Detrand

Adelade lovingly buried my crow next to the hole where Lula had been buried.

Although I’d had several familiars over the years, our connection extended their life somewhat but no animal could last as long as a strigoi, I’d never had a familiar who had given their life in exchange for mine. I was honored that I’d been deemed worthy of the sacrifice.

I put my hand on the small pile of dirt to give it a pat and looked at her. “He favored you.”

“He did?” She blushed.

I nodded.

“I thought not, seeing as he tortured me so.”

I stared at her blankly. “How so?”

She stood up and I followed. “He would visit me in my dreams, to tempt me of you even in my sleep.”

I was astonished. “This has never happened before.”

She looked up, surprised. “Never?”

I shook my head. “They are bound to us and none other.”

She raised her eyebrows and stared back down at the little grave. We were silent, each of us not knowing what that meant.

“What do you want Adelade?”

Her face snapped back to look at me. “What?”

“You’re searching for something, what is it?”

She didn’t answer me but looked away, towards the woods. I put my hand on her chin and turned her to face me once again. “Tell me. Please.”

Her eyes softened, yet she still hesitated. Finally she answered. “I want to choose my own path. I should decide if your world is too dangerous, if I should be a strigoi, if I should let another man into my home. It’s my life, why shouldn’t I be allowed to choose the direction of it?”

I stumbled back, astonished by her confession, though it shouldn’t surprise me. When we were bound, her feelings expressed themselves as such, but I had no idea that she felt so strongly about it.

“That’s the same thing that Sophie told me.”

“And why shouldn’t she? Our genders determine our form but shouldn’t determine our destiny.”

“I will always do everything in my power to protect you Adelade. It’s in my nature to fiercely protect those I love.”

“And do you?”

I blinked, confused. “Do I what?”

She folded her arms across her stomach. “Do you protect them?”

A wave of emotion crashed over me and I knew in that moment that I had not. With every action, I’d meant to protect them but had only managed to dominate their lives with what I thought was best for them. And it hadn’t protected them in the end.

Unwilling to look her in the eyes, I pulled out the letter from her father. “You left this when you moved back into your home.”

She put her hand on my shoulder. “Keep it. I left it for you.” Then she looked towards the house. “I’d like to check on the others, and then I will leave for my home.”

I looked up at her, surprise on my face. “Your home?” I grabbed her arm, wishing to press my desires into her and for the first time wishing that she could sense my emotions once more. I’d hoped that she would stay, for I couldn’t bear to have her leave again.

“Yes, I have things to attend to.”

I felt the desire to confess my feelings for her, to tell her of my fervent longing to have her by my side and yet, as I looked into her eyes, I saw the clouds of confusion. Was I too late? Had my betrayal buried so deep into her heart that she no longer longed for comfort in my arms?

No matter my feelings, I now knew that I must let her make her own choice.

I nodded, releasing my hand on her arm. She walked the path to the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the words of a dead man.

* * *

I opened the letter with the utmost of care, knowing that she had given me the last words her father spoke to her, his last remembrance.

Dearest Adelade,

How often I have sat at my desk, considering your station in life. From the most ardent love a father could offer, I desired to provide a living after I had moved on from this life. So these past few years I have scrimped and saved so that I could give this to you: a living for you after I passed. Regardless of your station in life, whether you grow to find love or not, you will always have this home to return to. The money saved is kept in my account at the bank, attached to your name.

I have loved you as every father aught to. You were always a kind and obedient daughter and it was easy to love you. In many ways I also loved Detrand like a son, even though his years pass far beyond mine own. These words may surprise you but my love for him grew before you came into existence and then he was gone and you never had the opportunity to meet him.

As you grew older and fell in love, your joy was only matched by my own. And when the man that you chose died an untimely death, our devastation knew no bounds and we wept together. As time passed, I knew that you would never choose a match again. You’d known true love by someone who was kind and compassionate and would never settle for anything less.

Detrand loved your mother, for she was as dear to him as a mother is to her child, and after her passing he gave up hope of feeling the love of one person for another, excepting for myself. Shadows cling to his world and death passes through his life like the mist rolling in from the ocean. He has lost many and now walls his heart from any more pain. But I see goodness in him still and know that you, my dearest daughter, could return to him that which he has abandoned.

When he returned home, I’d hoped that you could find love in him, for his kindness is matched only by his ferocity to protect those whom he loves.

I am old and my days are long spent. I love your mother and miss her dearly, and long to go to her. I hope that one day you can forgive me.

Love,

Your Da

The letter was like a knife to my heart and I almost dared crumple it in my hand, but I remembered how I’d destroyed almost everything dear to her. Instead, I gently folded it and returned it to my jacket pocket.

I paced the garden path, considering his words. His feelings for me held no surprise, nor that they’d known how I’d loved them. When Colleen found me broken and almost finally dead, I’d done nothing to revive myself; I was repulsed by what I had become. I hated my driving need for blood, and the power that had risen up in me. I wanted to die. I deserved it.

And then Colleen saved me, not only from the man who attempted to kill me but also from the depression that had come over me. She nursed me back to health by giving me her blood and even when I refused to rise from my bed, both she and Bennett sat with me. Colleen often held my hand in silence, nurturing to me with an unconditional love. And with their attentions I grew to hope again, to find a purpose in living, and it was the same look, the same feeling that Adelade held when I first met her. It was that look in her eye. She saw me as a man, not as a creature of the night.

And she’d done as her father had hoped; brought hope to my life again.

And yet, I had crushed her, and with it, her hope.

The words from Sophie in the garden that fateful night led me here without knowing it. To this choice.

To accept their wishes to let them be free from my determinations and to choose their own path; even knowing that their decisions may crush me. But I knew what I had to do, although it almost broke me to think of it.

* * *

I went inside to find that all was quiet, and only Sophie was waiting for me in the main room.

“Adelade?”

“She has gone to her home.”

I nodded, feeling that it was best that Adelade wouldn’t be here for this, because most certainly she would fight it. I sat next to Sophie and she tucked her hand in my arm.

“Sophie, please forgive me, for earlier… Before we went to the shifter’s home. I almost took you against your will. I cannot make excuses for my behavior but I deeply regret my actions.”

Her hand went to the top of her dress. “I… It’s okay, Detrand. You were not yourself.”

I squeezed her arm softly. “That is no excuse. I shouldn’t have let my strigoi take over me like that.”

She clasped her hand over mine. “I heard about what happened in the woods.”

My eyebrows furrowed, unwilling to think of the incident.

“With the pup.”

The hallway was silent but a deep burn raged in my chest. “It is finished now. I can only work to help Salina grow her pack. Those that Bane turned will help.” I’d commanded the pups to stay in the woods, for now.

She nodded her head and squeezed my hand tighter. “I wouldn’t have minded anything if… If I hadn’t known that it wasn’t you.” A sly grin broke out over her face but I remained serious, knowing what I must do now.

She sat up to face me and the worry for my emotional state was shown clearly on her face. “Come, Detrand, why worry so? The shifters will recover and we have killed our enemies.” I watched her fingers as she brought them to the top of her dress, opening it to me. “We can work together to restore the city. You can teach Lula how to control her lust and she will be the perfect child because we will both love her so.”

Then she stood up and slipped her dress to the floor; she stood naked before me and her fangs retracted. “I’m sorry for my words the other day in the garden. If you wish me by your side, I will be your queen, for your passion to love and protect me are all I need.” She put her arms around me and I clung to her tightly, loving the way her bare skin felt under my fingers. She pushed me to lay on the sofa and straddled me. “I can make you happy and you will long for none other than me.”

Then she leaned over me and bit into my neck, as my hands roamed her back. Her poison entered my body. Unlike my poison, it was soft and felt like a haze over my mind. I groaned and gripped her tighter, loving the thrill of her sucking and her passions beginning to stir.

She bit my neck lower and murmured my name, and then her hands went for my shirt. I moved her so that I was on top of her and my eyes roamed her beautiful body, given freely to me.

And yet my own passions did not stir within me.

“Remember the day that our daughter, Kieran, was born?”

She blinked her eyes and then her face, which had been open and full of longing, closed off to me. She pushed me off her and turned to her side.

“No.” Her voice was soft and it cracked. “It’s been too long, I don’t remember.”

I scooted to her side and put my arm around her stomach. “She had a head full of hair from birth. And she cried so loud that sometimes I thought it was the horses, startled.”

I laughed, and the sound brought a slight upward twist of her lips. My fingers moved over her stomach.

“And her first words were ‘Vitti’ after your horse that she loved so much.”

Sophie made a low tsking sound in her throat. It had always irritated her that was Kieran’s first word instead of ma or pa.

“And Giulia, she could never be persuaded to do anything she didn’t wish to do.” I smiled ruefully, and softly caressed Sophie’s shoulder and then her arm. “Remember when I caught her with a spoonful of sugar in her mouth? She insisted that it was porridge, even though she had bits of sugar all over her shirt?”

“Oh, yes. She got that from her father.” Sophie laughed and the sound of it was so beautiful that it touched me to my core. She had been a wonderful mother. And then I felt a tightening in my chest and I clasped Sophie to me, my fingers digging into her skin.

She turned to me, startled at my change in demeanor. She ran her hands through my hair. “What is it my love? It pains me to feel your suffering.” She pulled herself up and kissed my eyes. “I didn’t wish to hurt you back in the garden. You have always been enough for me.”

I pulled on the back of her neck and kissed her roughly, desperately. She put her arms around my neck and I poured all of my emotions into her, wishing that I could be one with her again. But I knew that we would never love each other as we had before I’d died, and understood that she would never be happy again on this side of the veil. And so I kissed her like I hadn’t kissed her in several years, because this would be the last time that my lips would touch hers. Tears streamed down my face and she touched them softly, wiping them from my face.

Our kisses turned softer and more tender until I moved back just enough that we were no longer kissing. I stared into her eyes. My hands ran down the side of her body, feeling the curve of it and then my hand moved up her stomach and lingered at her perfect breast for a moment, and then moved it higher to hold it over her heart.

“You have always held my heart, from the moment that you first put your hand in mine. And the day that the ocean waters washed over our town and took you and Kieran and Giulia from me; as I lay cold in the ground, I felt as if my whole life was over. I couldn’t bear to live another night longer. I even attempted to stab myself in the heart but Agosto forbade me from doing it.”

At these words, her eyes widened and her whole body stilled in shock.

“And yet, you never told me?” Her voice betrayed her anger.

I nodded. “I was so far gone shortly after, my blood lust consuming me.” My finger traced lower to the tip of her breast, and moved over it absentmindedly. “And it was you who tore me from that; reminded me what it was like to be human again. And yet, it was only because of my own selfishness that I could never allow you to leave this life, even though you wished to die.”

She was quiet for a moment and I knew that she was considering this information, but when she spoke, she spoke of something different.

“Detrand, tell me the truth. The other night when you came to my room, did you come to me because you felt that you owed it to me? In repentance for making me suffer these long years, especially after the fire?”

I noted that the sun would break soon, bringing the daylight as I studied her face, determining whether or not to answer her. Finally, I nodded.

This answer set her lips in a thin line. “And, Adelade? Did you use me to break her?”

I hesitated for a moment, but decided to answer her. Sophie and Lula were the only ones I could trust with this information. “Adelade’s blood has always called to me but the other day…” I found it hard to force the words from my mouth, for such was my desire to protect my Firewitch. “Her blood allowed me to walk in the light. To wake before the sun set and to step outdoors to feel the sun on my skin.”

Sophie was quiet but I could feel her chest moving under my hand; she was breathing in excitement. “No one else must know this.”

I nodded. “And now you understand why I attempted to protect her, to betray her so deeply, that she would never return to me.”

“And yet, she still managed to risk her life.”

I nodded, considering it. “It was foolish to think that by pushing her away she could be protected, but the truth is that she should stay close so that I can watch over her.” I smiled even though I should be angry. “Even if it is to protect her from herself. That woman chases trouble, whether she is with me or not. At least if she were with me, I could guard her.”

We lay in silence facing each other in the darkness as she considered my reaction. “Do you love her?” Her voice was tight, as mine had been in the garden. I didn’t answer her right away and as we lay in silence, the night began to wane and Sophie’s eyes began to droop.

And in that moment, I made my final decision and it cut through me like a knife. “Sophie.” Her eyes flew open and I touched her face softly, tracing the lines of her cheekbones. And then I said the words that I must, for if I was truly to take the steps to free them from my control then I must do it all the way. “My selfishness has been stronger than my love for you and I regret that deeply. But I hope to redeem myself, by giving you what you want. I will let you go."

Hope sparked in her eyes but doubt played on her face. “You will?"

When I nodded, her face lit up as if she had seen the morning sky and I knew that I had made the right choice. For too long I had lived in a selfish and mourning state and I needed to let her go.

The call of the dead began to affect her and she snuggled tighter to me and gave a contented sigh. We lay there in the darkness and I struggled to keep my emotions in check, for if she knew the tearing of my heart, she may sacrifice her desires for me.

As the sun’s drops touched the outside window, Sophie murmured into my chest. “Will you take me to my room?”

I grunted in response and then Sophie was dead to the day.

I studied her, my eyes moving over her beautiful body; she’d always looked so beautiful and innocent as she slept and the curse of the strigoi didn’t change that about her. And then a cry rent from my lips and I sobbed into the pillow. I knew that I must give Sophie what she wanted and allow her to return to our children, for only then would she be truly happy. And yet, my heart felt like it was ripping from my chest and I could only hope that in a thousand years the pain would lessen and I could finally be at peace without my dear Sophie.

* * *

The next evening, Sophie spent a considerable amount of time with Lula and I left them to be together. I went to my workshop and bent the wood to my will, attempting to put my mind at ease. When I felt the sun wake under the horizon, I put on my coat and went to Adelade’s house.

I let myself inside and crept to Adelade’s room, hoping with all hope that I would not anger when I saw Landon in her bed. I opened the door silently and stared in shock and relief that the side opposite to her was empty. I was tempted to search for him but decided against it.

I sat on the edge of her bed and stared in wonder of the beauty of my Firewitch. I ran my finger gently up her neck and she murmured. My strigoi purred but I pushed him down; there would be time for that later. My fingers traced the side of her face and then her cheekbone.

“Adelade,” I whispered.

Her eyes opened, alert. She looked at me, confused, and she sat up. “Detrand.”

“You told me that you would give me the opportunity to show you why I did what I did.”

She nodded and then rubbed her eyes, swinging her legs over the side of the bed to face me.

I held my hand to help her up. “Come with me then.”

She dressed quickly and as we left the house, I held my hand out to her. I needed her touch right now. She took it and we walked hand in hand towards the mansion on the hill. As it came into sight, I thought of all the times I’d spent there with Agosto and Sophie, and after today, I would be the only one left.

The touch of Adelade’s hand in mine was the only thing keeping me from giving in to my grief and letting it swallow me whole. Adelade spoke no words, her intuition telling her that now was not the time for speaking.

When we entered the house it was deathly silent. We’d instructed the staff to make themselves absent for the next few days and so Sophie, Lula, and Lily were the only beings in the home.

Sophie was waiting on the sofa for me, her eyes red and puffy. The sun was almost up and Lula and Lily would be dead to the day by now.

I turned to Adelade. “Sophie would like to speak to you and then I would like for you to go to the room where you slept before and look out the window. Do not, under any circumstances, leave the room until we are finished.”

Adelade swallowed hard but only nodded, then I left them to go to my workshop. I picked up the dolls I’d made for my girls and then went back out to the sitting room. Sophie was holding Adelade, who was crying over her shoulder.

Sophie pushed her back, tears streaming down her face. “I will see my girls again and because of this, I am truly happy.”

Adelade nodded. “I will miss you dearly.” Then Sophie kissed her on the forehead.

I nodded to Adelade, watching her closely and after clinging to her hand for a moment, she let it go and walked towards the stairs. After she disappeared down the hallway, I took Sophie’s hand in mine.

Her hand trembled but her face was certain. “I may need some of your blood, to help me stay awake.”

“Of course.” I gave her my wrist and she bit into it. Warmth traveled up my arm like a misty haze and, when she was done, she stood up, her eyes alight.

“Are you ready?”

She hesitated for a moment, then gripped my shirt and pulled me close. “I’ll always watch over you, Detrand. You have always been in my heart, even when I was with Agosto. I still love you, Detrand.”

I nodded and put my head on her forehead, feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest. “I love you, Sophie.” I choked over my words and my grief threatened to burst from me, so I moved back and led her towards the door.

Even with my blood through her veins, she still moved in a dreamlike state, her strigoi attempting to fall with the dead to the day. When we reached the door, I felt a whisper at my ear and Sophie’s ghost appeared beside me. She leaned forward and kissed me with cold lips.

“Thank you, Detrand.”

I nodded, touching her for a moment longer before she disappeared again, and I knew that she was waiting on the other side of the veil.

My hand went to the knob on the door and suddenly I felt a crushing feeling in my chest. I turned to Sophie, my fear gripping me. “I don’t know if I can do this without you. We have been together so long.”

Sophie stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine. Her kisses were salty and I pressed her into me, longing to feel her in my arms once more. And then she pulled away and I knew that I must give her this, must let her go.

I gripped her hand, squeezing it tight and folded her hand over the dolls I’d made. And then we faced the door again and both took in a deep breath.

And then, she opened it.

* * *

The sun was just rising over the horizon and I held Sophie’s hand as we walked forward. I moved out in front of her so that she could capture a single moment of freedom in the sun. I turned to look at her and she was staring at the sky, her eyes open in awe. She put her hands out, feeling the sun’s warmth on her face with a grin, even though her face was dotted with searing flesh.

My sob caught in my throat. “Sophie, do you…”

She looked at me, and I could see her absolute peace with the decision.

“The girls. Will they remember me? It has been so long.”

She reached her hand out to touch me, but stopped midair, afraid that I would catch fire. Her fingers and arms and legs were aflame now and yet she didn’t seem to be in any pain. “I will tell them of you every night.”

And then her ghost reappeared and Sophie, who had never seen her until now, stared at her in awe. The ghost touched her hand and then, Sophie the Strigoi was gone, and her body crumpled to the ground.

I fell to my knees beside her, a small part of me wishing that I could go with her.

The back door to the house burst open and Adelade rushed from the door way. “Detrand!”

She ran into the garden and came to a halt when she saw me unaffected. Tears streamed down her face. “As soon as I saw you walk out the door, I thought… I thought you were gone.”

She stared at me in wonder for a long time until finally she spoke. “Why… How?”

“It’s you, Adelade. It’s your blood that gave me this. Ever since I drank it, I’ve been able to walk in the sun.”

“This. This is how you rescued me from the bar. But how?”

“I don’t know.”

I stood and moved forward swiftly, needing her by my side, needing to explain. I leaned my head on hers and gripped the nape of her neck. “This is why I had to push you away, so that no one would ever know of your blood.” I moved back to look into her troubled eyes. “I don’t know how, or why, but you must never tell another soul about your blood, or they would take you as a slave. Do you understand me?”

Her face grew pale and I knew that something was perilously wrong. I gripped her arms. “Tell me, Adelade, what is it?”

“I gave some of my blood to Raisa. For her cake, she said she needed it.”

I gripped her tight, feeling an absolute sense of loss that her blood may now be in the hands of another. With this thought and unable to bear the thought that I may lose two of the women I held in my heart, I fell to my knees again. She fell with me and then held me as I sobbed in her arms, the pain of Sophie’s loss causing a painful tear in my chest.

Adelade didn’t say a word, but stared off to the forest, stroking my hair, tears streaming down her cheeks. And when I had no tears left to spend, she still held me until I sat back and placed my hand on her cheek, staring into her deep blue eyes.

“You must know that I will fiercely protect you, no matter the cost.” I pulled her tightly to me, angry that Raisa had gone against my orders to take her blood. Holding her in my arms, so soft and sweet, I knew that even though the love of my former life was gone, I could make it if I had Adelade by my side.

And in that moment I determined that no matter the cost, I would protect Adelade. That I would win her heart back. That I would do anything to keep her.