“What are you doing here?” I’m pregnant. I need you. My twin sister, who always looked like she had her shit together compared to me, looked like hell for once. I thought I would relish it. I didn’t. I held up the plastic grocery bag in my hand that boasted it all, Ben and Jerry’s. We may be identical twins, but that was where the similarities between Emily and me ended. If we had those cute little twin shirts, mine would be “wild one” where hers would be “mild one.” But come on, Ben and Jerry’s was a universal language. She needed it to cure her broken heart, and I needed it because, well does one ever honestly need a reason to eat ice cream? But I guess I had one. It was about the size of a lemon right now, which was kind of ironic since Declan, or Dicklan as I liked to call him, my sister’s ex and the reason for the current state of her broken heart always called her Lemon Drop.
I swung the plastic grocery bag in front of her face before asking, “Aren’t you going to let me in?” To say she was surprised to see me was an understatement, but after talking to our mom, I knew she needed someone since her BFF, Natalie, was away on her honeymoon in Paris. The truth was, I needed to get away, just as badly as she needed a shoulder to cry on. Yeah right. The writing was written on the wall long before the pink lines ever appeared on the home pregnancy tests I took; all six of them.
Emily moved aside, and I entered the space with my suitcase trailing behind me. I knew the apartment would be beautiful, it was Dicklan’s after all. High ceilings with floor to ceiling windows boasted a killer view. The walls are exposed brick and the floors, hardwood. The floorplan was open to a beautiful kitchen with top of the line stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. Emily’s dream come true. To each her own. Mom wouldn’t stop talking about how fantastic Declan was just last week. She gushed about how in love he and Emily were. She didn’t let me forget for one moment that he was the reason we were able to see each other. I wonder what she thinks of Mr. Wonderful now.
He surprised my sister by flying mom out to New York for Christmas with a stop in Nashville on her way back to California to see me. It wasn’t a long trip because Dicklan had also sent our mother and her best friend, our pseudo “Aunt Maggie,” away on a surprise cruise last month. I told mom I didn’t want to waste any of our time together driving back and forth from the airport to my place. The truth was, I sold my car and couldn’t afford to rent one for the day. I didn’t want my mom or anyone I knew ever to see where I was living. It was a one-bedroom studio above a grungy garage. We didn’t have a gourmet kitchen; we had a microwave and a mini-fridge. If we were lucky, we had enough hot water for one shower. I also didn’t want her to meet Edward, my last in a string of poor choices. Ever. He didn’t deserve to meet my mother. Why couldn’t it have been my ex/baby daddy to fall off the face of the earth instead of Declan? It would have made things so much easier. Instead, I had to sneak off when Edward was off doing whatever it was he did to hop on the bus for my twenty-two-hour ride to freedom. It was a new year after all, so I resolved to start over and to build a better life for my child and me. Alone. I put my bags down, and my sister moved to hug me.
“Don’t,” I yelled louder than I meant. “I’ve been on the bus forever; I’m ripe.” It was true. I did need a shower, but I also wasn’t ready for my sister to know about my teeny bundle of joy. I knew if Emily hugged me I wouldn’t have been able to hide my small bump.
When mom met me at the airport restaurant, I made sure to arrive early, and I didn’t get up when she walked in. I wore one of Edward’s shirts and pretended to be engrossed in reading the menu when mom arrived. Everyone thinks I’m this badass girl. They wouldn’t believe it if they knew I was hiding from my mommy behind a table. What was she going to do? Ground me? No, but I didn’t want to disappoint her. I’ve done enough of that in my lifetime already. Don’t get me wrong; I knew she’d love this baby. She just wouldn’t be thrilled with the circumstances I was in. I wasn’t married. Hell, I didn’t even like the baby’s father. He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant. Not that he would want anything to do with him or her. He can’t even support himself let alone a kid. I looked up deadbeat dad on my phone, and Edward’s face filled my screen. I know all too well I have choices. This wasn’t the first time I found myself in this predicament. I was sixteen the first time I got pregnant, a child myself. I didn’t tell my mother that time either. My much old and wiser eighteen-year-old boyfriend convinced me it was for the best. He held my hand, kissed away my tears, paid for everything at the clinic, and then proceeded to dump my ass the minute I killed my baby. I couldn’t do it again. I wasn’t sixteen and stupid anymore yet despite my careful use of protection, this child was conceived. Maybe not in love, but I do love him or her all the same. I can’t help but feel like this was meant to be.
“Why didn’t you take a plane?” Honestly, it was the two hundred and forty-six-dollar price difference in the tickets. I knew Emily would have bought me a ticket if I’d asked, but I didn’t want to. I was going to be a mother, what kind of mom would I be if I couldn’t pay for things myself? It was time for me to grow the hell up. Look at me adulting and shit.
“You know me; I like an adventure.” That wasn’t a lie, I’d been known to do some crazy shit in the past, so my sister just shrugged before pointing me towards the bathroom for a shower. I was at the beginning of my second trimester. Luckily my morning sickness was over. Otherwise, I don’t think I could have made it on the bus. I gagged at the mere thought of the bus smells. I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the hot water. It felt like heaven. I swear a dwarf installed the shower head in the shit hole Edward and I lived in. It felt so good not to have to do a backbend just to wash my hair. It was sheer luxury.
“I still don’t know what I’m going to do, so could you please wait just a little bit longer before you make yourself known,” I asked my baby with my hands resting protectively on my belly. I knew it was still early for my unborn child to hear me, but it comforted me to talk to him or her. It made me feel better about my choices knowing I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t just fucking with my life anymore. Now someone else was depending on me. I had to get this right; I only had one chance.
Thankfully my sister was on the sofa when I came out of the bathroom in a pair of pajama bottoms and an oversized hoodie. I bent over the back of the couch awkwardly and gave her the hug she wanted earlier. I wasn’t a big hugger like mom and Emily, so she held her heaping spoon out in shock as I tightened my hold. “Are you feeling okay?” She asked with a raised brow after I sank down on the sofa next to her and grabbed her spoon.
“What? You looked like you needed it.” I offered before taking a large scoop of chocolatey goodness. I moaned in appreciated while my sister watched me in horror. “What?” I asked again after swallowing.
“I thought you didn’t do dairy?” Oh, that. I didn’t, but apparently, my baby did, and what baby wanted, baby got.
I shrugged, “That was just a phase,” I offered before taking another bite. Phases were my specialty. You name it; I’ve tried it; vegan, gluten-free, punk rocker, new age. I even tried Sant Mat for a short period which was ironic since they don’t believe in premarital sex. That one didn’t last long at all.
“How long are you staying?” Emily asked before grabbing back her spoon and taking another bite. As far as she knew I had a job, I loved and was in a relationship. Emily was alarmed when mom hadn’t met Edward, but surprise, surprise; I lied and alluded that he had to work. She believed me. I knew Emily worried about me. She didn’t have to anymore; I was adulating the hell out of this motherhood thing. Then why are you hiding being pregnant from your family?
“Jeez, I’m starting to get the feeling we’re not wanted. What are you doing here? How long are you staying?” We’re, oh shit. I held my breath hoping my sister would miss my flub. Yeah right, she was summa cum laude.
“We’re? Son-of-a-bitch!” She jumped off the couch and ran to the door. “Is that shitehawk bastard here?” Yeah, my sister wasn’t a fan of Edward either. She’d never met him in person, but we text and talk a lot. I jumped off the sofa too as she nearly yanked the door off its hinges. A girl stood poised ready to knock at the door. I don’t know who was more surprised. The girl I immediately recognized, my sister, or me.
“Oh, shit, sorry Hope,” Emily exclaimed as she pulled her guest inside before looking out in the hall looking for my “shitehawk bastard” while I gawked at the girl Emily just mistakenly called Hope. My sister told me she hired a girl named Hope to help in the bakery. I don’t know who Hope was, but I did know exactly who the girl standing in front of me was. I’d seen her picture a hundred times. If she was Hope, I was the Virgin Mary. “Hope” must have sensed my recognition because while my sister was frantically locking us all away from Evil Edward, her guest pleaded with me with her eyes. Please don’t say anything. Please. I nodded my silent agreement when she narrowed her eyes at my stomach, where my hand laid protectively over my baby. Fuck! Our silent conversation ended when Emily began to curse another slew of words I didn’t understand. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Why are you laughing Lib? It wasn’t funny.” At least she was no longer speaking in tongues.
I wiped the tears of laughter that fell from my eyes, “What the hell is a shitehawk, M?”
“That chancer Edward. I don’t trust him. I know he’s your boyfriend, but he’s a hoop.”
“For fuck’s sake Emily, what’s gotten into you? I don’t understand half the shit you say anymore.” Her lip began to quiver as tears streamed down her face.
“Declan,” she cried before running out of the room. I felt like a complete asshole, but I needed to have a little chat with “Hope” anyway before I tended to my sister. Her employee seemed bothered when I didn’t run after my upset twin. I’m not a complete dick; I just knew nothing I said to her right then would heal her broken heart. Time was what she needed. And right then I needed to find out why this girl was here of all places. She might be hiding from the world, but I was not going to let her hide from me, especially since my family was involved.
“I’ll just go back downstairs to the bakery.” Her hair color was changed, and her long locks were braided, but her eyes gave her away. She looked down in avoidance as I continued to study her.
“I don’t understand. People are looking for you.” You could barely turn a corner in Nashville without seeing her picture. Her parents were offering a reward for her safe return. I could use fifty thousand dollars, but we’ve already established, I’m not a dick. She wasn’t being held against her will. She was free to walk out of here whenever she wanted. Apparently, she didn’t want to be found. If that was the case, she needed to work on her disguise. Sure, I’d heard of hiding in plain sight, but she was the princess of Nashville.
“I’m going downstairs.” She apparently didn’t want to have this conversation here as she nervously looked around the apartment. Fine, I’ll bite.
“Me too.” I told her before yelling out to my sister, “Emily, I’m going to go check out the bakery with Hope. Don’t eat all the Chunky Monkey without me.” The bakery had been another thing our mother raved on and on about. I knew Declan sounded too good to be true. I took no joy in knowing I was right. I guess he’s a “shitehawk” too, whatever that was. Men. Without further discussion, Hope and I made our way to the bakery.
It was cute. The storefront area wasn’t being used yet, but Emily told me her buddy Matty had big plans for branding her. You know; t-shirts, bakeware, cookbooks, and the whole nine yards. I liked Matt, he was a good guy and had all these great ideas, but he was a bit of a flake. You know the type, all talk. All bark and no bite as they say. He was also a shameless flirt. We’d had a few laughs, but that’s it. He’s had a thing for Emily forever. I was surprised he wasn’t upstairs picking up the pieces of Emily’s broken heart at that very moment. I was sure he wouldn’t mind being her shoulder to cry on. Maybe Matt didn’t want to be her rebound guy. Besides, it was too soon for that. I happen to be a bit of a relationship expert. Not my own of course, but other peoples, hell yes. It was what made me a great bartender, or so I’d been told.
“Your sister doesn’t know you’re pregnant.” It wasn’t a question. Well played, “Hope.”
“She also doesn’t know you’re Mackenzie Cooper.” I didn’t know what her game was yet, but I’d figure her out. My sister was book smart, but people were my business.
“I’d like to keep it that way for now.” Why was she hiding? What happened to her? The rag papers had been filled with all sorts of stories. Everything from alien abduction to secret love child on the way. You name it; it had been written. As I looked at her again, I noticed her plain clothes that didn’t fit very well and the flour she had on her clothes and smudged on her face. The press would go crazy for a picture of her like that. I could read the headlines now. She narrowed her eyes at me like she knew exactly what I was thinking. We were interrupted by a bell that chimed above the door.
“Me too,” I told her before we were joined by whoever was coming through the door. The look I conveyed told her this wasn’t the end of this conversation. Not by a long shot.
“Hope?” Matt called out before he noticed us in the front area instead of in the kitchen where she worked. He had a bag of food with him. Were those… Yep. I couldn’t help myself. I yanked the bag out of Matt’s hand when he looked between my new friend and me. I instantly knew why he wasn’t upstairs with Emily. Matt had his eyes on a particular princess. He’d better get in line according to what I’d read in the paper. Who was I kidding? I didn’t read any articles, but I did see the pictures on the covers of the tabloids while I waited at the supermarket checkout. A picture did say a thousand words after all.
“Hey,” Matt yelled as I moved past him with his bag of tacos and a wave. Like I said, what baby wanted, baby got.
I knew I should share, but I was eating for two, and I did bring Emily ice cream. I didn’t hear her crying while I scarfed down Matt’s tacos. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I thought about the secret I was keeping from the two most important people in my life, my mom, and sister. Emily and I haven’t had much of a relationship with good old dad after he dumped mom for you guessed it, his much younger secretary.
Just tell her. She’ll be happy. She’ll think you screwed up again. She has her own problems. She’ll think it’s the only reason you came. She’d probably also think I was all the things she called Edward. I Googled the ones I remembered. Shitehawk: anyone unpleasant or untrustworthy. Check. Chancer: someone who was pushing their luck. Check. Hoop: an asshole. Check. I was the reason she lost her old apartment which led to her meeting Declan in the first place, so I guess you could say I was the person responsible for her fractured heart. I guess I really was a dick. It was time to face my sister.
Emily ran off in the opposite direction of the bathroom she’d directed me to earlier, so that was where I headed. I knocked softly on the first door I came to. She didn’t answer, so I tiptoed in thinking she might have cried herself to sleep. I could see everything because of the massive windows and the light of the full moon. It must have been the master bedroom. The bed was huge, and for a moment I was tempted to see if it was as comfortable as it looked. This creating life thing sucked the life right out of you. If Emily were in bed, I would probably climb in with her. Where was she? The bathroom that I could have died and gone to heaven in and the enormous walk-in closet were also void of my twin. As much as I would’ve liked to take my time and explore, I was starting to worry. Where could she have gone? Did she leave while I was downstairs? Visions of her wandering the snow-covered city in nothing more than her flimsy pajamas filled my head as I hurried my pace. The next door was a pair of French glass doors. Lights illuminated a painting behind a massive desk told me it was an office, so I skip it. The next door was smaller, a storage closet. It was also the last door, so I returned to the office. I opened the door reluctantly, why would she be in here? Behind the door was a small couch. Emily was balled up and sleeping, but not soundly. I couldn’t stand to see her like that. She should get to bed.
“Emily,” I urged as I shook her gently. “Emily,” my sister was one of the strongest people I knew; I hated seeing her so broken.
“You’re back?” The surprise in her voice saddened me. Did she think I would just leave? I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me, that’s what Declan did. I just didn’t get it. M was amazing. Dicklan was a fool. He’d left her an apartment full of forget-me-nots and a fucking letter where he told her he loved her. Who does that?
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised as I put my palm up. Emily returned the gesture and nodded. Neither of us could remember when we started doing this. It’d always been our thing, our way of connecting to each other. Grandma Rose used to say we probably did it in utero. She was probably right. God, I wished she was still alive. I was always closer to Pop, but Grandma would know just what to say to Emily and mom about my current situation. I had no job, no money, no husband, no place to live, and a bun in the oven. It’s good to be me. Not. I should’ve talked to Maggie; she was like an aunt to Emily and me. Mom and Maggie have been besties forever, and she was close to Emily too. Once Emily decided to ditch her jammies and bed head, that’s what I’d do, but for now, I was going to do what Emily had done for me more times than I could count. I was going to be here for her.
“I ordered medium on the filet.” I barked at my line as I sent back the one they just sent me.
“That …” Mikey shut his trap when I shot him a glare. I knew he was about to say it was “medium.” He might’ve even been right, but he knew not to push it with me. Not that night. Unlike those as seen on TV chefs, I didn’t spend every service yelling at my staff and I sure as hell didn’t go throwing away food that was still perfectly edible just because I wouldn’t serve it to table nine. We didn’t have a lot when I was growing up and what we did have sure wasn’t certified prime. That being said, my staff knew we did things one way here at Swayed, my way.
“Boss, table twenty would like to speak with you.” Great. Now I got to do a fucking dog and pony show, but I was well aware the mayor was at table fucking twenty tonight. My staff probably thought I was stressed because of our VIP guests. But that wasn’t the reason at all. It was the date. I didn’t know why it still got to me. That’s a lie. As I mentioned, we didn’t have much when I was a kid and today’s date marked the day what we did have was ripped away from me.
“Son-of-a-bitch,” I cursed as I literally saw red. I fucking cut my finger.
“Jesus Christ, Wheeler.” Mikey was the only person in the kitchen who called me that instead of chef. “Get a fucking band-aid and then go shake some hands and kiss some babies. We got this.” They did, and I knew it.
Note to self; next year take the day off. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Stay in bed, preferably between some hotties thighs. Luckily the cut wasn’t bad, and soon enough I was on my way out to the dining room to schmooze with people who wouldn’t have given me the time of day just a few years ago. As always, my hand darted to the chip in my pocket.