Declan

 

The first time someone called me out on being an asshole with women was when I was eighteen. That someone was my mother.

I was standing in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom checking myself out in my tux. It was prom, and Amber Collins had insisted I this.

If she was happy with me in the tux, she’d be even happier with me out of it. A slow grin slid across my face as thoughts of how the evening would progress raced through my head.

“Oh, look at you!” my mom said from behind me. “You look so handsome!”

Way to ruin a fantasy.

“Thanks, Mom.”

She walked over and smoothed a hand over my jacket and then turned me to face her while she straightened my tie. “Tell me again why the last-minute change in prom dates. I thought you were taking Katie McGrath. The two of you have been talking about it for months.

Yeah. We had, but Katie was… well, Katie was a good girl. A sweet girl. The girl next door that who almost too damn nice. For the three months that we’d dated, I hadn’t gotten beyond first base.

First base, for crying out loud.

I was eighteen and in the prime of my life, and Katie was holding on to her virginity card with an iron fist. I just didn’t have time for that. I was young and horny and tired of waiting around.

True, there was some statistic about how many teenagers lost their virginity on prom night, but whenever I hinted at it with Katie, she’d become flustered and outraged.

I knew when to cut my losses.

“Declan Curtis,” my mother said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I asked you a question!”

Oh. Right.

“Uh, things just didn’t work out. Katie and I weren’t right for each other.”

“Hmm, you said that about Barbara Kelly too,” she murmured.

Ah, Barbara Kelly. Nice enough, great kisser, but she came from a devout Christian home and didn’t believe in sex before marriage. And all she talked about was how she couldn’t wait to get married and have kids.

I still shuddered at the thought of that conversation.

“And then there was Melanie Baxter,” my mom said wistfully. “I really liked her.”

That made one of us. We dated for only two weeks, but she was as prim as they came—only let me kiss her on the cheek and hold her hand.

“What can I say, Mom, sometimes things don’t work out.”

“Oh, stop,” she said as she stepped back and looked at me again. “All of those girls were incredibly sweet—so nice and well-mannered. And pretty. I’m telling you, you might not want to admit it, but you seem to have a thing for the fresh-faced girls. You know, the typical girl-next-door type.”

Unfortunately, she had a point. There was something to be said for that. All those girls were pretty, but they were just… good. Girls.

And no matter how hard I tried, they never let me make them bad.

After each of those relationships ended—and I always tried to end them on good terms—I always quickly rebounded with some of the naughtier girls. I’d get what I wanted, they’d get what they wanted, and then I’d try it again with another sweet one.

Maybe I had a problem.

The doorbell rang, and my mother looked at me oddly. “I didn’t think anyone was coming here. I thought you were picking your date up.”

I shrugged. “Nope. Amber hired the limo and said she’d pick me up. Then we’ll head over to pick up some other friends on the way to prom.”

“Declan!” she gasped with shock and disbelief. “How could you let that girl come and get you? You should be the one going to get her. It’s the only decent thing to do!”

I wasn’t really listening. I was already halfway down the stairs.

By the time I pulled the front door open, my mother was behind me, and this time I could have sworn her gasp was followed by a Hail Mary.

I smiled like I had just won the lottery.

Amber Collins was tall and curvy with big breasts that were barely contained behind the tight red satin she was wearing. Her dress was strapless and had a slit that went almost to her hip. Her long blonde hair was loose and curly and her lips matched the dress.

Red and shiny.

I really had won the lottery.

It was going to be a great night.

Behind me, my mother cleared her throat, and I made a quick introduction before posing for a few pictures for her. That seemed to make her happy.

“Okay, Mom, we need to get going.”

She gave a serene smile before moving in close. “Declan, may I talk to you for a minute?”

I looked over my shoulder at Amber, who gave the perfect pout at being kept waiting. “We really need to go and pick up the next group.”

But she tugged on my arm and led me into the kitchen and away from Amber.  I didn’t argue because the sooner she said what she had to say, the sooner I could leave.

“What in the world are you doing with a girl like that?” my mother whispered, smacked my arm.

“Ow! What the… Mom!”

She poked a finger at my chest. “Are you telling me that is the kind of girl you want to go out with?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s why I’m going to the prom with her. Are we done here?”

The bland look she gave me told me no.

I sighed. “What is wrong with Amber? You just met her. You have no idea what she’s like.”

“Oh, I know what she’s like,” she said, her tone disapproving. “That girl is a wild child if I ever saw one! How could you go from a sweet girl like Katie to her?”

“Have you gotten a good look at Amber? She’s hot.” I said with a grin. “I’m the envy of all the guys at school.”

“There is more to a girl than her looks, and shame on you for thinking like that. When you get married, you want it to be to someone with substance. Looks fade, Declan. Remember that.”

I seriously rolled my eyes. “Mom, I’m not looking to marry Amber. Hell, I’m not looking to marry anyone. Like ever.”

Her eyes went wide even as she gasped again. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course you’ll get married someday.”

Now wasn’t the time for this conversation.

“Mom—”

“You listen to me, young man,” she interrupted. “I am very disappointed that you would give up a relationship with a perfectly sweet girl for someone you just want to show off.”

I wanted to do more than just show Amber off, but I wasn’t about to tell my mother that.

“Look, I don’t expect you to understand. I really don’t. But I’m not looking to date the girl next door, fresh-faced, All-American girl. That’s who you want me to date. I’ve tried, and I don’t like it. I’m moving on. Amber makes me happy.”

“I’m sure she’s made many boys happy,” she murmured.

Now it was my turn to give her a bland look.

“Don’t worry, it’s not like this is a serious relationship. I’m not really into that either.”

“I swear you’re going to be the death of me. I’m going to want grandchildren one day, you know.”

That made me laugh.

It was never going to happen.

I didn’t ever see myself getting married, and I certainly didn’t want kids.

Besides, I was eighteen years old. Why did I even have to think about stuff like this?

***

Fourteen years later, and I was still cringing at the thought of a wedding. A church, organ music, and flowers. These are not a few of my favorite things.

No matter how hard I try, a wedding reminds me of a funeral. I knew I was here for a wedding, but the tone right now made me think… funeral. Not that I was going to share that thought with anyone—particularly Levi.

I was still kind of shell-shocked by the whole thing. I mean, it didn’t seem like that long ago that we were standing in the middle of the desert and just praying we’d come home in one piece. And now? Here we were—four instead of five—standing in the front of a church, wearing tuxedoes and waiting for Harper to walk down the aisle.

Toward Levi.

Toward their future.

I guess it was all good—for them. I still didn’t see the point in it. Love, marriage, kids… what was the point anyway? We’re here on this earth for a short time. Some shorter than others. Why waste that time trapped in a relationship that most of the time just ends badly?

I looked over at Levi, and he’s smiling from ear to ear. Moron. Sure, everything was great right now. They were happy, and they were in love. And they’d just found out that they were going to have a baby. It still blew my mind that it even happened for them. After all, it was a death that brought them together.

And now we’re back to funerals.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to force the images from my mind—the desert, the explosion, the funeral. We’d been standing, not much differently than we were right now, waiting to get into position. We were supposed to stay together. We were supposed to have each other’s backs, even when we got the signal to move into place. And suddenly it all went wrong.

There were four of us standing at the altar, and there should have been five. I was standing in as the best man, but it just felt wrong. This was Gavin’s spot. His place. He would have been Levi’s best man—after he kicked Levi’s ass for messing with his little sister.

That was the kind of guy Gavin was. He could be pissed off at you one minute, beat the crap out of you, and then buy you a beer. I think we all had a little bit of Gavin in us, but there were times when it hit hard. He wasn’t here. And he was never coming back.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t even realize what was happening until Sebastian elbowed me in the ribs. I looked up and saw that everyone was on their feet and watching Harper walk down the aisle.

I didn’t miss the irony. I wasn’t paying attention that day in the desert either. Christ. I was seriously losing it. That was probably why the guys were putting me in this new, cushy job. It was idiot work. Glorified babysitting. I didn’t understand what Sebastian had meant when he complained about his cushy job—the one where he’d met Ali—but now I did.

At least he had been babysitting adults.

Somehow I got stuck with an actual kid. Me. The guy who avoided anyone under the age of twenty-one. I was the one being thrown to the dogs.

Or the six-year-olds. Same difference.

Somehow I had drawn the short straw and was having to go undercover to protect a kid. Undercover as a teacher. Unbelievable. The kid already had personal security at home, but I had to watch out for her at school in a way that didn’t draw unwanted attention.

Right. Like having a guy who basically hates kids and doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing wasn’t going to stick out like a sore thumb.

Suddenly my tie was too tight, and I felt myself breaking out in a sweat. I looked out at the rows of pews. They were filled with people with sappy grins on their faces, sitting there looking at this ceremony as some kind of fairy tale.

I wanted to smack each and every one of them.

Life isn’t a fairy tale, and most people don’t get their happily-ever-afters. It just doesn’t work that way. I mean, I wasn’t begrudging or wishing anything bad on Levi and Harper. Hell, I hoped they’d have a good life together. But if they thought it was going to be perfect and all sunshine and unicorns, then they were wrong.

Especially when you threw a baby into the mix.

I had to control myself from rolling my eyes. Kids. Babies. It was like the kiss of death to a relationship. I guess I could have gotten on board with the marriage thing—for other people. Not me. But the whole idea of having babies and kids and doing that whole domestic world… You might as well just hang it all up right then and there because your life would be officially over.

How the hell did I let myself get into this?

I knew that Levi was out of commission for a couple of weeks for his honeymoon, so that left him out of taking my place. Sebastian was knee-deep in an embezzlement case. I glanced over at Cole, who looked as uncomfortable as I felt, and realized that even I couldn’t do that to a group of kids. I might not like kids, but I could probably fake it.

Cole would just scare the shit out of them.

So basically, I was screwed.

Another elbow to the ribs reminded me that I had the rings and that I had to get out of my damn head and pay attention to what was going on. Levi looked at me with a stupid grin, and I knew he wasn’t mad that I missed my cue, but now I felt like a complete jackass for slacking off. One freaking job to do and I blew it.

Again.

Why did people keep trusting me with important things when clearly I just screwed them up? I already might have cost someone his life. Maybe they thought I’d get better from there. I guess, in comparison, missing my cue for the rings was an improvement. I felt sick to my stomach at even trying to make light of it—even if it was just in my own head.

I was an idiot. I didn’t deserve to be up here. Anyone who knew me knew that this was not something I was on board with. The mere fact that Levi asked me to be his best man just showed that he didn’t pay attention either.

Gavin.

It should be Gavin.

I was a lousy damn substitute.

How much longer were we going to be up here anyway?

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The words were barely spoken before Levi had Harper in his arms and was kissing her as if his life depended on it. The preacher stepped back, the organ music swelled, and the whole church stood up and clapped. I joined in. Why not?

Levi and Harper turned and faced their guests, and they were both smiling so damn much that their faces had to hurt. I slapped Levi on the back and congratulated him. He shook my hand and then reached beyond me to shake Seb’s hand and then Cole’s before turning back to his bride and kissing her again.

I could play the part of the happy groomsman. I could play the part of the guy who believed that people could live happily ever after.

And I guess I was going to have to play the part of the guy who liked being around kids.

Shit.