Detrand

I awoke the next evening, and after washing and dressing, I mulled over the shifter problem. I looked up to find myself in Adelade’s room, not even remembering how I arrived there. I could still smell her smell, and the memory of my brief encounter with her in my bed, her lips on my bare chest over my heart sent a warmth rushing through my body.

I found a dried dianthus on the edge of the table near her bed. Picking it up and putting it to my nose, the familiar smell of my Firewitch, like a siren, called to my mind. I turned and saw a stuffed envelope on the windowsill; the letter her father had given her. I held it to my nose and it smelled of their home and I wished to go to her, to see her one more time. But, I resisted the impulse.

Instead, I went to Lula’s room to ask her to give the letter back to Adelade but she was still sleeping: pale and weak but looking better. I tucked the letter away and sat on the sofa next to her, touching her head. It was beginning to cool, the fever having run its course. The bite marks on her body had yet to heal and this worried me.

I stood up. Sophie should attend to her.

I moved to the back garden, looking for Sophie and found her among the roses. She was holding one in her hand; one of its thorns had cut her finger and she was bleeding. I took her hand and put her finger in my mouth, tasting her blood as she stared at me thoughtfully.

“Agosto loved roses. I could never figure out why the flowers always blossomed, even in the middle of the winter." She moved her hand around her, gesturing towards the garden that still bloomed even though it was cold and Agosto had long passed.

“Do you think of him often?" I wondered this because ever since his death she had moved about in a dreamlike state, as if she was never really here anymore. Even these past few weeks since she’d moved back into the position as head of the house again, we slept in separate rooms, making love only that one time.

"I do."

“Did you love him, even as much as I?" I knew the answer to my question even before I finished it. We had loved each other well but my betrayal in turning her could and would never be forgiven. And even though Agosto had done many things, he had never betrayed her.

She turned her face as if she didn't want to hurt me and stared off into the land that lay beyond. Then she swallowed hard and I knew that she would be honest with me. “Yes."

I didn't realize how it would affect me and a dull pain tore through my chest. I moved my hand to it as if I could cut open my chest and rip my heart from it. Would she ever love me again? Enough to live with me for the rest of our long lives? Or was I killing her softly as each day passed until she would only be a shell of the woman that I once held in my arms as we lay together at night.

"Would you… could you ever love me again? Can I ever be enough for you?"

“Detrand, you were always enough for me. I loved you as I never loved any other man, including Agosto."

Sudden emotion overcame me and I gripped her arms, willing her to tell me what it was I needed to do to be the man who could make her happy again. "What is it then? What can I do?"

She pulled me to her and her eyes stared deep into my soul. “Your love for me was always enough. You provided for me and the children, and you always gave me everything I ever needed and more. Except, for the one thing that mattered the most."

“And what is it? What is it that matters so much that you would rather be dead than be with me for the rest of our lives?"

“A choice. The power to determine my own destiny. The choice to live or die, the choice to be a strigoi or to move on and be with our children again. Your love is all-consuming and it runs through my body like my own blood. But it doesn't give me my own mind, to decide for myself what I want. And that is why I could never love you as I did before my death."

“And are my choices so hurtful that you would rather die than be with me?"

“My love for you is only overshadowed by the love that I held for our children. Can you even remember what they look like anymore?" Her voice broke as I knew that her heart was breaking as well. "Sometimes I think I only imagine what they were like.”

Her admission tore through me like a burning, raging fire and I could not hold back my shame. She was right.

Her grief spread out through the garden; I could feel it douse the plants until they drowned in her sorrow and then it slid off into the streets. I felt it burrow in my chest and travel through my body until it was in my very bones. It was heavy and it encumbered my movements.

She was always right.

And that is why I didn’t deserve her because I wanted to keep on living. Even though I walked in the dark, my whole body and instincts fought for survival. Until the very day that someone held the strength to kill me, I would continue to keep on fighting.

I turned away from her towards the house, allowing her words to burrow deep into my mind yet still unwilling to admit to her the truth. Because then I must let her go into the sun and I wasn’t willing to entertain that thought yet.

I turned back towards her, remembering my purpose in looking for her. “Lula needs to feed. Will you wake her and provide blood?”

She nodded and turned to go, but hesitated. She was silent for a moment and then spoke softly, almost as if she were now speaking to herself. “I wonder, did you ever ask Adelade what she wanted?”

She didn’t wait for my response but slipped away towards the house, always willing, ever devoted. As I watched her leave, I recognized myself for who I was: A coward. For I could neither lose her, nor lose my own life.

Unlike her, I remembered my children as if they had been born yesterday. Bright eyes and even brighter smiles. One loved to roam in the fields with me as I planted, the other loved to stare at the letters of the only book we owned. Both with tanned skin that glistened in the sun; one with hazel eyes like Sophie, and the other held dark-brown and intelligent eyes that looked straight through you and into your soul.

No matter the passage of time, it still cracked open my heart every time I thought of them. I usually brushed these thoughts away but this time I allowed it to torture my soul as penance for what I did to Sophie every day. Grief rent through my chest. Would I ever gather the courage to allow her the peace to pass on from this life to return to them?

Is this what I needed to do to deserve her unconditional love again?

If I could not find the courage to do so, then I would die slowly, as Sophie withdrew her love even further from me day by day.

I thought of her last words and of Adelade. A growl rose up in my throat as I imagined Landon in her bed.

My choice to push her away came from my desire to protect her; I knew that it must be done, for then she could have children and a life free from the dangers of my world. She might have considered becoming a strigoi but she would make that decision without knowing what it meant to continually hunger for the blood of another, that you would even drink from the scum of the earth to have it. Thinking of the blood I’d taken from Emmett and his wife made me shiver.

And yet, I couldn’t help but wonder, what would she decide if I gave her the choice? Was I a coward again, to trust myself to protect her, or to trust that she could protect herself?

The decision to be together could bring the ultimate happiness to my life. And not only to myself but if she could truly love me in return then we could be happy together. And yet, at the same time, that same decision could bring the ultimate darkness that only one as evil as I could revel in, and Adelade didn’t belong there.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear someone moving towards me in the garden until they were close. I turned to find Lily stalking towards me, her lips twisted in a sultry smile.

* * *

She glided towards me like a dream, strands of her honey-brown hair blowing about her face. She smelled of the wild jasmines that grew in the forest and it lit my senses on fire.

I frowned, trying to push away the allure she held over my body. “Where’ve you been? Raisa’s been searching for you.”

She didn’t respond but instead reached back to pull the pins holding her hair. It fell down in waves, and the honey scent filled the air, and then she began to unbutton the top of her dress. I felt a growl low in my throat.

Even though Lily appeared like a dream, my thoughts were only on my Adelade. I longed to go to her home, to climb into her bed and kiss away her pain and aches. Then make love to her in the darkness until she called out my name, begging me to never leave her side. I dreamt of giving her my blood to heal all her wounds, and she would be free of pain of any kind as she moaned my name into the night…

These thoughts continually moved like a haze through my mind and the need to push them away, combined with the constant threat from the new shifter pack, was exhausting and I longed for fulfillment.

“Detrand.” Her voice was low and sultry, her French accent lilting. “I’ve missed you.”

A lump formed in my throat. “It’s been too long since Raisa has fed. You must go to her.”

One of her shoulders lifted. “I will go to her soon.” She was next to me now and her hand traced across my chest, sending shivers down my back.

“Where’ve you been?”

She stopped, her hand on my belly and her eyebrow raised. “I’ve been entertaining elsewhere.” Her hand moved lower and I gripped it, staring into her eyes. I could smell her desire.

My strigoi emerged; it had been too long since it had participated in any paltry desires and Lily presented herself to me so readily. It would be easy, so easy, to partake in her sweetness.

She leaned towards me, her breasts hanging like low-picked fruit as she pressed them to my chest. My hand moved of its own accord to caress them softly.

She moaned and her fangs slid out. Moving her arms around my back to press against me tighter, she fisted the back of my shirt. She tilted her head to invite me to fill her with my intoxicating poison that would light her senses on fire. I pressed my hand to the back of her neck and pulled her close to my lips.

Then I bit into it sharply. She gripped my arms tight in pain.

“You’ve been gone too long, Lily, and have been inattentive to your duties. You are to go to Raisa and feed her, or you will face severe consequences.” Though I was tempted to give in to her seduction, I pushed her an arms-length from me to stare into her eyes.

They flashed a light yellow and her face stared at mine angrily; she pounced on me, knocking me over.

Then she was on my throat and only my fast reflexes kept me alive. Instead of pulling her from me, I gripped her neck to me tight so she couldn’t rip my throat out. My blood pooled onto my chest, soaking my shirt.

Barely discernible through her grip on my throat, I could still sense the despair at her words.

“You never came for me. As master over this city, you were meant to protect me.” Her hands clawed at my chest and I threw my legs around her to press her tighter. “And you didn’t even note my absence, except for my deficiency to feed Raisa.” Her words were cold and the truth of them leaked into my senses.

Squeezing her tight with my legs to keep her from moving, I wrapped my hand around her throat, forcing her to release her hold on me.

“Who, Lily? Who held you captive?”

She fell against me. “The new shifter king, and now it’s too late for me.” Tears stained my neck, mixing with my blood.

I pushed her up to study her. Had they turned her into a mad raving vampire? Her eyes held onto mine with an icy stare, her intelligence still intact. I released her to cuddle her in my arms. “Tell me, what have they done?”

She hiccuped and then began to shake. She cried out, her voice fraught with fear.

I gripped her tight as a fear washed over me. “What have they done?”

She screamed and began to jerk, her body making an agonizing popping noise and I knew what they had done to her. She was beginning to shift, her anxiety over her situation making it impossible for her to contain her new form.

The waist of her dress began to rip as her body began to turn and I knew that in the position we were laying, with her body atop mine, she could kill me if she finished the transition.

Her screams betrayed her terror and the horrible pain she suffered and I knew that the only way to keep her from shifting was to calm her. I poured my sense over her, filling her body with warmth but it had no affect over her. In fact, it seemed to increase her agitation and fur began to sprout atop the edges of her knuckles and alongside her back.

I switched my affect over her, trying to cool her but her fangs only grew longer.

She was a supernatural anomaly and neither coolness nor warmth would soothe her. Her hands gripped me tight as the bones shifted and popped, then became claws that ripped into my skin.

My mind grew faint, I was growing dizzy with want of blood for she was taking more out of me faster than my body could heal itself. The ends of her teeth grew sharp and I knew that if she tore into my neck, I would easily bleed out and then lay open to attack and, possibly, to the final death.

I thought of Adelade and how her warmth had flooded my body, how her smile lit up my mind. Sensing a final end to my life, I gripped Lily tight and stroked the top of her hair, whispering into her ear the words I wished I could’ve told Adelade.

The words that would’ve made me immensely vulnerable, that would bind her to me forever… the words spoken from my heart.

As my voice curled around her, Lily began to calm down. Breathing heavily, she tried to pull herself up but I kept her close and she gave in, collapsing into my arms. My blood mixed with her hair, and it smelled of sweet copper. I breathed it in, forcing my senses, and my strigoi, to take in the smell so that I would always remember the day that I failed to protect her, just as I’d failed to protect Lula.

The weight of the world crushed me. For too often these days were my actions inadequate and I cursed the responsibility that Agosto had placed on my shoulders.

Once Lily had calmed; her breathing shallow and her body still, I gripped her tight. I tried to rise but the world tipped over; I was too faint.

“Sophie.” My words were soft and although the strigoi hearing was very powerful, I knew that Sophie was attending to Lula with her thralls and may not hear me.

I attempted to rise again, determined that I wouldn’t pass out in the garden to await a passerby who could easily stake me in the heart or cut off my head, for I was certain that if Bane wasn’t already watching, he would be soon.

I growled, angry now that I hadn’t torn out his heart the minute I saw him in the bay. Now his power had grown, as evidenced by the constant influx of new shifters that seemed to multiply faster than we could keep them down.

I pushed myself up, still holding Lily in my arms who was now fast asleep, and managed to stumble through the garden. A form appeared in the doorway, bathed in the light that glowed behind it. I tipped to the side, exhaustion taking over my body, and the form rushed from the doorway.

It was Lula; her eyes bright and her skin the paleness of the strigoi, the fever having passed through her.

“Detrand.” She ran to me and propped me up.

“Lula.” My voice was tired and worn, but happy. “You’ve risen.”

* * *

Most of the thralls were sleeping in the sitting room and so Lula had offered me her blood to heal. Her blood tasted different since she turned; sweeter than before but with a bitter aftertaste. When I was done, I directed Lula to take Lily to Raisa, wishing to avoid speaking to them both about their hybrid condition until I knew more about it.

It was time to visit the shifter home. I needed to find a way to destroy the witch.

After I’d healed and changed my clothes, Stefano and Samira were waiting for me and we made our way to the shifter home. After bidding the horses to return home, we moved silently through the woods attached to their property, hoping that there wouldn’t be any wolves roaming the forest.

The woods grew quiet, the forest animals having sensed our presence, and we climbed up the trees to inspect the house across the field. We were well beyond the border of the house but our strigoi eyesight allowed us to view the house.

Guards were now gathered around the gate to the house which was ridiculous because access to the forest was open and uninhibiting. Then I noticed a group of wolves that tended to move back and forth in between the open space of the forest and the house. They were smaller than average shifters and I wondered if it was the consequence of his bite or if he was turning children and making them into guards.

I considered this idea.

Surely he knew that if we attacked from the woods, these small shifters would die easily. Then my mind darkened as a realization came to me: he didn’t care for the life of these shifters. If I discovered that they were children, I would torture him before I killed him. These thoughts caused me to twist the branch in my grip and it snapped in my hands, causing a flock of ravens to take flight.

At this, a woman’s face appeared in the window. Her face poorly lit but I could sense her stare into the woods. Except for the exasperated look that Samira gave me, we held deathly still, blending into the night.

Curious, I moved my senses forward to discover more about the woman at the window and her innermost desires. As soon as my senses touched hers, a black wave of darkness threatened to overtake me and I had to grip the tree tighter to keep from falling. Then a solid wall blocked me from her. This must be the witch.

After a time, she disappeared and Stefano and I looked at each other, our eyebrows raised.

“Did you see the moth at her shoulder?”

I nodded. “Her familiar.”

“It held a glow about it; it was protected.”

I frowned. “If it’s protected with her enchantments, how are we going to kill it? Milda will have to do it.”

He was silent and I turned back towards the house. The back door opened and another female walked out.

I took in a sharp breath. “Myla.” The shifter who discovered Derek’s location after the fire on my home and his ex-lover. They must’ve accepted her back into the pack.

She took a few steps out the back door and stared off towards the woods. What was she looking for? Did she know we were here?

The back door opened again and my hand tightened on the tree again; it was Bane. He called to Myla and when she didn’t answer him, he followed her out the door. When he put his arms around her, she turned and stepped out of his reach, her hands gesturing wildly.

Then he slapped her and she stared at him in shock. A low growl sounded in my throat, and I was swiftly kicked in the shins by Samira.

“Shh.”

I closed my mouth, pushing down my strigoi. Now was not the time to kill him; I may not even make it to the door before his witch could say a few words and burn me alive. I stared at him with narrowed eyes, determined that he would meet a painful death, along with his witch.

Pulling Myla close, Bane put his arms around her again, gripping her back side, then he began to kiss her and I could sense the chill with which she responded. In that moment I realized that Myla had gotten in way over her head. She’d brought this shifter in, hoping to retaliate against me, but she’d gotten more than she bargained.

Why else would they send Lily for me, and who else would know enough about the strigoi to know that Lily had access to my house?

But Bane was ambitious, and he wanted more than revenge over a lost lover. He wanted the city.

She was the one who sent Lily. She came out of the house searching for her return. Bane didn’t seem to look for Lily and so Myla must’ve released Lily without his knowledge.

A rickety carriage sounded up the road and I shifted my position to look at the new arrivals. Bane turned at the sound and, gripping Myla’s hand, pulled her into the house.

* * *

Four men stumbled out, one much younger than the rest, and they waited for the gate to open. One man led the group, his long beard giving him a skinny emaciated look, but he was obviously their leader.

The men guarding the gate took only a moment to verify their identification and then the gates swung open. Once inside they opened the door to the mansion with confidence and I knew that they had been here before. After a time, the bearded leader left with the smaller man.

I shifted my position, trying to hear anything or see activity inside the home but all I could detect was a murmur of voices because the shuffling below me was too loud.

I froze, and slowly looked down, realizing what that meant.

One of the smaller shifters had drifted from the yard and into the woods. He was relieving himself on the exact tree I was positioned in. The back door opened again and the witch made another appearance. She was followed by several men who began to shift into incredibly large wolves and I knew that they would be within range to detect our smell soon. We had to leave immediately.

The small wolf began to sniff around the tree and I grew alarmed, knowing that if he gave out any indication of our whereabouts, the witch would know our location easily. The witch who could burn another through the power of her thoughts from a great distance. I had no desire to personally discover exactly how powerful this unbreakable witch was tonight.

I looked at Stefano, the horror on my face and then I saw the shifter climb up the trees with his front paws, scratching it. His head tilted up and his eyes met mine.

For a moment we stared at each other, the shifter and I, then he sat down on his haunches and threw back his head, a howl in his throat.

I fell to the ground and in one swift motion, gripped his muzzle tight and twisted it. The neck disconnected from the rest of his body with a muffled pop and the wolf lay limp in my arms. I stared at it in shock as it gradually morphed into its human form. With a shock, I discovered that it was one of the pups I’d thrown into the air just shortly after my return to the city.

A wave of horror washed over me as a sharp jab of guilt ripped through my chest.

I’d killed a child.

My horror turned to rage as I gripped his body tight to me. I would kill Bane this very instant, to hell with the consequences and to hell with the rest of his clan. If the witch burned every ounce of being in my body, it would be worth it for the chance to strangle the life out of that shifter.

The witch’s shifters were at the edge of the forest and it wouldn’t take long for them to find us. I growled, my strigoi instincts welcoming their blood on my hands and in my mouth. I would kill them all.

Then strong arms pulled me, causing me to drop the child, and I was being pulled through the woods. I struggled against them but Samira’s grip on me was tight. I slashed out at her and she dropped me. Stefano tried to help me up but I jumped up and, gripping his head tight, bit into his neck. Anything that stood in my way of killing Bane right now was an enemy.

Stefano pushed at my chest but my senses were alight with his blood and all my strigoi could think about was sucking every drop of blood from his body. The wolves began to bark and howl and I knew that they were onto our scent.

My eyes flashed towards them. They were next. And then the witch and her moth.

Stefano clasped at my chest, trying to push me off but I was too strong for him. His neck gurgled as his blood bubbled to the surface of his skin and he gasped out one word.

“Adelade.”

The word chilled me to the bone, forcing my strigoi to withdraw. The only word that could overcome my raging thoughts enough to make me consider our situation.

Stefano hung limply in my arms and I knew that he couldn’t run on his own. I peered through the woods for a moment to see the approaching pack of glimmering eyes and I turned and began to run.

* * *

Samira helped pull Stefano, who was faint from loss of blood, to me and I clasped him tight as I flew through the woods. Fortunately he held enough sense to put his arms around my neck which allowed me to see my path easier. We shot through the woods with the pack now at my heels. Grateful that I’d been in these woods many times, I easily found the path that would take me to the rushing current of the river that led to the harbor.

The sounds of the pack behind us was a tangled mass of growls and heavy breathing, but I knew that they weren’t the mad shifters we’d been chasing but intelligent and highly trained. I considered the possibility that there were enough of them to rip me to shreds in an instant and the thought was alarming. So I moved faster, using my strigoi senses to make my eyesight sharper and my hearing acute.

My whole body moved nimbly through the path and as soon as the river was in sight, I leaped towards it, still clinging to Stefano. Samira landed beside me in the thick of the rushing current and we immediately were pulled downstream.

It only took a moment for the pack to reach the shore but many of them skidded to a stop, causing the rest to tumble into each other. Shifters didn’t like to swim too far out; their bodies were very heavy and they drowned easily. They fell into the water and the sounds of their whines were drowned out by the roar of the river.

I could see the head of one of them, still swimming after me determinedly, but he gave up after a while and moved back towards the shore.

After giving Stefano a warning, I allowed the current to drag me under and we disappeared under the surface.

All sounds suddenly muted and I closed my eyes against the onslaught of my thoughts. Stefano slipped from my arms and I drowned in the misery of what I’d just done. The weight of the responsibility of the city dragged me to the bottom of the river and I let the water flow over me.

In all the years of horrible things I’d done as a strigoi, I’d not once killed a child. And now this monster shifter made me cross a line so unfathomable that I could never come back from it.

Rage burned in my chest and it lowered to my stomach. I was simultaneously burning alive and drowning all in one moment and I held no desire to ever surface again.