Adelade

I awoke in a cool room with the smell of feces and sweat in my nose. A small noise agitated my ears but I couldn’t determine the source of it. I tried to raise my head but it was too heavy, so I settled for opening my eyes. Darkness surrounded me and I rubbed my eyes, attempting to rub away the haze. I opened them again and managed to see a sliver of light in the darkness.

I was in a cell with a dirt floor strewn with hay. Bloody hell, what had he given me? And why on earth did Raisa trust him?

My hand touched a mattress and at the itch in my hair I jumped up, throwing aside all grogginess, and had to wait for a wave of dizziness to pass over me. I inspected the mattress for any head louse but it was too difficult to see. I scratched at my head vigorously, then turned around to examine my cell.

The wailing noise grew louder and I moved around, trying to discover the source of the noise. In a darkened corner, I made out the shape of a small boy. His only dressing was a thin covering about his waist and I could see the bones of his ribs stretched through his skin. His long fragile spine stretched up his back to his thin and boney head.

Gasping, I ran to him and kneeled on the ground. “Hey dear, it’s okay.” I touched his shoulder and he turned towards me. His big blue eyes blinked softly, begging me to help him.

Unsure what to do or how to help him, I rubbed his back. “It’s going to be okay, I’ll get you released from here. Surely you’ve done nothing to warrant being locked up like this.”

Through the bars, I could see the outline of other cells, with random windows dispersed through them, but could find no sign of any other living thing. I called out, trying to draw the attention of a guard or someone who could tell me why we were in here. And at least get the boy some food; his skin looked quite emaciated.

Slowly the boy’s wailing died down and he laid his head against my knees. A sense of uneasiness began to grow in the pit of my stomach, although I knew not why. When no one answered my call, I tried to comfort the boy as best as I could while looking about the room, attempting to discover a way to escape. A burbling nose erupted from him and I turned in horror to see that blood was flowing from his mouth. It smelled fetid and I held my breath. I could find nothing to staunch the flow of blood so I scraped some straw from the ground, scratching the tips of my fingers in the process. I raised my hand to put the straw to his mouth when suddenly a warning so strong and powerful came over me. I was not to stop the bleeding.

I dropped the straw and scrambled back to the bars of the cage, as far as possible from the child. He didn’t follow me but reached out with his boney hand, his eyes begging for my help. It was difficult to contain myself when he was in obvious need but my instincts flashed with urgency into my mind that he was not what he seemed. So I watched as his blood drained from his mouth and onto the floor, unable to move to his aid.

He turned his head and began to wail again, pressing his head into his knees. I listened in horror, cursing Raisa and DeChadik for my current predicament, then threw my own name in the mix. The boy’s wails grew quieter until he was crying softly which nearly broke my heart but I stayed away.

Then, his crying turned into a maniacal laughter and he turned towards me baring large razor-like teeth, blood dripping onto his boney chest. I stood up abruptly which brought about another wave of dizziness. He appeared no longer as a child but some sort of strange breed. I cried out as he jumped forward, latching onto my side. I shoved at him desperately but his hold was too tight. He wrapped his spindly legs around my waist and pulled himself up and onto my back. Then he bit a chunk out of my shoulder, making mashing, smacking noises as he ate my flesh.

Screaming in pain, I went mad with frenzy, desperately trying to throw him off me. I knocked into the wall and fell to my knees, as everything blurred out of focus. His fingers had a strange sort of suction to them and I couldn’t throw him off.

Undeterred by my thrashing, he grinned up at me and then took another bite out of my shoulder. Determined to survive this monster, I fell the rest of the way to the ground and rolled over, attempting to force him off my back. His fingers clung desperately to me but finally they lost their hold and I rolled faster until I hit the opposite wall.

I pushed myself up it, scrambling to find a way out of the cell but the little bastard was too fast; he was already climbing up my leg. I swiped at him, causing an exploding pain to shoot up my arm. He slipped down to my leg, making gurgling noises with his mouth and I turned and swung my leg at the wall.

He jumped off me just in time and I managed to hit my own leg with the wall. It throbbed dully, but I paid it no mind because he’d climbed up the mattress and sprung onto me again, angling his razor sharp teeth at my neck. I fell back to the wall to avoid him, slamming my head against it. It began to pound as sharp prickles shot through it. My vision grew hazy and then he was at my shoulder again, tearing into it.

I cried out and twirled my body, moving my arms with all my strength to fling him off me, even though the motion caused my shoulder to burn in agony. When he didn’t release his hold on me, I punched him in the face with all the energy I could muster and he finally dropped to the ground.

I swung at him again and missed, the pounding in my head causing me to grow dizzy. I stumbled and fell forward, my hands thrown out to soften my fall. I tried to move but my body wouldn’t respond. My head throbbed and my arm wouldn’t move any more. His knackering noises grew louder and I knew that if I didn’t force my will over my body, he would fill his belly with my body that day.

I finally managed to roll over, attempting to get as far from him as possible but the sound of his smacking lips in my ear warned me that it was doing no good. Was I even moving? I couldn’t tell any longer. His face leered over me and I could see two of them sway before my eyes.

Suddenly I remembered my knife. Idiot!

I reached into my pocket as he leaned down. He gripped my head and slammed it against the ground and pain shot through it. I could only see a fuzzy outline of his body as he slammed my head again and again against the ground.

I felt a warm stickiness pool under my head. He licked his lips and his eyes glazed over as he stared at the wound. He climbed on top of me and hunched over, rubbing his spindly fingers up my neck which made me shiver. He grasped my head again and tilted it sideways and bit into the side of my neck. A coppery smell filled my nose and a warmth ran down my chest and collected under me. I began to lose my vision as the smell of burning began to fill the air.

Exerting the last remnants of energy I could muster, I raised my arms, clasping my knife in between my hands and aimed a stabbing motion towards my chest.

The creature squealed and tore loose of my neck. He fell back, his hands to his chest as his own blood flowed from it. I’d stabbed my knife into his back and it stuck out through his chest. His breathing became wheezy and he fell to his knees.

I gasped at my own chest, feeling relieved that he hadn’t been close enough for the knife to damage myself. I tried to climb to my feet but I was too dizzy and out of sorts to make my legs and arms obey my command. My eyes grew heavy again and I blinked slowly.

When I opened them, I felt hands searching my body but my vision was too hazy to understand what was happening. A hand slipped into my pocket and retrieved the coins from Raisa. Then the shape moved away from me and I blinked my eyes again.

Someone else was picking me up, and I could smell the bar once more, the sounds of a horse whining and men yelling. Thick smoke curled in the air and I coughed.

A man held me; he smelled like wood and sweat and anger, and he was cradling me in his arms. I clasped my arms around him and he murmured comforting words in my ear.

“The peaches, I need the peaches,” I managed to choke out. “On the table.”

The man grunted. “If I go up in flames because you want peaches, you’d better believe I will haunt you until your death.” But he turned around and grasped the peaches and slipped them into his pocket.

I motioned towards the unicorn - it would burn alive in the flames that were beginning to spread through the bar; it was still tied to the post. He untied it and then set me on it. I leaned forward, unable to sit up. I ran my hands down her side, attempting to soothe her, but my arms were so heavy and one of them wasn’t working correctly.

My mysterious stranger pulled me up and I settled into his chest. He wore a hooded robe tightly about his body and I couldn’t see his face, but I knew the lines of the muscles in his chest, the strength of his arms as they wrapped me close, and the smell of his body. I gripped his arms as we neared the door, afraid that he would go up in flames as soon as we left the bar.

And then we rode the unicorn out the back entrance of the bar and into the light of day.

* * *

The sound of a soft humming voice filled my ears. The door opened. A low voice. “She's up.” The swishing of cloth and the door being closed softly. Abruptly, the pain in my head throbbed and every single ache in my body burned through me and my mind descended into a cloud of darkness.

I awoke with a start as pain rippled through my body. I touched my shoulder. The cloth of my nightgown was soft. I slipped my hands underneath it to feel rough cloth bindings that were stained wet with my blood. Lowering my fingers, I followed them as they wrapped around my torso to encase my neck, shoulder and back.

They didn't heal me with their blood.

My mind tried to grasp this thought but it slipped through my hazy thoughts.

My window was open and the fresh smell of dianthus drifted through the air. I tried to sit up but my body wouldn’t move; my legs and arms were so heavy. Finally, I pushed down on my arms with enough force that I sat up. There was something… Something I’d heard…

Lula.

That's who was up. I focused my thoughts, fighting an urgent pain that surrounded my whole body like a desperate dream. I managed to push my feet to the floor and a wave of lightheadedness made me stop. The wood was soft and warm and I brushed my toes over it softly. After the dizziness halted, I stood up and then there was blackness.

* * *

When I awoke, Phyllis was chattering to herself by the side of my bed. Her words slurred together in my mind and I tried to figure out what she was talking about. Something about a picky new horse eating all of the staff’s apples. I turned my head and a sharp spike of pain burst through my mind. Moaning, I rubbed my head and then I felt the mattress move as Phyllis sat next to me, her hand running through my hair.

“Shhh, shhhh…” Her words were soothing and I wanted to go back to sleep but there was something I needed to do. What was it? I tried to grab ahold of my thoughts.

She's up.

I shot up in my bed with such force that Phyllis sprung from the bed. I grasped my head as flashes of pain shot through it.

“What are you doing Missy?”

Tears sprung to my eyes and I began to cry, for the pain was so intense that I couldn’t hold them in. Phyllis’s hands pressed on my shoulders gently but firmly. “You’ve got to lay back down, you’re not well enough yet.”

“Lily’s up. I must go to her.”

“The dead can always wait. You must heal first.” So she knew the ways of the strigoi. What they were. I thought that this might be significant but then the thought floated away. Her hands were now running through my hair because she’d been unable to coax me back down.

I moved the covers, still attempting to climb out of the bed despite Phyllis’ protests.

“Child, you must sit still.”

“Lula. She's awake. I must go to her.” I pushed Phyllis’s arms away and stood up. I slipped but Phyllis held me up.

“Take me to her. Please.”

Giving in, Phyllis sighed. “You are stubborn, I’ll give you that.”

We moved slowly across the room and into the hallway. As we passed through the main room I welcomed the heat from the fire. I paused next to it to rest, relishing in its warmth. Then we moved towards Lula’s room. My feet were heavy and my mind clouded but I leaned heavily on Phyllis and we made it to Lula’s door.

We stopped. Phyllis could go no further; the staff were not allowed into the rooms of the strigoi. She gently untangled me from her body and pushed me softly to lean against the door. Giving her a grateful smile, I turned the knob and stared into the room.

Phyllis stiffened; Lula now offended her. She reached across the hallway, unwilling to take a step further as if she could catch Death. She touched my arm briefly. “Thanks for the peaches.”

She pulled one out of her pocket and, smiling before she bit into it, she turned and walked towards the kitchen.

I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me, leaning heavily on it. Lula was still.

Lula was dead.

I could barely make out her face, pale and bloodless, in the darkness of the room. I took a tentative step forward, not wishing to faint again and when I stepped forward without any complications, I walked towards her bed.

When I reached her bed I stared at her intently and, not having the strength to stand much longer, I sat next to her, breathing heavily. I touched her leg; and it burned through the sheet. Her warmth feeling good to me, I forced myself to slip under the sheet and lay next to her in the darkness. I ascended into a haze of sleep.

* * *

When I awoke again I felt much better. I opened my eyes and was in my room again with Detrand pacing by my bed.

“You could have killed yourself. If you’d still been next to her when she woke up, she could have easily drained your body dry.”

“Lula would not do that to me.” My voice came out a croak.

He pointed towards the door. “That is not Lula. That is a fresh strigoi who does not yet know her mind unless she has fed. She would have killed you. You are fortunate that I discovered you before she awoke.”

I sighed, not having the energy to argue with him. “Is she awake now?”

“Yes.”

“Has she eaten?”

“Yes.”

“Will you take me to her then?”

Detrand stopped pacing to stare at me. Even though I'd closed my eyes again, I could feel it burning through me. When I opened my eyes, his eyes were soft and caring. Then he grunted. “I will take you to her.”

He picked me up as easily as I could pick up a feather and cradled me in his arms. I felt a strange mixture of foolishness and happiness at being so near and took in a deep breath to savor the smell that was Detrand.

As soon as we entered the room Lula called my name. “Adelade! I'm so happy you came to see me.” Her hair clung with perspiration and her face was grey and hollow. She still had a fever.

“Of course I came to see you.” I didn’t mention that I’d been in here earlier. Detrand had moved a sofa into the room next to her bed and now he laid me gently on it. Then, he sat at my feet.

I stared at him in confusion; I’d made the assumption that he would leave me as soon as possible.

He ignored my blatant stare so I turned back to assess Lula.

“You look like death warmed over.” I attempted at cheekiness in the hope of making her smile and was rewarded. Her laughter was musical and it washed over me like a magical potion, turning my pain into a faint whisper in the back of my mind. Even Detrand smiled. He placed my feet in his lap and stroked them softly and I couldn’t help the warmth that spread up my legs.

“You look pretty horrible yourself.”

I gulped and looked away, but then I turned back to her. “Seriously, how are you feeling?”

One of her shoulders went up. “Like death.” She shifted in her bed and I wished I could jump up to make her more comfortable but I settled on placing my hand on her arm. When I did this, Detrand looked away but still didn’t leave.

Lula held my eyes for a moment, then they shifted to Detrand. I looked away and silence descended over the room. After a moment, Samira burst into the room causing me to jump and Detrand gave her a strange look. She looked momentarily appalled then turned her serious face to Detrand.

“We’ve news of the new shifter pack.”

Detrand sighed, but smoothly moved my feet back to the sofa and stood up. He silently bowed to Lula and me then went for the door. As soon as he reached it, he hesitated for a moment, gripping the knob to the door and then turned to look at me.

“When the sun rises, I’ve arranged for the porter to take you to your home.” His face expressed a mixture of horror and sadness, but firmness.

As soon as I nodded, he left us to the darkened silence.

* * *

Before I could open my mouth she blurted out. “I agree with Detrand.”

I’d meant to say something, my mouth was already open, and it dropped. I was shocked.

Finally, I took in a deep breath and could talk. “How could you mean that?”

I felt like she’d stabbed me in the chest, a gripping, twisting pain enveloped it and it was difficult to breathe.

“It’s not safe here.”

My face twisted in agony. “Is this because of what I did to you?”

“What you did to me?” It was her turn to be shocked and her expression held me. “I died the moment my father made a deal with the strigoi. I’ve known that my fate was sealed in that moment and this,” she flung her hand out, “this is just the fulfillment of his wishes.”

“He wished you to turn?”

“No, he wasn’t that forward thinking. He wished for riches and power above all else and my life, or the life of my mother, meant nothing to him if it stood in his way.”

I nodded, feeling a sense of sadness.

Her eyes bore into mine. “Adelade, I knew from the moment Agosto came to my door that my life would continually be tied to the strigoi.”

“Is that why you drank their blood?”

Her eyes clouded over. “Rowan asked it of me from the very beginning.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know how to respond, or even if she thought it to be a good thing or a bad thing.

“Are you upset that I killed him?”

She stared at her sheets. “I was merely sad, at first. He was kind to me. But that’s passed.”

Lula looked at me again, her eyes dark and held a shade of red in them. It was strange to see their changed color.

“He was a coward in the end.”

I knew what she meant. When the house was on fire, he refused to help rescue Sophie, and even forced Lula to do the same.

I nodded, still holding her eyes and then an anxiety moved over me. I had a feeling that I would not like what she would say next.

“I’ve spoken to Landon; he’s to meet you at your home tomorrow.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“He will do as Detrand requests, and I think…” She stared off towards her window which was now sealed up. “I think you two could be happy together.”

“Detrand may choose to be with Sophie but that doesn’t mean that I’m required to do as he pleases. I don’t feel for Landon, you know this; you two are meant to be together.” My eyes burned into hers, I knew that she loved him and that it was a mutual feeling. I wouldn’t take him from her; I wouldn’t betray my friend.

“We’ve decided not to be together.” She motioned to her body. “Not like this.”

I stared at her, clasping the edge of the sofa as my anger washed over me. “Then that’s your choice to make but that doesn’t mean that Landon must come to my home, to be in my bed. If Detrand will not have me, then I will determine another direction in my life. Determine my own fate. And I may or may not choose to love again.” I folded my arms over my chest, holding back my tears so that they wouldn’t fall. I would not cry over this.

The room was quiet again for a moment, then Lula’s soft fingers touched mine. “I’ve told Landon that I don’t wish to be with him because I love him. He’s managed to stay on top of the strigoi affairs in his relationship with Stefano but I hold no doubt that his feelings for me would overcome his sense of survival. He has a mother and siblings to care for; I would not curse him to this state.”

I considered her words and yet, I didn’t want to hear them. I didn’t want to understand them.

“And I would,” her voice caught, but she moved on, her voice trembling, “and I’ve decided to tell you the same thing.”

I felt nothing for a moment, the shock taking a moment to register.

“I love you too much to bless you with my misfortunes. And so, I’m begging you, please do not return to this house once you’ve left.”

Utter grief rent through my heart. “How can I do that? How can I know that you are here and not see you? Please, don’t ask this of me. I will not give you up.”

“We’re considering moving away. Possibly to Italy or somewhere else… I’m not sure.”

Her words were a stab to my gut and I knew not what to say or how to say it. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to cry. The dull ache in my back grew stronger, spreading to my head. I stood up. “I have a cake to bake.”

Lula grabbed my hand and the heat of her fever burned through me. “Don’t be angry. You are my dearest friend and I couldn’t bear it if you left angry.”

“I’m not angry. I want to cry and throw myself in your arms to beg you to change your mind.”

“Of course I would wish this. I wish to be with you always but I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.” She was close to tears and I felt ashamed. I could see large bite marks in her arm that had not healed in her turning. She had enough to consider now, to adjust to, and I should not make it harder for her.

I nodded. “I will leave you now. Besides, I have to bake a cake.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I couldn’t make myself say the words that threatened to choke me: to tell her goodbye.

“Detrand has required that Raisa bake the cake.”

I was still, unable to move for a moment. And then my legs began to work again and I moved towards the door. “Then I will dress and leave you to heal.” I looked down, remembering that I’d already arranged to have all of my belongings taken to my home. I didn’t have anything else to wear.

As if she could read my mind, Lula answered it. “I’ve left one of my dresses in your room. I wish for you to have it. And maybe, maybe you could wear it for Landon.”

I frowned. She still believed that I would wish to woo him, to let him in my home. How could I possibly make love to him, when I knew that his thoughts and desires were for Lula?

“Goodbye, Adelade. I’ve loved you dearly.”

I left, closing the door softly behind me, her last words echoing in my mind.

* * *

I went to my old room and threw my shift over my head and dropped it on the floor. My whole body ached and I wished to clean myself, so I found the water and brushed it over myself as best as I could. Then I went to the closet.

In it, Lula’s most beautiful dress hung stiffly, the one where the front dipped to her stomach. She knew that I admired that dress, but she misunderstood. I admired that dress on her. I would look like a girl trying to play dress-up in it.

I sighed and considered taking another one of hers or possibly one I’d given her. At that thought, I grew angry. No, I would take this one and not another thing that belonged to Detrand.

I pulled it over my body, careful to avoid the wounds on my shoulder and neck. Threading my fingers to comb through my hair, I used the light of the moonlight off the window as a blurry and distorted mirror. I noted how it reflected accurately the way I felt inside. Then I went outside to find the horse we’d taken from the bar.

As soon as I approached the stables, she came to me. She was already set to go; I imagined the porter was asleep in the stable and allowed him to stay that way.

The horse nuzzled the side of my face; her soft sounds soothed my heart. “I think I’ll call you Nightwatcher, for you see things.” I tilted my head while running my hands down her side, feeling for any unseen wings but finding none. “And I’m still unsure whether or not you’re a unicorn.”

She didn’t answer but just snorted in my ear. I laughed and the tightness in my chest loosened. Fortunately, the bottom of the dress would allow me to sit side-saddle. I managed to climb on even though my wounds burned and I motioned for her to take me to my home.

* * *

I hadn’t been home for two minutes before there was a knock at my door. Who could be calling this late in the night? I noted the knife that Detrand gave me was on the table by the door and rolled my eyes. Did he believe he could just enter whenever he wished, in my home?

Grateful for the thought though, I grabbed it and walked to the door.

As soon as I opened it, I heard a gasp. Landon stared at me with wide eyes, then they dropped to my dress. Was he remembering Lula in this dress?

I frowned. No, he usually saw her in her training clothes.

“What do you want Landon?”

At my harsh words, he hesitated. I looked behind him to see Stefano, who was fuming. If ever I needed a reason to turn away Landon, the look on Stefano’s face gave me all the reason I needed. I looked even further back to see Detrand standing behind Stefano and it made my stomach burn. He looked at me speculatively, his eyes taking in the dress and his lust burned through them.

I stood up straight. Good, let him burn with desire. Maybe it will make him burst into flames. I snickered at this thought.

Then I looked back at Landon, who had not yet answered me, my eyebrows raised to motion that I awaited his response. He was holding a suitcase with what I assumed was his clothing and he shifted it nervously.

“Adelade, I..” His voice petered out.

I sighed. “I’m tired and I wish to go back to bed as soon as I can change out of this dress.” I made to close the door but he held it with his hand.

“Please, Adelade.”

His words immediately softened me. He was caught in the middle of this and by the look of the strigoi behind him, he had no choice in the matter.

Giving in, I stepped back to open the door further. “Fine. Come in. But you’re sleeping on the sofa.”

Relieved, he stepped inside. I stepped in front of him to stop his approach, then stood on my tiptoes and, looking straight at Detrand, kissed Landon on the cheek.

If looks could kill, I would be dead on the ground in an instant. Both Detrand and Stefano wanted to kill me. I turned and, ignoring them both, shut the door behind me. Landon was still in the entrance way and he stepped to me.

His eyes slipped from my face to take in the rest of my body.

“I’ll change, and then I’ll find something for you.”

“Don’t change.” He took a step closer and his finger traced from my neck down, between my breasts to my stomach. “Did Lula give you that dress?” I nodded, and then he turned away to walk towards the living room. “You look beautiful.”

* * *

Unsure what to say about that, I followed him inside.

“Wow.” Clutching his suitcase tight, he looked over the room. “I didn’t realize that they paid the dockworkers so well.” He looked at me. “Stefano is usually pretty tight-handed.”

“They don’t.”

“Oh.” Unsure what to say next; I wasn’t exactly giving him a warm welcome, he set his suitcase on the ground next to the sofa. Then he sat down, judging it. Giving it a satisfactory bounce, he looked back up at me. “This will be more than adequate.”

“It’s only for tonight, then you can return home to your family.”

His eyes clouded over but he said nothing. I moved towards the basket in the corner to check if it held any of my belongings there; the blanket had been salvaged, at least. I unfolded it and went to sit next to him, feeling the weight of my heavy heart in my chest.

“I will miss Lula, very much.”

He didn’t respond and I noted that even though he’d just been forcibly moved from his home and was told by the woman he loved that they would never be together, he held his head high. He was still as handsome as ever and he exuded a sort of self-assured air about him, though the twinkle in his eye was missing.

“I will miss her as well.”

I sighed and turned to him. “Look, is it your wish to remain here with me? Or would you rather be with your family. I know you do not love me.”

His head tilted as he thought. “I wish to do whatever necessary to protect my family.” Then his face darkened. “When my father was killed by a rogue strigoi, Stefano offered his protection. He killed the strigoi who killed my father and gave me work so that I could provide for my family. In exchange, I was to be his.” He was so matter of fact about it. “I consider myself lucky.”

I took a sharp breath in, what could he mean by this?

“To be loved by a man who could protect me from the evils of the night. I am under no illusion that my strength is any match for theirs. My father was very strong. Just as your father, mine worked at the docks. Except your father managed the men there, my father moved cargo all day. He was as strong as a bull. And yet, that strigoi tore him to pieces in front of me.”

He was quiet for a moment and I let those words settle around me. I was very aware that the strigoi could kill me in an instant, my parents had instilled that in me since my youth. However, if any attempted to kill me, they would take me down fighting.

Reading my mood, he continued. “I’m happy to continue to train you, if that is what you wish.”

I nodded my thanks.

“You train to have some sort of control of your situation, to be able to defend yourself if you ever need it. I serve the man who can protect not only me, but my mother and little sisters as well. We are both doing the best we can in our circumstances.”

I thought about this, of course knowing that he was right.

“And so, if living here, sleeping on this comfortable sofa is what I must do to protect my family, then I will do it happily. Besides,” he winked at me, “living with you won’t be too bad.”

“And what if I preferred to live as man and wife?”

He shrugged and I realized in that instant that he’d already been doing that for Stefano for a long time now. Even while loving Lula at the same time. A wave of disgust rolled in my stomach. I was his Stefano now.

I stood up, seeing both him and myself through different eyes and gave him the blanket.

“I’ll leave you to sleep now.” My body ached and I was still a bit lightheaded. I moved towards the stairs.

“Thank you, Adelade.”

I came to terms with our situation as I went up the stairs; he would train me and in exchange I would give him room and board. “You can repay me by continuing to train me.”

He nodded and I left him to settle on the sofa. After peeling off her dress which was quite a painful process, I found a nightgown and settled into my bed.

And then, I let go of everything I’d been holding inside.

I let my pain and sadness bubble to the surface and it washed over me.

I would not love Detrand.

I would let him go.

I would let Lula go.

It would be better this way.

And then I couldn’t hold back the sobs that wretched my body, and I cried into my pillow, wishing that I’d never met Detrand, that I’d never seen him on the streets that day, that his presence didn’t hold me like a dream. Wishing that his touch didn’t make me burn with desire or that his companionship didn’t light up my heart.

The bed moved and I opened my eyes; Landon climbed in next to me.

“Landon.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He wiped my tears with his thumb and his touch was warm and soft. “It’s okay to cry. I wish I could. It’s all pent up inside me and it won’t come out.”

I nodded, understanding. Then he scooted closer and held me while I wept until I fell asleep with his warm arms around me, determined that when I awoke, I would begin my new life.