

“It’s the betrayal.” Beta Sinta’s hands are like manacles on my wrists.

“What betrayal?” Flynn asks.

“She gave me her binding word she wouldn’t punch me for a day. She broke it.”

I can’t believe I swore a false oath. I’ve never broken a vow. Only Beta Sinta could make me mad enough to forget my binding word. I had no idea what the Furies would do to me, but I never imagined this—frantic to tear myself apart, consumed by fire, screaming my head off. What about a lesser Goddess slap on the wrist? An annoyed zap from the Underworld? No one ever told me about this!

I fight like a caged beast. I could rip the fire from my flesh if Beta Sinta would just let go.

Carver grabs me around the waist and stops me from kicking his brother. “I’d hardly call that a betrayal,” he grates out, barely holding on to me.

I’m wild, frantic. Pain rages inside me. Blinding. Jagged. “Burning” doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s unbearable.

“She’s practically made of magic!” Beta Sinta snaps. “What do you expect?”

“But she punches you all the time,” Flynn says, grunting when I elbow him in the ribs.

“And I’m supposed to let her?” Beta Sinta snarls.

“What do you expect when you keep her tied up? Tied to you?”

“I’d had enough!”

“She’s had enough!” Flynn thunders.

“Whose side are you on?” Beta Sinta thunders back.

“Fix her!” Flynn roars.

“I don’t know how!” Beta Sinta hauls me against his chest, pinning my arms down with his much heavier ones.

I go limp, in too much pain to fight anymore. I’m sobbing now. I haven’t sobbed in years. Tears stream down my face, salty and wet.

“What do I do?” His voice urgent, Beta Sinta crushes me against him. The weight of his arms makes my bones ache. “Tell me, and I will. Tell me!”

I can only guess. It’s not something anyone ever talks about. When you make a vow, you don’t break it. Period. Now I know why.

It takes all my strength to scrape two words from my throat. “Release. Vow.”

“I release you from your vow.” His breath rushes over my temple. “I release you, Cat. Be well again. Be well.”

Something inside me shifts. The vow dissolves instantly. The pain melts slowly, leaving me shaking.

Beta Sinta’s arms stay locked around me. “Cat?”

My nose is buried in his chest. I leave it there, breathing raggedly. Breathing him.

“Are you all right?” he asks.

My skin stings where I scratched it, and I must have bled, but that doesn’t matter right now. I peek at my hands, thinking they’re charred black. They’re not. They look normal except for the bloody fingernails, but they feel fried, like the rest of me.

“I’m alive.” My throat hurts from screaming. My voice is a hoarse rasp. “That’s all you need.”

He blows out a long breath, stirring the hair at the top of my head. “You do realize you’re both stubborn and infuriating?”

I don’t answer. Does he really expect me to agree?

“If I didn’t need you so much I’d have—”

“—killed me by now?” I supply.

He chuckles. The sound vibrates through me, disturbing and much too intimate. “Let you go. Just to be rid of you.”

I lift my head enough to glare.

As if it were a normal thing to do, Beta Sinta sweeps his hand up and down my spine in slow, soothing strokes. “Come eat something. You haven’t eaten in hours, and we finally have food you like.”

Warmth follows the path of his hand, heating more than just my back. I feel it in the strangest places. Coiling deep inside of me. Spiraling through my belly. Tingling along my ribs.

Neither of us moves. I eventually gather the strength, or maybe the will, to push off and stumble away from him. I get this awful feeling the second I leave his arms—I want to be back in them.

My eyes wide, I back away, a tangle of fear and emotion knotting in my chest. I’m used to being scared, but this time is different. This time, I’m afraid of myself.

* * *

Beta Sinta changes his mind about going straight to Sinta City. We stay in Velos for nearly a week and then wander the nearby countryside like vagabonds, waiting for something to happen. I keep saying we should run. Hiding is what I do, but he wants to find out who’s chasing me, and I won’t tell him.

At this point, I’d be safer in Sinta City, in the castle. There’s an army there. But he doesn’t want to draw mysterious enemies into the heart of the realm, and he wants to protect his family and his perfect sister who smiles for widows and orphans and has Sintans falling on the ground to kiss her feet. Gag! She won’t last another month as Alpha.

On the bright side, I get to have an opinion now. What do I want to eat? Do I need to get off the horse? Do I want three or four feet of rope? Which side do I sleep on?

Fruit, I’m used to the horse, four feet, and on the left.

Beta Sinta even offers to show me how to use the sword he bought me in Velos. In his arrogance, he actually thought I’d need lessons. As soon as he hands me my blade, I nick his chin and draw blood.

His eyes narrow as he wipes his chin on his sleeve. “I thought you knew knives.”

“I’m better with knives.” I thrust again. He blocks this time, throwing me back so hard I almost fall over. I might have, if not for the rope. It’s awkward sparring like this, but I’m too happy to be doing something different to complain. “That doesn’t mean I can’t use a sword.”

“You fight dirty,” he mutters.

I grin. “Is there any other way?”

He plays with me for a while. I hold my own because he’s holding back. One swing with his true strength and I’d buckle instantly.

“Can’t beat a girl?” I taunt, knowing he won’t hurt me. Not much, anyway. “Has the big, bad warlord gone all soft?”

“Do you have a death wish?” Beta Sinta stalks forward and nearly knocks the sword from my hand. The vibration rattles my bones from fingers to shoulder.

I roll my eyes. “I wish. That would make my life—or lack thereof—so much easier.”

Flynn, Kato, and Carver chuckle on our right. I flick my braid over my shoulder and give them the evil eye. “Laugh all you want, ladies. You’re next.”

“No thanks,” Flynn says. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

“Poor Flynn.” I sigh. “So scared.”

They laugh. Unfortunately, I do, too. I drop my guard, and Beta Sinta steps in, disarms me, and sweeps my legs out from under me. I crash to the ground, the wind knocked out of me. He follows me down, pinning me with a classic grappling move I saw coming from miles away but was too slow to do anything about.

He ends up on top of me, his face mere inches from mine. The air flees my lungs again but for entirely different reasons. I can’t help wondering about the laugh lines around the corners of his eyes, or noticing how the outer rims of his irises are more silver than gray. He hasn’t shaved in days, and the beard shadowing his cheeks looks almost long enough to be soft. The dark whiskers frame his wide mouth and highlight the sensual curve of his full lips—lips I keep looking at.

His hair falls forward, caging us. His eyes turn that stormy gray. They remind me of the ocean on a wild, windy dawn just before the sun kisses the horizon. I bet if he looked at me a certain way…

Dear Gods, is he looking at me that way right now?

I panic and slam my forehead into his nose.

“Zeus’s bollocks!” Beta Sinta bellows. Blood spews from his nose, drenching me.

“That’s disgusting,” I sputter. “Get off!”

His hooked nose is crooked now, too. Oops.

“You’re as heavy as a horse.” I ram my palms into his shoulders, trying to dislodge him. I can feel every steely inch of him. That’s way too much, and he’s way too close.

Something dangerous sparks in his eyes. “Concede I’ve won.”

“What? No! In your dreams. Of the non-oracular kind.” I jerk my head up again, the effort only halfhearted. He dodges, and my forehead glances off his scruffy cheek.

His voice deepens to a growl. “Concede I’ve won.”

“Not a chance.”

He settles more heavily on top of me. I can hardly breathe. “Are you sure that’s wise?”

“Do you need me to say it in sign language?” I lift my head and bite him where his shoulder meets his neck. He tastes like salt, sun, and citrus. He tastes like he smells. My tongue apparently has a mind of its own because it snakes over his skin, tasting more.

He stops breathing. He doesn’t fight me. He doesn’t even move.

What in the name of Zeus am I doing? I release the bite and spit on the ground. “Gross!” I cough out, trying my best to believe it.

Beta Sinta lifts his head, anger and something else, something intense and shiver-inducing, flashing in his thundercloud gaze. I feel frozen in place and all jumbled up—belligerent, remorseful, excited…kind of worried.

He rises, roughly hauling me to my feet. He attaches me to a tree and leaves me there while he washes the blood off his face and tries to straighten his nose. I’m covered in his blood, too, but he doesn’t seem to care.

More or less alone for the first time in days, I find a spot without any rocks or roots and stretch out, making a big deal about how great it is to finally have my own space. Which it is. Sort of.

Lacing my hands behind my head, I stare up at the leaves, a heavy feeling settling in my chest. I didn’t mean to break his nose.

An hour later, Beta Sinta brings me to the stream in silence. His nose is swollen, and both his eyes have dark bruises under them. Instead of turning invisible for a bath, I wash my face, neck, and hands and then start chanting. He looks wary but doesn’t try to stop me. When I’m done, I plunge my hand into the water and snatch the salamander I conjured out of the mud before it can swim away.

I rinse it off and then shove it in Beta Sinta’s face. “Here. Eat this.”

“Why?”

“It’ll fix your nose.”

He eyes the wriggling creature with suspicion. “How?”

“How do you think? With magic.”

“Are you a healer, too?”

“No, but I know some tricks.” I’ve needed them. “Go on. Eat. And no swallowing it whole. You have to chew. Crunch. Crunch,” I say, dangling it in front of his nose.

He looks disgusted, and a little cross-eyed because it’s so close. I’m surprised when he opens his mouth. I toss the salamander into it, and Beta Sinta crunches down. He gags, his eyes watering at the vile taste, but he still chews and swallows.

I grimace. “I can’t believe you ate that.”

“Why? You said I should.” He clears his throat, visibly nauseated.

“Because it’s revolting. And how do you know I didn’t just poison you?”

“Did you?”

“No, but I could have.”

He shrugs, completely unconcerned.

“By the way, you could’ve swallowed it whole.”

Now he looks annoyed. Ha!

“And just so you know, never eat a blue amphibian. Most colors are fine, but blue is bad news.”

He touches his nose, wiggling it back and forth and then scrunching it a few times. There isn’t a trace of damage left. “I’ll remember that if anyone ever tries to serve me a toad.”

I make a face and roll my eyes. “I’ve never seen anyone conjure a magic toad. Toads are mostly terrestrial, anyway. I don’t think they count.”

“I’m not surprised. I just wanted to see you make a face and roll your eyes. It’s adorable.”

Adorable? My jaw hits the riverbank. No one’s ever accused me of that before.

Great. Now I can’t make faces or roll my eyes. My life just got bleaker. So why do I feel like smiling? Gah!

After dinner, Beta Sinta ties me to the tree again, apparently to have a conversation with Carver that I’m not allowed to hear. I don’t mean to, but I fall asleep watching the moon hang in the sky. I wake up screaming, my knuckles flying toward Beta Sinta’s throat. He catches my hand and holds it. My fist uncurls as where I am and who I’m with push the nightmare aside.

Past shadows fade as he traces slow circles on the palm of my hand with the pad of his thumb. I’m not sure he even knows he’s doing it, but it’s suddenly all I can think about—that hot, rhythmic circle on my hand. The rough skin combined with the soothing touch heighten the shivery sensations building inside me. I don’t pull back. I’d be disgusted with myself, except this sure beats reliving needles of fire and a fist the size of my face.

Wordlessly, Beta Sinta reattaches us at the waist and then leads me over to his bedroll, spreading mine out on the left. I lie down, staring into the darkness and rejecting the completely irrational feeling of relief being next to him brings.

“Who did that to you?” he asks in a low, furious voice.

I stiffen under my blanket. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

My whole body goes still. “Why?”

“Because I punish people who hurt women.”

My chest tightens painfully. It’s a feeling I keep getting lately. I don’t like it. “I wasn’t a woman then. I was just a girl.”

A savage sound rumbles in his throat. He sounds like the lion hybrid he’s named for. “Who?”

“Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“How can you say that?” He turns to me, his eyebrows drawn into dark, angry slashes. “Don’t tell me you’re the forgiving type.”

I snort. “The person who gave me nightmares was punished a long time ago. Kill or be killed. That’s the way of my world.” I roll onto my side to face him. “I’m still here.”

His mouth opens, but I cut him off. “Drop it, Beta Sinta.”

His eyes are black in the moonlight. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“I have a name,” he finally says.

I stay silent. His name doesn’t change anything, and Beta Sinta is what he is.

He lifts up on one elbow and props his head in his hand, clearly with no intention of dropping it. “There were others, though. People who hurt you.”

It doesn’t sound like a question. I wouldn’t answer anyway. I roll over, turning my back on him and closing my eyes. A face fills my mind—beautiful, olive skin, dark hair, eyes as cold as ice. She laughs. “You are me. Don’t even pretend that you’re not.”

I shiver so violently that Beta Sinta must see it. The scars on my arms burn. Chills run through the rest of me. I’m not her. Not yet, anyway. The problem is, I might be worse.

It takes a long time for sleep to come. Close to dawn, I wake up way too hot with a warlord plastered to my back. One heavy arm is draped across my waist, his big hand splayed possessively over my stomach, tucking me against him.

My heart slams in my chest, and a frightening, warm sensation infuses that empty part of me. Something in the warmth flutters, cautious, like a nascent bird’s wings. Like a fledgling, though, I don’t know whether I’ll crash or fly.