Chapter 21
Eve
I sat on the sofa in the same spot I’d been since I’d changed out of my muddy dress and into a pair of clean PJs – not the ones I’d had on last night with Joshua. God, it hurt to think about him. It hurt especially because I’d let him down this afternoon.
I’d said things I couldn’t take back. So many hurtful, false things.
I scraped my fingers through my still damp hair and stared at the boxes that surrounded me. Half of them were unpacked, the other half still sealed though it’d been six months. There weren’t all that many of them.
Just enough to carry a few picture frames from happier times with my mother and grandmother, books I’d loved and couldn’t bear to leave behind, and a couple kitchen items I’d never bothered to unpack.
I’d eaten TV dinners most night – sacrilege, since I was a chef – but each day I’d been too tired to bother making something tasty for myself. Tired and demotivated.
What did any of this matter if I’d leave anyway?
“I can’t leave yet,” I whispered. Cassidy. I had to make sure she was okay, because I’d drawn her into my crap, even though I hadn’t meant to.
I lifted my phone and blinked at the text message notification. I swiped and a tiny prick of relief resulted. It was from Cas!
Hey! My neighbor tells me you tried to break in while I was away with afternoon. Do you want to come visit?
The text didn’t seem depressed or even angry.
On my way. I texted back.
It was a five-minute drive in my beat-up truck, and I avoided the main road and Cowboys n’ Cuts, simply because I couldn’t bear the shame of thinking about my behavior that afternoon. I pulled up in front of Cassie’s house and smiled – all the lights were on, casting slanted squares of light on the patchy front lawn.
I got out of the truck – the storm had finally passed – and shuffled to the front door, still in my PJs with a pair of slippers for warmth. I knocked once.
“Coming,” Cassidy called, softly. Footsteps and then the door creaked open and there she was, eyes a little puffy but with a watery grin for the world to see.
“Oh, my god, it’s good to see you,” I said. “I was worried sick.”
Cassidy clucked like a mother hen and ushered me into the front hall. She shut the door, then placed a hand on my back and guided me through the house to the living room.
Charlie sat on the sofa, her eyes round and focused on the cartoons on the TV, with a blanket draped over her head. She looked like she was playing a make-believe game – a nun in a colorful robe.
“Is she okay?” I whispered.
“Now, yes,” Cassidy replied, and her tone gave me more questions than answers. “Charlie, say hello to Aunty Eve.”
“Hello, Aunty Eve,” the five-year-old said, and waved. The wave evoked a sneeze, and Charlie blocked it with her hand.
“Kleenex, darling,” Cassie said.
Charlie grappled with an already crumpled tissue and dabbed the end of her button nose. “Better, Mommy,” she said. “May I have some hot chocolate.”
“Yes, but only because you’re sick,” Cassidy replied. “Don’t get any wise ideas, young lady.” Cassie led me into her tiny kitchen, still smiling. “She doesn’t usually stay up this late, but I figured the TV would take her mind off the pain.”
“The pain?”
“She’s got body aches all over,” Cassidy said. “I had to rush her to the doctor in Heather’s Forge today, because she was just so lethargic when I got home.”
So, that was why Cassidy hadn’t been home when I’d called. “But she’s fine now?”
“Much better now that she’s got some meds. She’ll be all right in a few days. Back at school again,” Cassidy said, and fished the hot chocolate out of one of her cupboards. “Ugh, I don’t suppose that makes a difference now that I no longer have a job. I can stay home with her all day.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, and guilt rocked through me afresh. “I didn’t think Faith was that crazy.”
“Sheesh, relax,” Cassidy said, and rose onto her tiptoes to grab the sugar. “Faith is out of her mind, and it’s not your fault she fired me. She was determined to drive that place into the ground, just to spite you.”
“But then it is my fault.”
“No,” Cassie said, firmly. “It’s her fault. You can’t blame the victim of a mugging for getting mugged. I stuck up for you and what I believe in, and she fired me. That’s fine. I’ll find another job.”
“How? Where?”
“I don’t know,” she said, “but desperate times call for desperate measures and I haven’t let down Charlie and Mama yet.”
“If I had money to help you –”
Cassie waved that away. “I don’t need handouts, just opportunities, and I’ll make do until I find them.”
She was so strong and young. Stronger than I could ever be and tears welled up in my eyes all over again. I pulled her into a hug and she let out a tiny squeak, then hugged me back. “Are you okay? I hear you had a fight with Joshua in front of just about everyone in town.”
“Yeah. News travels fast.”
“Like lightning,” Cassie replied, and pulled back from the hug. “I’m sorry this has happened to you, Eve. And I hope you won’t give up on your relationship with Joshua because of it.”
“My relationship, ha. It’s not a relationship. It’s not really anything at all. Not now.”
“The fight?” Cassidy asked.
“I – I said things he won’t forgive me for, and Cassie, I’m not sure I should even be here. I think my time in Hope Creek is over.”
Cas almost dropped the plastic cup she’d brought out for Charlie’s hot chocolate. “Over? God, I’ve just only made friends with you. Do you know how long it’s been since I had a real friend?”
“I can’t stay here without work and Faith will just fuck up all my plans no matter what I do,” I said. “It’s not worth it. This thing with Joshua is –”
“It’s the real deal,” Cassidy said.
“Not what I was about to say.”
“It is. I saw it with my own two eyes. You can’t tell me you’re not in love with him,” Cassidy said. “And if you are, you can’t give up on it so easy. Please. I’ve never felt anything like that before and – I know, this isn’t about me, but it bothers me that you might walk away from something this special. This important.”
“I’ve been married before,” I reminded her. “Love doesn’t always end how you want it to.”
“All right, fine,” she said, and spooned chocolate into the cup. “But tell me that this feeling you have with Joshua isn’t stronger than any you’ve felt before. Tell me that and I won’t bring it up again. Shoot, I’ll even help you pack your truck.”
I hesitated. I couldn’t lie to her. Joshua made me feel things I’d never imagined could be real.
“Exactly,” Cassidy said, as if I’d told her the truth out loud. “You can’t deny how you feel about him. You can’t leave yet, okay? Just give it a few days. Wait for him to call you or come visit again.”
“He won’t come visit me after what I said.” I’d have done anything to push him away in that moment. Anything just to have the distance back and some semblance of protection for my heart.
“He’ll come. He loves you. He’ll come.”
“Even if he did come, I wouldn’t wait for him. I’m not going to wait around for anyone. I’m leaving as soon as I can, and I think you should come with me. I – we could find another town with a restaurant,” I said. “You could waitress and I could cook. We’ll forget about Hope Creek.”
“I can’t just pick up and leave, unfortunately,” Cassie said. “Charlie’s still in school here, and we’re paid up until the end of the month with rent. I’d have to find a new school, accommodation to suit three, and yeah, it’s just not feasible unless I have a job in the pipeline first. I’m sorry. If you leave, you’re going to leave without us.”
My heart broke a little more then. Of all the people I’d met, this little family had affected me the most. Cassie had taught me it was okay to care again. That I couldn’t hide from emotions forever, but the ones I felt for Joshua were too strong.
“Just a few days,” Cassie said, and clicked on the kettle. “Okay? Give it a couple days and then leave.”
I didn’t agree with her. I couldn’t make any promises. A text pinged on my cell and I dug it out of the pocket of my PJ pants. I frowned at the notification.
“What is it?” Cassie asked, and came closer.
“A message from a number I don’t recognize.” I opened it up and a picture loaded on the screen. A picture of Joshua on a bar stool, with Faith kissing his cheek. The expression on his face was blank.
Faith had done it again, whatever it was. I deleted the message before I could obsess over the details. It was enough that they’d had the opportunity to have a photo taken together. Disappointment in Joshua sickened me.
“A few more days, huh?” I asked.
This time Cassidy didn’t insist. She shook her head, sadly, and turned back to the kettle, just as it clicked off. “I thought he was different,” she said.
“So did I.” I gripped the cellphone so hard the plastic creaked and dug my fingernails into the flesh of my hand beside it. “I should go.”
“No,” Cassie said, quickly. “Please don’t. If you’re going to leave anyway, at least spend some time with us before you do. Charlie will fall asleep soon and then we can have a glass of wine together and talk about whatever you want to talk about.”
My face fell.
“Not Joshua,” Cas said, hurriedly. “Anything else. About the future, even. I know it’s going to be bright for all of us.”
I smiled at her. “How do you know that?”
“I just know it. It’s a gut feeling.” Cassie finished making her daughter’s hot chocolate, and I followed her through to the living room, where Charlie still sat, watching her cartoons.
“Here you go, sweetpea,” she said, and gave the little girl the mug.
“Thank you.” Charlie slurped down the hot chocolate and sniffed in between gulps. “It’s yummy. Aunty Eve, are you going to sleep at our house tonight?”
“Yes,” I said, “that would be lovely.”
“Momma, what’s for dinner?” Charlie asked. “I’m hungry.”
“You are? You’re hungry! That’s wonderful,” Cassidy said, and hopped off the sofa. “I’ll fix us something yummy to eat. What do you girls feel like?”
“Pizza!” Charlie said.
“Can’t say no that,” I replied. “If you have any, I mean.”
“I do,” Cassie said.
I shifted to get up. “Do you need my help?”
“No, you stay here with Charlie. Just relax for a while, Eve. I think we’ve all had enough excitement for one day.”
Or for a lifetime. I did as I was told and settled back with Charlie. She finished off her hot cocoa and put her mug dutifully on the coffee table, then lay down with her head in my lap and promptly fell asleep.
My eyes drifted, but stayed open. There were too many thoughts chasing me. Too many worries. And one man dominating them all. Joshua. Joshua. Why are you with her again? And why can’t I leave you like I left Bryan? Why does it hurt more to consider it than it did with my own husband?